Elderly Home Social Tips

[Spy]

1. If you are driving about in your electric wheelchair, look both ways before shooting out of a door way. Not only can you literally crush one of your peers, but their walkers can and will dent your shiney red paintjob.

2. No amount of perfume or cologne can hide the fact that you cannot control your bowel movements and are only bathed once every three days, so do not bother to try.

3. Unless you want a cane to your face do not brag about how do not need to wear Depends.

4. When engaging in a cane duel, make sure none of the care staff is present. Not only may they try and stop the fight, but they may record it with their "magic cameras" and upload it to that "crazy data highway" that you cannot drive on "because the damn governor stole your driver's license and car."

5. When hitting on the female care-givers make sure they are infact female care-givers, and not the male receptionist who writes posts such as these.

6. No matter how much sense you think it makes, they will never have "Monday Night Football" on Friday.

7. While you think it may be funny in kickball to kick the ball at the parapalegic's face the parapalegic is not laughing.

8. Just because you have bad hearing it doesn't mean you need to yell at those around you.

9. Bing Crosbie does not sound better with each listening session, no matter how much you want to believe it. Nor does Frank Sinatra, but at least he has some pizazz.

10. If you're going to call to bitch at the staff, make sure you dial the correct phone number, and not your family's home; if you thought the visits were few and far between before, well, you'll soon find out.

My name is Spy. I work in a retirement home. I will add more tips as they come to me.

[Bloodberry]

5. When hitting on the female care-givers make sure they are infact female care-givers, and not the male receptionist who writes posts such as these.

Awwwwwwww O.o

[ABDUR101]

11. Smoking while requiring oxygen isn't a good idea. Smoking while using oxygen is an even worse idea.

12. When asking where your room/"home" is, please make sure you are asking someone "in the know".

13. Idling at the nurses station which is the epicenter of all action leads to traffic jamming of the halls, please respect heart attack victims, you may be one someday.

14. While on scheduled toileting and liquids, it is un-kind, albiet sly, to ask a staff of therapy to take you to the toilet or get you a drink of water. Those on thickened liquids drink tap water at their own risk.

15. Saying "Lunch is ready and I have to go to my table" won't get you out of the last 30 reps of excercise you have to do for therapy. The sooner you do them, the sooner you get wheeled to the diner.

16. Acting senile or hard of hearing does not eleviate you from therapy, we read your charts.

17. Staying in bed all day won't save you from therapy, we perform room visits if needed.

18. Contrary to popular beleif, wheelchairs are not your life force at old age. If you can make the effort, you can walk again.*

19. If you have an alarm attached to your person or wheelchair, it's for a reason. Turning off the alarm just means that you'll be laying on the floor a lot longer.

20. The 3 to 11 staff are notorious for their errors. Please file all complaints with the day shift for swift rectification.**

*Not withstanding a non-ambulitory state, amputees and those unelegible for prosthetics.

** Laurel Run used as example.

[Spy]

Old people get a bad wrap. Most of them are pretty cool, if not just a little confused ^_^

[ABDUR101]

The elderly are damn funny. And you'd be surprised at how well you can get along with most of them.

After you work with them one on one throughout the day though, you tend to worry about them. o_O

And nothing makes you smile more than seeing an elderly resident you work with farther down the hall smiling at you as you walk towards them.

...nothing!

[Spy]

On 2003-01-20 20:09, ABDUR101 wrote:
The elderly are damn funny. And you'd be surprised at how well you can get along with most of them.


Yes. Have you witnessed a cane fight yet?



After you work with them one on one throughout the day though, you tend to worry about them. o_O


I don't get that involved.



And nothing makes you smile more than seeing an elderly resident you work with farther down the hall smiling at you as you walk towards them.

...nothing!


I smile more when I say "Cya tomorrow" and they respond "Haha, not if god finally decideds to love me."

[ABDUR101]

On 2003-01-20 20:18, Spy wrote:
Yes. Have you witnessed a cane fight yet?

Where I work, most of the people don't use canes. There are alot of walker-users though. I'm waiting for someone to get good at balancing themselves enough to lift the walker up and side-swipe someone with it.

