Asking a girl out

[jayster]

update: well i guess I should let everyone know that we're going out now, we've been going out for over 2 weeks. 1/25/08 :]


How should you ask a girl out? I know online and texting is a big no no but what about over the phone and in person.

Also, iv always wondered what you're supposed to say when asking a girl out. I feel wierd saying " do you want to be my gf" or asking " will you go out with me" just seems un specific.


Don't make fun of me, iv had girlfriends before but I really suck at the asking out part, I never know what to do or say.



<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: jayster on 2008-02-08 23:05 ]</font>

[Anduril]

Go with the "lame excuse to have lunch or dinner together" plan! Seriously, only thing that has ever worked for me. But that only seems to work under certain circumstances.

[EphekZ]

A movie usually works for me.
the thing is, you have to go on a few dates first, like movies, lunch, etc. so you know if chilling with her will be good. I'm not fully aware of your circumstance, but regardless you should get to know her 1on1 before you show the world you are her bf.

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: EphekZ on 2007-12-18 22:32 ]</font>

[Laranas]

With my current gf, I just casually invited her to hangout with me and my friends. It was a bit weird, wondering why I brought her along to eat Korean food with people I haven't seen in 2 years, but after a few days of it we both knew what was up and I finalized it with a kiss.

So yeah, just ask her to hang out. Don't make a big deal out of it or anything.

[InfinityXXX]

Just apporach her, tell her she looks fine or whatever, ask her will she go somewhere (movies/park/event) with you, exchange numbers, tell her you'll call her and thats pretty much it... until you have a conversation with her over the phone..(which you should never make the convo focus on you too much but her)...It sounds simple and cliched but it works (well for me and all the people I know)


...I have quite a few friends that are girls and I've realized......that women actually want to be asked out...they love attention...its all about confidence and how you approach her....if you go up to a girl with your head down..she's probably gonna laugh and smile and word her words to basically mean "hell nawl i aint goin nowhere with you"


...they like it for a confident guy to show intrest in them...

Just go for it...if your nervous...tell her your nervous and kind of shy...I'm pretty sure you'll at least get to go somewhere with her if you just approach her....

I mean, whats the woorst that can happen?

1 girl rejects you out of the trillion/zillion in the world?

[amtalx]

Pretty much what has been said before... There's no magic trick. If she wants to, she'll say yes, if not, she'll say no. People tend to over complicate things because rejection sucks. No one likes it but it's part of life. The easiest thing to to is get it out of the way, like ripping off a band-aid.

One pitfall that a lot of people manage to find themselves in is the whole "friend" thing. If you wait too long she will end up seeing you as a friend and not a romantic interest. To avoid friendville, you need to send a pretty clear message early on in the relationship. That means asking her out. So if you really like this girl, do it sooner rather than later. Waiting for that "perfect moment" will get you nowhere.

That being said, the "do you want to go out?" thing actually works. That phrase has been floating around forever for a reason. http://www.pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_razz.gif Just suggest a place like dinner or a movie and you're set.

[Rashiid]

I've always wondered too. But I'm increadibly shy around a girl I like.....my only gf's were the ones who asked me out.

[Rashiid]

I also fear rejection. I always feel that 'I'm not good enough for her' and stuff if they are really attractive.

Everyone says I'd be the perfect boyfriend, but why am I so nervious? http://www.pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_disapprove.gif

[SabZero]

"Hello, how are you doing today?" "I would like to ask you out on a date."

Just show up, be yourself and forthright, it should be fine.

[DizzyDi]

On 2007-12-19 06:49, SabZero wrote:
"Hello, how are you doing today?" "I would like to ask you out on a date."

Just show up, be yourself and forthright, it should be fine.



Damn straight. there is no one right way to do it. Just be yourself, put yourself out there man. Also expect to get rejected to save yourself some dissapointment and hurt. But to be honest there is nothing wrong with rejection. Everyone has been rejected before. But its not that bad. You get rejected, shed a tear or two, then just move on to the next big thing.
But if you want some advice on what you should say, depending on the situation just be like "We've been talkin for a good while and I want to let you know I really like talking w/ you/hanging with you/etc. and I think it'd be good if we starting dating." Something along those lines.

[ghostn]

From my experience, I'd say just get to know her and ask her out to something simple and easy. Lunch, Mimi golf, or something like that.

[Angelo]

It really depends on how old you are. Saying certain things sounds more awkward as you get older. Mainly because once you get to be about 17 or 18 you don't really establish "Do you want to go out?" or "Do you want to be my girlfriend" like that, it just sort've happens. A good example is that someone younger might say:

"So, I was thinkin' you maybe wanna go out sometime?"

whereas someone older might say:

"So I was thinkin', you wanna <insert casual activity (movie, coffee, dinner)> with me later?"
It makes you seem alot less desperate if you already have something you want to do in mind.

Never appear desperate. Women are evil and will walk all over you.

[amtalx]

On 2007-12-19 06:21, Rashiid wrote:
I also fear rejection. I always feel that 'I'm not good enough for her' and stuff if they are really attractive.

Everyone says I'd be the perfect boyfriend, but why am I so nervious? http://www.pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_disapprove.gif



Honestly, the more you get rejected, the easier it becomes. It's more a psychological thing than anything else. A girl is most likely going to just say "no thanks" or "sorry I'm busy." They won't point and laugh. If she does, she was a bia anyway. It's natural to make rejection out to be worst than it really is.

I had a similar problem in HS but when I got to college I branched out more. I'm no Casanova, but I had one person or another through most of college. All in all, I got shot down about as many times as I succeded. It just takes practice.

Oddly enough, I remember the crashes and burns with the most fondness. A couple of them were absolutely hilarious in retrospect.

[Rashiid]

I see. well I will be going to college next year, so hopefully things will turn up then.

[jayster]

yeah i'm a senior in highschool, she's a junior. I'm 18, she's 17. I just don't really understand what establishes when you're boyfriend and girlfriend. I can go to the movie with a girl and it doesn't mean we're bf and gf. We hang out and talk almost every day, and we're going to the movies this weekend, but I wouldn't consider us bf and gf because there's been no establishment of it or whatever. So when or what do I do to the jump from friends to relationship. I know she likes me and all.

I dont even know how to explain it lol.

[amtalx]

On 2007-12-19 10:10, jayster wrote:
yeah i'm a senior in highschool, she's a junior. I'm 18, she's 17. I just don't really understand what establishes when you're boyfriend and girlfriend. I can go to the movie with a girl and it doesn't mean we're bf and gf. We hang out and talk almost every day, and we're going to the movies this weekend, but I wouldn't consider us bf and gf because there's been no establishment of it or whatever. So when or what do I do to the jump from friends to relationship. I know she likes me and all.

I dont even know how to explain it lol.



*drum roll*

You're gonna have to tell her how you feel... No one likes making themselves vulnerable, but it sounds like you're just gonna have to eat this one if the relationship has already progressed that far. Honestly though, if you are spending that much time together, she's probably waiting for you to say something.

There's no need to make some big to do about it, but just get her alone and drop the bomb. Be honest, but tactful. It seems like you spend a decent amount of time together, so even if she isn't interested, she should care enough about you to let you down easy.

How long has this been going on? I think I mentioned this in my previous post, but making haste would probably be the best idea. The old "nice guys finish last" mantra isn't always true, but most of the time it is. Most women won't wait while you sit around and decide what you want to do.

[omegapirate2k]

XD if every girl I know wasn't already involved, then I'd probably be able to tell you.

[eXo]

No but in all seriousness if you find yourself, having or catching feelings for her then you should difinately tell her,it's clear that she enjoys your company. The worst feeling in the world is liking someone and not telling them because it burns away at you when you see them with other people. And also you want to avoid being tagged -Best Friend - because thats pretty much the kiss of death.

[Larian]

YOU, ME, FOOD, NOW!!!!

No! Actually what I usually do when I meet a new person is invite her to go and do something in a group. I usually bring all my friends and I also tell to bring one or two of hers. That way its a more comfortable setting for everybody. Then I will actually be able to see if I can hold conversation/ find common interests with her and get a reaction from my friends. Then if all goes well I arrange a second meeting with just us. And if it ends up really being lame, she can leave with her friends and I could always leave with mine. Or there is the rare chance she wants to ditch everyone and then you find yourself waking up in a hotel room at 10 in the morning! =/

[Powder Keg]

Ask her on a date first, if she likes the idea and things go well, it'll be very easy to ask her to be your GF. (girlfriend, not guardian force).

