Well my friends, she has done it again...

[MetaZedlen]

Ok, as some of you may know, I had a little beef with my mother a few months ago, and wouldn't you know it, there is another problem...

Ok, so today I had to go to my graduation practice today (it was at 10:00 am...), and that ran smoothly. So afterwards, I go over to my buddy's house until we have to go back for the honors ceremony (this is at 6:55), and I didn't have my clothes ready (formal event...which I hate dressing up...), so she called me and asked when I will be home, in which I said around 5:30 to 6:00. So she isn't happy about my coming home so late, being that she thinks it will take me probably an hour to get ready... ugh, she always pulls this crap. So anyway, I am on my home (my buddy is bringing me home, being that I live 2 minutes away from our school) and she calls again wondering where I am at, and now she is pissed because I am not home yet to get my cap and gown ready, in which she wanted to iron the damn thing, but I never took it out of the package, so I see no need for that...

So after I get home, I hurry up and change, and apparently she left already to get a parking spot, but when she wants to know where she needs to go, I tell her I have no idea, and so she decides to be a bitch about this and chew me out, EVEN THOUGH I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHERE SHE HAS TO PARK!!!!!

So I don't see until after the ceremony, and during the last session of awards, all of the college scholarships are announced, but unfortunately mine didn't get called, and after the ceremony, I find one of my buddies that got the same scholarship as me, and he said that we had to tell our principal about this for him to present it...

Grr, so after finding this out, I go to find my mom, and she asked why I didn't get called, and I told her what my buddy told me (I'm not happy at this point), and I punched the wall we were standing by, but when I did this, she told me to drop the attitude. I figured I am just overreacting a little, so I just tell her I want to leave, but when we leave, I tell her it's too hot out, being that we had to dress up and wear the damn gown, but she tells me to quit whining.

Anyways, I tell her I have to go to my buddy's truck real quick to pickup some stuff that I left in it. So as I get into her car, she comes right out of nowhere and tells me I need a haircut, and I just tell her not to worry about it, but she keeps going on about it, but this is where it all goes to hell: she tells me that I look like a slob and I look like a disgrace going to this ceremony.

OK, this is where she hit my pissed-off switch, I told her to quit ranting about something so stupid because I will be wearing the cap anyway, so no one should be able to see my "so-called" disgrace... and she also is going on and on about the shoes I was wearing...

Bear in mind that this is not the time to be giving me this bullshit, being that I don't feel like still being at school, and half-way home, she tells me that she doesn't want to hear me for the rest of the night...and that I should just go into my room and don't come out for the rest of the night.

OK, now, I am fucking pissed. So I called my dad and told him to come pick me up (I am moving in with him very soon...), and a few minutes after I talk to him, I go to tell her that I am going over there, but this is where I draw the line as if I want to speak to her for a long time. After telling her, she asks why, and I tell her that I just need to leave for a while, but now her overreaction sets in, and now she says her favorite line "did you ever stop and think that you could be hurting someone else's feelings?" and now I try to explain to her that I ain't pissed at her, and that I just need to cool off, but now, she doesn't listen to what I just said, and let me quote this:

her "well, you can come back to this house when I get an apology."
me "I thought I just said that I wasn't mad at you..."
her "whatever, thanks a fucking lot," (for what I don't know...)

So I go back to my room to get my things, and when my dad shows up, I go to my sister, wave her a goodbye, and now I did something I never thought I could do...

I walk into the kitchen, and the last thing I said to her was "love ya"

she says the same thing...

Now, I am in my dad's truck crying, (because of the last thing that bitch said to me) and after explaining the situation, we both decided that it is time for me to leave.

I have said this before, and I will say it again: She has lost her grip on me.

[Nitro Vordex]

She's obviously not ready for you to leave yet.

Other than that, I don't know what anyone else could tell you. *shrugs*

[ABDUR101]

You have your own issues you need to deal with aswell; punching walls etc? Learn to control yourself better, you act out and you get mad when she acts out?

Aswell, it seems like you dropped the ball on afew things, it happens, but take responsibility for it. You should have asked a teacher where guest parking would be, how is your mom supposed to know that unless they have someone pointing everyone in the right direction(or your school has plenty of parking spots). For your scholarship not being announced, I imagine no one would know you got a scholarship unless you, ya know, notified them. There are alot of students to keep track of when it comes to that sort of thing.

All in all, yeah, you and your mom need some time apart, but that doesn't mean you and her can't spend quality time together. Go out, have fun, in a relaxed atmosphere. Watch a movie, have a meal together, go shopping, etc.

