One of my best friend's girlfriends is pregnant

[hollowtip]

Well, here is my rant.

I found out about two weeks ago one of my best friend's (from since we were of age 8 ) girlfriends is pregnant, at the age of 21. This is not great news (in my eyes), because they are both financially unstable and their relationship is extremely unhealthy, an emotional rollercoaster is how I could best describe their bond most of the time. He has been with let's call her "Amy" for the past 3 years off and on with some of the most unnecessary drama you could ever imagine. My friend was suicidal for a time and had a major self-esteem issue that he couldn't seem to shake. I would always try and attempt to council him with his dillemas and give him my point of view on things. He would genuinely listen, but never follow through with anything he would tell me. Every other week something new would pop up and we would go to Dennys to talk things over, but it just seemed like an endless cycle of futility. He ended up moving down South (about 8 hours away) to rent an apartment and live with Amy, and since then, I rarely speak with him. While I'm kind of disappointed and sad that I have lost touch with him, the problem I have mostly lies with Amy. My friend has a problem with females running his life, and he seems to drop everything for companionship, including his friends (sadly for him, he's been in relationships where girls take advantage of this). I don't blame him, and I'm not angry about it, but its depressing to see a guy who's foundation was undefined become even worse.

While I know many of you believe I should not judge Amy so harshly, you have to understand she has given me enough evidence to label her a bitch with low moral character. When I first talked with her, it was over AIM, and she lied to me about her appearance, sending me pictures of her cousin, telling me it was her. When my friend brought her up to visit, she was borderline obese with emotional problems. When we first met in person, she angerly accused me of trying to break off their relationship (which was not my intentions), and kept mentioning how imature I was being about the whole situation. I really didn't respond too much to what she was saying, I mostly tried to curve the conversation and put the focus more on my friend other than the hatred she had towards me.

Presently, we get along, but in a nutshell, I believe she has really ruined my friend's life. Although I don't know thw whole circumstances behind the pregnancy, I wouldn't put it past her to have planned this pregnancy to insure a life with him.

I know he is responsible for his actions, but I truly believe she may have been lying to him about taking birth control, but I don't know for sure. He is not ready for a baby, and I know he was not planning on having a kid anytime soon.

It's so fucking irritating. I'm tired, I'll post more later.



<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: hollowtip on 2005-01-28 01:03 ]</font>

[Orange_Coconut]

This may sound heartless, and definitely hypocritical of me, but this is a kind that it not exactly within your control. Especially if you talk to your friend and he never really follows through with these things you explained to him, it shows that it will most likely be difficult to try to talk him out of this kind of situation as well (if those were your intentions, that is).

Mainly because this is the kind of situation that cannot be changed by your input. Now, I'm not saying that what you think about it or try to do about it is useless, it just (judging from the information given) will not do much except worry you even more. And I can't say "Don't worry about it, it's not your problem." Because in a way, it is your problem. You're worried about a friend, and I understand that. But it's sometimes hard to realise that there are some things out of your control, and worrying about the things you can't be a part of, or help are some of the worst kinds of stressful situations to be in because although you're rightfully worried, there is nothing much you can do about it.

[SJ]

You could try talking to the guy about it and telling him about what you think of his GF, he may wake up and agree, or more likely hate you...so don't go there actualy..
I dont really know what to suggest in a situation like this..
Well I hope it gets better.
SJ

[navci]

On 2005-01-28 04:22, Orange_Coconut wrote:
... the worst kinds of stressful situations to be in because although you're rightfully worried, there is nothing much you can do about it.

And this is exactly why life can be so frustrating. There isn't a damn thing you can do about it right now.

As long as your friend doesn't follow through your advice... he.. well, is pretty much on his own on this. You can offer support if and when he needs it, but ... I think that will just frustarte you more. Sadly, I'll have to say the best thing for you is to pull back and watch from the side now.

[ABDUR101]

Heh, I dunno. For me, you don't even fuck around with accidently having kids until you're married and with someone you damn well know you want to be with. You wrap it up tight, twice, just incase.

