Advice for the heart?

[Aierylia]

I'm pathetic. I met a guy who lives on the other side of the continent, but I've never seen what he looks like, I don't really know anything about his life, and yet... I think I might like him.

I stated early on that I'm not ready for any kind of a relationship yet. But he still hints that he'd like to be my boyfriend. I've never been in a relationship before, so I don't know what to expect.

Can someone help me? Define what a "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" really are. Just close friends that hang out together? Or is it something more? How far can such a relationship go?

I'm ashamed that I felt I had to post this online. But please, post a reply or e-mail me ([email protected]) whether you have any questions, comments, or advice.

<font size=1>[ This message was edited by: Aierylia on 2001-03-04 02:20 ]</font>

[Pollo_loco]

I'm guessing you met the guy over the internet, or something. I'm not gonna jump to any conclusions because of this, and I'm not gonna say anything about it. If you like the conversations you're having with him, and you find him to be a decent friend, sure go ahead with it. I just don't know how you're gonna be in his presence, watch a movie with him, have him cook your dinner, and all that other romantic whatever (stuff) that people in relationships do. Well, at least you'll have someone you can trust and confide in. I don't want to go into the physical aspects of relationships - it all depends on your maturity level. Sex, bleh... If you want to call him your boyfriend, sure - I don't know what he expects out of that, though. Maybe he'll attach some kind of possessive thing to it and get jealous about your talking to other guys and such. Anyway, it goes as far as you want it to go - do you know how far you want it to go? If you're hesitating about it, then you're probably not ready. You said, yourself, that you aren't.

[Ambrai]

Coming from EQ I know MANY people who met over the internet. In all honesty I would say about 20% of them actually met and 10% actually made something of it.

My suggestion is, take it as slow as humanly possible. Don't be in a rush because it might be a year before you actually meet. Also some people are very different online than offline so keep that in mind.

[Drake]

Don't ever let anyone tell you that Internet relationships are somehow inferior to "real" relationships. The One is still The One, whether he lives across the continent or next door.

As for your actual question... the definition of "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" seems to vary by individual. I have been in the same situation as you're in, though, so I should able to clarify it a bit... I hope...

If he's trying to pick you up so soon after you met (and despite your telling him outright that you're not ready), he's probably more interested in you as a girlfriend than as a person. I don't think he's trying to use you or anything; it's just that some people are too fascinated by romance itself to get hung up on the little details, like who they're actually going out with. ; If you were both like that, it wouldn't be a problem - you might even grow to love each other as people after a while - but you said that you don't want to date yet at all; you're just thinking of making an exception for this particular guy.

There are dozens of factors to consider here, but the important one (in my humble opinion) is this: Regardless of how much he wants you as his girlfriend, do you *really, truly* want him as your boyfriend? I mean... if he hadn't asked you first, would you even be considering it?

[Shado]

Can I take that you're young? ("Never been in a relationship before...")

Long Distance Relationships (LDR's) suck... flat out. I knw because just about every relationship I've ever been in has eventually turned into one.

My major qualm with these "internet" relationships is that they're not real. Until you can meet this individual, you'll never know how true they are to what they present on the web. As far as any of you know, I'm Hitler!

Anyway, take it slow. Don't allow yourself to belief that you love this person just yet. 4 time zones is rough... I'm currently dealing with that very situation myself, however, my relationship started in person. Thay just have to move now...

[Sciler]

<font face=times new roman color=red>Well, heres a lil something from a positive situation. I met my current yes online around July 2000. We met on another message board, and hes all the way in California, I'm in Georgia, COMPLETE opposites. But we started off as friends, and around Jan this year, we found out we had feelings for one another. We knew the only true way to find out if they are real or not, is to meet, so in Feb, I had enough money (just under $300) and I flew out to meet him. He's the most wonderful person and man I have ever met. There really are gentlemen out there still ladies But he is completely opposite of my ex, whom...well, treated me like shit to put it bluntly. He cheated, took me for granted, adn left me for drugs(which he wasnt doing before we went out). He threw 2 yrs down the drain...and he was my first everything which made it even harder. But 2 yrs later, I meet my current who is wonderful...but we're still taking things slow, and I'mworking on trying to find a way for me to move out there...but then agian I am 21 and able to do so.

I wish you luck hun. Best I can say is to take things very slow to get to know one another as the whole "online/long distance" relationship stuff is based mostly off of trust. It can take a lot out of ya, but I know mine is worth it, so maybe someday you will see yours is too. If its meant to be, it will be. If not, then there must be something else in store for you.<center>

[Prodigy]

You have to understand that there's nothing wrong with internet relationships. Hey, some people have even found their special someone that way-which is totally awesome. I suggest, as pretty much everyone does, to be true to your feelings (corny? very =P). If you like him, cmon, admit it. But take it easy. There's no rush right? I think internet relationships are cool-you meet the personality, not the face. Who knows? Maybe your friendship will blossom into a beautiful relationship. I wish you the best of luck, and keep us all posted on what happens!

[Prodigy]

You have to understand that there's nothing wrong with internet relationships. There is nothing pathetic about it! Hey, some people have even found their special someone that way-which is totally awesome. I suggest, as pretty much everyone does, to be true to your feelings (corny? very =P). If you like him, cmon, admit it. But take it easy. There's no rush right? I think internet relationships are cool-you meet the personality, not the face. Who knows? Maybe your friendship will blossom into a beautiful relationship. I wish you the best of luck, and keep us all posted on what happens!

[Android12]

I dont really know how I would handle an internet relationship. I'm the kind of person who thinks a relationship with someone means being able to touch that person, to feel that person, to see that person in front of you at least once a day.

I've met some cool girls on the internet before and if I was able to see them in real life once in awhile, I would be able to be thier boyfriend.

But, I just dont think I could have a relationship with someone that just consist of talking over a chat program or talking on the phone.

For the past 5 years of living here in Florida I have been in maybe 7-8 relationships, all of which I am not very proud of, something was always wrong. If I met someone on the internet that I could honestly say I loved. I would probably move as close to them as possible.

[Sciler]

<font face=times new roman color=red>Being away from the person you care for deeply is incredibly hard. I get sad all the time from not being able to go out and have fun, wrestle around, play games together, or simply just watch a movie and cuddle, but then again I think to myself, I'm incredibly lucky to have someone that I am sad being away from...I could have no one. WHich has been the case for the past 2 yrs, and now that I have him, I will endure just about anything until I am able to be with him. Its all a matter of perspective and making the other person happy. I dont care about me, but if I can make him happy, that in turn makes me happy. A good relationship is 50/50. You make them happy, in turn they make you happy, and both are happy. Thats the way its supposed to be, just people seem to have gotten selfish over teh year, ah well<center>