I guess I'm weird then

[Nitro Vordex]

I've had two (maybe) gf in my life.
I think, I haven't moved on from the previous one.
Let's elaborate:

I started going to a new school, as some of you may or may not know. So, I knew no one there. After a week or so, I started talking to a girl. Now, she had quite the resemblance to my old "Gf". I assumed that's why I was attracted to her, and thought nothing of it.
After a while, I came to thinking of her a lot. Then a thought struck me: Is this unhealthy?

Now, I can't really elaborate after that point. However, I have another thing. Another reason I don't currently have a girlfriend, is because I can't go out with someone if I'm not attacted to them. I honestly can't ask a random girl to go out with me. I have to get to know them, and after a while, I'll know. Plus, I'm also a little nervous around women I like. http://www.pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/anime2.gif I seem to attract the ones I wouldn't even consider going out with as well. http://www.pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_disapprove.gif

As a result of such, I go to bed every night thinking how I don't have anyone to call my other. Slight (oh so slight) depression kicks in, but is gone after I sleep.

I really hate being alone, and yet I love it. What's wrong with me?

[Jakosifer]

Teen Angst. Nuff said.

*flees*

[Chuck_Norris]

Nothing's wrong. Ya just got a crush, and are too shy to ask her out. You're not weird, you just need to build up the currage to ask her. And if she says "No, then she says "No". It ain't the end of the world. She probably just wasn't the right one anyway.

[ABDUR101]

Who the hell gets the know someone? What a freak. Pffft.

No, really; you do have to get to know someone, but there are alot of ways you can do that without really calling it a 'date'.("Dating" makes it seem too official, and there seem to be bigger expectations that follow suit) Goto parties, go out as groups to wherever the hell it is people go. Movies, the mall, Walmart..wherever. But you can't say "I can't go out with someone if I'm not attracted to them"...well, pigeon hole yourself abit further.

You're not going to get to know someone unless you go do something and hang around them, and if you're basing your attractions solely on physical then you're missing out on the point of what 'being with someone' is all about. Being with someone isn't just for your benefit, its a mutual benefit for both of you; to enjoy doing things together, to be there for each other, etc.

Also, you don't have anything to be depressed about, heh. Sure, its nice to have someone to be with; but if you're putting quotes around 'girlfriend' odds are you haven't really had anything official in the past to dictate as such. Having a significant other won't fix your problems, it's going to add other complications and make you step outside your own shoes quite often; there's fun to be had and so on of course, but it's not all just fun and games at your leisure.

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: ABDUR101 on 2008-03-30 10:01 ]</font>

[Wyndham]

don't worry. I'm 19 and I've had 2 girlfriends. I'm really picky, and I don't do well with crowds.
.

[AlexCraig]

I agree with Abdur for the most part, save for one point. "I can't go out with someone if I'm not attracted to them" does not necissarily mean just physical. He could also have meant on a more in-depth level (personality, interests, etc).

Apart from that, yeah, I agree with both Abdur and Chuck.

[Wyndham]

I don't care too much about physical appearance. I need to like them on a level iof personality and all that.
if the girl is pretty,it's just an added bonus.

[ABDUR101]

On 2008-03-30 10:19, AlexCraig wrote:
I agree with Abdur for the most part, save for one point. "I can't go out with someone if I'm not attracted to them" does not necissarily mean just physical. He could also have meant on a more in-depth level (personality, interests, etc).


I referenced that he's not going to be able to get attracted to them, personality-wise and further, unless he goes further with getting to actually know them. Most people merely skim over someone and don't ask questions, don't truely get to know the other person before they say "I'm not attracted to them, we don't have enough in common."

He has to go out, spend time with them, ask questions, etc to get to know the full gamut of who they are.

I have different personalities depending on who's around and who I'm interacting with; each one has a varying level of "guard" up to stop people from getting too close or knowing too much.

Don't skim, go out, do things, open up and then others will open up with you.

[AlexCraig]

Exactly. That is kinda how I met my girlfriend.

[Blue-Hawk]

On 2008-03-30 01:25, Nitro_Vordex wrote:
I've had two (maybe) gf in my life.

