dating someone online? [Archive]

Miyoko

Jan 27, 2008, 05:47 PM

On 2008-01-27 14:39, Anatra wrote:
no, never said that...but reaching out and touching someone is a whole different story than saying "oh baby, seeing you through this camera is wonderful...lets never leave each other." back to what you said before...the internet is virtual reality.

Virtual - Created, simulated, or carried on by means of a computer or computer network

It's a different median of communication you are right, but it is not reality...no matter how you slice it. Meeting a virtual lover from what I see has NO benefit from what I see. But...I can hope that you can change my mind

To many, virtual reality is a greater reality than life itself. Just look at furries and some of the people hardcore into "Second-Life."

You asked a question, I answered (and Typheros added a noteworthy line, too). As much as I would love to "change your mind", you're coming into a discussion with a hothead. You've already made up your mind on the subject, and there isn't anything anyone can say or do that will change your opinion. http://www.pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_smile.gif

Anatra

Jan 27, 2008, 05:54 PM

I haven't made up my mind, I wouldn't be asking the question to the community if I had. But the answers I'm recieving I don't think are satisfying enough. An opinion is just that, opinion. It's up there to chance. Facts can't be changes. Opinions can be. To each their own is a good line, I'll agree with it. But that doesn't answer the question as to the benefits of dating somebody online rather than going out 'to your grocery store' and saying hello to someone. Or better yet, since most people here are in school of some sort. Saying hello to somebody you like. I can understand anxiety and being afraid of rejection. But the best way to deal with that is to deal with your fears head on. So I don't by anxiety for real people as an excuse either.

Pengfishh

Jan 27, 2008, 05:56 PM

Call me crazy, but a twelve year lacks the emotional range to even know what "true love" is anyway. Shit, most people over twenty-five lack the emotional range...

GoldRidley

Jan 27, 2008, 05:56 PM

It sucks. Oddly enough, I have had some online relationships turn into pleasant offline ones. I met my girl of 2+ years on the internets. So it isn't necessarily always a disaster waiting to happen - it is just almost always a disaster waiting to happen.

Zorafim

Jan 27, 2008, 05:57 PM

On 2008-01-27 14:25, pikachief wrote:
even tho i already have a girlfriend in real life, and she says she does too,

I know, my mind has been in the gutter all day...

That being said, an online friend can be almost as nice to have as friend in close proximity. As for online dating, I heavily suggest against it. A female companion if neither of you have a significant other, that's one thing. But I seriously doubt you can base a meaningful relationship on gaming and internet tools.

Zwick_

Jan 27, 2008, 05:57 PM

I am throwing this out there because i see this from both perspectives
How I feel about online relationships is I don't agree with meeting someone online to date them especially if there are little hopes of meeting them but only because it will end with probable depression and withdrawal from society (I love sounding smart)
But on the other hand, if you know someone that moves away and you keep in contact online that is a different story because I know that you could potentially fall in love with that person and you could be happy about it.
Just throwing that out there though =)

The2dCour

Jan 27, 2008, 05:58 PM

I got married in a MMORPG once, not this one. It's just role playing. Now she's a good friend of mine. I dont understand people who take it seriously as if they are dating in real life, but role playing and developing friendships is fairly normal human behavior in my opinion. On a similar line, I met someone online in the Philippines when I was younger she was studying to become a doctor there and I was still in High school. We weren't online dating by any stretch of the imagination but she eventually came to the US and stayed with me, as a friend, and I showed her around my area. Later on I went over to the Philippines to visit her and some other people I knew there. We still talk on and off and I'm always welcome to visit her wherever she is. I know I'm off topic from the whole online dating thing, but some people meet good friends like this if they don't take it so seriously.

SATatami

Jan 27, 2008, 06:02 PM

I see no problem with online relationships if they actually lead to a personal meeting and relationship, unlike 99% of online relationships.

Anatra

Jan 27, 2008, 06:02 PM

Oh, no don't get me wrong. I'm fine with making FRIENDS...that's what the game is for. That's what online gaming is for. To make friends who you can stick around with and play serveral games with. With regards to Zwick_'s statement, I had a girlfriend who moved away and we keep in touch on the internet but...there is a mutual understanding that it is over and that nothing we can do can ever change that. Point of the matter is was that was HERE, and I was able to see, and touch her. (not in that way) Also, I can understand dating someone that's CLOSE to you. That's understandable because at /least/ you'll be able to see them and touch them SOME of the time. But for people dating across the world...

Miyoko

Jan 27, 2008, 06:05 PM

Like I said, I've already given you an answer, though you seem to outright ignore it. http://www.pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_razz.gif Though, if you're -really- dying to hear more reasons, well, here you go:

Anonymity: Being online, you have that cloud of anonymity about you. Some people feel more comfortable approaching others online, due to the fact you're hidden behind your avatar. Now, "Hidden" may not be the best choice of words, since it sort of implies something bad, but, I couldn't really think of much else... >.>

Anywho, moving on! With that cloud of mystery about you, you are able to present yourself however you want, be it the "real you" (some people have an easier time being themselves online than they do "in real life"), or simply a facade you've created to attract someone. If you have some sort of fault about your person that you absolutely hate in real life, that you think inhibits your ability to interact with someone (insecurity about your looks, disabilities, anything of that nature), when you log onto the internet, all of those faults dissapear, and you're simply left with your personality.

