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McLaughlin
Feb 26, 2008, 09:06 PM
Well, I was bored today, so I thought I'd take (yet another) stab at writing. I was going to try to stay a few chapters ahead of myself, but figured I'd post this one first so I could incorporate any criticisms. So, here goes. Any and all criticism is welcome and appreciated (grammar included).


Chapter 1


“The specimen?”

“He is currently sedated,” a female voice replied. She couldn't see who she was talking to. The room was almost entirely dark, save for the low-hanging light in the center of the room. Its glow was just enough to light the edges of a large, round table. “He appears to be in great pain.”

“The procedure went according to plan?” Another inquired.

“Yes,” the woman answered, turning her head in the direction she thought the question had come from, “There were no complications.” She puffed out her chest ever so slightly, taking pride in her work.

“The others?”

She spun her head yet again, to the right, half wondering if she was even looking in the right direction. “They are fairing significantly better.” She looked down at the floor for a moment before quickly adding, “That's to be expected though. As ideal as he may be, he is only human. It was no great feat predicting the Beast subjects would be far more receptive to the augmentation.”

The door behind the woman slid open with a hiss, and she understood this as her que to leave. She bowed gracefully to the darkness and shuffled out of the room. She walked the length of the hallway quickly, not that there was anything to keep her from doing so. Just doors on either side, numbered rooms where tests were being conducted. Her objective was much farther inside the compound, and she wasted no time navigating the maze of corridors with practiced efficiency. She had been given an entire wing of the building for her research, both for conducting experiments and the medical care of her subjects.

Finally arriving at her destination, she flicked on the light switch beside the door as it clamped shut and checked a series of monitors stationed beside a large plate-glass window. Once finished, she stared through the window for a few moments at the man it held. His breathing was laboured, his blonde hair unkept and messy with his bangs glued to his forehead due to his sweating, but his vital signs were stable. She switched off the lights and locked the door behind her, leaving him with only the quiet sounds of the machinery to keep him company.


* * * * * * * * * *


“Where are we heading?”

“We are going to the Flyer Base on Parum. There have been reports of strange creatures altering the native wildlife in the area north of Rozenom. We are to investigate and, if the situation calls for it, purify any hostile lifeforms.” The reply came from a female Cast, approximately 5'8 in height. She was a hair taller than her human companion. Her voice was soft, but clearly synthetic. Her green and black paint job and battle-oriented parts, Digiel leg parts and Batrelle arms made no attempt to hide her occupation. They were more practical than they were aesthetically pleasing though, so she countered this by wearing her Jenkel torso almost everywhere. She was rather fond of the way it looked, and she thought it added a little femininity to her otherwise all-business appearance. It was also a sly way to acquire information, she had found. Most men would cough up what you were looking for if you could show enough “skin.”

“Parum? Shouldn't this be the AMF's job then? We're stretched pretty thin as-is.”

“This is a peculiar assignment, I will admit. Though, I find it strange you aren't more enthusiastic. The Anne I know would never pass up the opportunity to visit Cubic Design.”

“Well, I think you took the mission just to have a chance at buying out GRM again. Besides Hannah, I wasn't complaining. I was just curious as to why the AMF continually shirks their responsibilities.” Anne looked away from her partner for a moment to show their papers to the Guardian stationed outside the PPT gate to Parum.

“To be honest, I find the mission a little suspicious as well.” This put a grin on Anne's face. The way she figured it, if she and Hannah had come to the same conclusion, it meant they were on to something. That, and that her deductive skills had matched her Cast compatriot. They took their seats on the G Flyer and buckled up.


