some info on a one shot;

this is a bit of info on a fic i'm finishing, i want to see the reaction before i put on the last touches.. the story involves my character <shame>, my wife's and a 3rd character i thought up after trying to think of a name for an s-rank.

WarSong
EX-Military
S-Rank Rifles, Mechguns, Sabers (Charge or King's)
SENSE PLATE, AURA FIELD, Celestial Armor
STANDSTILL SHIELD , Celestial Shield, RED RING, RAGOL RING (rings used rarely)
Resist/Devilx2
Ogre/Power ++
CURE/FREEZE or CURE/PARALYSIS
Madhu, Varaha, PUSHAN, SATURN

En. 13 Dol
Soldier (Experiment Subject, Project EPKD)
Red series, Double Saber, Monkey King Bar, Marina's Bag
LOVE HEART, Imperial Armor
SAFETY HEART, SHIELD OF DELSABER, RED RING (rarely)
Resist/Devilx3 or Resist/Devilx2, CURE/SLOW
PB/Create or CURE/FREEZE
PANZERTAIL, PIAN, RUKMIN

RUXPERIA
EX-Maid (Estate Purchase, AI Disabled)
Lasers, Vulcans, Arms (Blizzard, Demon's)
Celestial Armor, ELECTRO FRAME
Celestial Shield, TRIPOLIC SHIELD
CURE/SHOCK
Elf/Arm++x2 or Resist/Devilx2
Ogre/Power++ or CURE/FREEZE
Madhu, Varaha, PUSHAN, SATURN

It's great that you have all these items and such planned out (I rarely do, and it sucks). However, I do hope that you don't plan on introducing each item in some sort of orgiastic, "omg, look at how cool my characters are" manner. Not to say that you can't... I'm sure that some readers would appreciate it; and probably be inspired to write their own 600 page hack and slash fests-but I'd probably just ignore it with a pretentious scoff.

Also, RUXPERIA is a great name. Love it, sounds really imaginative. I look forward to your fic (and will read it if I remember to come back to Fan Works once in a while).

this was just for my personal referance so i didn't goof up while writing the fic, my problem now is the fact that i know i messed up on my wife's character. her attitude and verbage is all wrong, her vocabulary tends to be more conversational, while mine tends to be more technical.. i hate to say it, but i have to dumb her down :/

If it's just for personal reference, honestly, why post it? I don't understand... http://pso-world.com/images/phpbb/ic...icon_frown.gif

Quote:

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On 2005-12-19 17:43, LadyRedComet wrote:
If it's just for personal reference, honestly, why post it? I don't understand... http://pso-world.com/images/phpbb/ic...icon_frown.gif

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Because he wants to.

well, what i have now is a story, tis done, but it still hasn't been edited, so the final version may look changed.

think of this more like prose, like a one shot epic
adventure..
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He sat with his back against the sandstone, not
caring at all about the sand or chill wind coming in
off the water. I busied myself with keeping an eye on
the lab assistants we were sent down to babysit,
trying to make like I didn't care about the chill
either. At least the sun light was nice and warm.
Unlike my partner, who was now wiping off the barrel
of his rifle with a cloth from his pack. I recieved a
signal from one of the lab kids and walked over to my
partner.
"Commander, the group is ready to move on." I said.
I heard a muffled groan as he kept his good eye
closed and looked at me through his left eye's
corrective sight.
"Tell them to hang here, we're going deeper into the
foliage to make sure all is quiet." he responded.
He stood up and hefted his rifle into ready position,
a reflex left over from his military days. I waved
back towards the lab assistants, motioned to them to
stay put, the lead assistant responded with an
affirmative and then said so over our com-freq.
"You guys be careful, the reading we have about the
path into the foliage are limited at best.." he was
cut off by my partner.
"We know our job, stay put." I could detect the
annoyance in his voice, he recieved no additional
comments from our charges.
"It must be nice to be mean to people," I mused
aloud.
"I told them to not use our freq, hand signals i
said.. even showed them all the ones we'd need." he
grumbled.
"Yeah, but you never showed them how to respond
negativly." I chided.
"They don't need to know how to say no to an order."
he huffed as we trudged through the half cleared path
into a snady area with a tide pool.
"THEY, arn't soldiers.. COMMAAAANDER." I pressed.
All I got was an unsatisfying hmph, he never likes it
when I call him commander.
"look War,they're just a bunch of kids, this is a
field trip to them." I reminded.
"They should have gone to the movies.. or a museum."
he commented.
"Dol, is your radar picking this up? there's what
looks like a gibbon several meters ahead hiding in
some of the growth." he sounded alarmed.
"No commander, is your sight picking it up along with
your radar?" I asked.
"It isn't. it's times like this I wish Roo was still
around, her sensor's were far more acute." he
continued to to scan the growth visually, glancing a
moment at the mag over his shoulder. I gave him that
mag sometime ago after he recovered from the dome
incident. He lost some of his sight in his left eye,
his partner, and the mag he had loaned her, but that
was long before we met.