[jayster]

On 2007-12-19 11:37, Larian wrote:
YOU, ME, FOOD, NOW!!!!

No! Actually what I usually do when I meet a new person is invite her to go and do something in a group. I usually bring all my friends and I also tell to bring one or two of hers. That way its a more comfortable setting for everybody. Then I will actually be able to see if I can hold conversation/ find common interests with her and get a reaction from my friends. Then if all goes well I arrange a second meeting with just us. And if it ends up really being lame, she can leave with her friends and I could always leave with mine. Or there is the rare chance she wants to ditch everyone and then you find yourself waking up in a hotel room at 10 in the morning! =/



I dont like the idea of a group date before we're going out. I won't lie, she's really hot and alot of guys like her. I want it to be just me and her. I'm pretty sure she likes me. I have to call her tonight and finalize our plans this weekend so after it's done, i'll probably be like, "so it's a date" Then i'll see how it goes that night and if it works well, i'll ask her if she wants to go out with me or whatever.

[UnderscoreX]

"This may just be the mescaline talking but.."

Anything said after that comes with a 100% success rate.

[clynn]

I always like to kind of meet them with a few friend first, so she doesn't think I'm only intersted in her, and then after that, i mostly go to concerts or something like that with them

[EphekZ]

On 2007-12-20 00:20, clynn wrote:
I always like to kind of meet them with a few friend first, so she doesn't think I'm only intersted in her, and then after that, i mostly go to concerts or something like that with them



er, he wants her to know he's interested in her...what topic have you been reading?

[Noblewine]

Do the overrated thing and just be yourself. That always work or doesn't but at least you tried.

[BlaizeYES]

a few things to remember:

-dont ask advice from other people. everyone has their own methods. it all depends on what type of girls you're going for: what shes interested in, her sense of humor, her AGE(very very important as most girls that are under 20 are very predictable), her talking skills, and her personality. the only advice is that you're going to have to talk to many girls and flirt with many girls before you perfect any type of style.

-confidence in the image you're projecting(some of the most overused advice, but its true). dont worry so much about what words come out of your mouth or if you could have said something funnier or wittier, do it with a smile on your face, but not a nervous smile. its more about body language than anything, so its something to brush up on.

-when you first meet a girl, you need to look good to begin with. as much as you want to say its "superficial" and you want a girl to like you for who you are, their initial attraction to you is going to be how you look. you can have one of the most gorgeous personalities in the world, but your wit wont sell it if she doesnt already open up a slight interest. but the look will only give you so long, so if you're going to be bumbling around, be shy, and just say some absurd things... its going to die off rather quickly. you need to be able to carry the conversation to keep the interest alive.

-if you're in a younger age group, which i take it you are, you're going to want to invite her to a party or a get-together in order to loosen her up and not have tensions so high. if she doesnt know anyone at the party, she will bring 1-2 other friends, girls naturally cant turn down a get-together as long as they see you as a credible "get together" source. that way she can at least fall back on them and you can fall back on a few of your buddies for support to keep the flow going. just dont use the "will you go out with me" line, its not going to work that way.

-dont be such a pushover either, let it be known that you stand for a few things, and don't go with kissing her ass. kissing ass will get you to have her open up faster, but she will have already put you in the "friend" category so fast, she'll be talking about which friends of yours she thinks are hot in a matter of minutes. one of the main things i see from people that say "i dont know why i always get the 'friend' card, what am i doing wrong", they are always the first ones to immediately start brown nosing the most attractive girl and think he's on top of the world... until she keeps glancing at another guy while they're "conversating."



those are my little pieces of advice. but like i said before, you dont have to take it, it might not be your style, and it may not be the girl's type of style. "picking up chicks" is not like a movie or tv show, or "how to be a player." if that was the case, leopard skinned bed sheets and speedos would make you a true ladies' man

[Wyndham]

every girl that was my girlfriend asked me, so I'm not much help.

[Kietrinia]

On 2007-12-19 05:52, Thanubis wrote:
Pretty girls make me nervous.If it makes you feel better, girls are just as nervous around guys as guys are around girls. http://www.pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_smile.gif

[Raine_Loire]

omg this topic is great! A support line for guys...

I wish I had known how nervous guys get asking girls out, I might have had more self esteem.

Anyway I can only tell you what worked on me (a girl) from my boyfriends (like- the 2 relationships I was in where I didn't wear the testicles anyway...)

Going out with someone and formalizing it to be bf/gf are really 2 different things, but if the girl is dating you, and no one else, she may have taken that step already. Girls tend to become monogamous on their own, unlike guys who need to have the "conversation."

Just ask her to something, movie, mall, coffee, w/e, and while you're there, listen for her to hint something she wants to do... that means she wants you to take her. Then towards the end of the date, say "so do you want to (whatever hint she dropped) sometime?" and then plan a time. Eventually you'll find the right moment to bring up being bf/gf. Or bite the bullet and tell her "I really like you, and I'd like us to only date each other." She either feels the same or she doesn't but it is better to find out early rather than keep the false hope.

I think the biggest mistake guys make is leaving it open- "I'll call you sometime." There's a difference between trying not to smother her or look too anxious and looking like you aren't that into her. That can only backfire.

And BE HONEST! I don't know any females who are mind readers, and even when we CAN tell what is going on in a guys mind, it makes us feel better to hear it!!!

GL...

[amtalx]

On 2007-12-20 17:48, Wyndham wrote:
every girl that was my girlfriend asked me, so I'm not much help.




Aggressive women ftw. My wife gave me NO option when we started dating, haha.



@OP: Listen to the woman. That's probably the best advice you are going to get. So far it's pretty much been guys telling other guys how women think...mostly fail. It's like an article from Cosmo, only inverted.

[jayster]

yeah well when i go to the movies with her tomorow. What should I say to make us acouple? I dont know which to say; "I really like you and would like to be more than friends", "Do you want to go out", "will you be my gf". they all sound lame but iII guess that's just what you have to say.

[Darkly]

to be honest if she likes you it does'nt matter how you ask or if it's awkward for you. If she likes you whenever you do ask she will say yes.

[EphekZ]

On 2007-12-22 04:19, jayster wrote:
yeah well when i go to the movies with her tomorow. What should I say to make us acouple? I dont know which to say; "I really like you and would like to be more than friends", "Do you want to go out", "will you be my gf". they all sound lame but iII guess that's just what you have to say.


Jayster, the first date doesn't make you a couple. Slow down there buddy. Go on a few dates first, get to know each other. Get to know if you would really like to spend more time with her. She may not be as amazing as you think. I've had that happen to me a few times. So go on at least 3 dates, change it up too if you like or it could be the same, then just ask her what's up. Don't over psyche yourself.

[Larian]

Relationships are so complex now a day. I wish it was as easy as back in the day. Send them a note with little checkboxes on it and write "Do you like me? [ ]Yes [ ]No"! lol

Good luck at the movies though and just relax and be yourself! =D

[BlaizeYES]

well thats the thing. theres such a grey area in between. normally you dont even ask if you're going out or not. theres no "hey do you want to go steady?" when it gets to the point where you hang out casually while messing around with a single person, after a few weeks its implied that you're going out with them... whether you approve to it or not. theres no agreement, no asking of the question, you're just stuck

[Masou]

On 2007-12-18 21:33, jayster wrote:
How should you ask a girl out? I know online and texting is a big no no but what about over the phone and in person.

Also, iv always wondered what you're supposed to say when asking a girl out. I feel wierd saying " do you want to be my gf" or asking " will you go out with me" just seems un specific.


Don't make fun of me, iv had girlfriends before but I really suck at the asking out part, I never know what to do or say.


ask her out on "a date" dont ask her to be your gf, and trust me, if you treat her right, and she has any interest in you at all, it'll only take a couple more days before she's yours.
or you could always just flirt with them until they ask you out.
it works some of the time, those girls that are too "scared" to ask you out though, are rather cute, if you ask me.
Cute >>>>>>>>>>>>>> hawt

[Omega_Weltall]

Be "Nice"?! HA i've been nice for 25 years and NOTHING!!!
Be "your self"?! OOH THATS A LOAD OF BS! i've been my self for 25 years and the only girls who actually WANT to go out with me are fat chicks who think just cause i'm skinny that i want a fat girl...
I've changed my wardrobe ( used to dress like the standard gamer geek, now I dress alot better), I tried going up to girls only to be 1. laughed at
2. got the "oh you'er soo nice but i have a "boy friend"
3. we'er "friends"!
4. you'er just not my type.

