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  1. #11

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    Quote Originally Posted by Cypher_9 View Post
    I am very pleased that you have taken the time to read and thank you for your fruitful comment; it brought a smile on mi face...
    Days later I've finally read Chapter 1

    Cipher's a pretty unique CAST all around from learning to how she was activated, but I found it weird that Risa noted how much she grew. I would think a CAST body was pretty much the same size their entire life, but I guess she's special in that sense too.

    This chapter ended on another cliffhanger but I'm hoping Ruu's appearance marks the beginning of the main story.

    (Also, I still need to write something up for Riiko~)
    How can I possibly put a new idea into your heads, if I do not first remove your delusions?

  2. #12

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    Sorry to double post, but here's a bit of writing. Maybe if I continue with it I'll make it its own thread, but for right now it's a rushed segment written during the slow parts of work. It follows Chapter 0 of the game (so far) but I don't plan to follow the story after Chapter 0 has its run. Let me know what you think and if I should continue:

    -------------------------------------

    - CHAPTER 0-
    The Day I was Waiting For

    Riiko was incredibly unproductive on her first shuttle to Naberius. She had been meaning to finally dig into Beyett‘s groundbreaking thesis on “Cybernetic Theology” since it was published a number of months ago, but the irritatingly energetic voice of Afin tugged at her attention until all she could do was stare at the datapad until her eyes lost their focus. At one point she thought she had learned how to politely brush off the spunky Newman, but now that they were alone in the enclosed cabin of the Camp Ship (and no longer in the Ranger Academy) she knew it was an impossible feat.

    “Did you say something?” Her voice rang of disinterest but it was only proper to respond to his cues. Beyett’s meticulously organized approach to the mystic side of photons was exactly what she was looking for ten years ago when started medical school and needed to learn healing Techniques. This paper would’ve squared all of her qualms! Riiko wanted to hit herself for putting it off for so long but deep down inside she knew prioritizing her Ranger training was much more important. Making the transition from the medical clinic to Arks was not an easy one, after all. The rigorous physical training alone demanded complete immersion and that wasn't even the worst of it. Sniper concentration exercises with Lisa took that award. Just the thought of spending another afternoon staring at target dummies through her scope made her shudder. Riiko shrugged it off and blinked back into reality, confused as to what triggered all of those memories in the first place.

    “I was saying that because of that ten years ago, there are a lot less Arks than before. Looks like they’re desperately trying to get more recruits.” It was ten years ago, wasn't it? Afin was talking about the attack ten years ago that shook Arks at its core. He was stating the obvious when it came to the recruitment campaign, Riiko thought, but the mention of the attack still triggered the memories. She wondered why she bothered entertaining him or how he even made it out of the Academy with her in the first place. His clothing was barely within regulations and his accuracy with a rifle was simply deplorable! She recalled a day on the shooting range where he almost overheated his gun simply by mashing down the trigger with the safety on. The boy dropped the sizzling rifle in shock and its clanking echoed through the range with his shocked expression etched into Riiko's memory. Her full lips curled into a wide smile as she mentally labeled Afin as the stereotypical Newman male with bad fashion and worse aim, but he failed to notice and carried on without her response. “I don’t really care; I have my own things I want to do.” And he had even worse work ethic! How was she supposed to work with a guy like this? She didn’t mind an aimless conversation here and there but couldn’t her partner have been someone more reliable?

    “Transfer coordinates setting complete.” Prikida’s voice boomed out from the loudspeaker and rescued Riiko from the conversation. “Arks, please dispatch at once.”

    She felt her stomach starting to clench up at the thought of ‘bursting.’ The Academy covered basic weapons training and maneuvers but this was their very first field exercise. With that exercise came ‘bursting,’ and ‘bursting’ was just a less alarming way of saying ‘hurtling yourself directly at the planet below.’ Like Afin, this was just another unavoidable nuisance that she’d have to willpower through. With a sigh, she placed her datapad aside and bounced up from her seat, feeling the snug grip of the body suit shifting with her beneath her armor. Her attire was much more conservative than Afin’s “Blitz Ace,” whatever it was supposed to be. Her standard issue Guard Wing-in forest camouflage-draped the majority of her body in lightweight armor, electing heavier pieces for her shoulders and thighs. Despite the fact that photon barriers provided the vast majority of protection these days, Riiko felt much more comfortable in the reinforced alloy of her armor. Similarly, despite her previous training with Techniques in med school she also felt more at ease with a firearm in her hands and enlisted as a Ranger to get one. After a short stretch to check her fastens, she clicked her plated heels against the cabin floor and made her way over to the weapons locker where her extra-lightweight Launcher cannon system awaited.