I really hate being alone, and yet I love it. What's wrong with me?


I'm probably twice your age and had about the same amount of girlfriends. Do yourself a favor (speaking from personal experience) and stay alone. it's not worth the stress and agrivation of falling for that cruel joke played upon humanity called 'love'.

There's nothing wrong with being alone. Been 9 years since I was last with a woman in that respect and I haven't missed it ONE bit. Just give up and you will find yourself living a happier life with fewer restrictions.

Yes, I sound negative, and I don't care what you think of it in my case. All I'm saying is that in my personal experience, love (Teen love especially) is a load of crap. You think it's love? Just a feeling of wanting to be with someone and have sex. Lust it's called. I know you are younger than I am, but in time you too might come to realize how I feel.

I love my solitude. Girlfriends have given me nothing but trouble.

IE- First girlfriend I ever had. Two months and she left me without telling me why. I found out that she was only using me to get back with her old boyfriend. Nice start to a dating life, huh?

Next girlfriend left me for an inter racial relationship which left her being beaten by him. I still defended her, though. Keep in mind, I still harbor NO ill feelings towards others of a different race that me over that.

Third, and last, was a manic depressive who left me without telling me why..... Again.... Two months for ALL three of them each.

So, that was it. Nine years later, and I still stick with my motto about the whole thing- Fuck love. It doesn't seem to exist.

Oh, I did try those internet dating sites like E-Harmony, but after being 100% honest on those annoyinh profile tests, they ALL came up with no matches. I laughed knowing those are also a load of shit.

Take it from someone with experience. Screw it and live your life alone. You will be happier in the long run. I know I am.

[Darkly]

On 2008-03-30 10:25, Wyndham wrote:
I don't care too much about physical appearance. I need to like them on a level iof personality and all that.
if the girl is pretty,it's just an added bonus.




are you sure? I mean of course to truly fall for someone you need to like their personality but, i thought the whole reason you go out with someone is BECAUSE you fancy them. I see alot of people on forum's take this moral high groundish approach claiming they are all about a girl's personality.

That's not to say it doesn't happen - but people HAVE to be attracted to each other for it to work, Of course you can grow to find someone attractive because of their personality but im not buying this whole 'added bonus' thing.

Afterall you are a guy lol.

[ABDUR101]

Yeah, I don't buy the "She has a beautiful personality". I agree that I don't care how hot someone is, if they're ignorant, prickish, bad attitude/personality I won't stick around them, but I HAVE to be attracted to them in some aspect physically. You can't be with someone who you don't have an 'anchor' with them physically.

An "Added bonus" is someone who's into gaming, or likes the same movies I do, or shares some other interest that we both indulge in. Being with someone you find physically attractive isn't an "added bonus", its a necessity for the relationship to last(and being a guy has nothing to do with it, women are the same way..duh?)

It's the package as a whole, you can't merely dwell on one thing and use that as the polevault to maintain a relationship; don't kid yourself.

Aswell, don't be as negative as Blue-hawk. You had some bad run-ins with whores and people who had issues of their own, and you said "ok, fuck it" and did'nt look back. Sounds more like being hard-headed and not putting effort into actually finding someone decent out of mere frustration. It's your decision, it doesn't effect me; but don't paint the picture that its all bullshit and cheating. There's plenty of drama out there, its unavoidable and I've hit my share in the mix aswell, but thats how it goes when you get to know other people. They're not merely an anamatron, they have their own intentions, ambitions, etc. Sometimes you get used, sometimes things work out. Thats the toss up, yeah?

[Wyndham]

well, truth be told it matters, but id rather spend my life with someone who likes me because of who I am, and I try to return the favor.

[Wyndham]

I guess I just need a good friend right now, rather than a girlfriend.