MY advice:
1. be a complete jerk. girls like guys who are assholes. No matter what they LIE and say they want a nice guy, its FALSE! ALL the girls i know go out with guys who are just mean assheads.
2. be gay, girls like clean, gay guys who can dress, go shopping with them, and think that they can "CHANGE them"
3. Be an Emo. girls like emo guys
4. Or be the thuggish type. ware gaudy jewlery, fronts and a horribly tricked out car with tacky ass rims
5. Be abusive... girls like abuse.

I'm a smart guy with above average intelegence, nice, sensitive, I'm not ugly, sure i could use some more weight but i get the "why aren't you with someone" thing and i think " cause I'm a smart, nice sensitive, cute guy who's not abusive and very affectionate GIRLS DON'T WANT THAT!" they go out what the types of guys I've mentioned earlier. and ANY girl who says otherwise is LYING!! you hear me L Y I N G !!!!! Ya if girls liked smart guys, cheerleaders would be banging the chess and math club... >_> / rant

[BlaizeYES]

its not so much of being an asshole as it is being "cocky." and you're not going to find any success if you're trying to fake it being an asshole. its more a matter of confidence than anything else.

and the image of being "emo" or "thug" won't work. you may get a look or two from a girl that likes the image, but if you aren't confident yourself it still isn't going to work out for you. lol... "abusive"?

it sounds to me that you're more fed up being counted as a friend and you're just generalizing people that are with girlfriends as "assholes." theres a line between "friend" and "boyfriend", and by being that nice guy that the girl sees as nothing more than support can backfire. try being more assertive.


you've probably heard this advice out of some cosmopolitan magazine, but that is actual advice. confidence really is the key.

and if you're capable of it, try being a leader. whether its at work, your group of friends, or whatever. at work, make yourself more involved in whats going on around you, understanding not only your roles but the roles of other employees as well. in your friends, be the one who finds the activities that your group will be doing. "fun" is something girls enjoy, they dont always want to be talking about their feelings. when you start taking charge, you'll get noticed alot more... i know the "leader" thing seems irrelevant, but the leader controls momentum of everything around him, and it helps out with not only girls but your friends as well.

[Icering]

if u hang out with her alot and u think she likes u asked her "is there ne thing u wanted 2 tell me ever since we met"

[UnderscoreX]

I like how 90% of this site turns Casanova whenever these types of topics come up.

[Omega_Weltall]

ya, being confident only gets me dissed and laughed at. now its to the point where I don't even wanna bother with their bullshit, i don't deserve that!
and its not a generalization Its just my observation that 97% of girls end up with guy like that. Not till they're about 40+ and the FINALY realize that they should have been with that nice guy. Oh well. Leader? eh I just go my own way, donno if that counts as leader but i don't need a pack to follow me.

[DizzyDi]

On 2007-12-29 15:34, Omega_Weltall wrote:
ya, being confident only gets me dissed and laughed at. now its to the point where I don't even wanna bother with their bullshit, i don't deserve that!
and its not a generalization Its just my observation that 97% of girls end up with guy like that. Not till they're about 40+ and the FINALY realize that they should have been with that nice guy. Oh well. Leader? eh I just go my own way, donno if that counts as leader but i don't need a pack to follow me.



Stop blaming it on the girls.
What is the one common denominator between all the girls that you've tried to get with??
ITS YOU
Examine yourself and figure it out.
9/10 its something YOU are doing wrong.

[Omega_Weltall]

well then fuck it, i'm not changing my personality for some chick

[BlaizeYES]

lol, being confident gets you laughed at? when your "confident" and people try to belittle you, the mere fact that you have to justify yourself to anyone means you dont have any. trust me, people that try to "diss you" for acting a little cocky will end up kissing your ass if you dont break face. i'd say that about 90% of people secretly want someone to follow, and 75% of those people are usually complete asskissers.





now its to the point where I don't even wanna bother with their bullshit, i don't deserve that!




i take it you're talking about your friends trying to make you look bad when you're hitting on a girl. thats called "cockblocking" and those types of friends i can't believe you have at 25. i could see that from 15-18 year old kids that still think "viva la bam" is the COOLEST SHOW ON TV and try to make every person in the group look just as shitty as they feel about themselves... but at 25, jesus you'd think people would hit some maturity. maybe you should find some friends that try to build you up instead of trying to have you come across as a goon. you're living in an adult era, my boy. choose friends that act like it.

you need to feel good and confident about yourself before you even go out and try to get with girls. take the comment about "the problem being you" from dizzydi, because you cant expect a woman to make you feel good about yourself if you've already convinced yourself you're shit. because when you feel like you're a piece of trash and get in a relationship... you're going to be walked all over and taken advantage of. just remember that a relationship isnt going to make you feel "complete," or "at ease." it all depends on your own attitude going into it, and if you dont feel good about yourself, you're always going to be miserable. nobody is going to be the one to "believe in you" or give you pity.


and its not about "changing for a girl." its about changing for you. to be more sure of what you're doing and why you're doing it. and self-confidence is very important, i cannot stress that enough. it is the main underlying factor on why these "assholes" are getting the girls and you're self loathing.

[Shadowpawn]

On 2007-12-29 15:57, Omega_Weltall wrote:
well then fuck it, i'm not changing my personality for some chick



Er, no one is asking you to change your personality at all. Just change the way you're going about it. You mentioned that you were a nice guy, just how nice are you to the girls you're talking to? Are you "nice" to the point where you are basically agreeing with everything they say just because you think it's what they want to hear? If so then that's the real problem.

[Omega_Weltall]

no i don't do that. I mean, I listen to them, I talk back ( when i'm not completely paralized by overwhelming fear) i treat them like a person. I go to all this trouble to be presentable and get NOTHING absolutely NOTHING! I'm just damn sick of it. I'm about to go out with my brother to this jazz club where he says there's alot of good girls there... ya good girls that wont even glance in my direction. and i'm not just saying that for dramatic effect. when i go out NO girls even acknowledge i'm even there, and when i make them aware of me it get dissed. just what in the bloody hell am i doin wrong... do i even care anymore?

[BlaizeYES]

i think you care too much about picking up chicks. you need to relax, you're putting too much pressure on it to "pick up girls" and every night you have where you don't, it's a failure. then when you do talk to a girl, you make it a "do or die" situation where you end up looking for the easiest way of sticking around... and thats when you go into "friend" mode and listen to them complain.

its good to have friends that are girls, but not from a standpoint where you're pampering them in the friendship. you're saying that you hardly talk when you're conversating with them... it already shows that you're just a venting device to them. you're not "treating them like a normal person" if they can already tell you're insecure. do you get insecure talking to a completely unattractive woman or a guy friend? if not, then you're not treating or talking to them in the same way like you're trying to come across as. and most of the time, attractive arrogant girls already assume that you're going to kiss their ass, so why not just go into the conversation and convincing your brain shes an ugly woman and treat her accordingly? you'd be better off that than being the "friend." at least that way if she doesnt like you, you still have some backbone.

instead of being the one to absorb all their "feelings of shit and problems," why not be the one that shows them how to have fun? if you have friends that are girls and you're sitting there listening to their list of greviances, they're not going to be around when you actually want to "hang out." they're only going to be there when they have a problem or are just completely bored. make them look forward to hanging out with you; but once again, you cant do this until you learn to have genuine fun and not always seem so pessimistic. and no woman likes a guy that complains. this may sound bad, but try to make it so none of her or your own problems make it into the conversation. that shouldnt be the basis of talking, it should be more lighthearted and fun. if it gets deeper later on, thats different. but if you get a microphone, record the entire conversation, play it back, and listen to it afterwards... does it sound like a big whinefest? if it usually does, then that needs to change. let them find another "guy friend" to complain to... be the one that they genuinely love being around.

[Shadowpawn]

On 2007-12-29 16:23, Omega_Weltall wrote:
no i don't do that. I mean, I listen to them, I talk back ( when i'm not completely paralized by overwhelming fear) i treat them like a person. I go to all this trouble to be presentable and get NOTHING absolutely NOTHING! I'm just damn sick of it. I'm about to go out with my brother to this jazz club where he says there's alot of good girls there... ya good girls that wont even glance in my direction. and i'm not just saying that for dramatic effect. when i go out NO girls even acknowledge i'm even there, and when i make them aware of me it get dissed. just what in the bloody hell am i doin wrong... do i even care anymore?



