Ugh, my life is so fucked up right now...(*not an emo rant*)

[Rappyd00d]

Yeah, so I just want to let you guys know:

I am in absolutely NO way emo or any of that garbage, but I feel that I must vent yet again on the current circumstances, hopefully earning myself some pity or relation or something.

Alright, so apparently to my mother, I am a problem child. I was miserably sick one week and she was reluctant to keep me home. I was OK with that, it's easy to fake these things. The following week, I forgot to turn in the absence note, but that's OK, my school lets you have around a week of unexcused absences. I've also yet to pay school fees, which I see no big deal in as I have until the end of the year to do. The only problem being that my grandmother wrote a check for the amount in October for me to send in. I have kept it on top of my dresser until now, and it's just disappeared. I have no idea where it went, which is very much a problem. But now, today, I've missed the bus (on accident, mind you) and I suppose that was just the final straw. She works around the same time I go to school, so there's no ride for me today. I called her to let her know I had missed it and she explodes. (Because, you know, I could have just NOT called her at all and been dishonest and lied and acted like I'd gone to school until she got home at 8 but whatever.)

I don't understand why, but she thinks I'm dishonest in every thing that I do. I told her I was downstairs the whole time waiting on it and I never heard or saw it coming, and apparently that was a lie. I was obviously doing something upstairs when I missed it, doing something distracting that made me miss it. Also apparent is the fact that the bus no longer honks the horn when I don't emerge from my home, because if it did, I would be at school, according to her. So now, I'm either just supposed to LAY IN MY FUCKING BED ALL DAY or clean until I find the check, and when mother gets home my ass is most likely fucked. I've looked for the check, and I've decided I would just clean the house in the process. It's a good way to vent some anger, I suppose. I'm not even supposed to be on my computer or games, because I must have "deliberately missed the bus because she was gone" so I can't do anything. Yeah.

I mean, I guess I just don't understand her whole attitude ever since my stepfather got deported.
(an entirely different thread, written two and a half years ago: http://www.pso-world.com/viewtopic.php?topic=113500&forum=11)

Yes, I can understand she's been under a lot of stress lately, anybody would. She's struggling to pay for a house thats monthly payment is about $1,200 along with appliance fees and my diabetes supplies (which, for some odd-fuck reason insurance will not cover >_>). It's very understandable. But, if you're so tight on money, why buy me a $400 360 (along with Rock Band, another $170) for Christmas and then complain to me that you have no money? It was nice and all, and I love them, but it doesn't sound like the priorities are all too straight here. Not to mention that she still buys jewelry and clothes all the time.

She's trying to file out divorce papers, which is fine by me. I love the man, but he's in Jamaica currently and there's nothing else that can be done. That's just the way it is. But, she's also been dating around, and...It doesn't seem all too right to me. I've met about 7 different men (all of whom she's "dating") during the course of this whole endeavor, and only one is recurring. I don't know any psychology, but I'm sure introducing a bunch of strange people into you and your son's home to have them knock up his mom and then have them never heard from again is probably a little joggling to a child. I'm sure there's countless others, because now all she does is stay on the computer (IMing or on a DATING WEBSITE) or on the phone with somebody I've never met. If even the slightest disturbance were to come her way from me for any reason during either a phone call, a webcam session, or a TV show (Hey, mom, the heater's on high downstairs about 4 feet away from the couch, isn't that a concern?), it's always an evil look and "YOU LITTLE SHIT GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE I DID IT ON PURPOSE"

Well, maybe not that mean, but you get the point. I'm not allowed to ask questions or do anything anymore, I guess, because all she wants to do is chat online with fucking men she'll date once and never see again or watch fucking reality all day. I'm just a nuisance in her schedule.

It's always hit or miss with her as well. Once, upon being picked up from a weekend LAN party at my friends' house, we were all happy and talking about issues on the radio. It was nice. She was actually not pissy for once. Then, once we got home, BAM. "GOD DAMN IT TAKE OUT THIS TRASH I HATE IT WHEN YOU LEAVE EMPTY BOXES BESIDE THE FUCKING TRASH CAN ARGH YOU MAKE ME SO MAD"

It never used to be like this. When I was younger, we were happy and this was never an issue. Hell, she never used to curse in front of my face, even at an older age. But now, she does it freely and openly, which makes me quite uncomfortable.

