Results 1 to 6 of 6
  1. #1

    Default

    This is My frist PSO Themed Fan-fic
    I hope you like it

    Missing
    a One Shot PSO Fan Fic
    By Tsukuyo

    I give permission to PSO-World To Post my Fan-Fic.

    Notes: Shagami is a name on PSO that one really can't have as a PSO Name. I Manged to get around it Using a "$" as an "S" But this in Fan Fic I will use Shagami as his name.

    Warning: Very Soft Shonen-Ai (Male X Male) IE Hugs

    Main Characters:

    Shagami
    Humar
    Yellowboze
    Level: 166
    Perfered Weapons: Flowens Sword and Twin Brand
    Mag: Rati
    Shield: Flowen Shield
    Techs: All That he Can use level 15
    Except Anti- Level 7

    Marron
    Fomar
    Bluefull
    Level 159
    Perfered Weapons: Demonic Fork, Double Saber, Grass Assassin Blades
    Mag: Devil Wings
    Shield: Purple Ring
    Tech Levels: All Level 30
    Except: Anti- Lv 7


    ~~~Mine 1~~~

    Shagami Teleported into the Mines Frist Area. He looked around watching the pinks lights flicker on and off. He checked his commuacator, This is where He Lost connetion with Marron, His Parner and Lover. He hoised his Flowen's sword onto his shoulder. He flicked a piece of his Long Black hair back over his shoulder. His Blue eyes Wondering if He'll ever lay his sight on Marron again.
    "I Told That Force not to come down here by himself." He said to himself. He walked a Few paces forward.
    The Door opened to a Square like area. Machine monsters by the names Canabin floated near by, they haven't seen Shagami yet. He held himself up against the wall, He took in a big breath and let it out slowly before running into the room and attacking the Canabin.
    Four other Canabins seemed to appear out of no where, The locked onto him and sent out a shock of lightning. Shagami dodged one and got hit by another. The wound started to bleed.
    "Damn it" He said. He casted Gizonde to make the machines come down from floating high in the air. He Slashed hitting them all, One exploded, He slashed again, Destroying the machines.
    He looked around for more machines, The area seemed clear. One of the machine dropped an Item, He walked over and Picked it up.
    "Its just a Claymore" he said dropping it again. He started to walk towards the next door.
    He Cleared a few more rooms full of Canabins and Gillchich's. He then entered a room full of Sinow Blue's and Sinow Red's. He rushed in and swung his sword over the head of a Sinow Red. He ramgaed the machine monsters. After a few only He and one Sinow Red was left standing, The Sinow Red stood there, not attacking, Shagami leaned his head to the right and walked over to the Sinow Red, It was on stand by.
    "Hmm" he thought. Shagami messed with the Sinow Red's curcuits. Then Sinow red reactivated. It waiting for Shagami's commands.
    "Ah, I guess that worked" He said, now he had a Sinow Red on his team.
    Shagami and Red walked around killing anything that came in thier path. Till they got to one room where a red teleportor was waiting to take them to the next area of the mine.
    "Let's go Red!" Shagami said running into the teleportor.


    ~~~Mine 2~~~

    Shagami stepped out of the red teleportor light and looked around, Area 2 of the mine was dark and what lights flicked violently.
    "I hope Marron is ok" He asked himself. He turned to face Rati, his mag.
    "Rati, Can you pick up Marron's Devil Wings Engery wave?" Shagami asked
    "beep...file engery signerture not found" it beeped out.
    Shagami sighed.
    "Marron..." he said looking up. Red appeared at his side, worried.
    "I'll be ok Red." He said Smiling at the machine.
    "Let's go" he said after a moment. "I bet Marron is waiting for us" he said.
    He ran toward towards the next room, Just destorying enought monsters to get through the next door, Red took care of any left over and covered Shagami's back.
    "BEEEEPPP!" rati shierked.
    "Rati what is it?" Shagamia asked.
    "Marron's Devil Wings SOS Picked up! north" It said
    "MARRON!" Shagami cried running towards the SOS. He found his fallen friend up against a wall. A Baranz shooting it missiles at Marron.
    "MARRON!" Shagami screamed attacking the Baranz, He slashed foward, dodging the missiles it shot at him. He casted razonde and swirled to the left slashing the Baranz armor off, Red came in and finished the machine.
    Shagami rushed over to Marron. He was barely breathing.
    "Marron...Marron Please answer me" he said to the wounded force
    "Shagami...Is that you?" Marron said after a minute
    "Yes...Why did you come down here" he asked holding Marron in his arms.
    Marron Smiled and passed out from the pain.
    "MARRON!?" Shagami cried. "Please don't die!" Shagami paniced as he opened a telepipe to the medical center.