Women are going to be defensive no matter how you approach 'em. It's not like American (I'm assuming you're from the U.S.) society doesn't anything to not justify that. Women are seen as sex objects in pop culture so by default it's quite natural to assume most women are going to be on the defensive when a guy approaches thinking all you want is teh bumppy bump and la grind! So you really shouldn't let something as trival as I'VE BEEN SHOT DOWN AND NO ONE WILL NOTICE MY HAWTNESS. Cause if you're waiting for that then chances are you're to run into one of those party girls that like to have fun and talk and be around you all the time. I don't know if that's what you want but it's true.

Judging by your last post I have a feeling you do in fact put women on a petalstool (at least your mind) otherwise you wouldn't think "oh, I better treat her like I would any other person." If you're thinking that then you aren't being true to yourself or to her. My advice would be to just relax and let the conversion flow without a goal in mind. If she's compatable with you then things will run its course and next thing you know you're renting a hotel room at 2 p.m. and ordering hot carmel and whip cream for room service. >_>

I know some of that sounds like tried and true advice but if you're that fustrated with women and haven't had any luck up till this point I suggest you follow Di's advice and think about what worked and didn't work for you in the past and try to improve upon that.



<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Shadowpawn on 2007-12-29 17:08 ]</font>

[ShinMaruku]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dHITx_xRsQE
Seriously

[Omega_Weltall]

kay i'm back form the club now and... i kinda have a diffrent outlook now, after talking to my brother about it and then at the club actualy dancing with like.1..2..4..5 girls... you'er right...i was just danceing by my self ( the alcohol) and alot of girls started jsut danceing infront of me and then nex thing i know we'er danceing togeather (if theres' any misspellings or misspuntuations its caus ethe alcoholl is still in my system and i'm too damn lazy to hit backspace so many times) ya, even by bro is like "STOP BEING SO NEGATIVE!" and i am very negative cause mainly its all i see. well hell last night (friday Dec 28) i got the number of this hawt half filipina girl i go to school with. well mabe its the alcoholl (1 rum and coke, 1 Yeager shot, 1 long Island iced tea) that I'm finaly loosening up.

[DizzyDi]

Warms my heart.
A true christmas miracle!

[amtalx]

Friends don't let friends drink and post.

[Ryno]

On 2007-12-18 21:33, jayster wrote:
How should you ask a girl out? I know online and texting is a big no no but what about over the phone and in person.

Also, iv always wondered what you're supposed to say when asking a girl out. I feel wierd saying " do you want to be my gf" or asking " will you go out with me" just seems un specific.


Don't make fun of me, iv had girlfriends before but I really suck at the asking out part, I never know what to do or say.



I'm not asking a girl out as in girfriend and boyfriends until we actually know each other for a while maybe for a year?

[Omega_Weltall]

er i wasnt drunk then

[Ssslither]

Wow, Omega - It's to bad you need alcohol to have a good time lol and maybe that's your whole problem...

[Omega_Weltall]

(wow still goin?) well ya... otherwise i'm so shy and reserve that when i do try to talk to girls i like i sound like a stuttering retard or just have paralyzing fear of rejection.

[Ssslither]

Maybe you should try the whole online dating thing... Your not stuttering typing to me and as far as how you sound? You have to stay away from the Ogre attitude.

[Abashi76]

On 2007-12-19 07:28, Angelo wrote:
It really depends on how old you are. Saying certain things sounds more awkward as you get older. Mainly because once you get to be about 17 or 18 you don't really establish "Do you want to go out?" or "Do you want to be my girlfriend" like that, it just sort've happens. A good example is that someone younger might say:

"So, I was thinkin' you maybe wanna go out sometime?"

whereas someone older might say:

"So I was thinkin', you wanna <insert casual activity (movie, coffee, dinner)> with me later?"
It makes you seem alot less desperate if you already have something you want to do in mind.

Never appear desperate. Women are evil and will walk all over you.



Oh yeah, I think your evil! Whats with you young boys in California that look so negatively towards women? I never hear girls say that men are evil, it only happens one way. And girls don't get mad at guys who do this, and despite their constant bigotry, guys go completely apeshit over the slightest criticism of men. I AM SICK OF ALL THIS MASAGINIST !@#$

You young men/guys are everything you accuse those 'femenazis' of being, but only worse because you have no self control and just scream out anybody that disagrees with you. Think females are evil, than get the !@#$ out of my face!!!

If you hate girls/women, then date your own sex for god's sake!

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Abashi76 on 2008-01-23 22:47 ]</font>

[jayster]

wow i thought that this post dissappeared. But I guess I should let you guys know what happened.

I asked her out after talking and hanging out alot for about 3-4 weeks. She said no, she just wanted to be friends for now. A couple weeks later she tells me that she likes me and wants to date but take it slow. So we're kind of dating, just taking it slow which is completely fine with me.

[omegapirate2k]

Ugh, I racked up a $40 tab at a bar consisting of only drinks, and I still wasn't that drunk. I'm a tank, an expensive tank. But yeah, alcohol is a pretty good way to meet women, because you might be more bold than you might usually be, hell, I know I was, and it paid off.

EDIT: Oh, grats Jayster!

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: omegapirate2k on 2008-01-24 10:25 ]</font>

[DizzyDi]

On 2008-01-23 22:32, Abashi76 wrote:

On 2007-12-19 07:28, Angelo wrote:
It really depends on how old you are. Saying certain things sounds more awkward as you get older. Mainly because once you get to be about 17 or 18 you don't really establish "Do you want to go out?" or "Do you want to be my girlfriend" like that, it just sort've happens. A good example is that someone younger might say:

"So, I was thinkin' you maybe wanna go out sometime?"

whereas someone older might say:

"So I was thinkin', you wanna <insert casual activity (movie, coffee, dinner)> with me later?"
It makes you seem alot less desperate if you already have something you want to do in mind.

Never appear desperate. Women are evil and will walk all over you.



Oh yeah, I think your evil! Whats with you young boys in California that look so negatively towards women? I never hear girls say that men are evil, it only happens one way. And girls don't get mad at guys who do this, and despite their constant bigotry, guys go completely apeshit over the slightest criticism of men. I AM SICK OF ALL THIS MASAGINIST !@#$

You young men/guys are everything you accuse those 'femenazis' of being, but only worse because you have no self control and just scream out anybody that disagrees with you. Think females are evil, than get the !@#$ out of my face!!!

If you hate girls/women, then date your own sex for god's sake!

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Abashi76 on 2008-01-23 22:47 ]</font>


Mrow! Fiesty!

[omegapirate2k]

On 2008-01-24 10:39, DizzyDi wrote:

On 2008-01-23 22:32, Abashi76 wrote:

On 2007-12-19 07:28, Angelo wrote:
It really depends on how old you are. Saying certain things sounds more awkward as you get older. Mainly because once you get to be about 17 or 18 you don't really establish "Do you want to go out?" or "Do you want to be my girlfriend" like that, it just sort've happens. A good example is that someone younger might say:

"So, I was thinkin' you maybe wanna go out sometime?"

whereas someone older might say:

"So I was thinkin', you wanna <insert casual activity (movie, coffee, dinner)> with me later?"
It makes you seem alot less desperate if you already have something you want to do in mind.

Never appear desperate. Women are evil and will walk all over you.



Oh yeah, I think your evil! Whats with you young boys in California that look so negatively towards women? I never hear girls say that men are evil, it only happens one way. And girls don't get mad at guys who do this, and despite their constant bigotry, guys go completely apeshit over the slightest criticism of men. I AM SICK OF ALL THIS MASAGINIST !@#$

You young men/guys are everything you accuse those 'femenazis' of being, but only worse because you have no self control and just scream out anybody that disagrees with you. Think females are evil, than get the !@#$ out of my face!!!

If you hate girls/women, then date your own sex for god's sake!

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Abashi76 on 2008-01-23 22:47 ]</font>


Mrow! Fiesty!


I know, it makes me want to go disrespect my woman and tell her to make a sandwich!

EDIT: The sandwich would be for me, of course.

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: omegapirate2k on 2008-01-24 10:47 ]</font>

[CupOfCoffee]

If this person isn't K Morphos, then it's got to be his soul mate.

[EphekZ]

On 2008-01-24 10:18, jayster wrote:
wow i thought that this post dissappeared. But I guess I should let you guys know what happened.

I asked her out after talking and hanging out alot for about 3-4 weeks. She said no, she just wanted to be friends for now. A couple weeks later she tells me that she likes me and wants to date but take it slow. So we're kind of dating, just taking it slow which is completely fine with me.



cg man.

[Pengfishh]

On 2007-12-19 14:57, Artea wrote:
Ask her on a date first, if she likes the idea and things go well, it'll be very easy to ask her to be your GF. (girlfriend, not guardian force).