    Afin was across the room in front of one of the many terminals, vaguely going over the coordinates chosen out for them. With a satisfied smirk he looked up at Riiko and motioned over to the burst gate, “Okay, we’re ready to go. Looks like an easy area for beginners like us. Let’s go.” With a single press of a finger against the screen the bright-orange safety screen fizzled away and opened the path to the gate. Afin mimed a courteous bow and cleared the way for Riiko as he circled around to grab his standard-issue rifle from the locker beside hers.

    She swallowed hard on the lump in her throat and nodded. Such was the path of discovery. She had no choice but to go through. It couldn’t be too bad, could it? Dozens of Arks burst every day and none of them ever ended up in the hospital because of it. She would know; it was her job to patch up them up if if they weren't so lucky in the field. Maybe that’s why she doesn’t trust barriers: she’s seen firsthand what happens when they fail. Her mind drifted again to the past, this time remembering a red-haired Hunter whose face had been slashed open by an aggressive native. They said his specialization was suited towards Ranger but he was set on being a Hunter no matter what. Now he’ll have a scar across his cheek to remind him of his commitment for the rest of his life. But now was definitely not the time to think about barrier failure. Not when the only thing keeping her alive for the next minute or so would be a similar barrier. Riiko took a deep breath and shook off the rest of her doubts before pushing herself towards the gate. The iridescent blue light of the photon pool brought her to a halt at the top of the short staircase and demanded to be awed. Step by step she descended and approached, green eyes locked onto the calm azure light. Her hands deftly slid her cannon into the back harness by memory, guiding it up the thin track until she heard the familiar click of security. There was nothing left on the procedure list. There was nothing left to do but jump in. So she jumped.

    The photon pool seemed to shatter on contact. The light sprung up like crystals; the pool opened up to swallow its intruder. Riiko was greeted by a slew of new sensations as she sank. First, there was the unique, prickly touch of the photons themselves. Even through her armor and body suit she could feel the raw energy clinging to her form, covering her inch by inch as she moved through. The gate’s warmth was an inviting change from the crisp, stagnant air of the cabin and it urged her to dive. Riiko's instincts obliged and she twisted in place, submerging her head into the soothing warmth of the pool. For a fleeting moment, everything was fine in the universe. All of her worries seemingly vanished as she was enveloped completely in the blue energy. She heard the faint crackle as her body continued through to the other side, tugged by gravity until her head breached. Then there was the sensation of freefall. How could she forget the part of bursting she feared the most? Riiko found herself miles above Naberius on a collision course with the planet itself. The clouds parted as if expecting her arrival and the ground rushed up to embrace her. Riiko’s forced her eyes open, peering through the haze of photons as the planet’s flora came into definition. Her gaze focused on a line of trees circling her landing zone, watching them grow larger and larger as she approached. She kept her eyes open right up until the moment of impact when fear won its battle against will and shut them tightly.

    The next sensation she experienced was the feel of moist grass running between her fingers. Riiko opened her eyes to find herself crouched in the middle of a lush field bordered by the hills and trees she eyed from above just a moment before. A cool breeze rushed through the field, turning each blade of grass and rustling every last leaf in its wake. Her mouth opened to breathe the natural air, filling her lungs with it for the first time in her life. To her, the moment was completely indescribable. Her entire outlook on life and the universe was irreversibly altered in an instant. With her heart still pounding against her chest, she pulled herself up to her feet in an attempt to relax and take in the sights. She knew it wouldn’t be long before Afin landed, and it wasn’t. Riiko’s ears picked up the now-familiar crackle as the Newman landed not 20 feet away from her. His coat of photons was still exploding away in a cascade of bright light as she turned towards him.

