Skorp's Guide to the internet.

[Skorpius]

Yes, folks, it is time for me to finally type up a guide that is mostly needed. Since no one else, as far as I know, has done so yet, then I will step up and take the "challenge".

I'll start off with some simple rules to follow conversing over the internet that can should be followed to keep the sanity of your fellow humans intact.


Lesson 1:

Learn how to type coherently!

Capitals, punctuation, grammar, and spelling. Things you should have learned in your 6th grade english class can now FINALLY BE USED! That's right, your excuse that "We'll never use this crap." is now a worthless pile of moronic idiocy! You will be using English (more than likely) in your everyday life on the internet. On the flip side, you can no longer use the excuse "I don't need to use correct English on the internet" will also result in a shovel to the face, as you are forcing others to decipher your nonsensical grabage.

However, you do not need to be perfect:
~ Capitals: You only should worry about the letter "I" when used as a pronoun. It makes you look smarter and you'll earn respect.
~ Punctuation: Commas and Periods are the only thing you should really worry about, except for I'll and We'll. They form other words without the apostrophy (ill / well)
~ Grammar: You need to know how to talk correctly, or at least pretend to know how. I cannot understand what the Hell you're trying to say if you don't say it right.
~ Spelling: Learn to spell. http://www.dictionary.com can help you spell check if you're unsure. :|


Lesson 2:

You're sitting at your computer, on the internet. Use the damn thing! [The internet]

For Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, the internet is more than a social gathering / porn factory. It's an information super highway, learn to look up shit. I mentioned http://www.dictionary.com , an easy website that will help you on your road to internet superiority, but there are other sites:

http://www.google.com

Imaging everything you needed to know with the click of a button! Type in a few key words and PRESTO! it's all right there in front of you. Need to find out if your cat is sick by the color of its shit?

Search it!
Increasingly surprising.

If you don't know how to use Google, here's some easy instructions:
Go to your kitchen.
Take a knife.
Pierce it into your heart.
No one stupid enough to not know how to use Google shouldn't be able to continue wasting our oxygen.


Lesson 3:

The internet is not a dating service.

Go outside to get girls.


Well, that's all for now. Next week, I'll introduce you to FORUMS and MESSENGER SERVICES. :]

> I'm well aware I probably made many errors while typing this, I have come to a point in time where I do not even check my typing anymore. It's sad. The irony owns me horribly.


<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Skorpius on 2005-01-27 11:53 ]</font>

[Sayara]

An interesting read none the less. 0o
I guess you're tired of horrid and absurd internet goers eh?

My only ":/" is to the spelling ordeal, people are gonna typo, and in most cases dont have the time to run dictonary.com at every instance to fix their spelling. Ya know what I mean? Since chatting is such a quick conversation among one another.

In my preference, i can DEAL with things like off grammer (like i just didnt cap I or ' didn't) or semi off spelling but shit like "how do i gt watevr" =

[Tycho]

Love it. ;D
I do not always bother to use proper capitals and punctuation, but other than that I try to not act like a total noob..

Now if only the people this was aimed at would bother to read any rules or guides such as this..

[Solstis]

Sprech Englisch?

Bist du verruuckt?

[HUcastShinobi]

http://www.engrish.com - Retarded Japanese people who can't talk proper English for crap. (Note my perfect sentence!)

[BrokenHope]

On 2005-01-27 12:33, HUcastShinobi wrote:
http://www.engrish.com - Retarded Japanese people who can't talk proper English for crap. (Note my perfect sentence!)

I hope by refering to them as "Retarded Japanese" and then making fun of their English skills, that you are fluent in Japanese?

Or are you just a stupid hypocrite?



<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: BrokenHope on 2005-01-27 12:39 ]</font>


<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: BrokenHope on 2005-01-27 12:40 ]</font>

[Skorpius]

On 2005-01-27 12:33, HUcastShinobi wrote:
http://www.engrish.com - Retarded Japanese people who can't talk proper English for crap. (Note my perfect sentence!)

^ How does that have anything to do with this topic. ?



<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Skorpius on 2005-01-27 12:38 ]</font>

[Sayara]

Thats not exactly the case. They have perfect language skills, in their own language... its just upon translation it gets messed up. Go use the Altavista translator, say something, translate it to a forigen language, then do the opposite. It'll mangle your words.
"Tragic contrast of illogical music comes having fear in the ear."
was originally "The tragic contrast of illogical music brings fear to the ears of many."

This however has NOTHING to do with Skorp's rant. :/
Skorp is just bothered by people who are all bad super bad typing like the example i used earlier... x300

[Solstis]

On 2005-01-27 12:38, BrokenHope wrote:

On 2005-01-27 12:33, HUcastShinobi wrote:
http://www.engrish.com - Retarded Japanese people who can't talk proper English for crap. (Note my perfect sentence!)

I hope by refering to them as "Retarded Japanese" and then making fun of their English skills, that you are fluent in Japanese?

Or are you just a stupid hypocrite?



<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: BrokenHope on 2005-01-27 12:39 ]</font>


<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: BrokenHope on 2005-01-27 12:40 ]</font>

Nah, just a bandwagon jumper.

OMG! Teh Japanese can't speak/write English perfectly! Mock! Mock!

[Scrub]

Morons can't speak or write English properly and we all sit around and mock THEM, eh?^_~