And of course, with all of this, comes the ease of rejection. Some people fear rejection in real life, to the point where they choose not to approach people because of it. If you ask a girl (or guy) out in real life, and get shot down, you're going to feel hurt, and you're going to feel akward. If it's around school, then, every time you see them, you'll probably feel akward (especially if the rejection was particularly cruel). Online, that's not so much the case, as you can vanish quicker, as well as change your avatar to something else.

Want more? Okay, sure.

Long Distance. While to you, this may seem like a downside ,to many, it can be a boon. Although it's not the same for everyone, the distance between two people can strengthen a relationship. Consider it a trial of commitment. Also, haven't you ever had something that you loved, then had to spend time away from, only to return and realize how much you've missed it? Same thing here.

Being online, it is MUCH easier to open up to people about stuff. Say what you will, but it is far, far easier to talk about personal issues with people online, as opposed to face to face. Again, because you have that "wall" of distance between you, you're given security for talking about personal issues that might normally be difficult for you.

If you really want to learn more about this stuff, consider taking some courses in sociology. http://www.pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_razz.gif There's a lot that can be said about it, and it's a topic of research and interest to many. However, I don't really think that PSOW is the place to do it >.>

chaostroop3

Jan 27, 2008, 06:06 PM

On 2008-01-27 14:25, pikachief wrote:
idk theres a girl i know who keeps asking me to be her online boyfriend, even tho i already have a girlfriend in real life, and she says she does too, but she doesnt consider it cheating.... and its online only... lol wtf?

is it the fat girl we leveled yesterday?lol xD

Pillan

Jan 27, 2008, 06:09 PM

If you need to be in close proximity with the person you’re dating and you don’t have the means to meet them, don’t do it. It’s as simple as that. Otherwise, there’s nothing fundamentally wrong with the concept. It’s just getting to know someone and seeing if you like them enough to maintain a lifelong relationship.

In fact, I’d write it off as a slightly smarter as you’re less likely to make moronic decisions based primarily on performance during intercourse, which could possibly reduce the chance of divorce if it gets that far.

But, seriously, what’s complicated about that? Some people can’t stand the lack of something tangible and others can.

Anatra

Jan 27, 2008, 06:12 PM

I'm not trying to disect the pros and cons of online relationships I want an answer to a benefit and that was certainly good. But I said before that I don't by anxiety as an excuse. You left Anonymity in a hole but that's true as well. Distance makes the heart grow stronger. But I think that applies to when you actually kiss each other first. I can understand how people think it's 'easier' to open up to a person online as it is in real life but when that person talks to a person gets rejected and shuns reality after one attempt then something doesn't ring right there does it? Anxiety is fought by simply talking to someone. Your answers really did shed some light Miyoko, but distance and anonymity are the things that I see as drawbacks. Why be with somebody and trust somebody when you aren't yourself, and more particually you don't know if they are really themselves.

Anatra

Jan 27, 2008, 06:22 PM

Touch is something that I feel is essential. Again that's my opinion and in regards to "messing up" that should be something that your significant other who you /truely/ trust to be able to deal with that and to keep loving in the same manner. I think that the online dating is simply unneeded and a cruch that inhibits people from their true selves. What if you lie about something to your significant other you're dating online and wheny ou meet in person and they found out you've lied for 5 years? Then what happens?

Solstis

Jan 27, 2008, 06:30 PM

On 2008-01-27 15:05, Miyoko wrote:
Like I said, I've already given you an answer, though you seem to outright ignore it. http://www.pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_razz.gif Though, if you're -really- dying to hear more reasons, well, here you go:

Anonymity: Being online, you have that cloud of anonymity about you. Some people feel more comfortable approaching others online, due to the fact you're hidden behind your avatar. Now, "Hidden" may not be the best choice of words, since it sort of implies something bad, but, I couldn't really think of much else... >.>

Anywho, moving on! With that cloud of mystery about you, you are able to present yourself however you want, be it the "real you" (some people have an easier time being themselves online than they do "in real life"), or simply a facade you've created to attract someone. If you have some sort of fault about your person that you absolutely hate in real life, that you think inhibits your ability to interact with someone (insecurity about your looks, disabilities, anything of that nature), when you log onto the internet, all of those faults dissapear, and you're simply left with your personality.

And of course, with all of this, comes the ease of rejection. Some people fear rejection in real life, to the point where they choose not to approach people because of it. If you ask a girl (or guy) out in real life, and get shot down, you're going to feel hurt, and you're going to feel akward. If it's around school, then, every time you see them, you'll probably feel akward (especially if the rejection was particularly cruel). Online, that's not so much the case, as you can vanish quicker, as well as change your avatar to something else.

Want more? Okay, sure.

Long Distance. While to you, this may seem like a downside ,to many, it can be a boon. Although it's not the same for everyone, the distance between two people can strengthen a relationship. Consider it a trial of commitment. Also, haven't you ever had something that you loved, then had to spend time away from, only to return and realize how much you've missed it? Same thing here.