All I know about his previous partner was
that she was an android he purchased from an estate
sale, her memory erased and her AI deactivated. He
told me the story; after he bought her from an agent
of the estate, she was delivered to his domicile
aboard the P2 in her original capsule. He let her
recharge that night, and the next morning set about
having her equip some of his old equipment to go
planetside and test her out. It was during an
engagment with a group of hildebears that he realised
she was not attacking and ordered her to engage the
hostiles. With her AI disabled still, she only
attacked enemys who attacked her, and wouldn't fire
on his attackers. One hasty retreat and a call to a
droid specialist later, WarSong was in a repair shop
watching a tech work on open panels on the driod he
had decided to call RUXPERIA, or Roo for short.
According to him, the tech told him two things, one;
roo's AI had been offline, and all of her logs from
before she purchased were cleared, except a repair
log, and two; her analysis opon first encountering
WarSong was logged thusly: "Monitor closely, likely
to cause messes". The latter sent the tech into a fit
of laughter that required several blows to the head
to abate. He told me he recalled not being too
enthusiastic about his purchase or his choice of
repair shops, but at least Roo's AI was online. After
re-arming her for combat, he made sure she knew he
was her owner, she was to assist him in planetside
missions, and that he did not make messes, to which
he ammended the fact he was capable of clearing his
own messes if he made one. Aside from the constant
questions from her AI and personality firewall, she
proved quite competant. He used his earning from
missions to upgrade her aiming accuracy and a bit on
her attack power, but he was rather satisfied with
her performance otherwise. He told me often of how
she had kept him free from hospital visits for the
time he had her, several anecdotes involving her and
how she was destroyed. The last of which inspired me
to find him a replacement PUSHAN mag.
After he recovered from the incident that took Roo
and had met me, he used his savings almost entirely
to purchase a small transport ship, he made refits to
make sure it would accomodate him, a partner and
supplies or cargo while continuing to function as a
fully capable transport ship, he had it renamed for
his fallen partner, the RUXPERIA transport.
"Is your radar picking it up yet?" his voice snapped
me out of my wandering.
"Uhhh, yeah, it just came on.." I responded quickly.
"My sight has targeted it, I'll go in close and stir
the gibbon up some, you know what to do if he
attacks.." I nodded and lifted my rifle, centering
the animal in my scope.
WarSong shoulderd his rifle and drew his mechguns, we
both knew up close the mechguns would make short
work of a gibbon, but it's always a good idea to have
a backup plan.
"He sees you." I reported over the com-freq.
"He seems to be tangled up somehow, it can't move."
he responded.
"Com the lab's people, tell them to get themselves
here quick, they should have a way of freeing the
beast." I sent off the message, they got there a few
minutes later and had the gibbon tranqed and
untangled, all that was left was to see if it got up
to run away or attack, the kids from the lab didn't
need to be told to get back, WarSong stood between
them and the animal. I grabbed my own mechguns and
joined him.
"You should be back there with the assistants." he
commented.
"Is that an order, COMMAAAANDER?" I teased.
"Knock that off, and no, it's not.." he was
interrupted as the animal stirred.
It go to it's feet, looked around half dazed and
noticed four gun barrels pointed at it, the two not
intirely friendly looking faces behind those barrels,
made a snap decision, thinking itself rather smart
for running off into the foliage and disappearing.
WarSong smirked behind his mask as he heard the
collective sigh from the lab assistants behind us, I
poked him with the back of my hand, mechgun still
held firmly, and he let out a small chuckle.

Back aboard the P2, we dropped off the
assitants for their nap, and headed to a shuttle in
the bay, one of the small craft had come with the
RUXPERIA transport. Today WarSong took the helm
instead of setting the course and letting Pioneer
control and the shuttle's autopilot have all the fun,
he took an unusual course around the transport,
emblazed on the hull, just below one of the bridge
viewports, was the ship's name and under it was the
ship's motto; "Likely to create messes.".

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the end, read it to your kids as a bed time story lol