I'm losing control on my eating habits.
I'm starting to gain weight after losing so much... I currently clock in around 202.5, which is still quite a bit less then 260.
But, I'm trying to look at everything in my life right now... and I can't help but think that it is hopeless. I exercise each day, but the thing is, I want to lose weight, and that good things don't come easy in life.
But, I can't help but look at every single thing in this life. Why must I be one of the few people who does give a damn about eating a hamburger, french fries and with ice cream for dessert and feel guilty about it? Why?
It bothers me because... guess what, I work at a fast-food resteraunt that makes hamburgers, french fries and ice cream, and I see so many people pull through every single day ordering nothing but fattening food... my coworkers eat it, the customers eat it, and I'm all alone feeling like the weirdo eating a banana, an apple and some yogurt that I brought from home... craving ice cream or a hamburger. And I do fine for a couple days, and then I just can't resist anymore.
And I don't know if I can blame myself for being on a diet - my research has shown that the average human being needs only about 2,000 calories a day. So, by watching what I eat, I have been going at around 1,200 calories a day plus exercise - my standard 2 hours of walking. I drink lots of liquids (water and diet pop) so there aren't any worries there. But, I can walk past a bakery and just feel hungry even if I've just eaten, or working at the DQ I can sit there and smell the french fries cooking.
Plus the fact that after 19 years of being raised on a combo of standard American cuisine (not good), with fast-food thrown in (DQ has been in my blood since I was a fetus), I'm trying to be healthful and it isn't working now. Why? Because I'm rejecting foods such as Doritoes and Oreos and candy and sugar that I was raised on since I was a tot and replacing it with healty foods. Now that I think about it, we always harassed one of my friends because his family ate nothing but health foods when we were growing up - stuff that I'm trying to eat now. He has no urge to eat junk food, while I do hardcore.
Why.. this battle sucks so much I just want to explode. It doesn't help that I work at a fast-food resteraunt, and it doesn't help that my family secretly wants me to stop losing weight because "I'm too thin." So, no support there really... even though I've gained weight now.
So, what do I do now...
Go to bed and cry myself to sleep, for tonight anyway.
Edit: I don't starve myself... or perhaps I do. But irregardless, my meals I do consider "sensible"... like for breakfast, I could have two pieces of toast, with a bowl of yogurt with a cup of dried sweetened cereal mixed in. For lunch of that same day, I could have a fried egg sandwich (in no-calorie cooking spray) with an apple, and for dinner have a chicken salad.. and as a snack, a couple rice cakes or animal crackers or popcorn or almost anything. But, it just isn't enough to resist the urge to indulge in a huge burger or snack on Oreos or cheesecake or ice cream in addition to everything else for said day.
<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: anwserman on 2004-08-01 00:11 ]</font>