Being online, it is MUCH easier to open up to people about stuff. Say what you will, but it is far, far easier to talk about personal issues with people online, as opposed to face to face. Again, because you have that "wall" of distance between you, you're given security for talking about personal issues that might normally be difficult for you.

If you really want to learn more about this stuff, consider taking some courses in sociology. http://www.pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_razz.gif There's a lot that can be said about it, and it's a topic of research and interest to many. However, I don't really think that PSOW is the place to do it >.>

Basically, you have summed up online relationships as shadows of real relationships, often used as stepping stones prior to the perusal of a relationship in real life. Eventually, there will be a "betrayal," when one partner feels a need to find physical comfort, or the unlikely but still possible encounter which may continue in a real relationship.

A person that hides his or herself in a cloud of avatars is probably incapable of expressing his or herself in reality. Of course, this is natural, especially during developmental years or at times at which identity is more fluid, but a person has to eventually come to terms with society (term used loosely), as opposed to rejecting it for those online.

Of course, online organizations are also societies, and can provide emotional comfort, but there's something about a hug that an emoticon can't provide.

In my opinion, the furry fandom, in a large part, evolved/evolves as a disavowal of human sexuality (but is still different territory than bestiality). Really need to appreciate your own organs and those of your species sometimes, people. The act of addition, adding on an animal as part of your identity, is at best a self-delusion.

[ This Message was edited by: Solstis on 2008-01-27 15:33 ]

InfinityXXX

Jan 27, 2008, 07:17 PM

It depends...

I've never looked for a date online..but I have dated someone online through myspace.....

BUT..the girl went to my school and it wasn't even a relationship,just a one time thing (and we won't get into that...)

But I think thats the only way i would even take someone seriously...if we went to the same school..I wouldn't date someone online even if we were in the same city..or side of town....for some reason I felt more secure by her going to the same school as me....

But i prefer just goin up to a girl and askin her out..the old fashion way...

VanHalen

Jan 27, 2008, 08:15 PM

I want to say there is someone for everyone, even if its online. Though I don't want to say I won't do it since 75% of the time I say I'm not going to do something, I end up doing it http://www.pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_frown.gif.

Noblewine

Jan 27, 2008, 11:11 PM

It's difficult too explain and I don't really know. <.<

[ This Message was edited by: Noblewine on 2008-01-27 20:12 ]

Eihwaz

Jan 27, 2008, 11:20 PM

On 2008-01-27 14:32, Miyoko wrote:
Companionship. Friendship. The feeling that somebody cares. ie: All the same reasons you get a "real life relationship".

Virtual Reality, and the internet in general, are just another median for communication. Many people feel that, as such, it deserves the same kind of treatment and 'romantic approach' as anything else does.

What makes the idea of meeting the love of your life online any less stupid than meeting them at the grocery store, or at a gas station? *shrugs*

I agree with all this!

Phone sex is also quite fun.

Orange_Coconut

Jan 27, 2008, 11:58 PM

Personally I don't think there's any harm in it if you actually get someone who is legitimately interested in getting to know you (or getting to know you more). Also it obviously won't work if you're not going to be honest about yourself or just in general about things.

What you don't have with an online relationship would be the comfort of actually having that person there with you. You aren't able to explore the sexual side of a relationship, nor are you able to actually see their emotions or reactions to certain things. You also won't be able to hear tone-of-voice, you are limited to certain activities together and you won't really know what they're like in a casual setting (such as when they're at home, are they organized? Do they keep good hygiene? etc...).

So you miss out on a lot of things you'd benefit from in a "real life" relationship; a lot of which are important aspects to different kinds of people. Though you can argue that it's good to be able to express yourself in terms of thoughts being transformed into text. What I mean by this is that there are many discussions you can have so easily. Basically, it's what should most likely start your online relationship if you were to have one, so that you know enough about the person before getting in too deep. However, this also makes things like "I love you" lose a lot of emotion, feeling and even thought when it's just typed out. At least, that's how I feel. Especially when it's overused.

Is there anything wrong with having an online relationship? Well, different people will say different things due to different opinions and maybe even past experiences. But it's really up to you in how you present yourself and how well you know (or think you know) another person. People can be deceiving on and offline.

Use your own judgment, if you are thinking of an online relationship then just be careful. Keep in mind there are many different things that go into a relationship, every different way to express feelings is important in it's own way. But again, this would just be my own opinion.

ljkkjlcm9

Jan 28, 2008, 12:31 AM

Online relationship...
if you can never meet, it should not get serious. If you plan on meeting, I say, leave it open for possibilities.

But really, it's about you. Some people don't care about a long term, long lasting relationship. So I guess a care free online relationship is for them.

THE JACKEL

SubstanceD

Jan 28, 2008, 05:13 AM

On 2008-01-27 14:32, Miyoko wrote:
Companionship. Friendship. The feeling that somebody cares. ie: All the same reasons you get a "real life relationship".

Virtual Reality, and the internet in general, are just another median for communication. Many people feel that, as such, it deserves the same kind of treatment and 'romantic approach' as anything else does.

What makes the idea of meeting the love of your life online any less stupid than meeting them at the grocery store, or at a gas station? *shrugs*

Miyoko has more or less summed up my feelings on this matter.