[AlexCraig]

On 2008-03-30 15:19, ABDUR101 wrote:
Aswell, don't be as negative as Blue-hawk. You had some bad run-ins with whores and people who had issues of their own, and you said "ok, fuck it" and did'nt look back. Sounds more like being hard-headed and not putting effort into actually finding someone decent out of mere frustration. It's your decision, it doesn't effect me; but don't paint the picture that its all bullshit and cheating. There's plenty of drama out there, its unavoidable and I've hit my share in the mix aswell, but thats how it goes when you get to know other people. They're not merely an anamatron, they have their own intentions, ambitions, etc. Sometimes you get used, sometimes things work out. Thats the toss up, yeah?


THANK YOU! I read his post and couldn't think of something to say without getting ticked. You pretty much just summed it up.

[MetaZedlen]

Too bad I couldn't help you out on this one....

18 years and still solo...wait, I did have a small something going one time, but again, just being used, and damn did it hurt (a couple of days anyway...).

Actually now that I think about it, I can tell you one thing, and that is make sure that you know who you are talking to and draw your OWN conclusions about that one person, 'cause people just like to be douchebags about somebody, probably 'cause they did something that was stupid (speaking from my own experience, dumbass friends of mine...).

Also, don't live in the past, 'cause you probably won't be able to see the great things that can happen to you right now, 'cause I always say "live in the now" or "worry about it WHEN it happens, not IF it happens."

Life is too short...

[EphekZ]

One thing I found out, even if you're not super attracted to the girl right away, as you get to know her you become more and more attracted to her. Go for the girl that likes you, who you're somewhat attracted to. Usually the girls you REALLY REALLY like don't work anyway. You can't be so picky.

edit: especially, if you're acting like you need a girlfriend. I would think you'd settle for anything :s

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: EphekZ on 2008-03-30 20:06 ]</font>

[Nitro Vordex]

On 2008-03-30 15:19, ABDUR101 wrote:
...It's your decision, it doesn't affect me; but don't paint the picture that its all bullshit and cheating....


Really sorry, that just kinda annoyed me. http://www.pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/anime2.gif

Well, I kind of do have Blue-Hawk's perspective, I don't really need a girlfriend, hell, my life has been easier becuase I don't have one. Most of the time, though, it's also because I see all of the rediculousness that comes with having "another".

As for the love thing, I don't really think love will exist until someone is in their 20's. I have a friend, no, scratch that, a few friends that say they're in love.

Everytime they mention it, I laugh. Hard.

I think it's because I grew up mostly around older people, but I learned a lot more at an early age about life. My ideals aren't based on anyone else, but they are influenced. For girls, I learned to respect them. I try to respect everyone I meet. Not for their benefit, but for mine. Just so no one decides they want to get physical or anything. >_>

Well, I didn't expect this much feedback, but it certainly helped. That's why I like this site, many intelligent people here, despite the way they word stuff. Thanks a lot everyone. http://www.pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_smile.gif

[EphekZ]

I kinda lol when people say "their life has been way easier without another."
Spoiler alert: Women don't make your life hard, in my case it makes it a lot easier and wayyyy more fun.

Just my 2 cents.

[ljkkjlcm9]

On 2008-03-31 00:08, EphekZ wrote:
I kinda lol when people say "their life has been way easier without another."
Spoiler alert: Women don't make your life hard, in my case it makes it a lot easier and wayyyy more fun.

Just my 2 cents.


as long as things are fine, sure. But as soon as there's a problem... yeah not so much.

THE JACKEL

[EphekZ]

On 2008-03-31 00:28, ljkkjlcm9 wrote:

On 2008-03-31 00:08, EphekZ wrote:
I kinda lol when people say "their life has been way easier without another."
Spoiler alert: Women don't make your life hard, in my case it makes it a lot easier and wayyyy more fun.

Just my 2 cents.


as long as things are fine, sure. But as soon as there's a problem... yeah not so much.

THE JACKEL



then you might as well quit life, as the world is gunna give you a whole lot more problems than a woman ever can.

