Out of place

[HAYABUSA-FMW-]

You wanna leave me alone?
How about now?
No, not yet, how about now?

Yeah I'm a failure in life to you.
Cool. Am I living my life for you or something?

So what I don't have any friends, how about you go hang out with your friends instead of telling me how I don't have any.

When I did have friends you made fun of them, now that I don't and don't seem to want any from now on, you make fun of me also.

So its a win win for me isn't it? You'll make fun of me either way, so why even bother. Don't you have better things to do?

No phone calls, no leaving home for stupid get togethers, nothing. And the problem is? Its not a problem unless someone else makes it one.

I hate seeing someone in public who knows me from somewhere or on a first name basis or whatever.

The last person who did, I failed simple conversation twice.

I failed to recongnize the person when he said a simple "what's up?" to me and asked him if this movie was coming in this week since it was sold out, not knowing who he was. Later I talk to him as he rings up something for me and did recognize him, but felt it was embarassing to not recongnize 'em the first time.

See em again in a shopping mall. Again, fail.

Hey what's up, you're working here now too? We'll that's cool, you have to do what you have to do, working two jobs to get the money you need right?

(He said something while I was mumbling that nonsense up there, but I didn't hear it. So I lost the conversation from there.)

And here you work on a, what's that called, uh, the more you sell the more you make? ... Uh.

He hurries me along knowing this conversation isn't going anywhere: Well I'll see you around then, all right?

15 minutes later, I realize I was trying to find the word comission, working on a comission. Gawd I suck, I bet I spelled it wrong too.

So yeah, I have my problems with communicating and usually mimic how people talk to me, rather than talk the same way to everyone I meet.

Pretty darned confusing and being a mimic shows what kind of empty personality I have. But these stupid self diagnosing-long-ass-rant writing things don't work.

They come off as EMO, RETARDED, A WASTE of TIME and SPACE.

Used as fire to fuel someone's ill will towards me. Examples of how emo or stupid I am.

Why can't I get over the stupid notion of acceptance by others?

Being a loner never helped anyone do anything but go insane sure. I'm probably already there. Trust and getting along and whatever else you need to have friends, I don't have. I don't fit into any specific groups I would know about. Or know who to talk to, about what, or why. I don't fit into some magic box and get placed in a group and get along. Nothing works like that.

So frustration ensues when I stop to think about this crap, and putting it out of my mind takes some effort- but helps me worry less about such nonsense and focus on things I should be focusing on.

[PIT]

i suggest you to:
- grab a beer
- get some HARD music playing (like cradle of filth)
- think it over
- go to sleep

if it won't be better next morning, then i can't help you. that helped me even in suicidal states (after the failure to stab myself)

[ABDUR101]

Reminds me of seeing people I used to goto school with. For the most part, I don't remember names, and since it's been about seven years since I've seen any of them, faces have changed.

I was getting rung-up at the local Blockbuster about a year ago, was walking out and the guy that rang me up said "..Brant?" and I thought he was referring to make sure I was who the name was on the card. I said "..yeah." and kept walking. Then he was like "...Brant, dood, it's me". Could'nt place his name, but then the face looked abit familiar. I could'nt remember if he was a 'Mike' or 'Brad'. I prolly called him the wrong name, but gave him my number and told him to call. Never called, and at first it bummed me out, but then I thought meh, fuck it.

I'd gotten through my entire life without any friends through most of school, and when I dropped out I got along five without having any to keep in touch with, so who cares. I gave my number and put myself out there.

When you don't belong to a clique, and have no real 'hang out' you lose touch. If you're happy, or can manage, then don't worry about it. Eventually, you'll find some friends that are actually worth having, and glad to have you.

[WraithVerge]

I have six good friends (recently had a girl named Terra enter my little circle of friends). Beyond that, I have maybe a few people I say "Hey", chat with, then go about my merry way, but any of those six I've done crazy shit with and have had many good times.

Anyway, what I'm getting at is that there are people out there that aren't complete assholes. Some people are actually cool as hell and you can be happy with them.

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: WraithVerge on 2006-01-25 21:08 ]</font>

[Daikarin]

When people around you don't see the world through your eyes, the tendency is to isolate one self. Be yourself. Man, even Jesus felt alone.