The Ultimate RPG Fetch Quest

[Siertes]

*Idea taken from another forum I go to*

I really love RPGs, and I'm sure a lot of people here do as well. I'm sure we've all had experience with the sometimes dreaded "fetch quests". You need an item, go to the person who can help you, he requires another item, so on and so forth. I found a topic like this hilarious on a different site and would like to see if it can survive here and amuse the masses.

I will start. Each poster after this will take on a role as the next NPC character the adventurer must talk to. Don't forget to BOLD the item.

The Quest Begins

"Hello sir. I am an adventurer and I'm trying to enter the ruins, but I'm looking for the RUIN KEY."

[Sinue_v2]

http://bau2.uibk.ac.at/sg/python/Scripts/HolyGrail/jpgs/13-headk.jpg

You shall not have the Ruin key unless you appease me. For this, I demand.... a SHRUBBERY.


<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Sinue_v2 on 2007-02-06 22:59 ]</font>

[DizzyDi]

wtfdoublepostagain. http://www.pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_frown.gif


<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: DizzyDi on 2007-02-07 13:27 ]</font>

[DizzyDi]

Hello fledgling gardener, I am the shrubber. Before I bequeth upon you this fine shrubbery, I demand that you go to the cave of endless annoyance and kill 50 cave rats and bring me thier pelts!

[Eihwaz]

Hi, I'm the owner and propriator of the Cave of Endless Annoyance. If you wanna come in and kill bats, you're going to need to give me some reiumbursment...an Unending Piece of Almond Roca sounds nice right about now.

I'm kinda hungry, yeah?

[Kuea]

Welcome to the House of Unending Food Stuffs! So you are looking for a Unending Piece of Almond Roca? well I only have 1 left... but if you bring me the Jester Hat of Saint. Hayabusa I shall give you this Unending Piece of Almond Roca!

[Scejntjynahl]

Hello weary traveler, I am an assasin and have recently slayed a Hayabusa with my trusty "No to haya spam" dagger. I shall bequeath you his Jester Hat of Saint for exchange for a Demonic Abdur Shield.

[Chuiji]

Hello, this is my pet, Charlie. He is a Demonic Abdur Shield. I couldn't bear to leave him, unless you were to get me, say, a large piece of blue seaweed

[DizzyDi]

Hello little seawanderer. I am King Tritain and this is my beloved large peice of blue seaweed. Its been in the family for years, and I'll only give this to you, if you many to kill Ursala and bring me back her Black Lipstick.

[Scrub]

Hello, I am Ursala's stylist! I'd gladly hand over her Black Lipstick, as I have no love for the woman, but I must fear for my own safety of doing such a thing! However, perhaps if I had A Goddamn Gun....

[Sgt_Shligger]

I'm a weapons dealer. . . And I can give you your gun but. . . Only if you can get me some Quote Hax.

[astuarlen]

Good day to you, sir... or madam? This Earth-being concept of sex eludes me still, so I beg your forgiveness if I have judged incorrectly. On my Homeworld, life evolved towards an entirely different model of repro--sorry, gotten a bit carried away, haven't I? To return to the subject at hand, now... I have recently, hmm, inherited a rather sizeable supply of quote hax from--well, it's not important where or whom it came from. (But just between you and me, some poor chap--Drangelian, by the looks of him/her/whatever--stumbled in here yesterday, high as a Mimelian weasel-sniffer, made it halfway 'cross the shop and--whoomp--dropped dead right before my eyes. Right over there, smack in the middle of that lovely, Persian rug. So, ah, as I'm sure you'd understand, I took a quick peek in 'is pockets... dozens of quote hax in there! Dozens! All rolled up in a tight little ball, very neat-like, y'know?) So then, if you've no objection to handlin' a dead man's loot, I've been looking everywhere for a jar of fireflies...



<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: astuarlen on 2007-02-07 19:30 ]</font>

[Dangerous55]

*Random Battle*

[Chuiji]

Huh.


ANYWAYS!!
H-h-hey! KILL HIM. I have s-several jars of fireflies, but Eat him with some fava beans. as you may be able to tell, I h-have a slight problem with a flfllflflfllffffft! demonic spirit currently sharing my b-body. Find me a priest to exorcise him and I shall g-give you my favorite Jar of fireflies.

[DizzyDi]

Yeah, I'm a priest, what of it? I've exorcised a few demons in my time, every priest worth his white collar has. Wanna fight about it? The thing is, I'm sort of tired of doing the whole goody-goody thing, so if I'm going to exercise this demon for you, I want it to be my last. So if you could for me a Mob boss and get me made I'll exorcise one last demon before I make some of my own.

[astuarlen]

Hey-ho, adventurer, I'm the one in charge of this Junkyard of Nonsensical Phrases, so if there's anything you need, I'm your woman. What's that? Yes, I think I do have a Mob boss and get me made lying around here somewhere... hmm...
Okay, here's the deal: I'd be willing to dig up the item you're seeking if you bring me a five-week-old bagel with strawberry creamcheese. I'm gonna need a lot of energy to dig through this mess, and I think that would just about hit the spot.

[Orange_Coconut]

Why yes, I do have a five-week-old bagel with strawberry creamcheese in stock, but business has been slow lately thanks to that blasted Gingerbread Man. I haven't been able to make a decent bagel in, well, weeks! If you could do me a favor, I would surely give you what you desire. If you could catch the Gingerbread Man, kill him and bring me his Blood Red Gumdrop Button I would be much obliged. Safe travels, warrior!



<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Orange_Coconut on 2007-02-08 15:10 ]</font>

[Solstis]

Hi, I'm the Gingerbread Man, and I'll give you a Blood Red Gumdrop Button if you bring me some salmon. I'm highly allergic to fish you see, and this whole Ginger life just ain't worth the cost of bread anymore. For plot reasons, I am impervious to all non-fished based damage types.

[DizzyDi]

Yeah, the salmon business has been kind of slow 'round here for me and my Fishermen pals. We'd be glad to go out and fish a few for you but we can't 'cause of that damn Lochness monster eating all the fish and scaring away the ones that are still alive. So if you could bring me the eye of the Lochness monster I'll bring you a salmon.

[Eihwaz]

Yo. I'm the PR guy for The Loch Ness monster. She's far stronger than me, though, so getting her eye might be...difficult. However, if you bring me a nice big bottle of brandy with Benedictine, I might be able to change my mind.