I really don't know what to do. My life has been going down the shit hole ever since the deportation, and my mother's not making it much better. I can't interact with her anymore without her hate. Whenever I try to discuss anything with her, I never get the time of day or it's always "I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR PROBLEMS YOU HAVE NO PROBLEMS DO CHORES AND GOOD GRADES ALL I CARE ABOUT"

I think she's definitely got some anger problems...I don't know whether this has to do with her irregular periods (or something like that), or if it's some mental condition. I'd really like to know, because sometimes, she gets a little scary. I remember a time she had one of her boyfriends around (this is the recurring one, he's actually pretty cool), and took me upstairs to her room while he was downstairs because I had done something (most likely completely harmless) to upset her. We got in a humongpous argument as she proceeded to tell me that I was scum and that I was nothing but a thorn in her side. This is where it gets weird. She proceeds to get so angry that she starts smacking me and getting me in a fucking HEADLOCK. (granted, none of this hurts or is difficult to get out of; I'm 16, she's nearing 37. Do the math.) When she lets go, I'm damn near in tears and asking her what the fuck she's doing.

"Oh, shut up, I can't hurt you, I'm almost 40 fucking years old"

THAT'S NOT THE GOD DAMN POINT. She had me in a FUCKING HEADLOCK. That is not normal parental behavior, I don't care what you did.

I don't want to move in with my dad because I like my house and care for my mother. But God damn. It's like if I were to kill myself she wouldn't care. I don't know what I've done for her to take out all this anger on me, but I've put up with it for almost three fucking years without a word and it's definitely taking it's toll.

I really hope this doesn't sound too much like just teenage angst or whining or any of that shit. I'd like to think myself above that...



<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Rappyd00d on 2008-02-26 05:13 ]</font>


<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Rappyd00d on 2008-02-26 05:24 ]</font>

[HAYABUSA-FMW-]

Stay out of the house as much as possible, after school stuff - sports - bum @ a friends house often, overnight if you have to or whatever and try to get your plan set for the future when you can leave the house and do your own thing. Keep up with school also, its going to be helpful enough to have a HS diploma out in the workforce, no wasting time hunting down a GED. Try to get a PT job, even check in school about work experience which can let you out of school a few periods earlier so you can go to work, and get credit for an extra Junior/Senior year elective class. That'll make the 2 odd years pass by quicker.

If you think she's up to it, try to convince your mom to get some family counseling going if there's money for that - and if necessary help cut the shit out of the monthly finances yourself by taking initiative and removing some of the "want" stuff, dealing only with buying the "need" stuff like rent/food. You want to support her, she probably might not want life to be this chaotic for the both of you at home either and is showing signs of falling apart which you could help change if you step up and do so.

[ABDUR101]

I don't know. Seems like your mom sort of lost it when her ex got deported, and she's seeing all these guys to fill a void. The same thing happened with my youngest sister when she finally divorced her husband; he had been cheating on her and they had been having abit of a rocky few years toward the end. Unfortunately, he was seeing really trashy women at the end, purely sex and fun; he already has twins to his first wife and then twins to my sister so it just seemed silly to go beat around.

Regardless, when they finally got a divorce my sister took it hard, she still wanted to be with him, and she ended up dating afew dolts along the way. Granted, they were long relationships, but the guys were really..well, dull. The first guy was around my age(eight years younger than her) and he just made me uncomfortable. He was just a dork, he could'nt just sit and TALK, most often he'd come across like 'Butthead'. Her kids would do more work around the house than he did, and he'd pout and shit when there was anything serious that needed done.

The next dood she's currently dating still, though he's got alot of issues. Alcoholic, can be abusive verbally and so on; but my sister doesn't take shit and she'll gladly knock someone out if she needs to.(and she easily lets the words or fists fly, she's been a scraper her whole life) They're still together and she's trying to make it work, they have their moments.

