How the love of my life made my life hell - PSO-World.com Forums

Eanae · 09-05-2004, 09:49 PM

This isn't your average girl trouble rant, because honestly, I need no help. I just want to rant about the girl who i thought was the love of my life turned my life into a living hell. I'll start from about 2 years ago when we started going out.

I was just expelled from school, so obviously, I was home alot. I was on my computer talking to people most of the day. We had been friends for a while, though we rarely saw each other (she lived in Maine and was one of my best friends cousins). Well, come to find out, she had liked me for a while, which was irnoic, because she broke my heart a few years back with her remarks. I should have taken that as a warning. But did I? Of course not...

So we started dating on January 29th of that year. Things were great. I felt loved for the first time, and things were actually starting to go my way. The time we spent together was amazing. As was our first kiss. Picture this: I sneak out of my house at around 7:00 when the sun was just setting to see her on a cold winter day. Snow covered the ground, and there was a light snow falling. We spent an hour together goofing around, and talking. Then before I left, we held each other tightly, and I gave her a kiss goodbye standing in the falling snow. It was so romantic. I will never forget the sweet taste of her lips. It was heaven. Sure I payed for it later, but damn was it worth it.

The next time we see each other, hell starts to break lose. Things go ok until about a week after she comes down. Not once does she call me, or try to see me. Come to find out, she's afraid of affection. I offer to work things out, and take it at her pace, and that the next day, we can go out to lunch at a nice restaurant. Next day, I'm left on my ass because she can't make the commitment. Lie #1: Saying she loved me.

Now, according to her, she still did love me, and I was a fool for believeing it. For a year after, she left me on a rollercoaster ride of emotions. It's like she was purposly toying with me. But I was too stupid to see it. I stayed on the ride.

Now up to a week or two ago. My friend finds something out about my situation refuses to say anything. I shrug it off. No big deal right? That brings me to today. Today was alot of fun. I got a phycic reading at my friends b-day party (the cousin friend of this girl). Well, I find out that alot of what she had to say matches up with another girl there, one I happen to find has a great personality. I don't say anything to her, but I'm thinking it. Later on, about maybe 2 hours ago, I find myself flirting with her, and realize, she's asking for the attention. (she's a self proclaimed attention whore) I say nothing to her about what i feel. Who knows why.

Now to a couple of minutes ago. I find out about what this secret was straight from her. It seems she's ad a boyfriend for the past few months. Now I'm so pissed off at everyone that kept this from me. I missed out on so much just because of the shimmer of hope that something could still happen. Hmm, how did the psychic put it? Oh yeah, she's dishonest, not trustworthy, and isn't right for me. Seems damn accurate to me.

In closing I say fuck everyone who kept this from me. I know I didn't take thier warnings, and for that I'm a dumbass, but what happened happened. Now I really feel like a moron for ever even thinking love could go my way. I say it like this: "I'm destined for greatness, and I'm destined for power and money; But why am I destined to fail at love?" According to all my teachers, friends, and pshycics, I'm supposed to be very successful in life, but my love life is never going to be what I need it to be. I'm destined to date women who can never give me what I need. Honestly, I'd rather have love than power and money. I just feel so alone...

Evil_Althena8 · 09-06-2004, 01:56 AM

hey i can relate. I'm in a situation right now with someone who puts me a rollercoaster...and the toying around with you thing. It really sucks. All I have to say is good luck, because love is messed up and its completely umpredictable.

Tycho · 09-06-2004, 02:03 PM

Don't let it get you down. This doesn't mean it would have to be like this next time.

There's not much I can say, except that my luck i bad too.

Aredhel · 09-06-2004, 02:35 PM

It's weird stuff, this love. It will make you feel like you have the world and then the next minute it will take it all away from you, making you feel like you have less now than when you started in the first place

But I truly believe that it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. Things may not feel right to you right now, but love comes again.

Eihwaz · 09-06-2004, 02:45 PM

Yeah, your girlfriend sounds like a lame liar. And don't listen to the psychics, I'm sure you can have an excellent love life!

Daikarin · 09-06-2004, 04:27 PM

Quote:

On 2004-09-05 19:49, Eanae wrote:
According to all my teachers, friends, and pshycics, I'm supposed to be very successful in life, but my love life is never going to be what I need it to be. I'm destined to date women who can never give me what I need. Honestly, I'd rather have love than power and money. I just feel so alone...

If you allow me to ask, if there is a destiny traced for you, why the hell do you bother to make decisions in life?

Right. Decisions in your life shape up your destiny.

But returning to your problem, I know what you feel, it's normal considering what happened.

But remember that, if you don't accept your life without a girl, you won't be ready to date, or relate to someone.

Another thing, some ancient dude said

"Love. It can burn... It can last... But it cannot do both."

Truth is, it CAN do both. Just believe, and don't feel that need to belong or feel belonged to someone. Who knows what the next day can bring?

opaopajr · 09-07-2004, 07:50 PM

well, the stars are right, you are doomed. now and forever.

this life is penance/karma, make the best of it and don't screw up

by the way, think of love as wonderful leaps of faith, akin to diving or something like that. you can't adequately clear the hazards if you hesitate, scramble for purchase, or try to leave a toe on solid ground. but if you leap each and everytime without thought you'll take pointless, dangerous, unpleasurable dives. and even with the perfect form there are no guarantees, you must abandon yourself to the pleasure of that moment, of that dive, of that relationship.

after you finish the plunge you can relax, clean your wounds, critique how you'd do better, etc. but you only learn by leaping into the void - so don't be afraid. take a deep breath, smile, close your eyes... and jump.