    “Wow, whichever way you look everything is green! Pretty exciting stuff!” Like Riiko, he took a moment to gather his senses and feast with his eyes. She couldn’t even fault him for his enthusiasm this time; she was just as excited to be planet-side. Part of Riiko wanted to move closer to the shrubs and inspect the native plant life of Naberius. There was no way to determine if the yellow flowers in bloom were part of the orchidaceae or asteraceae families, or even the fabaceae family, without a proper examination. Luckily Afin voiced what her conscience had been feeling, “Sorry, I shouldn’t get too caught up.”

    Riiko nodded in agreement, noticing that her dark bangs swayed in the planet's breeze as well, and the duo refocused their minds on their training exercise.
    Last edited by Slidikins; Sep 18, 2012 at 08:40 AM. Reason: A few typos; leaving most of the grammatical errors in place for critiquing purposes.

  3. #13

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    ^ This is very nice... I like the vivid detail in this; especially about the photon dive. Overall I was able to grasp Riiko's persona right away... you should make more of this.

    Can't wait to hear Afin scream.. XD

  4. #14

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    Thanks

    I'll finish up Chapter 0 when I get a chance, so you'll get your chance to see Afin's cowardice. I also got the chance to read over that quick draft and edit it a bit. A few lines were changed here and there and another added, so it's not worth a reread if you've read the original.

    The hard part is describing Riiko herself without losing the story. Since it's from her point of view it's hard to work in certain details while being in context. Maybe I'll figure out a way...
    How can I possibly put a new idea into your heads, if I do not first remove your delusions?

  5. #15

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    **NEW** -AN-

    Another installment for story I am doing - I thought this would be an interesting dynamic to add as the 2nd chapter... could be typos, grammer errors, and misuse of some terms but, in all the theme of what I wanted is there... cool... and some what... dark. ENJOY

    **NEW**

    Away from the nearest planetary system – there was a mass traveling through space. Above its surface, the skies were coated in crimson indigo; its lightning struck down in thick positive beams from the clouds with the thunder screaming after. The ground made of obsidian peaks and planes as it bleed the life blood of the planet. Upon its earth, walked a person; their form was that of a human female, pale in complexion with a bold lower-half a petite upper. The woman stood in place as the wind passes through her fiery hair with a turquoise bang hanging over; to breathe in the thick rancid air as it tells her of the happenings that taken place – past and present.

    “Well… this would be a delightful meeting…” she said

    The woman let a smirk grow on her face as she heads to her destination.



    -CHAPTER 2-
    Red and Blue Void




    She continued her journey across the black plane; her surrounding showed no physical living thing was in sight. Just a desolate place where eerie presences held on to; the woman felt this around her, aside from the planet it brought great comfort to her heart. Out of the superstitious environment, the woman heard a vibe; this sound she heard echoed through the cries of lighting. From this, her attraction grew as she savored every step she made; the vibration became louder and louder till it was up to the point where it can be deafening for one to hear. For the woman, it was a symphony in what is to come; suddenly she stopped. Before her was a darkness; a void, as this rip churns before her, its origin was known; realized to the woman as she felt this thing fighting to bring its own existence.

    “Struggling to give yourself purpose…? Here, I shall let your purpose be known…”

    The woman extended her arm; suddenly her hand started to glow, then a pool of energy extended from it as it begins to tease the void. She gave a nonchalant expression as the being before her was beginning to take shape. The veils of light was twisting and bending around the form; the woman then clenched her hand into a fist – immediately the light surrendered and bonded around the form. As the light dissipated, the body fell from mid height hitting the ground. The woman looked upon the creation with bright orange eyes as the pale blue body before her was convulsing; now yelping through its new voice.

    “Look at me…” said the woman

    With the sound heard, the being struggled to look up under its stress but, managed to make contact with its white eyes. The woman lent a smile and spoke again.

    “Are you able to turn your pain into words?” she asked

    The being coughed some but, managed to give a confirmation, “Y-yes…” he answered followed by another hacking cough

    “Excellent…” said the woman, “… I am only going to say this once… so listen well before I return you into the void that you were…”

    The pale man gave a fine ear to what this woman has to say as he is reminded of the pain he came from.