But overall with your situation, I think your mom has lost her priorities. She spends all her money and then casts it up to you; in one hand it comes across like in lieu of spending quality time with you like she should, she tries to get you things to keep you occupied and out of her business, and then by going off about not having any money she can make it seem like she works so hard but isn't getting anywhere. A person with good sense would stop living a wine lifestyle with a beer budget. It's ok to splurge every once in a while, like at Christmas and so on; but not keep buying frivolous things like unnecessary clothes and expecially jewelry.

As for her hitting you and putting you in a headlock, it seems again like she's taking out her own frustrations on you. You're someone who can't go anywhere, that has to stick around no matter what she throws at you, so she can safely take it out on you. Something my youngest sister has always done with one of my nephews, expecially when he was 16 and he was getting abit bigger physically. At 16 he was already a decent sized kid(not overweight, but getting tall and bulky, just a big guy). However, he's rather gentle and kind, so she knew she could do stuff to him and he would'nt do anything back. Well, now he's 18, alot bigger(prolly nearing 6ft) and when she smacks or punches him, he just shrugs it off and pushes her off him. Afew months ago she was threatening to kick him out if he did'nt get a job, etc. At the time, her boyfriend had been unemployed for a while aswell. So my nephew got a job finally, and she was trying to tell him not to work so many hours, and he basically said "Fuck you, I'm going to work as much as I can between school hours because I don't WANT to be here with you all evening". She called up and told mom what he said made her feel bad, and mom was like "Well what do you think, when you threaten to kick him out and disrespect him as your mother, he's going to resent you for what you say and do. He's 18, you're no longer a necessity in his life. Start treating him right or you'll regret it." This also happened to be afew weeks after he told his mom he liked a black girl at school, and his mom flipped out. Basically told him she had never been so disappointed with him in her entire life, etc. I'm quite sure that cut deep, and it only increased the gap between them.

However, we were all supportive of him, told him date whoever he wanted so long as they weren't a bad influence. Then we got an earful from his mom because we did'nt back her up haha. Ah, the joys of family.

I think what you need to do though, is talk to your guidance councelor. You're still in school, and they are there for you to talk to. It doesn't have to be school related, they're there to help you with problems at home aswell. I think if you go in, and say look, I need to talk about things going on at home for the past couple years thats really getting out of hand, and its making it hard for me to deal with everything. Then just lay it all out, explain whats going on.

Let me point out though, that you can still love and care about your mother, but if she's not going to treat you right, don't live there. You don't need to deal with someone else's bullshit growing up, expecially a parents. They're supposed to be the adult and handle things as such, not take it out on their kids or set a bad stage(having alot of random guys, putting more effort INTO these random guys and not their kids, treating their kids as if they were strangers to the house, etc).

Love your mom, care about her, but you don't need to live with her and put up with that. It might be better if you did live with your dad, but thats something for you to bring up and think about.

[AlexCraig]

I completely agree. I know I would not stand for having my parents being violent towards me for their own problems. Like they said, talk to your councelor, get positive and helpful backing, get a job to both take up some of your time and get you some spending moey you can get your needs/wants, become active with your friends and peers, and above all else do not let your mom get to you.

[elainesangel9]

when my stepdad got violent he would yell at me and hit me but you know just find something to make me laugh. he would always be like "your a worthless ******" and id say, "yea well your bald and short and overly hairy", i mean, unless your parents are gunna kill you, laughing at them is fun, maybe not the best idea lol

[MetaZedlen]

Quite odd as I read this post, because I think my own mother is starting to get like this...
being that I am now 18, and I told her that I am moving in with my dad for when I attend college (it is like 5 minutes from his house), so now she is beginning to act as though she needs to act like a "tough guy", just because I won't be her stunt dummy anymore.

And also, I have experienced a few things like my mother exploding at me, but I saw that if I fight back, she will shut up and realize "hey, he didn't give me this bad day, so why should I take it out on him?"

All it takes is one (or a few) good moves to straighten out a situation.

[Rappyd00d]

Of course, I have argued back.
Numerous times, with conclusive data to back myself up.

