Writing Fragments

[CupOfCoffee]

Grammar errors here. Should be "THE next moment" and "amidst all mannerS of trees".

That's actually not correct. Enforcer had it right with "...amidst all manner of trees."

That said, as far as grammar and syntax go, there are a few comma splices and odd dialogue tags sprinkled throughout. Certain authors can get away with rampant bending of the rules and general disregard for what's commonly accepted as "correct" syntax (Thomas Pynchon comes immediately to mind), but it's always good to learn the rules before you go breaking them.

[CelestialBlade]

Man can't even get no peace n quiet in his own Fanworks thread. Damn shame.

I kinda like this whole "fragments" thing you're doing, Enforcer. I know it's a lot easier for me to write if I don't have as much to do at one time. I'm always afraid of leaving out little details or getting the flow right, but little snippets like this are much easier to manage. I'll keep that idea in mind. Nice reads by the way, it's always cool to me to see team-stories. Keep it up!

[CupOfCoffee]

Yeah, agree! Don't let criticism discourage you. It's just tips. And don't get the impression that your writing isn't already fairly strong—it flows well and I also think the fragments format is a good fit. Keep going, whatever you do.

[Enforcer MKV]

Okay, instead of going back and forth between quotes, I'll just answer what I can.

Hivernia specifically asked me to use Strauss with her character,

En turned around and looked over the back of Hivernia's armor, since she was unable to, and gave her a thumbs up once he deemed the status of Hivernia's armor to be acceptable.

The 'item kiosk' and 'console' are one and the same. It's where you buy the items in the real game, while on the campship.

https://docs.google.com/spreadsheet/...KM1UtbUE&gid=5

^ This is where I'm getting all my item translations. (excluding Patty Lumeria - I'll be calling that Lumerion. Patty Lumeria just sounds dumb to me.)

most grammatical inconsistencies are inherent to the character's speech patterns. Not every character is going to have perfect grammar.

(Honestly, I'm less worried about syntax, I'm just hopeful people honestly enjoy reading it.)

EDIT:

WHERE DID ALL THESE COMMENTS COME FROM!?!?

Lol, thanks guys.

EDIT 2:

And make sure you guys read Olaf's writing as well; I know it's wordy, but he really is a much better writer than I am.

[BIG OLAF]

most grammatical inconsistencies are inherent to the character's speech patterns. Not every character is going to have perfect grammar.

I actually REALLY like that when people do this. It makes characters really come to life. One person may say,

"Hey, let's go get some lunch!"

While another may say,

"'Ey, let's go an' get us a bit o' lunch, yeah?"

I find it essential for good personality development, if that's the kind of thing you're going for with certain characters. It helps the reader know that the characters aren't all Microsoft Sam, and makes them more colorful and exciting.

[Enforcer MKV]

I find it essential for good personality development, if that's the kind of thing you're going for with certain characters. It helps the reader know that the characters aren't all Microsoft Sam, and makes them more colorful and exciting.

just seems natural to me. Not everyone in real life has perfect speech. Why should the characters? That's so boring.

Whether their speech is more suggestive, mechanical, formulaic or laid back, speech is one of the greatest ways to develop a character in a story, it's not as if you always get pictures with each character.

That being said, i didn't pull that off too well so far. Must do a better job of that..

[Enforcer MKV]

Sorry for the double post, but I updated my previous section with more content.

Yes, I know you wanted to see me do an action scene with your character, Cornelia. I'm working on it. Really, I'm sorry, I wanted to get it done tonight, but I have so much on my mind, and so many ideas about how to use WL in a fight, I need more time. @_@ Hopefully I'll have enough time to do it tomorrow before my class starts. definitely won't. :s

[Wayu]

Speech may not be perfect, but it's still gotta make sense. You guys are talking about accents, not proper sentencing or stuff like that.

And @Nedra: It's for fun, but he won't get better without proper criticism. Just saying "I like your snippets" won't make him a better writer. If he's posting on the forums, he's letting himself be open to criticism. Someone's gotta do it. Kinda like how someone's gotta do the translations for PSO2.

-Wayu

[Ami]

Can't we all give civil feedback without going at each other throats plox THINK OF THE CHILDREN ; ~;

ANYWHO, I should probably be the last person to give feedback because writing isn't my strong point AT ALL. Buuut, I do like the overall events happening in each post you've made. That being said I do see a couple places you can make a separate sentence instead of putting a comma. I have the same habit of putting commas everywhere.

I hope the critiques that you're getting don't discourage you from continuing posting. I think as you get more into writing again everything will start to flow better.

[Enforcer MKV]

Don't know when I'll have the next part out. Apologies in advance.