I can't believe how right I was

[Saiffy]

A year ago, 2 years ago, getting to almost 3 years ago. I thought that I could never trust anyone, never let people get close to me. Maybe I wanted to be wrong, but in anycase, for the longest time, I didn't let anyone know anything about me. This goes for internet and real life, of course it's harder to hide some stuff in real life, obviously.

I was really hoping I could just trust people, I could be friends with people. But I was right a year ago, wrong now.

When I was 12, I talked to some "kid" over the internet, who claimed to be just 13, and lived on the other side of town. So at most, 45 minutes away or whatever. He could've been lying for all I know, which he probably was. I pretty much trusted him with anything, I didn't give him my address or phone number though, thankfully. I was a dumb kid, but I didn't think it could ever happen to me.

One day, Kyle(Or so he said his name was), suggested we should meet up and hang out or something. I didn't know how we were going to though, living quite a distance away for our, or rather, my age. He said he'd have his parents drive him to where I was, but I still was smart enough not to give my address, so I told him to meet me in front of my school. So I went there, waited for who knows how long, and a car stopped by, and a man walked out. So I guess you can guess where this is going, luckilly, I didn't get raped or anything, but realising how close I was to it. I stopped trusting people, and never let people get to know me. And this is the first time I've ever said that this happened to anyone, my parents don't know, nobody else. And if you somehow read this "Kyle", fuck you. Absolute scum.

Fast forward, 2005. I was still pretty much like this til the end of February? Or something like that, but then by chance, Maridia and I discovered we lived nearby. Which of course I was reluctant in giving my exact location, obviously. She seemed nice enough, so I decided to start using MSN again, and then eventually AIM, which I hadn't used in 3 years. I obviously talked to other people besides her, one included my now best friend.

So now(Fast forwarding to the present day), my best friend, whom I trust with my life, says he hates me, won't tell me why, won't talk to me, just hates me. And I feel like dirt. Yay me. I did everything I did to be friends with him, and ended up failing misreably. So really, I was right, I shouldn't have trusted people. I shouldn't have let people get to know me, because in the end, I just got hurt. If I could go back to before all this, I would, and not let anyone get to know me. Continue being alone, and continue being in denial about a lot of stuff that he helped me discover about myself.

I'd like to believe I wasn't being used, and I still don't believe that. But maybe I was. I gotta leave the possibility on the table?

It's unfair to take anything I say as what happened, since this is just my side of the story, so I don't want replies like "He's a jerk" or whatever. Since it's just ignorant. And I still believe wrong.

But at the end of the day, despite all this, I still want to be friends, and he doesn't care. And that's whats made my cry while going to sleep last night, the night before, and guess what? The night before.

Haha, but I know I'm probably just being emo. So that filters out those replies too. Or I wish, at least.

The only reason I'm posting this at all, is because I have more friends at this site than anywhere else, including real life, and I guess they deserve to know that I'm upset. I realise this probably won't fix anything, but it's good to type all this stuff out.

[rena-ko]

if he's not giving you a reason, then ignore it.
really, you cant be friends with anyone because even tho relations need both to make compromises towards eachother, you shouldnt bend your personality to the likes of someone else. that would be lying to said person as well as to yourself.

and for emotional scars. everyone has them. and they ironically help growing up faster. learn from them, try to understand them, try to not develope irrational fears out of them. see it as your task to cope with them.

and ... at least imho, being emo means being an emotional attentionwhore. i dont think it applies to your post but thats just me http://www.pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_razz.gif

dont just stare at the brickwall infront of you, search for ways to pass it instead.

[Tomoki]

I'm currently feeling the same way Saiffy. A little while back I made some plans to do some things months in advance.

Then, through a series of long winded, traumatic events that I wont go over again (both because you wouldnt understand and because it's painfull) I was betrayed. Betrayed by someone who faught for me. After all this, I was crushed. Crushed, but not suprised.

The moment it I made the plans, I knew it wouldnt happen.


I cant believe how right I was either.



<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Tomoki on 2006-01-22 14:49 ]</font>

[CupOfCoffee]

Well, what's a worse feeling? Having been hurt, or having to live with never having tried at all? Personally, I'd be much more comfortable with having put myself out there, no matter what the outcome. If it's out of your control, you shouldn't have to feel sorry for it. If you simply were too afraid to even give it a shot, then that's all on you.

Sounds to me like, if nothing else, you could at least take solace in the fact that you made an effort. The fact that your friends are crapping out is more or less just a "haven't met the right friends yet" issue.

