[Proto22003]

does anyone hav any funny or stupid jokes to post? riddles? anything?

[Abaddon]

I got a good riddle!!

What is Greater than god
More powerful than the devil
The poor have it
The rich need it
and if you eat it, you'll die.

What is it?

I'll post the answer later on (unless Kent figures it out)
----------------------------------------------------

And now for something completely different:
Q.Why does a dog lick its arse?
A.Because it can.

[Guile]

...I can't answer that one..DEATH!! it's death! huh..wait you can't eat that..
Deathcheese!

[Captain_Dude]

On 2003-04-08 23:31, Abaddon wrote:
I got a good riddle!!

What is Greater than god
More powerful than the devil
The poor have it
The rich need it
and if you eat it, you'll die.

What is it?

I'll post the answer later on (unless Kent figures it out)
----------------------------------------------------

And now for something completely different:
Q.Why does a dog lick its arse?
A.Because it can.

Answer is to the riddle is "Nothing"... Stop using riddles that have been used in something as popular as a Tolkein novel(can you guess which one?).

I haven't any jokes... But I've got some funny stories... And one funnish list(The list which a young man named Threevon Johnson actually lived by, and got out of jail by)...

A dude is hanging out with his friends. All the dude's friends are braging about their cool mp3 players. "Mine's got 1300 different Codecs.", "Well mine can play at higher quality!" and so on and so fourth.
"Hey, why dont you have an mp3 player? Get with the times man!" one of the dude's friends says, and the others start to tease him. "No, I've got one," the guy argues "it's just at home, I'll go get it."
All of his friends shout things at him like "Yeah right!" and "I'm sure you do, but all your mp3s gotta be in their original .CDA audio format." Then they let the amount of sniggering expected from a group of computer nerds...
So he runs home and fetches his personal mp3 player and rushes back to his friends. "See," he exclaims triumphantly, as he drops a 42-lb desktop computer system at their feet "I HAVE got an mp3 player, and it gets E-Mail too!"

A young sci-fi junkie takes up playing Counter-Strike. He practices REAL hard at a local cyber cafe, and he finally gets good.
So he buys a broadband connection, and goes online. He, being a nerdy, smart, white, sci-fi junkie who think all people on the net are like him, as that is the stereotype, He plans on doing something to get a laugh upon entering the game.
He looks for a server suited to his needs, one for the (or at least he thought he was) skilled players. He eventually finds his dream server, entitled "Xpurt Counter-Strike Server!" So he logs onto the aforementioned server.
He joins the game and in his nerdy white voice squeaks out "Klaatu Barada Nickto, fellow Counter-Strike fans!" into his microphone. He is met with the voice of a large and angry asounding black man screaming "Wut tha fuck dijoo just say to me!?" A wee bit scared by the tone of the large, angry, balck man he squeaks back "Klaatu Barada Nickto."
There is a short silence, which is quickly broken by the large angry black man saying "Are you retarded or frunch or sumfin?" "N...No" replies the poor nerd, now trembling in fear of the angry sounding black man.
Somethng is then mumbled into the microphone. The boy assumes it's an insult and says, in a whiney voice, "What was that?!" The entire terrorist force, unknown to the nerdy boy, are laughing their asses off. Since evryone is dead silent, the boy assumes that their sound is off or something, so he decides to type what he was saying.
The youngd nerdy boy stops to type 'Excuse me?' only to be gunned down by a terrorist holding a small pistol. "Like you said, nigga," The black man laughs "Glock-You-I-Oughtta, Negro." Upon those words the young nerdy boy flees from the game shedding tears, and vowing never to play Counter-Strike again to the sound of the laughter of the large, anrgy, black man accompanied by the entire Terrorist force.

Threevon's Guide to Surving on the Street:
Step 1. Buy a gun big enough to blow a man's testicle's off, keep it in plain view of everyone but the police.
Step 2. Don't take shit from no one. Shoot any nigga that try'n step up.
Step 3. Your biggest enemy is not what you hear on TV, young black kids with guns. No they're just like you, trying to survive on the streets. The real enemy is evil white cops! Shoot as many as possible.
Step 4. If you get shot, don't stop to scream for help, don't even cry, shoot the muthafucka who shot you first!
And Step 5. If you get arrested, plead police brutality. Thats what Threevon did, and he's a free man right now!


I'm deeply sorry if anyone was offended by this... But it's stuff I wrote(I actually stole the last one from a friend of mine) and I feel it's funny... And most of it's semi-true...

EDIT: I don't care if there're are alot of punctuation, spelling, or any other errors... I wrote all of these(minus the last one) while really tired... and I've been to lazy to edit them.


EDIT Again: Mixed up riddles... Whoopsie... Whatever, it was still obvious...
<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Captain_Dude on 2003-04-08 23:48 ]</font>


<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Captain_Dude on 2003-04-09 06:32 ]</font>

[Kent]

On 2003-04-08 23:31, Abaddon wrote:
I got a good riddle!!

What is Greater than god
More powerful than the devil
The poor have it
The rich need it
and if you eat it, you'll die.

What is it?

I'll post the answer later on (unless Kent figures it out)

If you ignore the religious references, the answer is quite obviously "Nothing."

The last line of it completely gives it away. I would have posted this sooner, but I was AFK for quite a while... Oh well, keep them coming.

[Captain_Dude]

On 2003-04-09 00:24, Kent wrote:
...I would have posted this sooner, but I was AFK for quite a while... Oh well, keep them coming.

I'm glad you didn't post sooner, otheriwse I might nota beat you to it!

[CaptainFatts]

ok heres a tough one.

"I never was, am always to be,
No one ever saw me, nor ever will
And yet I am the confidence of all
To live and breathe on this terrestrial ball."

have fun!

[Abaddon]

Yes, it was nothing
*ponders on the next riddle*

[Guntz348]

A guy walks into a bar, *OUCH!!*

Two blondes walk into a building, jeez ya think one of em would be paying attention.

[CaptainFatts]

do you guys want me to post the answer to my riddle? just thought id ask.