    “You will give me your unyielding servitude. You will do as I say without question; out of it your purpose will be realized for I am the only one that brought you salvation…” she lowered her eyes, “… do you understand?”

    The man nodded, “Yes… my life is yours to demand…”

    “Good… then I shall put this loyalty to the test…” the woman said

    Out of the statement the man remained as he fixed himself upon one knee, waiting for his direction.

    “I want you to monitor over another… I am sure you can feel it as well. Their power is premature and I want you to bring it out of them; taking it to its limit, allowing the power to grow within them…” she said

    During the moment, the man gave a fine tune as if he does feel something that is just like him but, it’s very faint. He then looked back at the woman with a curious expression; she seen this and reprimanded him.

    “Do you have a problem?” she leered

    The man quickly lowered his head, “No… no savior I apologize… I will do as you say…”

    “Good… now then; follow me…” the woman turned

    As she did, the man got up after her; struggling to walk as it was the first time he did. The woman looked back as an encouragement to fix himself.

    “Such a child… you already know how to…”

    It didn’t take long for him to become adjusted to walking; with a wobble here and there, he was able to keep up with the woman. As they were travelling across the desolate land, many thoughts; many questions began to develop within the man.

    “Savior… forgive me but, I have something… to ask…” the man said

    The woman closed her eyes but, still walking forward, “Speak child…”

    “W-what is… my name?” the man said

    Out of it, the woman gained a chuckle as this was interesting for her.

    “Normally… you wouldn’t have a name… more so of an ambiguous term…”

    The man lowered his eyes as he struggles to have an identity as those words escaped his savior’s mouth and she continued.

    “To see you… wanting a name… is understandable yet refutable but,… since you long to have an attachment; something to cling to… I will give you that much…”

    The man eagerly waited for this to come, anything is better than to have nothing at all; for his savior to find him in the first place was a miracle in his eyes.

    “Your name… is Genesis…”

    “Genesis…” he stood quiet; the woman looked back at him as he ponders upon his new name.

    “Do you want to stay here; as an ambiguous term…? I don’t like to be kept waiting…” she said

    Quickly he straightened up, “S-sorry savior…”

    Continuing the journey, Genesis was learning the name; it’s meaning for now it given him a piece of his purpose. Which brought another curiosity upon him, Genesis wondered if his savior before him has a name. He felt her spirit is indeed a strong one; also the fact that he thinks it is similar to his own and the fact that her look seemed familiar to him as if he met her before.

    “Savior… forgive me again but, I have another question to ask…”

    She smiled as she knew what was coming next…

    “Do… do you have a name?” Genesis asked

    Out of it she let out a chortle, “My name… is of no importance… you need not to worry about it child… just know me as your savior…”

    “Savior… please I beg you… I want to address you by your eminence… you brought me into this world. It is the least I can do to praise you, to be reminded so my passion to serve you will grow ever stronger…”

    Again she was being pleased by this individual; his gallant nature was that of the other she is truly looking for. So she taken it as a gesture of good faith and will hold him to his ideal.

    “Very well…”

    The woman paused…

    “Reign… you may call me…”

    From the sound, Genesis bowed down, “Reignsuku, I will never let you down… I will forever be a part of your covenant…”

    “Good… I hope you are true to your word as you are to my own…” Reign said

    After that, the two continued their journey; approaching a disturbance before them. Coming into proximity, Reign held her hand out toward the distortion; her hand consumed as if it was being taken by the very reality it is; Genesis was a bit timid about this void but, going where his savior is going gave him the strength to cross into the realm.


    …Sometime later… on the ARKS vessel “Ur”…


    At the registration counter, there were many who were getting their ID to become a fully fledge ARKS member after their recruitment training. Among them was a well armored CAST whose color was a dark metallic blue with its lighter variant on the trim and golden rod lines as well as eyes that glowed. Coming up to the counter, the receptionist did her usual greeting and asked for the name of this CAST.

    “Name… start off with your serial please…” the receptionist said

    “0040127 – MKX model ‘Genesis’…” he said

    “Okay…”

    The receptionist started to sift through the data as it finds his name; during the moment, yet another CAST came up to the counter next to him. This time it was young looking caseal with wild purple hair; followed by her flesh toned skin, nose and mouth covered by a mask, complimented with her dark purple and black metallic armor with a neon purple glow with its pattern. Genesis turned his head as he not only notices this caseal physically but, the aura he felt; reminiscing from the time on the planet now feels as if he was by a burning furnance. The amazement ran silently through him as he pondered to himself.