Remember, you might feel grown up, but you're always going to be your parents' child; you're going to feel the urge to do your own thing, its natural, but realise that no matter how old you are, your parents are always going to try and steer you in the direction they see fit.

My 18 year old nephew has the same 'problem', and I had to sit down and explain to him that his mom likes things done a certain way, not because she's mean or rude, but because to her it makes sense. I told him he should'nt fight and argue with her, even if she's over-reacting, because when he reacts to her over-reaction, things very quickly unravel out of control and instead of logic being used, it turns into an emotional kick-off in an attempt for each person to get their own way.

Don't argue with your mom, don't have an attitude, and if she disagrees or tries to argue, say look, I see what you're saying, but we don't need to argue about something so simple. Someone has to be the voice of reason in the situation, so don't 'react' to your mom, merely act assertively and things will go much smoother.

[MetaZedlen]

Ok Abdur, got a couple of things to point out:

1. I didn't know if family could come to the ceremony or not, so she has a tendency to assume that I know everything about any situation, and if I don't, then she gets pissed even for the stupidest reasons, like where she had to park...

2. I understand what you are saying about the parents trying to steer in the right direction, but she treats me and my sister like we are still 6. Now I am not saying that we are perfect, but she just enjoys bringing misery to other people, and I think it is because she is miserable herself, but that isn't really my problem, being that I have my own life to run right now.

3. About you saying not to argue with her, that is impossible to her, because the minute something like this stupid situation goes wrong, she automatically turns one-sided, and there is no chance to tell her anything unless you are basically going to kiss her ass, and even then she still won't listen, because I have to remember that she is the "almighty" and nothing goes wrong with her...(in her eyes...)

And one more thing I forgot to add, she basically hates her family. Now I can understand not talking to somebody for a little while, but she just loves to hold grudges against everyone that does something she doesn't like.

She is losing her mind, and I would have to say that it is time for me to move on, and not see her for a while, but even then there is another problem, I am afraid that my sister will have to deal with that same shit. As much as I despise my sister at times, this is one of the few times where I am actually worried about her...

I think my mom needs help, serious help, but I am not going to be the one to tell her that, because for all I know she would end up trying to ruin my future (college, stuff like that...), because that is the kind of sick and twisted being she is.

[Raine_Loire]

To her you are 6. Do you know what it's like to look at another human and be able to trace their entire history, from the first time you held them until they grew up enough to think they didn't need you anymore? You wonder why she's holding on too tightly? You're her baby to her- and she knows what you'll be up against. And when you are so obviously irresponsible and unconcerned about your own future, she's probably right to treat you like you're 6.

I'm sorry, but I agree with Abdur. The way the situation spiraled downward was more from your reactions than what she said.

And the way you talk about your mother? She is your MOTHER. You're so quick to run to your dad, it's funny, is he saying you she's losing it, and she's so crazy, too? Do you know anything about their relationship that you can go ahead and assume you know them as people instead of just your parents? Let me tell you something about your parents... they don't get along. If they did, they'd be living together and you wouldn't be able to run to daddy when mommy was too mean. And let me tell you something else. Non custodial parents eat this shit up like ice cream. "Oh yeah, say MORE mean things about the person I couldn't live with!" Do you honestly think that for your whole life you can just run to someone else when who you're with makes you unhappy? You are going to get in arguments and just walk out?

Do you not even see that by running to your dad when you don't "like" what she does you're blackmailing her emotionally? Abdur is right, it WAS your job to find out #1 if parents could go and #2 where they should park. It was your job to get your own clothes, and your own robe ready. It was your job to make sure you were home in time to get there on time. And it's YOUR responsibility to have some freaking pride in how you look.

You think your MOM is the sick and twisted one? Listen to the way you talk about her! It's a fact of life, parents and kids clash- A LOT. Especially when the kids feel they're grown up and know everything. ESPECIALLY when there is a divorce involved, and the kids start sounding like THEY'RE the exes. Especially when, instead of backing the mom's authority, the dad undermines her by swooping to the rescue (oh, sure, move in NOW- now that you're grown up and don't need the time, money, attention and care that you did growing up) and then sits around letting his kid bash his mom. It's easy to be a good parent on weekends and holidays and easy to be the good guy when it doesn't affect your life for longer than a few days at a time.

If my son EVER talked that way about me, my husband would beat his ass. And I know he would even if we weren't together, as I would for him. Because parents are parents. And yeah, we laugh about them to our friends, and yeah, we get angry and wonder to ourselves if our parents are insane, but we keep that inside. Because parents are PEOPLE. Just people, with flaws and feelings. And you've listed off plenty of your mom's flaws, but refuse to see the feelings.