Lineek

Jan 28, 2008, 12:18 PM

my opinion on it, like it or not:

it isnt much different to l dating aside the fact that yes, you cant touch eachother which is a strong basis for a relationship. however, that being said the main part of a relationship is emotional content. how, interacting with another person makes you as a individual feel. they dont have to hold you in the flesh to make you feel warm, just knowing they are there.

your right about the environment being virtual, however, the virtual character on the screen is being animated by a real person, with real thoughts and feelings. just because there talking through a screen, doesnt make it any less meaningfull.

at the end of it. the people are still real. the only time it becomes a problem is when they fall for the form of the avatar, deluding themselves to the person on the other side.

Also some people lack the confidence to ask that person out in real life. they find it easier to relate on a game and this may be them learning about relationships and it is far safer on the net where where if it gets scary, they can just turn it off and there done.

if it makes you happy and warm. and as long as it is not taken to far or miss guided. where is the harm in being with somone online?

i would like to add i know a few people who met in this way and fell in love and then met up in real life and wow. happilly ever after, still wont always be that way

Sychosis

Jan 28, 2008, 01:42 PM

Free rares.

Darkly

Jan 28, 2008, 01:47 PM

really, i find it kind of pathetic.

Kylie

Jan 28, 2008, 01:49 PM

I think if something's meant to be, it'll work into real life. There are so many dating services over the net now like eHarmony, etc., and they have pretty nice success stories. Love is love, and it can happen anywhere. So if the cards play out to put you in a romantic situation online, I don't think it's so terrible to try it out. After all, life is short, and it is the flare of interest and passion that balances it in the long run. </Sylvia Plath> If you're not into it, no one cares; you certainly don't have to be.

Syl

Jan 28, 2008, 09:42 PM

On 2008-01-28 10:49, Lorelei wrote:
Love is love, and it can happen anywhere. If you're not into it, no one cares; you certainly don't have to be.

Summed up really well if I say so myself.

Some people don't understand that even though it's all online, the players you play with, all of them:

They're still people.

Some people swear like you're not playing with people at all as soon as you go online. What's wrong with expressing your feelings toward someone? Even if you haven't met them or don't have a chance, what's wrong with feeling things?

OP keeps on ragging about "touch". True, it's one of the folies of having an online relationship, but who's to say it can't one day happen? You can "touch" someone without having it be physical you know.

In short, just let it be. If you're getting overworked over it it's obviously not something for you. So you know what you do? You move on and just forget about it. There's no mystery, no tricks, nothing. It is what it is.

BlaizeYES

Jan 28, 2008, 10:15 PM

well i had a friend in highschool that had a 30 year old brother that talked to some girl in russia through some sort of "pen pal" service for 4-5 years. they met up after talking about it for so long, he continued to visit her in russia every few months while she continued her career, and they just got married. i remember we saw them at the wavepool, when they were the happily engaged couple... and i must say... she was a GORGEOUS little blonde. and the guy... i'm comfortable with my sexuality enough to say that he wasn't really the cream of the crop. but he found LOVE. their personalities must have really hit it off, and you still have to respect the guy, because he lived a living testament of the movie "eurotrip" 2 years before it came out.

SO MORAL OF THE STORY:
if you're approaching the internet with a predetermined plan to find the love of your life, you probably won't find them. but maybe. MAYBE... if you enjoy talking to someone and really click through a chance occurence, YOU CAN FIND YOURSELF A RUSSIAN TOO

Anatra

Jan 29, 2008, 06:02 PM

On 2008-01-28 10:42, Sychosis wrote:
Free rares.

haha, Nice! Finally I get an answer. Seriously though, I feel what some people are saying, but then again after their point starts growing they say "just don't do it if you don't like it." I know I don't like and I know that I won't do it...but "don't like it, don't do it." isn't the kind of answer I'm looking for. Some posts really start to get a head of steam going and them...plop. People are really starting to try and disect this whole thing. I'm not trying to. I just kinda...want an answer.

Monochrome

Jan 29, 2008, 11:19 PM

Some people are shy and thus they can get lonely. Lonely people want what they don't have but have difficulty breaking out of their shell. Partial anonymity provided by the net allows them to be themselves without being judged by superficial things such as physicality. Unfortunately we all judge by superficial things to a degree, thus a shy person has the courage to start a relationship online but not enough to follow through to meet them and take it to a real-life scenario. No one wants to be alone

yeah and what Sychosis said..

Ryno

Jan 30, 2008, 10:10 AM

myspace

Xefi

Jan 30, 2008, 03:46 PM

it is fun to have friends online and someone to chat with. just dont get serious about it unless you really know that person for a long time and decide to meet him/her in real life. i tried having online relationship once, but my online girlfriend decided to disappeared on me. A lesson learn and i just moved on with life. Nothing that serious at all. And now, my little sister, Mai, and myself are chatting online for a fun time and maybe relief our stresses by chatting with others. No more online relationship for me. :S

HUnewearl_Meira

Jan 30, 2008, 04:33 PM

The first thing that needs to be addressed in regards to internet dating is this: The internet is real. It's not a fiction, it is not a dream, it is not a great falsehood. Everything you encounter on the internet was, in some way, shape or form, created by another human at some point. Anytime you engage in a meaningful online conversation, you aren't speaking to an AI or a computer, or some fictional character-- you're talking to another person, who is in turn, talking to you, as well. Effectively, there's not a lot of difference between using AIM and passing notes back and forth.