[enoch]

girls are aliens. I think you just have to find the alien you can connect with most lol.
then again you might be too young. I was in love when I was 14! lol then like 3 years late rI met the girl again and being older really changed things for us. I think the maturity helps you see things clearer. idk for all I know your just as old as me

[BlaizeYES]

abdur has it awfully well in his posts. especially this:


On 2008-03-30 09:44, ABDUR101 wrote:

Having a significant other won't fix your problems, it's going to add other complications and make you step outside your own shoes quite often; there's fun to be had and so on of course, but it's not all just fun and games at your leisure.



that's a key. you are young, you feel that need of being loved and think that finding a girl that loves you will make everything better. but you can't expect someone else's feelings towards you make you love yourself. dont use "love" or "companionship" to be an end-all solution to problems. there usually never is an end-all solution to problems, life isnt like the movies. if you're an emotional wreck(not you, just an example) and a girl devotes herself completely to you, you're only going to make a wreck of two people, or she'll leave before she allows you to make her into a mess... because you may think a girl will "change" you or make you do a complete 180, but relationships will always exploit those "changes" you were expecting the relationship to fix.



and blue-hawk, no offense, but i think you're being a cynic because deep down inside, i think you're afraid. the few times that you allowed yourself to venture out, you just got hurt. so because of "pain," you're scared to get out there and try again. what's life if you don't take chances, not just in love, but with everything? where's the thrill? where's the ADVENTURE? and sometimes, isnt the risks what makes things more exciting? i think after your first "relationship," you've never been able to LET THAT GO, and you approach every relationship bracing for when THE PAIN will set in again when you're dumped. lol, and i'm sorry for going dr. phil on you, blue hawk, but you can't just go through the remainder of your adult life saying "fuck relationships" all because of 3 fucked up girls and e-harmony not finding you a match. narrow it down, and just say "FUCK E-HARMONY."


if that makes any sense at all(because i'm finding it hard to explain things when i am now rather tired), then MY WORK HERE IS DONE

[Blue-Hawk]

On 2008-03-31 20:35, BlaizeYES wrote:
abdur has it awfully well in his posts. especially this:

[quote]On 2008-03-30 09:44, ABDUR101 wrote:
and blue-hawk, no offense, but i think you're being a cynic because deep down inside, i think you're afraid. the few times that you allowed yourself to venture out, you just got hurt. so because of "pain," you're scared to get out there and try again. what's life if you don't take chances, not just in love, but with everything? where's the thrill? where's the ADVENTURE? and sometimes, isnt the risks what makes things more exciting? i think after your first "relationship," you've never been able to LET THAT GO, and you approach every relationship bracing for when THE PAIN will set in again when you're dumped. lol, and i'm sorry for going dr. phil on you, blue hawk, but you can't just go through the remainder of your adult life saying "fuck relationships" all because of 3 fucked up girls and e-harmony not finding you a match. narrow it down, and just say "FUCK E-HARMONY."



Did I not give THREE examples of that? Yes, I'm being a cynic, and I LIKE it that way. I'm happy with myself and my life now that I stopped looking and caring about finding a so-called 'significant other'. I tell things from a realist's point of view, not some half deluded person who's only train of thought is 'How can I get that girl to have sex with me'. It's not worth the time, agrivation and financial strain to discover a girl doesn't want you near them.


Edit- and no offense taken on the cynic remark. But Dr' Phil is one of the top 15 people I want to see dead by my own hands for being an imbecile.


<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Blue-Hawk on 2008-04-01 05:18 ]</font>

[SStrikerR]

"Love" in teenage years is well...stupid. I have to say the odds are very slim that it'll last for a long time like some people want it to. I've gone out with one person and another has said no, big deal. The first one taught me something important, you might THINK you're in love with someone, but then it turns out that you aren't. We lasted for 3 days, and then she broke up with me, and I relised that I didn't want to be her boyfriend, she was just a really good friend, so that's what we are now, friends. So i wasn't crushed, and a few months later I worked up the nerve to ask another girl out. She had been a great friend before I asked her, just as the other one had been, except when she said no...well we don't really talk anymore, and it's pretty sad that we don't.

All in all, I don't think anybody really NEEDS a girlfriend/boyfriend at all. I kinda found out I don't even want a girlfriend right now, I'd just rather keep the girls I know as friends rather than making the mistake of destroying friendship with them.

So no, you're not weird at all.

Or we both are haha.

