Well, now...

[DonRoyale]

No, not a school rant.

I was just told earlier that my stepsister, who I'd long suspected she'd been acting more and more like a conceited diva, has in fact blown that out of the water, by living the full-on party life.

Now, it's understandable if you were 21 (barely), but she's 15.

I'm not sure how to approach her about it. I care about her, but at the same time, my entire social view is based on defying her whole image, and I'm not exactly the most sympathetic person on this planet.

Advice? =

[ABDUR101]

Be blunt and honest.

[Skuda]

Ugh. My young cousin has decided to take on that sort of lifestyle. It irritates me to the core, really. I've been told she sneaks out of the house at night to go drinking and partying, she yells and hits her own mother, and disobays any rules lain down in her household. She's an absolute monster.

I really hope your stepsister doesn't turn out this way.

[Shadowpawn]

On 2007-09-07 19:09, ABDUR101 wrote:
Be blunt and honest.



I agree with ABDUR. Might as well not sugar coat it and tell it like it is.

[Sord]

On 2007-09-07 19:54, Shadowpawn wrote:

On 2007-09-07 19:09, ABDUR101 wrote:
Be blunt and honest.



I agree with ABDUR. Might as well not sugar coat it and tell it like it is.


I agree with shadowpawn about agreeing with Abdur. If she's that ingrained into it, I doubt "letter her down gently" will do much to make her stop.

[AlexCraig]

To prevent further silliness, I agree with the aforementioned people. She won't listen to you if you try to be nice about it. Just say exactly what you mean and don't tread gingerly with your words.

[Jaysky]

On 2007-09-07 20:36, AlexCraig wrote:
To prevent further silliness, I agree with the aforementioned people. She won't listen to you if you try to be nice about it. Just say exactly what you mean and don't tread gingerly with your words.



I agree with Alex on agreeing with the other aforementioned people. Would you really think she would bother listening to you if you were being nice.

What not to do:
"Um im kind of worried about you and your habits, I just care about you so I hope you don't continue to do thi-" "Pfft... whatever... *says with that annoying little attitude and walks away*"

What to do (well, what i'd do anyways, probably not you):
"Stop this partying bullshit and quit acting like a preteen Paris Hilton or your going to be looked down by everyone around you around here."



<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Jaysky on 2007-09-07 20:56 ]</font>

[Solstis]

Are you people insane? Maybe having a sibling is different, but calling bullshit when in a relationship is the best way to start a multi-day fight. Which will be the same fucking fight forever.

Watcing your tongue is an important skill, especially if you're telling someone to use restraint. Restraint - Restraint. Yeah, you can be blunt, but also be diplomatic. Yelling at people rarely works.

[EphekZ]

On 2007-09-07 23:34, Solstis wrote:
Are you people insane? Maybe having a sibling is different, but calling bullshit when in a relationship is the best way to start a multi-day fight. Which will be the same fucking fight forever.

Watcing your tongue is an important skill, especially if you're telling someone to use restraint. Restraint - Restraint. Yeah, you can be blunt, but also be diplomatic. Yelling at people rarely works.



I was going to post something similar, but didnt hopeing someone else would come along and say it better; you did just that. I'm sure she's been told a shitload of crap about her "lifestyle". Most likely in both ways, very very nice and yelling at her or calling bullshit....whatever.

Bottom line: anything you say will probably not affect her. If she's as bad as you say she is, she probably has a problem. She won't change unless she hits rock bottom, which most likely won't happen at her age but people do have different perspectives on rock bottom, or she gets into a 12 step.

[EJ]

My only advice is to tell be straight forward with her but also as Solstis says use restraint when talking about it because yelling never gets anyone anywhere. You will have to use your own judgement when talking about this party life especially to a teen and sometimes the best way is using restraint on what you saying.

But as Ephek the modern mythsaid she probably been through the talk already and probably will not change unless sometime really bad happens to her or the friends she is hanging with turn on her and she will see the truth but anyways if she doesn't listen just tell her she will end up like Anna Nicole that usually scares them straight ¬.¬

[Tigerram]

On 2007-09-07 19:41, Skuda wrote:
Ugh. My young cousin has decided to take on that sort of lifestyle. It irritates me to the core, really. I've been told she sneaks out of the house at night to go drinking and partying, she yells and hits her own mother, and disobays any rules lain down in her household. She's an absolute monster.



Daughter or son, it doesn't matter, I'ld let them know what a father's true beating feels like. Then my spouse/ gf would no doubt feel the rage of letting them hit her from me. I hate weak ass women.

[ABDUR101]

I don't think showing restraint is necessary here. She's 15, she's breaking rules; the parents need to re-assert themselves or they will have on their hands exactly what the cousin is doing.

My mother raised five children, three of those were girls when she got a divorce from her first husband for abuse(abuse; up to and including him holding all three of them at gunpoint, and threatening to kill my great grandmother and great grandfather if my mom ever went to them to stay again). My mother raised these girls on her own for a very long time, and they had their bits of 'wild-side' to get out, and there was abit of sneaking out when they were older; but I'll be damned if it was when they were fifteen.

I can't even fathom hitting my mother. If I had hit her at fifteen, my god, I'd be in the ER and she'd be there with me saying "I love you, but you'll NEVER do that again; will you?". If this kid is going to that extreme; hey, be the parent and I say smash the bitch into place. None of my siblings EVER struck our mother, my god I never even thought of doing that. Not so much because I knew I'd take the worst of it in return, but because I have so much love and respect that to raise my hand to my mother seems like an atrocity.

I'm of the old-school ilk when it comes to parenting. Talking is what comes first, but there's a point when talking doesn't cut it, and you need to re-assert yourself as the parent.

I hate parents who talk and talk and talk...and talk. You know, your kid see's that, they catch on that you're all talk and no action; and it's not long before they start to dominate you with words, and then the next step is to dominate you physically.

So I say this; this girl's mother, father, or 'step' of either two, needs to re-assert themselves, do it while this girl is fifteen, because as she gets older it's only going to be more difficult to change her. If she were 17, going on 18, I'd say whatever, she's an adult and if she wants to get drunk and act grown up, let her; and then when she self-destructs say yeah, well thats what happens, now go clean yourself up. But she's fifteen, no, get her in line.

I've helped raise seven neices and nephews, currently ranging from ages 12-22; I've been there through it all and I have to say, never once were they allowed to try and push their weight around; even recently I had to squash my twin twelve year olds who thought they were higher up in the family rank than my brother and I; constantly back-talking and saying the most far out shit to put us down infront of parents, and we put them in their place pretty quick with the threat that if they continue, faces were going to get busted open like we used to get when we got out of line.

We haven't had a problem since; why? Because we re-asserted ourselves, first through talking, and I was quite ready to bust a lip if they continued; why did they stop? Because they knew I meant what I said. I've never lied to any of my nephews, neices or siblings when it came to me divying out a punishment. So, be assertive, see where it gets you.