Ultimately, whether or not two people that met on the internet ever physically come together is entirely up to them, even if they are on opposite hemispheres. This is, in fact, the year 2008, and we've mastered a great many methods for global travel. It can become expensive, but if the two of you are sufficiently enthralled with each other, then coming together like this is an important next step in the relationship.

Now, granted, any romantic relationship will eventually require the two involved to come physically together. You can't have a marriage from opposing sides of the world; it just doesn't work very well. The early stages of a relationship, however, can work quite well. You engage strictly in communication, and you can therefore gain knowledge of whether or not you can tolerate this person very, very early on, at least on that level. That level of pure communication allows you to identify each other's politics, religious views, and a number of other factors that, if maligned, will tear a marriage apart, with the ease of a pack of starving hyenas attacking a fresh kill.

Once that is all sorted out, and you've found someone that you can tolerate on that level, then you can meet in person, and see about other habits that you both might have.

While it is true that internet relationships rarely work out, I submit that this is not a bad thing-- this just means that people are more readily capable of finding that they can't get along with someone, by using strictly lingual communication to begin their relationship. Just imagine how much worse the divorce rate would be, if this razor were not so fine?

All that aside, I suspect that most "online" relationships occur between individuals that lack the confidence to approach someone in person. Such a relationship can improve these individuals' abilities to communicate with the desired sex, therefore enabling them, eventually, to move on, and introduce themselves to someone they are seeing in public.

omegapirate2k

Jan 30, 2008, 05:41 PM

On 2008-01-28 10:42, Sychosis wrote:
Free rares.

I laughed way more than I should have.

Scrub

Jan 30, 2008, 06:18 PM

I guess I'm an expert on the topic, since I was in an internet relationship for some years.

We met once after...like a year or so. We got along really well, I had a ton of fun, and I even got my first real kiss. It could've gone further than that, but I'm shy/a prude to that sort of thing, so I couldn't do it in good concience.

The whole thing went off and on for like, 5 or 6 years. She would be upset/angry at me for something, or I would be upset/angry at her for something, and we wouldnt talk to each other for a few months, but we'd always end up in love again someway or another.

I don't want to go into details but it ended pretty badly this past November, and I don't even plan on talking to her again, just because it really isn't worth the hassle. People change for the worse sometimes, and that's all there is to it.

Sure it ended badly, but I was pretty happy for the odd years we were 'together,' and I wouldn't take it back if I could. What people fail to realize is that "real-world" relationships fall apart just as often as internet relationships do, but nobody's paying special attention to them.

Lineek

Feb 1, 2008, 09:04 AM

Well i am in a relationship online

it started just being around each other, enjoying each others company. as he spent more time with each other, feelings developed and we decided to make a go of it.

Every moment i spend with her is amazing, and i consider myself one amazingly lucky girl.
we spend as much time as we can with eachother and it makes me feel wonderful. where it developes from here is anyones guess but only time will answer.

i love being with her, around her and spending every moment with her.
Simply i love her.

on a personal note and this doesnt apply to everyone.

i have found that the ones who find it difficult or "obscene" are the ones that consider a relationship to be about physical contact more then the heart.

anyways

I LOVE YOU ANGEL ^.^

Masou

Feb 1, 2008, 12:09 PM

On 2008-01-27 14:22, Anatra wrote:
Honestly, WHAT DO YOU GET FROM DATING SOMEONE ONLINE? I want somebody to explain this for me. I really want some kind of explaination. Please, anybody. Why do you do it? And what benefit can you possibly get from this? What possibly is there to do on the game that you can't do in real life? Anybody...anybody with an answer...at all...thanks.

its for people who cant get a girl irl. And for people who prefer online to irl dating.
Personally i stand with you on this i wouldnt date someone online, but i can understand why SOME people do.
I cant understand why certain others do it though.

Masou

Feb 1, 2008, 12:12 PM

On 2008-02-01 06:04, Lineek wrote:
Well i am in a relationship online

it started just being around each other, enjoying each others company. as he spent more time with each other, feelings developed and we decided to make a go of it.

Every moment i spend with her is amazing, and i consider myself one amazingly lucky girl.
we spend as much time as we can with eachother and it makes me feel wonderful. where it developes from here is anyones guess but only time will answer.

i love being with her, around her and spending every moment with her.
Simply i love her.

on a personal note and this doesnt apply to everyone.

i have found that the ones who find it difficult or "obscene" are the ones that consider a relationship to be about physical contact more then the heart.

anyways

I LOVE YOU ANGEL ^.^

that reminds me, a lot of "gay's" and lesbians are more open on the internet than they are in real life, because the fear of emberassment isn't really there. So most gay people i know DO date online.
As for the people who are good looking and can easily get girls irl, well maybe they find it fun? idk really. Personally i could never date a girl unless i could touch her. Im not saying sexually but romantically.