[ABDUR101]

When you were born, you eventually learned that you could move your hands and feet, and use your vocal cords. And then you learned to use your fingers to grasp things, and in time you could stand up. Further still, you learned to walk, and to say words.

...eventually, you learned how to run and talk.

Dealing with life is the same way. You have to trip and fall and bumble around before you make any progress.

You can't let one string of bad events stop you, but use the experience gained from one string of bad events to help you.

[WraithVerge]

On 2006-01-22 15:08, ABDUR101 wrote:

You can't let one string of bad events stop you, but use the experience gained from one string of bad events to help you.



... unless life is a cruel bastard and wishes to torment you a while longer. http://www.pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_eek.gif

Jokes aside, don't bottle yourself up and hide from the world. It's not a good thing and will cause you to become bitter and emotionless. Although you do have to be careful with who you befriend, not everyone in the world is a sick, demented person. There are a lot of good communities of people out there, PSOW being one of them.

[ABDUR101]

On 2006-01-22 16:41, WraithVerge wrote:
Although you do have to be careful with who you befriend, not everyone in the world is a sick, demented person. There are a lot of good communities of people out there, PSOW being one of them.


Uh, yeah. PSOW is a great community..which just so happens to have some pretty sick people signed up and posting regularly. =D

[KaFKa]

On 2006-01-22 17:54, ABDUR101 wrote:
PSOW is a great community..which just so happens to have some pretty sick people signed up and posting regularly. =D


You called? =D

In all seriousness, dont let a string of bad things burn you, of course you lick your wounds and give yourself time to recover after bad things, but dont withdraw totally. That is the worst thing you could do.

[WraithVerge]

On 2006-01-22 17:54, ABDUR101 wrote:


On 2006-01-22 16:41, WraithVerge wrote:
Although you do have to be careful with who you befriend, not everyone in the world is a sick, demented person. There are a lot of good communities of people out there, PSOW being one of them.


Uh, yeah. PSOW is a great community..which just so happens to have some pretty sick people signed up and posting regularly. =D



Some? http://www.pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_eek.gif

[zwandude15]

Are you around 14-15 years old Saiff?

I'm 15, gonna be 16 in a couple weeks now.

I'm always looking to make new friends. =]

I checked out your profile, i see that your SN isn't listed, perhaps now, for these reasons you listed.

My SN on AIM is my username, and i have it listed on my profile.

I have my picture on there too, so you know im no 40 year old man.

I'm just about the only person I can really trust myself, other than my girlfriend.

I'm always willing to talk, about anything, and will be as serious as you hoped a best friend would be.=/

Its just something to consider though...but nonetheless, I hope you don't get too bummed by this event in life.

What doesnt kill you, only makes you stronger...

[Maridia]

You know I'm here for you. If this is about your friend, and telling him stuff, and this is what happened.. I'm not going to say I told you so, though you were cautionned to be careful by many. You're brave, you took a chance, you scared away an ignorant child. Don't hide, don't stop trusting. You knew this could happen.

You were aware of the risks.

I'm sorry it turned out this way. But he won't be the only friend you'll ever have. And it's his loss, really. People who can't see past things like that fail at life so hard. :/ Take care, recover, try to take your mind off it, but most of all, realise that things like this happen. Life is full of hellos and goodbyes. Meetings and partings. He won't be the last friend you say goodbye to. Even if it's an unfair way to lose him.. It'll be okay. I'm sorry all this has happened to you.

[PJ]

On 2006-01-23 10:47, Maridia wrote:
And it's his loss, really. People who can't see past things like that fail at life so hard. :/


Yes, I fail at life cause I choose to hate someone.

[navci]

On 2006-01-22 12:54, Saiffy wrote:
One day, Kyle(Or so he said his name was), suggested we should meet up and hang out or something. I didn't know how we were going to though, living quite a distance away for our, or rather, my age. He said he'd have his parents drive him to where I was, but I still was smart enough not to give my address, so I told him to meet me in front of my school. So I went there, waited for who knows how long, and a car stopped by, and a man walked out.


OMG. So these people actually do exist! :<
You should report his ass and get him behind bars!

[Firocket1690]

On 2006-01-22 18:57, WraithVerge wrote:


On 2006-01-22 17:54, ABDUR101 wrote:


On 2006-01-22 16:41, WraithVerge wrote:
Although you do have to be careful with who you befriend, not everyone in the world is a sick, demented person. There are a lot of good communities of people out there, PSOW being one of them.