* * * * * * * * * *


Anne, being of the female persuasion, had postponed their mission so she could go shopping. It wasn't every day you got to go to Cubic Design after all. Apparently, it wasn't every day they got in anything new either. She walked out with a defeated look on her face and sat at one of the tables near the juice stand. She liked her own outfit, a yellow Flaxo jacket with black pants of the same brand, but she wished there for something new anyway. What really bothered her was how windy it was. Her long hair wasn't done up in any particular way, much like Hannah's, and her blonde bangs kept blowing into her eyes. As she huffed heavily to get her hair out of her face, Hannah walked out of the GRM store with an expression similar to Anne's. She attempted to sit herself down in the chair adjacent to Anne, but had difficulty because of her Digiel parts, and opted to stand instead.

“I can make weapons better than the scrap they sell in there,” she fumed.

“Okiku Dolls count as weapons?” Anne teased. The glare she received sent a chill down her spine, and she was quick to change the topic.

“Hey...the AMF base is just around the block. Why don't we go check in with them before we get started?”

“I suppose it couldn't hurt to ask a few questions...” Hannah's voice trailed off as she recalled several other such instances, and she was quick to regret making the same mistake yet again.

* * * * * * * * * *


“Well, that was a waste of time.”

“Yes. How...unfortunate,” Hannah lied.

The building that housed the majority of the AMF's troops was locked down. Tight. The exterior of the building looked sort of like a castle, but instead of a draw bridge, they had lowered a very thick steel bulkhead to cover the entrance. There was no other way in as far as the two of them knew, so they scurried along to the Guardian's Headquarters located to their east.

“So, what's with the AMF?” Anne asked as the receptionist processed the paperwork necessary to begin their assignment.

“I haven't the foggiest,” the woman replied.

“Why are they forcing the Guardians to clean up their mess?”

“I haven't the foggiest.” The Cast held out her hand, and Hannah grabbed their information.

“Wait a 'sec-”

“Let's go, Anne,” Hannah ordered, nearly dragging Anne out the door.

Back outside...

“What the heck!?”

“You won't get anywhere with her. If you hadn't noticed, she was on a loop.”

“I uh...” Anne started. She couldn't think of a way to finish her thought, so like any good conversationalist, she started a new one. “I guess you're right. She didn't even send us off with the 'May the Holy Light...' spiel. Who needs the Holy Light on a recon mission anyway?”

“Let's just get moving. We're going to lose the daylight in a few few hours, and that light we do need.”



<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Obsidian_Knight on 2008-03-18 17:14 ]</font>

CupOfCoffee
Feb 26, 2008, 09:23 PM
Very nice. The prose is descriptive but to the point--there's no talking in circles or flowery poetic jibberish that some people struggle with. I couldn't quite place my finger on a decisive plot yet, but it's still early in the story and we all know I know exactly zero things about PSU, haha.

Anyway, really good work. I'm absolutely looking forward to more.

McLaughlin
Feb 26, 2008, 09:25 PM
That means a lot to me. I hope I can meet your expectations.

Xaeris
Feb 26, 2008, 11:20 PM
Obsidian, writing a fic? Holy crap, it's the end of times and I've done nothing with my life! Well, I'm certainly on for the ride. Being the first chapter, I haven't much to say so far; I do have one small concern, but I'll save it for the next chapter if it's still there.

Freshellent
Feb 27, 2008, 01:25 AM
Hey,I liked this. Keep it up! I'm really curious to see where this is going.

McLaughlin
Mar 18, 2008, 07:16 PM
Not very long (or as long as it should be for that kind of a delay), but here's chapter 2. I can't commit to any kind of update schedule because of school, but I'll try not to take so long to update. The next chapter should be up by Monday though, time permitting.


Chapter 2: Smoke Signals


“Progress report?”

The woman grabbed her reading glasses from around her neck and set them on her face in order to read the charts she brought with her. All the glasses in the world couldn't help the crappy lighting in the room though, and she still found herself squinting. She made a mental note to bring some extra source of lighting on her next visit.

“Subject 30010636-”

“The Human?” another voice interjected. The women sighed audibly, and then scolded herself for it. She might have just blown her chance at additional funding.

