Bizarre Customer Survey Card

[Outrider]

I came across this on the Consumerist just a moment ago and I had to share: http://consumerist.com/5248394/diese...-comprehension

This is a completely insane customer comment card that came with somebody's shoes. Let me just give you a sample of some of the "questions" they asked:

4. I frequently and readily express my feelings, emotions and urges.

5. I am rigorously exercising at the public swimming baths. I am very imposing towards a novice. We make love in a locker and I fall heavily pregnant, I indulge in a sex change to avoid aborting the baby but still there she grows, how do I rid myself without losing my natural breasts.

6. I am imprisoned, serving 5 life sentences, my inmates are angry and upset about the flippant lack of soap in the shower rooms. I invent and energetically take to market a brand new top of the range shower gel with the great satisfaction of making the world that little bit better than I found it.

I don't even know what's going on here.

[Pwincess]

Spoiler!

12. I am entertaining guests, a friend notices that my feet fail to fit inside the shoes and instead are stitched by the skin to the soles of what was once a shoe. Why?

o.0

[Zyrusticae]

Woooooooooooooow.

My brain is aching. I... I think I'm going to go lie down for a bit.

[Aisha_Clan-Clan]

XD on 8.

*Imagins 18*

[opaopajr]

it's like a parody of Engrish that you see all over in E. Asia (except no one there seems to get the joke). i think this is tremendous! i expect Message T-Shirts of these in my mailbox ASAP.

of special note, i will accept t-shirts with these quotes:

(For my inner gamer) "I am very imposing towards a novice."

(for my lazy bones) "Can sometimes appear apathetic to the point of unconsciousness."

(for my joi de vivre) " I am in a popular traveling circus gaily entertaining the masses."

(for a chili festival) "It's the big day. I have developed chronic trapped wind."

[Waki Miko Syamemaru!]

What the hell did I just read? I swear it's a gobble-de-gook of madness. I'm surprised I didn't go crazy from reading it.

[HolioArtillery]

Something tells me 8 and 10 are statements from the author, not questions to the people.

[amtalx]

/brainrape

[Puppet_Papaya]

"20. I am recuperating from serious animal trap accident (which was successful!) however I have no further use for the shoes. I am still within my 1 month warranty period, but I HAVE MISPLACED the receipt of purchase. What do?"

What do indeed!

[Leviathan]

What did I just read?