Uh, yeah. PSOW is a great community..which just so happens to have some pretty sick people signed up and posting regularly. =D



Some? http://www.pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_eek.gif


Basically everyone from here (http://pso-world.com/viewforum.php?forum=14&229184) is a sick bastard. Abdur left that place though, somehow. Must've made some uber shield or something using his postcount.

[Maridia]

On 2006-01-23 12:54, PJ wrote:


On 2006-01-23 10:47, Maridia wrote:
And it's his loss, really. People who can't see past things like that fail at life so hard. :/


Yes, I fail at life cause I choose to hate someone.



Was this directed at you? I was under the impression this rant was about somebody else. My apologies if it was about you, PJ.

If this rant is about you, most of my previous post is a little off. I thought perhaps it was about his friend from hockey.

[Scejntjynahl]

On 2006-01-23 12:54, PJ wrote:


On 2006-01-23 10:47, Maridia wrote:
And it's his loss, really. People who can't see past things like that fail at life so hard. :/


Yes, I fail at life cause I choose to hate someone.



You choose to hate someone? I have never heard of that one before. From my experience it leads to events where you feel you have been wronged severely, and you begin to despise that event... and eventually you associate that event with the person involved and you can no longer seperate them both and thus you "hate" that person. But choosing to hate someone... heh... I learned something new today.

[PJ]

Yes, I chose.

I could either continue with the same bullshit over and over again, just to give one person the impression of something good, or I can hate the source of the drama.

So yes, I chose.

[ABDUR101]

Seriously, stay away from each other for shit's sake. If it's to the point it is now, just stay away from each other. Make a clean cut, no hard feelings between either of you, and just leave on GOOD terms.

[Saiffy]

I think the whole point got lost somewhere. Him and my own personal problems are just that, personal.

The point was my not wanting to trust people because of these two incidents. There's a huge reason the part about when I was 12 went into way more detail than whats going on now. If I was going to bitch specifically about one person, I would've named him/her, but that wasn't the point, the incident just heped make my point, or else it would've just been me complaining about an incident that happened over 3 years ago, and I've already recovered from that one, or I thought I did.

[Sagasu]

Theres a thousand bits of advice we have to offer, but that alone wont be enough to satisfy you.

Honestly you will find your own answer eventually, so until then I suggest you live a little. Fight a little. Win some, lose some. This is just another lesson learned, another notch in the belt earned and paid for.

Dont let it get you down. http://www.pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif

[Daikarin]

That's what blows about the Internet. It just imitates our real world too well.

You're right on not trusting anybody. Sadly, this is the reality we have. It's all right to be honest and sincere, but sometimes that leads you straight down a waterfall, messing up your life pretty bad. Don't blame yourself or anyone else, that's life for you. I used to laugh about on how my folks used to get all nervous about when I first logged on an internet chat. "Don't tell them your name, or where you live from! You never know who you're gonna get!" I didn't want to believe it was just a twisted world, but they were right.

When you think about old fat-ass perverts who go to chat channels to talk to little kids, or the majority of spoiled brats who are tools to their videogames and to their online egos, or the hacking dudes whose hobby is nailing down users who don't know what they're dealing with, among many others, the Internet can be a melting pot for all kinds of both hypocrisy and martyrium. Like throwing a person with a standard level of decency and honesty into a pit of lions.

But there's not corruption everywhere. The Internet is like a city - You have to mind which street you're getting yourself into, once in a while. Otherwise, you might get seriously mugged.

[opaopajr]

honey, you're a pretty typical teenager (yes, a surprising number of regular normal teens have been hit on by scary pervs since the dawn of time -- you're just lucky you escaped relatively unscathed). welcome to humanity and teenagerhood. these will be called the best years of your life by people older than you. these people are full of shit.

life gets better, social interaction makes sense more, and not everything in the world becomes an apocalyptic personal crisis (yes, in some ways the 'magic' disappears -- and you'll hardly miss it). you'll figure out that in several ways real life is better than pretend (even better than video games and 'net chatting, unbelievably enough); that hearts really are made of rubber (so go try to break yours a few times -- heh it magically reforms when you aren't looking); and all the little crises of youth suddenly looks like the petty bullshit that it is (crushing knowledge, i'm sure). you might even end up getting back together with your friend. or you might not. and either way, surprisingly, you really won't care as much as you thought.

so go cry, hate the world, write bad self-indulgent angst poetry, brood in a corner about the futility of it all. and when you are done (most likely around late teens early twenties) go out there and get plastered, go crazy, and, in general, act like a ditz through the next stage of life -- the insufferable airhead twenties. see, you really have nothing to look forward to! http://www.pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif at least the sex, drugs, and rock 'n roll is good... http://www.pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/panda.gif