Baby, be my Guardian Force. I'll junction my Fire to your Vit. Reowwww.

[Nitro Vordex]

I'm kind of having the same problem. I recently started talking to a girl I barely knew, and we talk a little more now. I immediatley(spelling?) liked her for some reason. I couldn't stop thinking about her all weekend. So now I play to ask her to go to the movies with me. Is this too fast? I've only known her for 2 days. >_>?

[DizzyDi]

I personally would have waited a few more days but its not too fast. Just be sure not to take things too far or mistake infatuation for love or something like that.

[Nitro Vordex]

Yeah, I was prolly gonna wait 'Till at least later this week, then see what i thought.
I caught myself hoping she was at school today. Which she wasn't. http://www.pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_nono.gif

[CherryLunar]

Half the people in this thread seriously make me lol...


On 2007-12-29 15:57, Omega_Weltall wrote:
well then fuck it, i'm not changing my personality for some chick



And its apparent that you need some form of construction if this is your first reply. XD

[Da_trader]

idk this topic is too long but from my experience id know by the end of the first day meeting her if we were goin to be goin out my last 6 girlfriends the first day meeting them i made out with them so either some of u are doin something wrong...or idk wtf is wrong with u pansys have some balls and kiss the bitch

[omegapirate2k]

On 2008-01-31 05:02, Da_trader wrote:
idk this topic is too long but from my experience id know by the end of the first day meeting her if we were goin to be goin out my last 6 girlfriends the first day meeting them i made out with them so either some of u are doin something wrong...or idk wtf is wrong with u pansys have some balls and kiss the bitch

I think I can see why you've had so many girlfriends.



<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: omegapirate2k on 2008-02-04 17:35 ]</font>

[Nitro Vordex]

On 2008-01-31 19:59, omegapirate2k wrote:

On 2008-01-31 05:02, Da_trader wrote:
idk this topic is too long but from my experience id know by the end of the first day meeting her if we were goin to be goin out my last 6 girlfriends the first day meeting them i made out with them so either some of u are doin something wrong...or idk wtf is wrong with u pansys have some balls and kiss the bitch

I think can see why you've had so many girlfriends.


Subtle burn? http://www.pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_wacko.gif
Well, I thought some more about me asking this girl out, and I realized: If she looks that good, why the hell would she need a boyfriend? Especially me? And anyway, we really don't talk enough or anything, all we do is glance at each other and smile.

[SATatami]

On 2008-01-31 20:28, Nitro_Vordex wrote:

On 2008-01-31 19:59, omegapirate2k wrote:

On 2008-01-31 05:02, Da_trader wrote:
idk this topic is too long but from my experience id know by the end of the first day meeting her if we were goin to be goin out my last 6 girlfriends the first day meeting them i made out with them so either some of u are doin something wrong...or idk wtf is wrong with u pansys have some balls and kiss the bitch

I think can see why you've had so many girlfriends.


Subtle burn? http://www.pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_wacko.gif
Well, I thought some more about me asking this girl out, and I realized: If she looks that good, why the hell would she need a boyfriend? Especially me? And anyway, we really don't talk enough or anything, all we do is glance at each other and smile.



If you really like her, just talk to her more and be friendly. Make it so you have no regrets.

[DizzyDi]

On 2008-01-31 20:28, Nitro_Vordex wrote:

On 2008-01-31 19:59, omegapirate2k wrote:

On 2008-01-31 05:02, Da_trader wrote:
idk this topic is too long but from my experience id know by the end of the first day meeting her if we were goin to be goin out my last 6 girlfriends the first day meeting them i made out with them so either some of u are doin something wrong...or idk wtf is wrong with u pansys have some balls and kiss the bitch

I think can see why you've had so many girlfriends.


Subtle burn? http://www.pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_wacko.gif
Well, I thought some more about me asking this girl out, and I realized: If she looks that good, why the hell would she need a boyfriend? Especially me? And anyway, we really don't talk enough or anything, all we do is glance at each other and smile.



I think you're making up excuses not to talk to her.
Why wouldn't a good looking girl need a boyfriend? What kinda logic is that? Sursly.

[amtalx]

I am now convinced this topic will never die.

[Omega_Weltall]

some people have a hard time hooking up. alot of us need advice or just an avenue to rant

[Nitro Vordex]

On 2008-02-01 10:54, DizzyDi wrote:

On 2008-01-31 20:28, Nitro_Vordex wrote:

On 2008-01-31 19:59, omegapirate2k wrote:

On 2008-01-31 05:02, Da_trader wrote:
idk this topic is too long but from my experience id know by the end of the first day meeting her if we were goin to be goin out my last 6 girlfriends the first day meeting them i made out with them so either some of u are doin something wrong...or idk wtf is wrong with u pansys have some balls and kiss the bitch

I think can see why you've had so many girlfriends.


Subtle burn? http://www.pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_wacko.gif
Well, I thought some more about me asking this girl out, and I realized: If she looks that good, why the hell would she need a boyfriend? Especially me? And anyway, we really don't talk enough or anything, all we do is glance at each other and smile.



I think you're making up excuses not to talk to her.
Why wouldn't a good looking girl need a boyfriend? What kinda logic is that? Sursly.


That is my problem, I think too much. I always try to find a reason not to go out with her, or anyone for that matter. http://www.pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_nono.gif
When I say why would she need a boyfriend, I meant as in why wouldn't she have one already? Why would she want me? I'm tellin' ya, I think waaayyy too much about stuff like this, I'm really nervous around women. http://www.pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/anime2.gif

[KaneKahn]

One word, confidence. If you don't have it, give up.

[Nitro Vordex]

I will ask her out, once we can actually talk, and I mean not small talk. I always seem to do that. >_>;

[elainesangel9]

dont worry about atraction, I asked my gfs best friend to rate our looks, I got a 6 and my gf got a 10, I think you can get her to fall for you unless your an ogre or something. anyway, just have fun with her, dont try any romance crap yet, girls are wierd that way.....just when you think you understand her....she turns into an ALIEN!!!

[Masou]

this threads still going?
relationships fail, im not dating for a good few months.
dont ever give your heart to a girl, thats what they want, they're just sitting..waiting to screw you over. <3

[KaneKahn]

Sounds like that kid got his heart broken. Let me guess she pulled the wool over your eyes so you couldn't see the truth that she didn't really "love" you? You've gotta be more careful. Don't just accept the situation for what it appears to be, look at it with your mind into it, not your heart (or even penis).

[elainesangel9]

yea, they like to do that, say they love you, then a year down the road they decide they dont love you?! just dont let em steal your virginity.... then dump you(not that it happende to me, just dont let it happen)

[Masou]

well i've never exactly heard any guy complain about a girl stealing their virginity and not loving them.
but nah Kane, its more along the lines of a girl causing me more drama then is necessary. I fucking hate drama <_<
and any chic that has enough power over me to actually be capable of making me depressed fails at life and shouldnt exist. http://www.pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_smile.gif

[elainesangel9]

hahaha, you got a point lol,

[Masou]

so glad you understand <3

[elainesangel9]

but com on, wouldnt you be upset if some girl.....you know... the first time.....are we even allowed to talk about this on these forums?

[KaneKahn]

Now a days it is different though, back in my day it was all about "Free Love" and *content removed*. Now you've gotta worry about HIV and herpes a lot (along with other STDs). Ah the good old days.

[elainesangel9]

yea. its ok for me but...id rather not get my account taken away RIGHT AFTER I CREATED IT

[BlaizeYES]

On 2008-02-02 15:37, Nitro_Vordex wrote:
I will ask her out, once we can actually talk, and I mean not small talk. I always seem to do that. >_>;




well learn to get beyond smalltalk. every time i talk, i find a way to open it up for a long, drawn out conversation. throw in a few smiles and you're good. dont think about what you're saying so much. i talk to whoever about whatever... and you're going to have to practice having interesting conversations with people. just make sure you stand for something, or have an interesting perspective on ANYthing at all... that always helps. the older the people get, the more depth you're going to need as a person.

and once again, confidence. you're going to look like an idiot sometimes, but you must believe in yourself and what you're saying. dont try to shovel bullshit, you'll slip up

[Masou]

On 2008-02-05 11:11, elainesangel9 wrote:
but com on, wouldnt you be upset if some girl.....you know... the first time.....are we even allowed to talk about this on these forums?


not quite sure what your gettin at, but i have a clue.
and if im correct than you just hit why the fuck i've been depressed for the past 3 weeks :3

[Nitro Vordex]

On 2008-02-05 09:51, elainesangel9 wrote:
yea, they like to do that, say they love you, then a year down the road they decide they dont love you?! just dont let em steal your virginity.... then dump you(not that it happende to me, just dont let it happen)


Fun fact:
The number one lie said by people is "I love you".
That totally fails by the way. http://www.pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_nono.gif

[Tita]

wait until all your potential prospects are AT LEAST over 23 years old. lol.

which means you should wait a few years. enjoy bachelorhood while you're young!

and if you want to get laid, there are a plenty of people who are ready willing with no strings attached as long as you are responsible, considerate, and up front about your intent.