..a Battle Bots commercial from Comedy Central comes to mind. o_O



I don't get that involved.

Let me know when a resident performs a Tanya Harding on you.



I smile more when I say "Cya tomorrow" and they respond "Haha, not if god finally decideds to love me."


... o_O Well that's understandable. I've never heard anything along those lines though. More like "Goodbye honey, have a good day and I see you tommorow."

[hooray4punkmusic]

*Has no idea what's going on*?

[Spy]

On 2003-01-20 20:43, hooray4punkmusic wrote:
*Has no idea what's going on*?



That's okay, neither do the people I work with.

[Bloodberry]

All this battle cane talk makes that job seem interesting! If only I were qualified to take care of string, much less the elderly.

At least you guys care about them, though. =)

[pixelate]

Elderly homes are more sad than funny. =/

[Abaddon]

hmm...yeah pixel has a point there, but i know for a fact that if my grandpa was put into a nursing home he would cause havoc for everyone else because he is soooooo stubborn! http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/anime2.gif

[AnimalMother]

I used to work in an retirement home and I have to say it gave me a lot of respect for the elderly. They are some of the coolest people on the planet.

Like this one WWII Vet who told me who took out an entire Japanese Fighter Squadron with his bare fists. Now how he managed to do that is beyond me, but i'm assuming he was at one time the baddest man on the planet.

And another WWII guy that sits on the same table seems to think I fought alongside him against "those goddamn good for nothing Nazis." He would keep calling me Freddy.

Getting hit on by all the old ladies is kind of funny too.

Yeah its too bad management didn't give a shit about me trying to brighten a few days. As I got reprimended (sp?) several times for being "too chatty" Even though I made damn sure all my duties were completed in a timely and effecient manner. So I told them to piss off.

[LamerPanda]

Hm, I've had to sing at nursing homes a few times. I think my favorite was Green Acres just because of the name. "Greeeeeen acres is the place to beeee... assisted living is the life for me!" *shrug*

Most of the people there are pretty nice, though they kept asking me for favors, like finding their slippers. 0_o

They can be pretty sad, though, especially the ones where they don't take care of the people in them very well.

Heh, does it pay well to work at one? =P

[Spy]

On 2003-01-21 16:29, LamerPanda wrote:

"Greeeeeen acres is the place to beeee... assisted living is the life for me!" *shrug*


XD XD XD



Most of the people there are pretty nice, though they kept asking me for favors, like finding their slippers. 0_o


The best is when they ask you to find their teeth, or their cathoders http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_eek.gif



They can be pretty sad, though, especially the ones where they don't take care of the people in them very well.


I work at one of the nice ones. After seeing a lot of the bad ones, I can honestly sell my building with ease and heart.



Heh, does it pay well to work at one? =P


Nurses make the big bucks. And owners. Caregivers make minimum wage to start with. I make good money considering Ive been here for less than a year. I get commission on move-ins and $1 above minimum wage due to my superb phone skills(Xbox live recordings are easy http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_eek.gif ) and above-average computer knowledge.

[Ness]

Old people are gorss, but the stuff about the nursing homes was pretty funny.

[Spy]

On 2003-01-21 18:07, Ness wrote:
Old people are gorss,[...]


I actually dont find old people all that grosser than teenagers with not just one of these problems, but a healthy mixture of them:

Underdeveloped Genitals
Bruised Genitals
Bloody Genitals
Wuss Pubes
Lone Pubes
Zitty Faces
Zitty Asses
Havent discovered joys of deoderant
Cracking voice
No tone definition

When none of those problems afflict you, call old people gross ^_^

[DeathCheese87]

this topic reminds me of the book Choke, by Chuck P. (dunno how to spell his last name, he wrote fight club as well). the main character visited a nursing/crazy home to see his mother. he would talk about the "squirrels", the people who dont know what to do with their food after they chew it, so they put it in their pockets or shoes. other old timers would accuse him of running over their dog, etc. sorta morbid, but you know.

but i do feel sorry for old people. grumpy, tired and so on. but i do enjoy it when my grandpa, who is usually grumpy, has this big silly smile on his face.