Mordi
Pigo Kwangu

Less than ten miles away, Though Boy was entombed by anguish over the loss of the Ass Man. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' he cried, as he reached for a sharpened live hand grenade. With a mighty thrust, he buried it deeply into his fingernail. As the room began to fade to black, he thought about Niggah... wishing he had found the courage to tell him that he loved him. But he would die alone that day. All that remained was the Ass Man that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant Pedobears, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

Niggah stared at Though Boy for what what must've been five nanoseconds. A few unsatisfying minutes later, Though Boy groped indiscriminately in Niggah's direction, clearly desperate. Niggah grabbed the Ass Man and bolted for the door. It was locked. Though Boy let out a saucy chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Niggah,' he rebuked. Though Boy always had been a little abrasive, so Niggah knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Though Boy did something crazy, like... start chucking bananas at him or something. As if it really mattered he gripped his Ass Man tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Though Boy looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Niggah. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame nine days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Niggah. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Though Boy walked over to the window and looked down. Niggah was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Niggah was struggling to make his way through the disease-infested jungle behind Though Boy's place. Niggah had severely hurt his fingernail during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Pedobears suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Ass Man. One by one they latched on to Niggah. Already weakened from his injury, Niggah yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Pedobears running off with his Ass Man.

About three hours later, Niggah awoke, his armpit throbbing. It was dark and Niggah did not know where he was. Deep in the broad bush, Niggah was alarmingly lost. In a tragically predictable turn of events, he remembered that his Ass Man was taken by the Pedobears. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a enormous Pedobear emerged from the swamp. It was the alpha Pedobear. Niggah opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the Pedobear sunk its teeth into Niggah's armpit. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Niggah's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Texaco to pick up a 12-pack of live hand grenades, so he knew he was running late. With a careful leap, Niggah was out of the Donkey and went explosively jaunting toward Though Boy's front door. Meanwhile inside, Though Boy was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the Ass Man into a box of bananas and then slid the box behind his time machine. Though Boy was concerned but at least the Ass Man was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Though Boy charismatically purred. With a apt push, Niggah opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some clueless noble genius in a noise-polluting import,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Though Boy assured him. Niggah took a seat right next to where Though Boy had hidden the Ass Man. Though Boy sighed trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But Niggah was distracted. Unaware of the bleakness of existence, Though Boy noticed a insensitive look on Niggah's face. Niggah slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Though Boy felt a stabbing pain in his scalp when Niggah asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the Ass Man right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A oafish look started to form on Niggah's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's carrots from when she used to have pet venomous koalas. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Niggah nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Though Boy could react, Niggah aggressively lunged toward the box and opened it. The Ass Man was plainly in view.

It all started when our over-heralded star, Niggah, woke up in a imaginery desert. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling excessively frustrated, Niggah slapped a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unsatisfying minutes later, he realized that his beloved Ass Man was missing! Immediately he called his redheaded stepchild of a 'friend', Though Boy. Niggah had known Though Boy for (plus or minus) 153 years, the majority of which were electric ones. Though Boy was unique. He was intelligent though sometimes a little... insensitive. Niggah called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Though Boy picked up to a very mad Niggah. Though Boy calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet man-eating capybaras usually wildly sigh *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Niggah. Why was Though Boy trying to distract Niggah? Because he had snuck out from Niggah's with the Ass Man only nine days prior. It was a eccentric little Ass Man... how could he resist?

It didn't take long before Niggah got back to the subject at hand: his Ass Man. Though Boy cringed. Relunctantly, Though Boy invited him over, assuring him they'd find the Ass Man. Niggah grabbed his refrigerator and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Though Boy realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the Ass Man and he had to do it thoughtfully. He figured that if Niggah took the hippie-pleasing hybrid vehicle, he had take at least five minutes before Niggah would get there. But if he took the Donkey? Then Though Boy would be scarcely screwed.

Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Though Boy was interrupted by eight abrasive Pedobears that were lured by his Ass Man. Though Boy yawned; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling angered, he randomly reached for his live hand grenade and fearlessly punched every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the fanstic pumpkin patch, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the Donkey rolling up. It was Niggah.

----o0o----

Say WHAT?! WHEN?