[Nitro Vordex]

On 2008-02-07 21:54, Tita wrote:
wait until all your potential prospects are AT LEAST over 23 years old. lol.

which means you should wait a few years. enjoy bachelorhood while you're young!

and if you want to get laid, there are a plenty of people who are ready willing with no strings attached as long as you are responsible, considerate, and up front about your intent.


Yeah, but those tend to have badges underneath their trenchcoats.

[omegapirate2k]

23 years old, are you serious?

[BlaizeYES]

omegapirate, if i had to take a guess, she said that age because she is in fact 23 years old, and wants to justify what she's doing in her relationship as "mature." her post was irrelevant on the topic to begin with, and she is trying to make herself sound as if she's in her mid-30s, probably because she is engaged right now and feels awfully grown up about herself. tita YOU'RE NO MOTHER GOOSE JUST YET, so cut the act. you're a kid

anyway, i don't look for "prospects," i look for fun and interest. until i've finished college, have a solid career, and find someone compatible with what i want to do in my life that also meshes with me personality-wise... but i'm still not going to actively search the "love of my life" even when i'm 28 or 29, i'm just going to allow what happens to happen. when people are in a good relationship and try to tell themselves that they want to go the distance in it since they feel they are "ready," they usually arent.

i think being in your 20s is still a kid. years ago, people werent even going to college and were on their path at a career at 18, so they could have found their niche by the time they were in their early 20s and gotten married. now many times, you can end up being in college up until you're 24 or 25, see some success, but finally getting settled into "your life" when you're 28. 20s ARE THE NEW TEENS. i believe it was jay-z that said "30 is the new 20," and as much as i hate quoting rap, he is right. 23 is still a kid, and i believe anyone getting married or thinking of a long-term commitment at that age(and even a few years after) should rethink it

[AlexCraig]

On 2008-02-08 11:56, BlaizeYES wrote:
omegapirate, if i had to take a guess, she said that age because she is in fact 23 years old, and wants to justify what she's doing in her relationship as "mature." her post was irrelevant on the topic to begin with, and she is trying to make herself sound as if she's in her mid-30s, probably because she is engaged right now and feels awfully grown up about herself. tita YOU'RE NO MOTHER GOOSE JUST YET, so cut the act. you're a kid

And you would know this how? Stop trolling.



anyway, i don't look for "prospects," i look for fun and interest. until i've finished college, have a solid career, and find someone compatible with what i want to do in my life that also meshes with me personality-wise... but i'm still not going to actively search the "love of my life" even when i'm 28 or 29, i'm just going to allow what happens to happen.

Well, that may be right for you, but it may not be for others.



when people are in a good relationship and try to tell themselves that they want to go the distance in it since they feel they are "ready," they usually arent.

Wait what? If I feel ready, and I think I'm ready, I'm ready.



i think being in your 20s is still a kid. years ago, people werent even going to college and were on their path at a career at 18, so they could have found their niche by the time they were in their early 20s and gotten married. now many times, you can end up being in college up until you're 24 or 25, see some success, but finally getting settled into "your life" when you're 28. 20s ARE THE NEW TEENS.

That is all a matter of opinion. Not every 20+ year old is as immature as they were when they were a teenager. Generalizing is stupid.



i believe it was jay-z that said "30 is the new 20," and as much as i hate quoting rap, he is right. 23 is still a kid, and i believe anyone getting married or thinking of a long-term commitment at that age(and even a few years after) should rethink it

Again, a matter of opinion.

[BlaizeYES]

alex craig, obviously you were offended. i read 2 posts by tita and i already "know where she's coming from." but i'm not going to start an even bigger argument

now as flattered as i am that you decided to dissect my post, i stand by what i said. i don't feel that kids are adults at 20, and even in their mid-20s, and sometimes later. it isnt just about maturity, its also about how they can financially support themselves and maximize their happiness. to get married in your young 20s, you're going to be faced with even more temptation towards the opposite sex as well as MULTIPLE other problems will arise that just show how young you really are. now some people may settle on their lifestyle at 22, congradulations. but to me, marriage is the ultimate settle. if some people are content with their lives where they're at, can support themselves and a family in their early 20s in a stable marriage(maybe not living with money out the ass) then so be it. but i think you're viewing marriage and being ready by stating in your mind "love will conquer all wrongs"... or that old saying i've heard in some movie probably or someone else that felt they were "against the odds" in their relationship: "nobody said this would be easy, but it'd be worth it." people that use those trite phrases when people ask, "HOW ARE YOU GOING TO SUPPORT A FAMILY RIGHT NOW IN YOUR LIFE?" are usually the same people that are getting divorced 2 years later, if that. theres alot of responsibility that goes into a marriage, and someone that hasnt even reached their fullest potential(or maybe not even having a very reliable income source) and wanting to get married... it doesnt work as good as you see in movies. i know someone who got married last year, as a matter of fact, when she was 20 to someone in the military because "she loved him and he could support me," and she's seeing her own share of problems that makes her doubt her commitment to begin with. i just sit there, shaking my head, knowing how she gave me a similar speech about how "now, shes so much more mature than she was in the past. she's not the same little girl she was before that couldnt quite figure out what she wanted in life." SHE THOUGHT WRONG.

sometimes when it comes to life-altering decisions, you have to think PRACTICAL and not EMOTIONAL, alex craig... and not thinking of wanting to get married just in spite of a post i made on a website. that would not be practical

[Masou]

fun fact.

Don't fall in love.

ever.

its a mistake. Your just giving permission to someone else to hurt you. You should never give anyone that power. Male or female.
because they will ALWAYS act upon it at some point or another.

I wonder what the secret to a lasting happy relationship is?

[Nitro Vordex]

On 2008-02-10 01:17, Masou wrote:
fun fact.

Don't fall in love.

ever.

its a mistake. Your just giving permission to someone else to hurt you. You should never give anyone that power. Male or female.
because they will ALWAYS act upon it at some point or another.

I wonder what the secret to a lasting happy relationship is?


Fun fact to counter fun fact:

You can't choose who you love.

Ever.

It don't work that way, if it did, life would be way easier.

No one can control you, you just don't give permission for such things, but yes, everyone has flaws, someone sees power, most of the time they'll take it.

I know the secret to a happy relationship.

Okay, I don't. http://www.pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/anime2.gif
And if you mean secret by easy way, then you'll never find it, since it doesn't exist

[Solstis]

I would like to point out that Blaze is by no means correct, and appears to be bringing up personal issues in to the topic. He does bring up valid points, especially with the military marriage, but the caps lock bit is jarring.

There's such a thing as engagement. It is not marriage. It is a prequel. It is an acceptable form of expressing commitment before financial security. My parents were married at my age, and things turned out okay. I'm not going to get married right now as I am not financially secure (and still have a semester of college), but getting engaged is not out of the question.

I still think of myself as a teen during those moments that I forget how old I am, but I steadfastly refuse to go around getting "laid." The advice of the bitter is hardly the route I would take.

Also, the secret to a successful relationship is allowing yourself to lose an argument. Maybe.

[omegapirate2k]

On 2008-02-10 06:37, Solstis wrote:
Also, the secret to a successful relationship is allowing yourself to lose an argument. Maybe.
Thanks for that relationship adviceic.

[AlexCraig]

On 2008-02-10 06:37, Solstis wrote:
I would like to point out that Blaze is by no means correct, and appears to be bringing up personal issues in to the topic. He does bring up valid points, especially with the military marriage, but the caps lock bit is jarring.

There's such a thing as engagement. It is not marriage. It is a prequel. It is an acceptable form of expressing commitment before financial security. My parents were married at my age, and things turned out okay. I'm not going to get married right now as I am not financially secure (and still have a semester of college), but getting engaged is not out of the question.

I still think of myself as a teen during those moments that I forget how old I am, but I steadfastly refuse to go around getting "laid." The advice of the bitter is hardly the route I would take.

Also, the secret to a successful relationship is allowing yourself to lose an argument. Maybe.


