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  1. #11
    Curiously attractive for a fish man Zorafim's Avatar
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    Now that I actually have a bit of time to sit down and think That vacation was far too long..., I suppose it's time to stop being a snob and start actually replying to my fanbase.

    Quote Originally Posted by yoshiblue View Post
    Twas pretty good. Was also funny to imagine the Zoras speaking in a biblical manner. Opens up for an interesting story.
    Luckily, I'm saving the biblical manner for heaven and, specifically, God. There's no way I could write like that all the time. Plus, looking back at it, I can barely tell I actually did it. It barely looks any different than my normal writing.

    Quote Originally Posted by Puppet_Papaya View Post
    The dialogue is considerably thoughtful, as though you chose each word carefully. So far I'm very intrigued. I don't mind if there are no major conflicts, I'd be content in just exploring this world.
    So far, that seems to be my only strength. For now, I'm glossing over characters, since we only have one important character, and the second isn't even born yet. Not to mention, in the sets for most of what I'm writing, I don't even have anything in mind. I'm not even going to try to tell you guys what heaven's like, and I have no idea what a living alien planet would look like. So I have terrible character development, character interaction, dialogue, story telling... Pretty much the only thing I have going for myself is that I can talk fancy.

    I'm glad the effort I'm putting in to the story (at least that first chapter that you read when you wrote this) is evident. I tend to go over what I write about five times to make sure I'm telling the reader everything he should have learned from this chapter.

    Quote Originally Posted by o0Kais0o View Post
    An angel willing to leave the presence of their god because of their curiosity about the universe. Yep I'm intrigued
    I'm glad I was able to portray the general plot of the story in the first chapter. This, right here, is pretty much Zorael's personality and motivation in a nut shell. So if I was able to give that impression right off the bat, then I did a good job.

    Quote Originally Posted by o0Kais0o View Post
    I can't help but feel Zorael is getting in over his head, I like the way this is turning out.
    He's okay. He can figure things out. He's a smart omnipotent spirit.

  2. #12
    Refreshing Minty Flavor Puppet_Papaya's Avatar
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    "At his feet slithered snakes and spiders. All around him were prowling beasts. Behind him, great monsters stomped the ground. All had black bodies and red, glowing eyes."
    Niiiice. This is a delicious bit of imagery.

    You're getting into some pretty heady stuff. I commend you for your bravery in describing some of the super-science/super-spiritual stuff going on here.

    Keep it coming!

  3. #13
    Curiously attractive for a fish man Zorafim's Avatar
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    Let me tell you, writing for God is downright scary. I feel like I'm going to get smoten I'm pretty sure that's a word for getting any detail wrong.

    And, thank you for your commendation. The imagery is really one of the biggest things I want to share. I've gotten tired of everything always taking place in the same places. So I want to try my best to, if nothing else, paint imaginative pictures for the reader. I want to be able to tell my reader "You remember earth, right? Yeah, this isn't it." Which, as it turns out, is pretty hard.

    I should probably ask, did you catch what was really going on in that possession scene? I probably left it too vague, or didn't put enough detail in to it. I'm planning on making it clear in one of my future possession scenes.
    I'd explain it clearer if I had to, but I'd be a bad writer if I had to explain anything outside of the source material.

  4. #14

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    This is refreshingly unique and I love the format. It's also kinda satisfying my old desire to see you finish up that old plotline you had going for your Champions Online characters forever ago, which has nothing to do with this of course but I always wanted to see what you'd do with a creative idea. Despite there being a lot of dialogue I've found your story very easy to follow so far and your descriptions are eloquent and enjoyable.

    The imagery is indeed awesome too. Pretty awesome that you hold as much talent for language as you do for your music. Keep it up!

  5. #15
    Curiously attractive for a fish man Zorafim's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CelestialBlade View Post
    This is refreshingly unique and I love the format. Despite there being a lot of dialogue I've found your story very easy to follow so far and your descriptions are eloquent and enjoyable.

    The imagery is indeed awesome too.
    I'm glad to hear that people are enjoying it. Though I wanted to get this story out here, I probably wouldn't be working this hard if nobody was reading it.


    It's also kinda satisfying my old desire to see you finish up that old plotline you had going for your Champions Online characters forever ago, which has nothing to do with this of course but I always wanted to see what you'd do with a creative idea.
    Yes. Nothing at all. The two stories aren't connected whatsoever. Not one bit.


    Pretty awesome that you hold as much talent for language as you do for your music. Keep it up!
    Not bad for someone who can't talk, eh?

  6. #16
    Curiously attractive for a fish man Zorafim's Avatar
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    Third Dream: First Contact, epilogue.

    Spoiler!


    First Nightmare: A Memory of Inspiration
    Last edited by Zorafim; Aug 16, 2013 at 06:31 PM.

  7. #17

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    Quote Originally Posted by Zorafim View Post
    “So… Then, you created the big bang, and made gravity and ionic bonding and all that stuff, and just sort of hoped people would pop up?”
    Possibly my favourite line in your story so far .
    PSO2 Characters

    Kais (Male CAST) Ship 9 Hu62 Fi46 Ra53 Gu65 Fo6 Te1 Br36
    Lilith Reiger (Female Deuman) Ship 9 Hu42 Fi1 Ra1 Gu1 Fo20 Te45 Br56

    Are we alive or just breathing?

  8. #18
    Curiously attractive for a fish man Zorafim's Avatar
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    First Nightmare: A Memory of Inspiration.

    Spoiler!



    Author's notes:
    Spoiler!


    Fourth Dream: A Study in Magic
    Last edited by Zorafim; Oct 12, 2013 at 01:54 PM.

  9. #19
    Curiously attractive for a fish man Zorafim's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by o0Kais0o View Post
    Possibly my favourite line in your story so far .
    No love for the groupies?

  10. #20

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    Don't get me wrong, angelic groupies are amusing, but a creator god admitting that he was pretty much winging it when he was creating humanity is just priceless to me.
    PSO2 Characters

    Kais (Male CAST) Ship 9 Hu62 Fi46 Ra53 Gu65 Fo6 Te1 Br36
    Lilith Reiger (Female Deuman) Ship 9 Hu42 Fi1 Ra1 Gu1 Fo20 Te45 Br56

    Are we alive or just breathing?

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