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Ryan113 on 2008-04-01 05:43 ]</font>

[ABDUR101]

On 2008-04-01 05:16, Blue-Hawk wrote:
Did I not give THREE examples of that? Yes, I'm being a cynic, and I LIKE it that way. I'm happy with myself and my life now that I stopped looking and caring about finding a so-called 'significant other'. I tell things from a realist's point of view, not some half deluded person who's only train of thought is 'How can I get that girl to have sex with me'. It's not worth the time, agrivation and financial strain to discover a girl doesn't want you near them.


Edit- and no offense taken on the cynic remark. But Dr' Phil is one of the top 15 people I want to see dead by my own hands for being an imbecile.


You mis-quoted. You quotes Blaize but had my name in the quote box; I had to do a double-take because I know I hadn't wrote that.

Aswell, who's saying you need to look at it from the angle of "How can I fuck this chick"? You don't have to look at it from that rather crude angle, nor from the angle of "How can I get this chick to marry and live with me until we both die."

You were with three chicks, who each had their own major issues; you got used. Hell, you were only with each of them, what, acouple months each? Try being with someone for nearly two years, help them with business, work, all their own personal issues and insecurities and be there for them at 4am when they need someone to talk to; and then after all that and how close you are to them; out of the blue a month after you fly out to be with them for awhile they drop the bomb on you that they "found someone, but it wasn't intentional". Deal with that and then get back to me about being used. =]

Afew months? Please, I wish thats all the time I had wasted on someone, instead I put alot of money, energy and emotion into someone for nearly two years and they reciprocated the feelings back, and then in a phone call it was all down the toilet. Of course it sucks and it's lame, but I can't be some dickhead and put what they did to me on everyone else's shoulders.

I had to realise that it was them, thats who they are and I can't go through life holding grudges and wallowing in my own cynical ball of piss.

In the end, you're the one carrying that weight around with you; but everytime I see you post and go off about how being with someone isn't worth it, its nothing but hassle, lies, etc it's quite obvious that you're not over it. There's nothing wrong with keeping to yourself and enjoying the time you have, everyone needs their space; but don't paint a shitty picture for those who are actively trying to do something for themselves and put forth effort.

[Blue-Hawk]

Heh, sorry about that Abdur. Didn't mean to quote you, too in there.

[DreXxiN]

I see a link with people that think "love doesn't mean anything in teen years" and "Man I've only had a relationship for 1 month"

[SStrikerR]

On 2008-04-04 23:16, DreXxiN wrote:
I see a link with people that think "love doesn't mean anything in teen years" and "Man I've only had a relationship for 1 month"

I'll take that as an insult, and no, it just doesn't mean anything. It won't go anywhere.

[Sord]

On 2008-03-30 01:25, Nitro_Vordex wrote:
I really hate being alone, and yet I love it. What's wrong with me?


Sounds like you want to be loved, or want to be understood by someone in a way others don't see you. At the same time, you also acknowledge how much easier it is to just not even bother at this point. More often then not, relationships are going to fail at some point, which looking at that from the perspective of not even starting it yet, makes it seem like everything you do up to the breakup point will be made worthless. So why bother with the hassle for something you don't really need that could very well backfire and just make things worse or seemingly pointless anyways? Some people would just plain say "it's not," others would say that the good will outweigh the bad, and some would just give the typical "you never know." In middleschool I very much wanted a gf, but by highschool I just no longer cared. I figure I would either

A.focus on what I have to deal with now (school, getting a job, basically transitioning from teenager to adult) and deal with all the romance after I'm stable and settled down.
B. fall in love with a girl who I've actually already know for awhile and already like as a person

Recently B has come into form. But I still have critical thoughts about the relationship. Sure I love her, but (what at least I see as) logic has always held dominance in my mind and there are still a lot of things that I doubt about the relationship as a whole. Though on the flipside that allows me to not stumble blindly through the relationship, as well as allow me to think ahead as to how I actually want the relationship to be, and how I can shift it to be as near as possible to what it is I desire, or should the outcome lead to a breakup, build the relationship in such a way there is a higher chance of being friends afterwards and not reverting to mortal enemies or someone you want to constantly shy away from.