HUnewearl_Meira

Feb 1, 2008, 05:38 PM

On 2008-02-01 09:12, Masou wrote:
that reminds me, a lot of "gay's" and lesbians are more open on the internet than they are in real life, because the fear of emberassment isn't really there. So most gay people i know DO date online.

Trouble is, a lot of the "lesbians" online are men, too.

KaneKahn

Feb 1, 2008, 07:58 PM

Dating someone online? That is probably the stupidest thing I've heard this year. Granted the year is still young. Honestly if you kids want to date, go to the person you like at school, mall, arcade, etc. and just ask them. Don't piss around on the internet for "E Action" or whatever you may consider it.

BlaizeYES

Feb 6, 2008, 05:07 PM

On 2008-02-01 06:04, Lineek wrote:

i love being with her, around her and spending every moment with her.
Simply i love her.

anyways

I LOVE YOU ANGEL ^.^

jesus you used the word "her" 4 times in basically a single sentence. you're really trying to push the "lesbian" thing.

whenever it comes to two lesbians via the internet, i always view it as false, even if it is true.

i think you can enjoy conversation with a person, and THINK in your head that you guys would get along great... but for any feelings to develop with ANYone, you need the physical side. you cant "fall in love" just by talking over the internet and not actually knowing the person. if you really think you "do," then you're just creating something in your head, much like something out of a movie. most of the time, i think people get caught in the delusions of what they'd "like to feel" and project it onto the other person they're talking to. the same thing happens in real life, you can create this alternate persona to feed into someone's need to feel loved and can control them through that. but online i could see it as just becoming completely falsified feelings, especially with younger people as theres not really much of interest to talk about between their 16-year-old selves. nothing interesting, nothing really even unique except something they've fabricated. it would just turn into a series of "i love yous." a majority of people that are looking for an online mate just want "love" from something else, even if it is fake. think about those girls you'd go out with in highschool where the littlest possible things you'd do, when they liked you, they'd turn into the biggest romantic gesture so they can make it appear as if they're "living the dream relationship they wanted as a little girl." i could just imagine that happening online TENFOLD. jesus.

now my friend's brother already had a career when he met his "pen pal," and so did she. they both didnt need it, but they enjoyed talking to one another. their senses of humor kicked in, and they were friends from different places. when he visited her, i doubt it was these delusions like their "love story" could be recreated into "the notebook" or some shit. i'm sure their emails we're peppered with "i love you"s and "i wish i could hug you all night"s.

Inazuma

Feb 6, 2008, 07:34 PM

its not a real date unless you have sex. and since you cannot have sex over the internet, you cannot "date" online. i think you are just talking about being friends w/ someone of the opposite sex.

when i hear "online dating", i think of a website where you can meet other ppl, and then actually meet up w/ them and have sex in real life.

Kylie

Feb 7, 2008, 12:02 PM

On 2008-02-06 16:34, Inazuma wrote:
its not a real date unless you have sex. and since you cannot have sex over the internet, you cannot "date" online. i think you are just talking about being friends w/ someone of the opposite sex.

when i hear "online dating", i think of a website where you can meet other ppl, and then actually meet up w/ them and have sex in real life.

What the hell? You have to have sex to date my ass, and I'd say that if I was pro-online dating or not. I'd never have sex with someone unless I had love for them, and you don't have to have love in order to date someone. After all, it's just a trial of sorts. Anyone that thinks like that is, frankly, going to have trouble finding a girl that's right for them. Personally, I'm not so down on premarital sex, but to think every relationship needs sex disgusts me. I am SO glad that I've not had sex with a lot of the guys I've dated 'cos I'd regret it so much. http://www.pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_lol.gif

RikaPSOW

Feb 7, 2008, 12:27 PM

When you get in a relationship with someone online, just think of the person as someone you were unfortionate enough to not meet in real life. I don't like any girl that lives where I live (I hate NewYork), but I do like a girl online (having a few issues though). Some people have a difficult time talking to people in person (I do). People online are still real people, they aren't "AI" or anything of the sort. Though there are disadvantages to having a relationship online. You will probaly have a extremely hard time meeting the person face-to-face. If the person is worth it, I think you should try to meet them. Some people are perfect for someone and they don't live near that person.

CupOfCoffee

Feb 7, 2008, 01:27 PM

Human interaction is not so black and white that it can be whittled down and justified or dismissed with any type of blanket statement, and there are no absolute truths about what can or cannot come from an online romance. It's just reality that dating someone exclusively online opens up all kinds of new problematic doors, but it's really not much different a situation than the classic long distance relationship. Long distancers were usually together physically at some point before the relationship became long distance, but it's still roughly the same concept. Inazuma, I would hope you wouldn't try to say that people don't still love their significant others who are away on tours of duty, thousands of miles out of sex range. And what about sexually dysfunctional people? People paralyzed from the neck down? They aren't incapable of love. Even people who just plain old don't like to have sex aren't incapable of romantic feelings--it's just expressed in a different form.