I don't quite give a damn what anyone says, but if they have a shaky relationship, the girlfriend isn't all that stable(nor your friend for that matter), and the money situation isn't all that great, personally I'd abort the child. I don't care how heartless that sounds, but I've seen my fair share of kids growing up in fucked up living conditions, with god aweful parents, that have worse parenting skills than a 12 year old.

Again, kids are something you do after the foundation of a lasting relationship is made and paved, not what you hope to base a lasting relationship on.

Best of luck to them, sorry thats how it worked out.

[hollowtip]

On 2005-01-28 12:50, ABDUR101 wrote:
Heh, I dunno. For me, you don't even fuck around with accidently having kids until you're married and with someone you damn well know you want to be with. You wrap it up tight, twice, just incase.

I don't quite give a damn what anyone says, but if they have a shaky relationship, the girlfriend isn't all that stable(nor your friend for that matter), and the money situation isn't all that great, personally I'd abort the child. I don't care how heartless that sounds, but I've seen my fair share of kids growing up in fucked up living conditions, with god aweful parents, that have worse parenting skills than a 12 year old.

Again, kids are something you do after the foundation of a lasting relationship is made and paved, not what you hope to base a lasting relationship on.

Best of luck to them, sorry thats how it worked out.

No I completely agree with you. Abortion would be the only way out of this in my opinion, but I regret that she is about 5 months along, So the option is now just a pipe dream.

What really bothers me is that my friend is a pretty good guy overall. Sure he's lazy and irresponsible, but I really felt like he could really turn his life around if he just had a motivating partner. He's an above average looking guy with a major confidence problem, and that's the only thing that has really held him back. He rarely had parental support when he was growing up (his mom was worried about her relationships more than the welfare of her kids) and now he's stuck with a girl that reinforces his confidence problem while she satisfies her selfishness.

When she talks about him, it's like he's some sort of trophy to her, "When we go out to resteraunts, I always see girls staring at him and they wonder why a big fat girl has him, and I just laugh." It's extremely frustrating, and I really do feel sorry for the baby. He/She is most likely going to end up being raised mostly by Amy's parents (that's where they're living presently).

I swear it seems like the most unselfish people are the ones that get the short end of the stick EVERYTIME.



<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: hollowtip on 2005-01-28 19:12 ]</font>

[Orange_Coconut]

I'd say it depends, if they are not willing or capable of raising a child then there is also adoption. I'm not against abortion, but she's young and most of the time the cost for the hospital bill of the child etc is paid for by the parents who adopt the kid.

It really depends on how they feel / handle the situation. There may be a sense of fear knowing that this child is living somewhere else with another family, but it is hers by birth. Or maybe she/he/both believe that abortion is wrong... there are several other possibilities, but it's really just however they feel about the situation.

[AUTO_]

Abort the parents -- they're the ones who fucked up.

No, I'm just kidding...but really, I've heard countless times of people who go through with abortions only to have it really stick with them the rest of their lives.

My vote is for keeping the kid--if they're halfway responsible parents they can realize down the road adoption is an option (that should be a rap) if things get to out of hand.

[ABDUR101]

Yeah, I'm all for having kids adopted away from bad parents, as well as those who can't take care of them properly(whether they lack the know-how, or the capability in any way, shape, or form), but what are the odds of them doing that?

Abortion or adopting out, or they need a big dose of growing the fuck up. Once kids enter the picture, you either get responsible and get your act together, or nothing.

[Orange_Coconut]

Well... It's not that uncommon of a thing for people to put up kids for adoption. In fact, my parents did that for me instead of taking my life after knowing that my mom was pregnant.

Judging by the information given, I don't think there's really any safe "answer" to the situation. Because these people could have totally different thoughts on children, whether they think they're responsible enough, and whether they believe it would be best to get an abortion over with or put the kid up for adoption.

Seriously though, my mother was 16 when she had me, and though that may be one example, there are many others out there or maybe even on this forum who have had the same past. I never really knew my mother, I just knew that she let me live for a reason, and I am lucky to be alive.

So it's really up to them, whatever their personal thoughts are on the situation will affect what the decision will be.