    ~~~Medical Center~~~

    Shagami sat next to Marron's bed, holding Marron's hand in his own.
    Marron opened his eyes.
    "Shagami...I got Something for you" He said, waking Shagami up.
    "Marron you're ok!" He said
    Marron handed him a rare weapon box.
    "I got this for you, Thats why i went alone..It was a surprise..." he said sitting up a little.
    Shagami stared at it then opened it. It was a lavis cannon...
    "Marron....Thank you" He said hugging Marron.
    "Your Welcome My Sha-kun" he said hugging back.

    ~~END~~

    Epolog (I cant spell it >_>)
    Red's Curcuits was transfered into a racasels body.
    That racasel is named Red. She Does not talk.

  2. #2

    Default

    wow is my fan fic that horrible?

  3. #3

    Default

    Bad spelling? Check.
    Random Caps? Check.
    Missing commas? Check.
    Use of run-on sentences? Check.
    Use of apostrophes for plural? Check.
    Improper punctuation in dialogue? Check.
    Hard to read formatting? Check.

    It's not a bad idea/theme, and it has some creative potential, but the story itself needs a lot of work. Oh, and it's "Epilogue," and my main suggestion is to get a beta-reader or editor to go over your story before you post it.

  4. #4
    Trinity's War Survivor DamonKatu's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    Personal Hell
    Posts
    999

    Default

    Its ok...I made worst fan fics before. Mine was a PSO matrix style where an android was infesting every android and it was kafie's rival, checkoff, who killed kafie's Girlfriend, trinity, and he wants revenge. Ill try to revive it but it might be sent in the trash agean...
    "no matter the man, we all wear masks...either on our faces or over our hearts"
    -Godot.

  5. #5

    Default

    On 2006-02-08 12:33, LadyRedComet wrote:
    Bad spelling? Check.
    Random Caps? Check.
    Missing commas? Check.
    Use of run-on sentences? Check.
    Use of apostrophes for plural? Check.
    Improper punctuation in dialogue? Check.
    Hard to read formatting? Check.

    It's not a bad idea/theme, and it has some creative potential, but the story itself needs a lot of work. Oh, and it's "Epilogue," and my main suggestion is to get a beta-reader or editor to go over your story before you post it.
    I have horrible spelling
    and yes horrible grammer
    forget that...



    <font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Tsukuyo on 2006-02-08 15:04 ]</font>

  6. #6
    Trinity's War Survivor DamonKatu's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    Personal Hell
    Posts
    999

    Default

    On 2006-02-08 15:04, Tsukuyo wrote:
    On 2006-02-08 12:33, LadyRedComet wrote:
    Bad spelling? Check.
    Random Caps? Check.
    Missing commas? Check.
    Use of run-on sentences? Check.
    Use of apostrophes for plural? Check.
    Improper punctuation in dialogue? Check.
    Hard to read formatting? Check.

    It's not a bad idea/theme, and it has some creative potential, but the story itself needs a lot of work. Oh, and it's "Epilogue," and my main suggestion is to get a beta-reader or editor to go over your story before you post it.
    I have horrible spelling
    and yes horrible grammer
    forget that...



    <font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Tsukuyo on 2006-02-08 15:04 ]</font>
    hay, so do i...
    "no matter the man, we all wear masks...either on our faces or over our hearts"
    -Godot.

Similar Threads

  1. FanFic: Stuck in the past-my first fan fic ^_^
    By EphekZ in forum Fan Works
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: Aug 30, 2004, 01:42 AM
  2. FAN-FIC: first venture into fanfics. Enjoy.
    By darkholemind in forum Fan Works
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: Aug 29, 2004, 02:04 PM
  3. Chapter One of my yet to be named Fan fic
    By Sord in forum Fan Works
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: Nov 21, 2003, 05:46 PM
  4. FanFic: Fan Fic Contest: Haiku: Entry: Ricco's Last Word
    By Warlock-The-Great in forum Fresh Kills Landfill
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: Jul 24, 2003, 01:19 AM
  5. FanFic: My Fan-Fic : The Battle to The Extreme
    By Mitchy14U in forum Fan Works
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: Jun 28, 2003, 01:47 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •