[SpikeOtacon]

...I realize that I haven't been on much, and that's with good reason...
A little backstory on this whole situation...
About a year ago...I was on an island for vacation during the summer...Ocean Isle Beach...just off the coast of North Carolina...While I was there, I met this wonderful girl named Katherine. Kat was a very amazing girl. 18 years old, her voice was very comforting...her black hair flowed gently in the wind...her blue eyes matched the sky on a clear day...you could almost see the sea in her eyes...She was from Florida, and came up here with her parents to a family reunion that was on the island. We met at the arcade, and after playing a LOT of House of the Dead 2 and Tekken with her (damn, she was REALLY good at those games...) we sat on the pier during sundown.....kat and I spent a whole night together on the pier....talking about or lives and things gone past...I bought her some ice cream, and one for myself....the breeze was cool, and made me feel so relaxed...when we parted that night, she kissed me on the cheek and told me to meet her the next morning at the hobby shop. That night, I slept great. The next morning, I went straight to the hobby shop, and there she was, waiting for me...a big smile on her face. She pulled me inside and we looked around. All sorts of stuff was in there. From shot-glasses, handcuffs (she DID buy a pair...), and some deadly weaponry (Razor edged playing cards, switchblades, and the like...). Her and I bought some firecrackers, and I bought a few shot glasses, while she bought the handcuffs. That night, we spent the night at the pier again...she sat in my arms as we felt the cool, calm breeze on our faces...she kissed me, and said that she never wanted to leave...I agreed....I had to go, however...The next morning, she was knocking on my front door. I ran downstairs, and she had tears in her eyes. I asked her what was wrong, and she told me that she had to go back with her parents. They had already packed, and she was saying goodbye. I held onto her for a bit, as she cried in my arms. My heart was broken...but I gave her my phone # and e-mail. I watched her and her parents drive off, and everything seemed dull again. The next 4 nights, I went to the pier with a beer in hand, and sat there....wishing that she was next to me. A half a year passes, and I get an e-mail from her, hearing that she was living on her own and told me how much she wanted to turn the car around and stay with me. She gave me her #, but when I called, it was disconnected. I e-mailed her my #, and she called back a month ago. I was so glad...we talked for hours on how things had gone since then. She told me that she was going to be in Maryland, and wanted to stop by and see me. So I gave her my adress, and next week I was supposed to see her.
...I got a call from her parents....they found my # deep in her closet at home....she had committed suicide last weekend. They found her dead, wrists and neck slit...**holds back tears**.....my name was written on the note...I'm going down to visit her grave this weekend. I've never felt so down before...her and I were....very close back then..I was hoping we'd get back together once I got out of this crappy job...She didn't even explain why she did it...I just...I don't know how I should feel about this...should I be sad that she is gone....or angry that she committed suicide in the first place?

[anwserman]

....

Suicide is never a good thing Spike, never. I've known two people who committed suicide in my life, and its never a good thing.

*wipes tear from eye*

We're hear for you man. I skimmed through your post and I knew I needed to quickly reply. Through this post and your past ones... man, I feel so sorry her right now. For her, for what emotions that... nevermind, I'm not going to get into that.

Hey, I don't want to sound weird or anything, but if you need to talk or anything... PM me and I'll get on another messaging service so we can talk. Don't think I'm doing this because I need to, because I want to. You've been through some tough shit in life already, and you sure as hell didn't need this.

*hugs Spike*

Love ya man, hang in there and I'll always be a shoulder you can cry on.

[Kuea]

man that is so harsh it was bringing tears to my eyes.
She sounds like a dream come true but for this to happen....... the least you can do is pay her the respect she deserved.
Wish her well for me.

[Deathscythealpha]

Hey, im so sorry, it must be bad for you. Dont be angry about it though, the anger will get you no where. Pay your respects and feel happy for knowing her.

Dont know what else to say but speak to someone about it if its getting to you.

[Ness]

Man, that's harsh. Personally, I would be both sad and angry. Sad because I would never see her again and angry because she would do something so selfish.

*gives Spike a pat on the back

You know that the members of TSZ are here for you, too.

There have been a few times that I have considered suicide, but I always just think of all the things I won't be able to do and it is enough to convince me to keep on living.

[lain2k3]

Jeezus. I really wish I couldnt relate to this. I've tried to kill my self before. I've cut my left wrist about 1 1/2 centimeters deep, but then I couldnt do it again. I choked up, with a big cut in my wrist. My parents dont know, and i dont want anyone that knows me personally to know, either. I've learned since then that there are people in the world who care about me. I do have a chance to be something in life. It's really a shame that she didn't.

once again, extremely sorry to hear this.

[Deathscythealpha]

On 2004-03-12 19:16, Ness wrote:
Sad because I would never see her again and angry because she would do something so selfish.

I dont think theres anything selfish about suicide, sadly its a choice people make. Is it selfish that theyve deprived the world of themselves? Sometimes people just cant escape from whats getting them down and dont know where to turn.

You should always feel sad for someone who you have lost, but never feel angry about it. Ever.

[Ness]

*EDIT*

Post removed by request.

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Ness on 2004-03-13 05:29 ]</font>

[Kiara]

On 2004-03-12 19:49, Ness wrote:

To me, it seems that when someone commits suicide, they don't really care about the people they leave behind.

People who commit suicide usually think noone will miss them. I was going to kill myself once after my dad's crap, but my sister saved my life.

I'm sorry for you and for her, spike. I wish she could have found an alternative. Don't hate her for what she did, love her for who she was.

[Kuea]

It's amazing what goes through our heads.
whenever I want to kill myself I think about my sister and grandmother who I'll leave behind.
and also about the stuff I will miss out on doing.