    “Is this who Reignsuku was talking about; this… girl? She looks so uneasy at the moment… as if she doesn’t want to be around these people but… something encouraged her to do this…” he thought

    As he continued to stare, everything else was deaf around him; besides one thing.

    “Cipher…” she said

    At that very moment a shock struck through him, the name ‘Cipher’ felt so familiar to him but, he doesn’t know why but, it did. This immediate connection was unknown to him and Genesis didn’t know if he should react or keep to himself; but, he truly feels that Cipher is special in some way and he must know why.

    After Cipher completed her registration and received her ID; something told her to look to her side, when Cipher did – she immediately vanished. This simultaneous action had surprised those behind her as well as Genesis.

    “Such speed… like a purple blur… where did she go?” he thought

    “Sir?” the receptionist said

    Genesis’ attention was recaptured; looking back at the ARKS official as she held her arms out holding his ID with her hands.

    “Here you go Genesis and welcome to the ARKS…” she said

    Genesis graciously grasped the ID, “Thank you very much…”

    Once Genesis left the line, he was still curious to know where Cipher gone to. Her presence still remained but, he couldn’t pinpoint where. He shaken the thought and started his way back to the shopping district to get supplies. Coming down through the transporter, Genesis stepped out; when he did, his eyes caught the purple blur once again to his left. Not wanting to be seen, he swiftly made it into a corner and laid his back on the wall; observing from the shadows.

    “Hmm… I see, so they were the ones…” Genesis analyzed

    As he looked, Genesis seen a woman with pointy ears; recognizing the newman in her scientific attire that was bright as her hair. Then his gaze moved upon a man with rope like hair coming down; darker toned in complexion with a tall lean build, it gave Genesis the impression of him being the genuine hunter. Instantly Genesis’ head felt like it was on fire, with a mild yelp; he didn’t want to draw attention but, the pain was severe. So severe that he had to take a knee on the ground; as the burn continued he was being shown glimpses of images run through him – not knowing what these are truly just lead to his confusion even more.

    “Why… why are these… what are these… images…” Genesis breathed

    After the 60 agonizing seconds, Genesis head began to cool down; his pain relieved. As this recovery was happening; Genesis taken one last look to see but, to realize that the people along with Cipher was gone. He taken double takes to make sure; only to come with a mild disappointment but, the experience wasn’t for naught and he quickly fixed himself – going along his way.

    Somewhere on the planet Lilipa… within an abandoned base…

    Sitting on what appears to be a mechanical monstrosity as it lied decommissioned; Reign seen that Genesis made his return. She already felt he had a lot to say; as he came within range for speech, she spoken out to him.

    “So… you are officially an ARKS now… congratulations…” she said with an unenthused tone

    “Thank you… Reignsuku…” Genesis replied

    Then a smirk painted her face, “I feel that wasn’t all that happened… was it?”

    With the statement said; nothing held Genesis back from explaining.

    “No… during my indoctrination; I have come across the one you predicted for me to monitor… her name is ‘Cipher’” Genesis said

    “You do not need to tell me the name… I already know…” Reign returned

    This peaked Genesis curiosity, before he can even ask Reign continued.

    “Before you even ask… I wanted you to have the experience first-hand… to see the young beauty before your very eyes…”

    With that Genesis stood quiet as she did answer his thought.

    “Now you know who you are dealing with… what you feel would also serve as your aid under my demands; do not forget that.” Reign said

    “Yes… I will not forget my savior…” he paused, “… also, I seen a couple others with her… but…”

    Before he can finish, Reign interrupted him.

    “Do not approach him… he is none of your concern; your objective is the caseal… nothing else…” she said

    “Many apologizes Reignsuku, it was unintentional event and it won’t happen again…” Genesis said

    “Good… now go; continue your ‘training’ with the ARKS… there are some places I want you to go to…”

    “Yes… of course; what is it that you wish… Reignsuku…”


    -END CHAPTER 2-
    Red and Blue Void

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