“Yes. The Human,” she confirmed. She preferred addressing her subjects by their identification number. The less personal she got with them, the better. “He's doing...about as well as one could expect. Initially, he refused to begin the training regiment. The weights were then forcefully attached to his uniform. He is adapting well.”

“The others?”

“The Beasts,” she began, deciding not to push her luck, “have taken quite well to the augmentations. This was expected, however. Their augmentations were less...involved, and the body of a Beast is far more robust than that of a Human. To be frank, I don't understand why you picked him for the project. A Beast would have been a far more logical choice-” she cut herself off before she really blew it. Their money, their decisions.

“Well, Ms. Cooper, not everyone on this board of directors was fortunate enough to be born a Beast. We already knew they would be able to adapt. We're far more interested in how far we can push a Human body.”

Inside, the hamster wheel began spinning as she processed this new information. Outside, she offered a nod and walked out the now open door. She walked briskly to the training facility located in the east ward of the compound. It was, for the most part, an uneventful trip, barring the angry shove she gave one unfortunate employee who happened to be blocking the hallway. Upon arrival at the training facility, she was greeted by a large Beast man in a black track suit.

“How is his performance?”

“For his second day of recovery, I'd say damn good-”

“Then increase the weight,” she demanded.

“Well, which ones do-”

“All of them.” She was growing more impatient with every passing second.

The Beast attempted to ask how much should increase the weight by, but his curios gaze was met with an arm that swept him out of the way of the control panel he had been in charge of watching (and easily too, much to the man's dismay). Dr. Cooper then promptly cranked one nob until it would go no further, and then left without a word.

The trainer turned to the glass window to watch as the human, in the middle of punching a dummy, was suction-cupped to the floor.


* * * * * * * * * *


“This is stupid,” Anne moaned. “We haven't seen a single creature, hostile or otherwise.”

“Well...” Hannah was searching for a way to keep her companion occupied, “don't you think that's a bit odd?”

“What?” Anne turned to look at Hannah with the look one has when attempting to write a math test written in a different language (don't ask). She quickly realised she had better things to look at as she made contact with the trunk of a tree.

“In a forest this thick, and this large, you'd think we would have seen some form of life by now. I haven't even heard a bird chirp since our arrival.”

“Maybe they just don't like Guardians,” Anne mused as she contemplated how she would exact her revenge on the tree. “It wouldn't be the first time the locals weren't exactly fond of our being there.” She settled on cleaving it down the middle with her Huge Cutter. As the blade simply melted through the tree, a few splinters caught fire and she quickly stomped out the flame.

“Well, we've been out here most of the day. We will be unable to continue with the mission once the sun sets, so I suggest we head back to the Guardian's Branch and report.”

“Report what?”

“That we found nothing.” Hannah stated flatly. Anne's confused facial expression resembled the one a person may have when they're told for the first time they've dropped their pockets. Hannah clarified, “The absence of any wildlife here is as telling as finding infected wildlife.”


* * * * * * * * * *


“When the heck does the Guardian Branch close?” Anne kicked the door, only to grab her foot in pain when the door refused to budge.

“This is strange. Anne, keep an eye out.” Hannah surveyed their immediate surroundings while giving the order.

“For what? I'm not totally oblivious you know. We haven't passed a single person on our way here.”

Hannah offered an apologetic smile as she inspected the area of the door Anne had kicked. “You know, you put a sizable dent in it.”

“Let's head back to the Colony. I'm sure President Dallgun would want to know about this,” Anne suggested, turning towards the gate to the central part of Holtes. “Of course, we'll be omitting the part where I damaged Guardians property,” she added, grinning at Hannah. She looked back over her shoulder to take one last look at the Guardian Branch.

“You see it too?”

“Yeah.” Anne's gaze was focused not on the building, but behind it, where a large stack of black smoke was rising up from the trees near the center of the forest, partially obscured by the bright neon orange hologram of the Guardian symbol perched atop the sky scraper.

“We'd better check that out.”



<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Obsidian_Knight on 2008-03-18 17:18 ]</font>