I completely and wholeheartedly agree.

[Masou]

i lose arguments with my significant other simply because i dont like dealing with pointless arguments that are going to end worse than if i give in.
the last girl i was with was kinda a bitch though <_<
fell in love with her, that was a mistake. and she didnt become a bitch until after some shit happened involving an "ex" friend of mine.
so now she's an ex-gf and i've also got an ex-friend to add to the list.
Betrayel is the worst possible way to fuck with someone.
And while you cant choose who you love, i wish you could. I would choose not to love her.
and do my best to avoid loving someone else.

personally i didnt think i'd ever love again after my fiance left me, but my eyes are a little opened now. just a little. i now realize that you cant really avoid it. if you ever let yourself get close to anyone, then it will happen eventually.

and 9/10 times you may be hurt. :/

[BlaizeYES]

i suppose my comments will continue getting backlash, as i've tried to help and you have rejected my attempts in response to your questions on this message board. when i typically see a fallacy of (what appears to be) an emotional person talking of getting married at 20, i see chaos in that person's life in the near future. so my boy, i tell you, do what you want, let your brain convince you whatever it is you want to believe. i'm just a firm believer in taking sound, rational action in situations that are normally guided strictly on emotion. but there is no battle to be won here. but HEED TO MY WARNING: when i am right, i refuse to be known as nastradamus. dont tell me, but just reread some of the statements i have put, and think about what was said. MY PREVIOUS POSTS MAY ONE DAY SAVE YOU IN YOUR TIME OF NEED

[AlexCraig]

You seem to like making yourself out to be a martyr.

[Raine_Loire]

LMAO This topic is still as hilarious as it was on day 1... how does it stay so fresh?

Blaize, not every guy wants what you want out of life, so that's why your guidance caused anger ^_^ To anyone who really believes that- how did you say it exactly? Marriage is the ultimate settling or something? Anyway- for someone with your opinion of marriage (and transitively women, it seems) your lifestyle is perfect. But who knows- maybe you just haven't found the right person yet. There are men who never marry (George Clooney) and if that is their choice, they'll be happy. I couldn't live that way though, I'm not a casual dating type of person, and I wouldn't be happy with that life. I can understand people who are, though.

But I disagree with your opinion that people in their 20s are kids. I think there are a lot of ppl in their 20s who feel that way- hence all the Britney Spears supporters who say "She's just a young girl, leave her alone!" when she's freaking 26. I think maturity has less to do with age than it does to individual personality, and too many people share your view- there is far too little personal accountability for people in their 20s now.

There certainly isn't any "one size fits all" advice about marriage. You certainly can't assume that your experiences or your friends experiences are all anyone will experience... but that said, it also doesn't mean you're wrong. I tell my 17 year old brother to forget about girls til he's out of high school and college all the time. I tell him after college he'll have plenty of time for women to screw up his life, no need to rush things. Oh, he doesn't listen to me- but why should he? I'm not the one who has to live his life http://www.pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif Not to mention that isn't how I lived MY life O.o Nor can you live Alex's life... and he may be one of the people who gets married young and it works out for him. There are such people!

Of course, the OP doesn't have to worry about that for years! I hope everything works out for him and his gf ^_^ Also, someone get an air freshener for the topic, to help keep it fresh FOREVER!!! Mwah hah hah hah...

[Rashiid]

Yeah....I still can't get myself to -_-

[BlaizeYES]

raine loire, i like you. see, you understand the means of debating a topic without getting emotionally involved. its just a healthy debate. i'm not trying to offend anyone, but have a little fun with yourself every once in a while.


and i've met some people that i could honestly say were "mature" enough to get married, because their lives are built upon layers and layers of structure. they could probably get married at 24 and live happily ever after, because the relationship was never built on love. it was built because it was "there." they could "learn to love" that person. same goes with lots of people in long-term relationships where they will say that they didnt feel so strongly about the person in the beginning, but then the person "grew on them." same with arranged marriages as well. this post is horrible because i am like 3 seconds away from passing out. BAILAMOS

[Raine_Loire]

I like you too Blaize, most ppl get upset with me when I disagree with them, and call me "preachy" and "boring" and blah blah blah. Personally I feel that there is VERY VERY little on the internet that should make people attack each other on a personal level, but there are a lot of people that disagree with that!!!

Ooo, I had a marriage that wasn't built on love... I was 19 and it lasted like- a year and a half. It was built on the fact that he was ugly and I thought I could trust him not to cheat on me (it was right after my high school boyfriend cheated on me, can ya tell?)... it ended when I found out he was cheating on me online with guys. Well- I found that out after a week, but then it limped on for the rest of the time... long story.

I met and married Laguna when I was 21 because I love him- to be honest when my parents asked why I was getting married again, that was the only reason I could come up with. The marriage was against my parents wishes, his parents wishes, well pretty much anyone's wishes, to be honest. We were both broke, neither of us had finished college or had a solid work history, or had ever lived alone. We've had such a hard road (the secret to long lasting marriage? Dogged perseverance! I got nothin else!) that I wouldn't wish it on anyone! But I'd do it the same (well, maybe not EXACTLY the same, but nearly) if I had it to do over... Now would he? IDK, probably not http://www.pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif Who knows with guys, mirite?

But while it's true that the ones who talk about being soul mates, and their "perfect love" are usually the first to break under pressure, it's awfully cold to think that the best marriages don't have love as their foundation! I mean sure, marriages of convenience can eventually cause 2 people to care about each other, sometimes even really fall in love... but not always, and they would only work for 2 people who really don't care about romance at all, if it isn't both, then one person is going to get really hurt. Arranged marriages are hit or miss as well, but in the end, if you have a marriage based on love and respect, with 2 people who are really committed to making it work, that is going to be the best kind, and the best kind to bring kids into as well ^_^ But I'm a hopeless romantic, and I believe there is someone out there meant for everyone, and if you settle for someone you don't love, you could be robbing yourself of your one person. http://www.pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_smile.gif

[BlaizeYES]

i'm exhausted right now... but i want to here more about this, raine loire. a hopeless romantic, making a relationship work? hmmm, maybe it was the trials and tribulations of the relationship that gave you that extra pop in the marriage during the hard times? and being married twice before the age of 22 makes me believe that it shouldnt have worked to begin with, yet you appear to be with this guy for the past few years? oddly different than what i'd expect.

although you've been a hopeless romantic, you are more keen on long-term relationships dating back to highschool probably, right? judging by how you've talked of other relationships, it gives me the impression that you're already rather comfortable in the position of being with one person for a long period of time by how you look at personality traits and dependability instead of just something as trivial as infatuation or "love at first sight." you may just be an exception to what i figure as "the typical american."

[Masou]

haha, i wasnt really angry, you just caught me when i was in a really bad mood.
I could take offense to what you say, but i know about 1/2 the shit i've been saying is pretty much out of my depression.
I feel like i've been such an emo-kid lately, i should go cut myself. xD

no but really, Your right, i am 20 years old. but since when did kids ever listen to age requirements on anything before they do what they want?

When you think you've fallen in love, it doesnt matter how old you are, your gonna just do what you feel is right. even if those decisions are brash and stupid. When your blinded by what you believe to be love, most people ignore every good piece of advice and do what makes them happy.

I almost got my ex-fiance pregnant (on accident of course, she just gave me a real good scare when she said she was preg), and it scared the shit out of me, but i would have been there for her. looking back though, i doubt we'd still be together even if she did have that kid. I loved her completely, but she was a bitch, and i can only put up with that for so long. Besides, what fun is a girl that tells you to stop acting immature when you go to the store and grab a toy sword and mess around, its more fun when you find that girl that enjoys doing that with you. which i recently found, however i made the mistake of hiding my feelings from her due to my fear of what happened in the past.

And excuse me if what im saying is a little ...wrong? haha, i had a bit too much to drink http://www.pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_smile.gif

[Raine_Loire]

On 2008-02-14 22:44, BlaizeYES wrote:


although you've been a hopeless romantic, you are more keen on long-term relationships dating back to highschool probably, right?



Actually, I set 2 of my girlfriends up senior year with 2 guys I dated that I just didn't click with- and the couples stayed together and are actually married now... so my matchmaking is 100%!! Other than that, I don't think high school relationships have a good success rate- I think most high school seniors haven't even met the person they're meant to be with yet. Thank god for that, my high school boyfriend was a huge DB! As young as I got married the first time, I didn't go to high school with my ex husband, my family moved out of state 3 days after graduation and I met this guy in the new state. We were only together a few months before we got married, and it didn't last long. But that wasn't a romantic marriage, and it wasn't for love, so it's just really sad.