It only elevates the situation.
She still won't believe a word I say, so I pack a camera with me everywhere to take photographic evidence of when things happen.

Yes, it has not gotten better.

[SStrikerR]

My mother pisses me off a lot too.
She seems to think that no matter what the situation is, it's my fault, nobody else's. My brother argues with her at times, and she shuts up and says, "oh, i guess you're right."
If, god forbid, I argue...even with evidence it isn't my fault and other things like that, she tells me to shut up and if anything bugs her even a tiny bit during the day, she explodes on ME. God it gets so annoying, I understand how you feel, but I'm sure you feel worse, considering your situation. Goodluck.

(Oh by the way make sure your counselor is actually good and doesn't go fucking telling your mother what you say to her...)

[Ashlyn]

Sounds like you sort of have a similar problem i had in my teens im now 21 on my own and believe it or not my mother still, well try's to control me. Like you when i was much younger i had a good life never was yelled at or beaten always had a good time ya kno that bullshit. My father had always been an alcoholic but was never really abusive until i hit around 11 or 12. At that time id be in my bedroom keeping to myself on the weekends but he would always come up every single weekend night and beat the living hell out of me. My mother never did anything, we never left unless he beat her and i was quickly going downhill. I wanted nothing more than to just die, I felt like a worthless piece of shit. My grades in school also quickly went downhill and thats when my mother started with me, screaming at me telling me i was a piece of shit, i was an accident so on so forth not just because of the grades though i would like you supposedly do something wrong and get screamed at. This went on several years with both the emotional abuse from my mother and the physical abuse from my father. I later learned that my mother was actually bi-polar. ( which could very well be the same problem with your mother if not somthing else). I started fighting back with my dad around 16, probably not the best solution but it was all i had i was too scared to go to the cops because i didnt want my younger brother and i being put away in a home. I punched him in the face, broke his foot by running it over with my car because he came after me with a metal baseball bat. Needless to say my life was totally FUCKED. At 18 they kicked me out of the house keep in mind it was my senior year, i had no choice but to drop out and do homeschool and work 2 jobs all the same time. My father has stopped his drinking and beating and my mom is of course still bi-polar but not quite as bad, im getting ready to get married soon and having a baby in the next 3years or so. So keep in mind it does get better and believe me it can be so much worse then you have it right now. The best advice i can give you, is when she makes you feel like dog shit is more precious then you, just keep in mind she needs some help wether it be medication or not. Instead of being so concerned with her let her have her freedom and just pretend you dont even know shes there. She may actually want to spend time with you or start treating you better. as for the family counsiling its only going to piss her off more in my opinion and then you'll hear " well where do you think im getting the money for that" hope i was of some help ever want to talk just hit me up with a PM.

[Raine_Loire]

I agree with Abdur- regardless of what your mom is going through, she doesn't have a right to take it out on you. And it isn't your job to save her, so you may want to think about moving to your dad's for a while. It might be the only way to save your relationship with your mom, but either way, she's heading down a slippery slope, and I don't think it'll get better when she divorces this guy...

Her choices financially are very poor, her social choices are poor, her parenting is questionable, and to be honest (not a professional opinion because I don't start pursuing my psych degree for another month), if it were my mom, I would assume she is currently mentally unstable, whether b/c of situational depression or just because she has a mental imbalance that didn't manifest until middle age. Either way, you're probably not going to be successful in getting her into counseling, when people are in the stage she's in, they're feeling good about themselves, see any dependents as burdens, and think any problems aren't because of THEM- it's always other people. So if you bring up the topic, be prepared for her to get angry, like Ashlyn said.

You have 2 choices, really. Stay and ride it out, or leave and wait til it blows over. But realize that the way she's living ISN'T ok (parents set your morals whether they realize it or not, unfortunately) and it isn't your fault or your problem. Until she wants to change, she'll stay the same. Maybe leaving would give her the space she needs to realize that her problems are because of her own choices, and that there isn't some "magical man" on the internet that will help her regain her youth, or suddenly make her rich, or whatever she's searching for by scrolling through bedmates.

GL, and update often!