I've never been able to decide whether I'm for or against online dating in general, but I guess that's because I just couldn't really see myself doing it. It's a major case of to each their own--if it makes you and your online partner happy, what on earth could I or anyone else possibly say to invalidate that? I do understand what draws people to it. Instead of having a girlfriend or boyfriend who lives 15 minutes away and you see three times a week, it's like having one that lives almost magically everywhere at once. You can see them, in a certain sense, at any moment of the day or night because they're always just a click or a phone call away. Insecurities melt away when you can converse without being constantly examined and reevaluated, and even though that also lets in all kinds of possibilities for lying and misinformation, it also essentially strips romantic interaction down to its emotional center, free of almost all the things some people would consider superficial clutter.

So. If you want to online date, then go for it and be happy. Be warned that there are additional complications, but if it works for you, then there should be no reason good enough to steer you away. There is no true "normal" template for romance. The Romans didn't date the same way we do, and neither did the Egyptians or the Puritans or Neanderthals. The third date rule and Valentines Day drama and the entire modern day American ballet of romantic partnership would have seemed as foreign and alien as could be a few centuries ago. Society isn't always right, and even when it thinks it is, it won't forever. What other people tell you should have no bearing on what you do (within basic human morality and responsibility, of course).

Wow that turned out long.

Wyndham

Feb 7, 2008, 02:53 PM

I had a girlfriend I met online for 10 months. I miss her.

granis1233

Feb 7, 2008, 03:34 PM

i have a girlfriend online but she is rarely on sad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HUnewearl_Meira

Feb 7, 2008, 11:50 PM

On 2008-02-07 11:53, Wyndham wrote:
I had a girlfriend I met online for 10 months. I miss her.

I had a relationship with a young woman online for something like two years. I even flew out to Arizona to go to her prom. I can analyze things and recognize that she probably would have not made a good wife for me, I, nevertheless, still have thoughts about her several times a week-- and this was years ago. I was well aware of the problem of idealizing her at the time, and I was careful to avoid it.

I'm not ashamed to say that I loved her then, and neither am I ashamed to say that I still love her now, even though I've long since moved on. She'll forever be in possession of a vial of the heart she melted.

Tita

Feb 8, 2008, 12:49 AM

i found someone online through a mutual love of a game (tekken). we didn't think anything of it until we met in person and the sparks flew. not only did we have overlapping interests that attracted us to eachother online, but we also had a physical attraction.

we spent a lot of time together in person afterwards. he's currently in the military and we're in a long distance relationship, so most of our interaction (aside from the occasional, much-looked-forward-to weekend meet ups/vacations together) is online, on the phone, or...
playing PSU http://www.pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif
haha. we never thought this game would actually help us cope with our relationship the way it is at the moment, but here we are! i just hate being mixed up with those weirdos who use online relationships as social-crutches. bleh!

of course, there's no point in being in ANY long distance relationship if you don't have concrete plans to ACTUALLY be together. fortunately, after much deliberation, thought, and time, we decided that we want to continue and work towards having a future together.

there was a point in our relationship where we seriously had to consider if the relationship was worth working on, or if it was better for our sanity to cut our losses. fortunately, it's worth more than we can describe http://www.pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/anime1.gif

Dragwind

Feb 9, 2008, 05:47 PM

I still find these sort of relationships hard to understand. You can still indulge in deep conversations, emotions, etc and such, but there is a large part of human relationship missing.

You can't be "physical" with someone online. Yes, it sounds silly. I do not however mean physical in one term, I mean it in various terms.

With relationships, there are hugs, kisses, caressing, intimacy, etc. These are some things that you cannot express with words as hard as some people try online. These physical feels do play a very important part of trust and compassion in a relationship.

Without this crucial part, I still find it confusing how some people proceed. Of course, imo.

Tita

Feb 12, 2008, 02:13 PM

^ in short, it's difficult, and not for everyone. some people can handle all the time, compromise and effort it takes to make it work, and some people just can't. it's not to say "lawl people who can handle online/long distance relationships are bettar!!1", hell no. i would not advocate staying in a long distance relationship with no definite plans of actually being together in person. it's better to cut your losses early than deal with all the time and energy wasted on a relationship that will go nowhere.

however, for those who are in a committed long distance relationship, don't feel alone. I recently picked up this book during one of our relationship snags: http://www.amazon.com/Long-Distance-Relationship-Survival-Guide-Strategies/dp/1580087140

seems cheesy, but it's really anything but. it's concise, practical, and extremely helpful. right off the bat the book also expresses that Long Distance Relationships (LDRs) are not for everyone, but for those who are in it for the long haul, it offers indispensable advice.
it also talks about reasons NOT to be in a LDR.

It played a part in saving my relationship http://www.pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_yes.gif

[ This Message was edited by: Tita on 2008-02-12 11:14 ]

elainesangel9

Feb 12, 2008, 02:29 PM

its differnet, doing CERTIAN THINGS, changes a relationship, if you get my drift, My gf is irl now, but my old one was online, I thought I loved her you know, but thats because I only had to deal with her good side, if she got annoying i could just turn her off. meeting someone online is ok, but trying to carry out a relationship online is a bad idea

Rashiid

Feb 12, 2008, 02:54 PM

raikomaru40

Feb 12, 2008, 03:01 PM

wtf 'bout that guy who proposed in halo 3 forge and she said jez?