You can't really say that being married twice by 22 is an indicator that it wouldn't work out, unless it was a fault of mine that ended the first marriage. But since the reasons behind the marriages were completely different, and the grooms couldn't have been less alike, I gave it a pretty good chance.

I've said it in other threads, but I met Laguna 7 years ago in PSO, so obviously my feelings for him came from more than love at first sight. ^_^ And as much as a hopeless romantic as I am, I believe if we had loved each other any less it wouldn't have lasted. There's also the fact that we have the same opinions about what are deal breaker issues for me... I interviewed him many times before I even MET him IRL http://www.pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif

My favorite quote about relationships actually comes from the show scrubs, when Dr Cox is talking to a psychology student about love and he says


"Relationships don't work the way they do on television and in the movies. Will they? Won't they? And then they finally do, and they're happy forever, gimme a break. Nine out of ten of them end because they weren't right for each other to begin with, and half of the ones who get married get divorced anyway, and I'm telling you right now, through all this stuff I have not become a cynic. I haven't. Yes, I do happen to believe that love is mainly about pushing chocolate-covered candies and, y'know, in some cultures, a chicken. You can call me a sucker, I don't care, because I do... believe in it. Bottom line: it's couples who are truly right for each other wade through the same crap as everybody else, but the big difference is they don't let it take them down. One of those two people will stand up and fight for that relationship every time. If it's right, and they're real lucky, one of them will say something."

Well it's long enough, lol. I've been told by a few friends from other countries that I'm not what they imagine American women to be though... although they're usually referring to my vocabulary. Europeans have this weird notion that all americans are rednecks!! I'm like "dude... I'm from Chicago!"

[BlaizeYES]

lol, well when i said the thing about "long term relationships" dating back to highschool, i was talking more of relationships in general, even back in highschool you stuck with a long term relationship. i didn't mean that you married the person you were dating in highschool. and because you used singular when saying "my boyfriend in highschool," i take it you were one to stay in a long-term relationship.

and i know that speech, because i think i saw that episode before... elliot and jd are going out, and they're "interviewing" people on relationships. that is when they had sex and then their relationship goes up in smoke after like a day... i know that and i'm not even a big fan of the show hah. but i do believe that you're the one who makes the relationship work, if you live by that "quote"... you have a boyfriend in the army, you hardly see him, so obviously you're the one who is ironing out the relationship to make sure it works. you've been married twice before 22, but it seems as if you've been preparing for this inevitable step for years before your first one. you "interviewed" your husband now. i know you use that lightly and jokingly, but you were already "checking the engine" before you went on the "roadtrip." that isnt what i would expect from a hopeless romantic, or someone who can let themselves just get swept away in an emotional rush. if you were, you'd jump in a 91 ford escort with 200,000 miles on it and try to make it go for the long run because of your impatience and feelings of "right now." you're a functionalist, and thats why your relationship will continue to work

[Raine_Loire]

It's funny, my son loves scrubs- he's watching that episode right now with his dad.

lol ironically when I decided just to "go for it" with Laguna, I jumped into a 90 taurus station wagon... but there were only like 160k miles on it. Believe me, common sense had little to do with my relationship with him... A whole lotta crazy went into it. My parents were VERY worried, they consulted doctors and lawyers about it. But that's a long story.

I dated a few guys in high school but I was only in one "relationship," you're right.

Ehh- I'm boring anyway.

[BlaizeYES]

lol. that was supposed to be taken as a metaphor, raine loire, not a true life experience with the taurus. you were just fortunate enough to live it, and funny thing is, i was going to say "taurus" before "escort," so it's probably my natural "male" intuition kicking in there, or i'm a psychic. i'm not of sound mind to debate well right now, as i am still sobering up from earlier.

but anyway... although you took the risk, you were still prepared. structure and discipline rule your life, and his as well... he is a military man, after all, and you're keen on the long-term relationships and the order involved in them. sound judgement would eventually kick in despite this little flash of excitement that is deviating from your norm, as i wouldn't take you as the type to thrive on spontanaeity constantly. but most people are very naive and feel that "love will right all wrongs"... and most of these people are the same ones who've had trouble creating a stable relationship for long periods of time because they don't factor in all of the facets of the relationship. this may be a bit of a personal question, but normally when you werent with someone, how long of a gap in time between relationships would there be? i'd take it that if you were not going out with another suitor, you'd at least have one in mind. but as this may droning on far off-topic, feel free not to answer this and continue this topic that has already taken a wrong turn a while back

[elainesangel9]

On 2008-02-13 14:26, Raine_Loire wrote:
LMAO This topic is still as hilarious as it was on day 1... how does it stay so fresh?

Blaize, not every guy wants what you want out of life, so that's why your guidance caused anger ^_^ To anyone who really believes that- how did you say it exactly? Marriage is the ultimate settling or something? Anyway- for someone with your opinion of marriage (and transitively women, it seems) your lifestyle is perfect. But who knows- maybe you just haven't found the right person yet. There are men who never marry (George Clooney) and if that is their choice, they'll be happy. I couldn't live that way though, I'm not a casual dating type of person, and I wouldn't be happy with that life. I can understand people who are, though.

But I disagree with your opinion that people in their 20s are kids. I think there are a lot of ppl in their 20s who feel that way- hence all the Britney Spears supporters who say "She's just a young girl, leave her alone!" when she's freaking 26. I think maturity has less to do with age than it does to individual personality, and too many people share your view- there is far too little personal accountability for people in their 20s now.

There certainly isn't any "one size fits all" advice about marriage. You certainly can't assume that your experiences or your friends experiences are all anyone will experience... but that said, it also doesn't mean you're wrong. I tell my 17 year old brother to forget about girls til he's out of high school and college all the time. I tell him after college he'll have plenty of time for women to screw up his life, no need to rush things. Oh, he doesn't listen to me- but why should he? I'm not the one who has to live his life http://www.pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif Not to mention that isn't how I lived MY life O.o Nor can you live Alex's life... and he may be one of the people who gets married young and it works out for him. There are such people!

Of course, the OP doesn't have to worry about that for years! I hope everything works out for him and his gf ^_^ Also, someone get an air freshener for the topic, to help keep it fresh FOREVER!!! Mwah hah hah hah...

nice post...Your right tho, alot of couples fail because they dont want the same thing out of life, I went through that thing were you wanna get married at 14 lol. now I dont plan on getting married till ....forever? not really, but I'll wait
anyway, wasnt this topic about asking a girl out?
you see girls are aliens, we will NEVER understand them, unless we become them....but that sounds like a bad idea

[Raine_Loire]

On 2008-02-19 23:32, BlaizeYES wrote:
lol. that was supposed to be taken as a metaphor, raine loire, not a true life experience with the taurus. you were just fortunate enough to live it, and funny thing is, i was going to say "taurus" before "escort," so it's probably my natural "male" intuition kicking in there, or i'm a psychic. i'm not of sound mind to debate well right now, as i am still sobering up from earlier.

but anyway... although you took the risk, you were still prepared. structure and discipline rule your life, and his as well... he is a military man, after all, and you're keen on the long-term relationships and the order involved in them. sound judgement would eventually kick in despite this little flash of excitement that is deviating from your norm, as i wouldn't take you as the type to thrive on spontanaeity constantly. but most people are very naive and feel that "love will right all wrongs"... and most of these people are the same ones who've had trouble creating a stable relationship for long periods of time because they don't factor in all of the facets of the relationship. this may be a bit of a personal question, but normally when you werent with someone, how long of a gap in time between relationships would there be? i'd take it that if you were not going out with another suitor, you'd at least have one in mind. but as this may droning on far off-topic, feel free not to answer this and continue this topic that has already taken a wrong turn a while back



Well, he wasn't in the military when we met... he fell for the recruiter's lies...

Suitor. That makes me lol. Well I wasn't allowed to date until I was 17... and after that I dated the same guy for a year and a half. We broke up for a few months, and some guys asked me out in between, but they were just random guys, not people I had looked at. Friends of friends that heard I was single... Same thing after we ended it for good. But it was about... a year, I think, between the high school BF and the ex husband. I didn't date much that year- one or 2 dates in the first month, then nothing. The ex husband was actually a dare...

This HAS gone off topic, but then again, the OP asked her out and is all happy, so the thread DID serve it's purpose ^_^

[BlaizeYES]

yes, well i dont have much more to say on this topic alone... but i cant really figure it out, raine_loire. you may have just gotten lucky