Rashiid

Feb 12, 2008, 03:12 PM

That's different because they knew each other in real life?

elainesangel9

Feb 12, 2008, 03:19 PM

sex is important though, i didnt think it was....but it completely changes things, its not more important than the relationship itself, it just brings you to a whole new level of closeness

Akio-Kasai

Feb 12, 2008, 05:10 PM

*is gonna jump in*

>.>

Does it matter really? I mean.. Hmm. -Tries to think of how to word this- Some people don't need a physical relationship to feel comfort. Knowing that someone loves you/likes you is sometimes more then enough. To tell the truth, sex is great, I won't be stupid and say "Sex sucks" Or something to get my point across. However, sex is not needed in a relationship. Sometimes when you're not ready for it -Points to the post above this one by elainesangel- it can change things for the worst, at first it may seem like you're getting closer but then sometimes things take a nasty spin and you end up regretting it later. Sometimes when you date online all you need is to know they love you, and it gives time for you to grow closer even if you can't physically touch that person.

Then when the time comes when you can lay your fingers upon the person you hold so dear, it makes it even better. The feeling that is sometimes longed for is now in your arms and you don't want to let go. Sharing a hug between loved ones for an extended amount of time can send waves of happiness through you that sex can never hope to match. Anyway I think I lost myself in this sooooo, I guess I'm done.

Rashiid

Feb 12, 2008, 06:00 PM

On 2008-02-12 12:19, elainesangel9 wrote:
sex is important though, i didnt think it was....but it completely changes things, its not more important than the relationship itself, it just brings you to a whole new level of closeness

True, not much closer than sex....
But he made it sound MANDITORY.

And for Christians, it's no sex until marriage, and they seem just fine (though I know many that still do....)

But sex while 'dating' seems hasty.
Once it's official that you are a couple, then it would be more appropriate.

But sexing on the 1st night makes it seem like 'ok I got what I wanted, now GTFO MY BEDS LOL!'

Raine_Loire

Feb 13, 2008, 05:13 AM

LOL Pikachief, you're such a pimp, you even have to beat girls off online. ^_^

I don't get THAT part- like if you have someone IRL and the online person has someone IRL, you're EMOTIONALLY cheating, whether you think it's just for funsies or not. Of course IdK, I'm married, so my perspective is different. But I knew a 40 year old guy on ffxi and he was MARRIED IRL but he had an online only GF who was 14... and her mom played on her account too- and was his GF when she was playing that Character. At some point you just have to accept that you are effed up in the head... and risking jail time if the mom gets jealous or wants more and decides to blackmail you, lol.

As far as real ACTUAL dating with someone you met in a game... online dating sites are really popular, it's not that much difference. At least this way she knows you're a gaming geek and you don't have to pretend those action figures are for your nephew... lol. Laguna and I met in PSO 7 years ago, and after like- 4 months of online "dating" we met IRL and we've been together ever since, married for 6 years now... So it HAPPENS... I've always said when you meet and fall in love with someone online, you fall in love with what is in their mind, not what they present to you physically. Sure they could be lying, but people lie about who they are IRL as well! And if teenagers are "dating" online people, maybe the amount of young parents will start going down? Even just a tiny bit would be an improvement!!

The downside is when you meet someone in a game, and you both LOVE gaming, you end up with a house like ours... cords all over the living room, both with your own HD tv and 360, arguing over whose TV the wii and the ps3 go on... with a 5 year old who says he's bored of DS and wants to use your psp.. I don't have shoes and purses like normal women, lmao, there's no money left! My parents think we're nuts, and our friends think our son is going to be such a nerd!

Feb 13, 2008, 10:24 AM

If you mean like dating in the game world, it mostly to fill a story of their character and to live in a fantasy world and get out of the real world. Most people do that so they know when they get on the game they feel wanted and have someone to be with and sometimes it turns out they may meet in person and have a real relationships that has happen to people I know and they are still together so just because it's online doesn't mean it's dumb but since it's online people have to be careful since our identity can be hidden.

Turambar

Feb 13, 2008, 10:39 AM

There needs to be a distinction made between a relationship that begins on line, and a purely online relationship. The argument that you will never meet with a significant other met in a virtual setting is foolish and is proven wrong on a regular basis. For those that take the relationship seriously, online dating is just as full filling as a physical one. For those that take dating as a game, a real life relationship is doomed to failure as much as an online one.

Raine_Loire

Feb 13, 2008, 04:15 PM

On 2008-02-13 07:39, Turambar wrote:
There needs to be a distinction made between a relationship that begins on line, and a purely online relationship. The argument that you will never meet with a significant other met in a virtual setting is foolish and is proven wrong on a regular basis. For those that take the relationship seriously, online dating is just as full filling as a physical one. For those that take dating as a game, a real life relationship is doomed to failure as much as an online one.

Very well said!

And to the guy who says you have to have sex for it to be a date- I hope you're kidding.

I'd take a year of only being able to email back and forth with Laguna over a year of random meaningless sex with anyone else any time... And that's been put to the test many many times in the last 7 years! (army crap- some damn war keeps separating us...)

Really, I'm surprised that a bunch of people posting on an internet forum for an online game have such a negative view of online dating! People surprise me a lot though ^_^