If you think telling her "I SAID I'm not angry at you" as you deserted her and she was telling you you were hurting her was an apology, then my friend, you have a lot to learn about apologizing. You know the saying "You can tell how a man will treat you by how he'll treat his mother?" Hopefully you can find a girl who HASN'T heard it. Because what you did was emotionally abuse your mom, take out your frustration on her, vent on her when you were angry for "being at school that late" and then refuse to acknowledge her right to be angry by effing TAKING OFF because she isn't the mom you want her to be.

And if you ask me, you sound like the crazy one "I won't tell her she needs help, she might ruin my future!" since you're a psychologist, to diagnose your mother, why don't you look in your DSM IV and find the definition of paranoia and projection.

I'm sorry if you think I'm railing on you, I'm sure you'll cling to your own opinions anyway and just say "You don't know my mom, so you can't judge me" but by posting here, you opened yourself up to have the situation judged. And yes, I don't know the whole story, but since people USUALLY tell a story to exaggerate themselves as the innocent victim- and if THIS is the best you can do, then I think your mom is lucky that you're out. No parent needs to constantly have to justify themselves to some smart ass kid- and no parent needs to cave to the "do what I want, or I'm telling my Daddy!" routine.

Good luck to you.

[ABDUR101]

Why would'nt family be allowed to goto graduation/honors ceremony? And if you weren't sure, you could have prolly asked any of the teachers and gotten an answer. Then you could have asked where can visitors/guests park, etc. So you can't really get upset with her about that, it's much easier for you to have asked someone while you're at school all day. Yeah?

You must not understand, ok, your parents still see you as the kid that needs their guidance, it doesn't matter how old you are. It depends on the parent aswell, my mom is very caring and will go out of her way to help me, whereas my dad is on the other side of the spectrum and generally doesn't care or put forth much effort, or feels its a chore if he has to put much effort out. There are times my mom will do things in public and so on that puts me on the spot and makes me feel about two inches tall, and I immediately get pissed off; I know she means well but she doesn't realise that her stepping in and speaking up on my behalf in public makes me look and feel like I can't make decisions. However, when we get to a secluded area I give her the 5th degree about it, that I understand she's trying to help but she has no right to undermine me when I'm making a decision.

Afew times I've had to be very curt with her about it, because she really made me look like an ass afew times, but I kept my cool and then later told her very sternly to not do that again, and explained how it makes me feel, and equated to her how she'd feel if she was someplace and I interrupted and negated what she just said for something I think SHE should do. I had to make her see how it felt when the shoe was on the other foot.

If your mom is or isn't a miserable person, I dunno, don't know your mom. Maybe she has control issues, dependency issues, etc. You growing up and moving away might make her feel like thats just another part of her life that she's losing.

If your mom blows things out of proportion and starts argueing, remember that it takes two people to keep the arguement going. Don't fuel her arguement, just sit and be quiet and ignore her until she wears herself out, or frustrates herself to shutting up. Generally when my dad gets into fits of rage, throwing things and breaking things when he tries to fix something, I just start laughing at him and egging him on in a sarcastic manner.

"You son of a bitching motherfucking!" *Dad starts throwing something or using excessive force*

"Fuck it up! God damn peice of shit! Where's the sledge hammer! Call Ernie, see what he thinks!", usually he realises what he sounds like and will calm down, or he'll continue and I'll continue to fuck with him; either way I get a laugh at his expense; whereas if he calms down I don't have anything to joke about.

I don't kiss anyone's ass, if someone's mad or angry about something I let them go throw their tantrum, poke fun at them about it, and if they say anything I tell them to go wash the sand out of their vagina. I guess family just know I don't bother taking their shit so they can't say much to upset me.

"That which angers you, controls you."

Your mom holding grudges, alot of people do. They'll get mad about something and rather than take it in stride, they hold it as a mark over that person, etc. Who cares? Let them hold their grudges and act holier than thou.

The point I'm making is I don't care about your mother, neither I nor you can change her, but you can change how you deal with your mother to make it easier. Sounds like you are holding grudges against her rather than taking it in stride and attempting to cope with what she throws around. If you react to every action she throws around, of course you're only going to perpetuate the problem. Stop reacting, merely act assertively and stop 'feeding the troll'.

Good luck.

[Delete]

You should fix this, You never know how much you miss someone til there gone. I would take that advice and use it.

[MetaZedlen]

Ok, to keep this as simple as possible, Raine_Loire, you sound exactly like my mom, and also, I am not running to my dad "just to get away", I told her that I planned on this anytime during the summer, and also, I told her this about 5 months ago, so that should be a bit of a forewarning...

Also, my dad separated from her, and why is that? Because of the way she is, now I am not saying he is the hero of the picture, hell, he didn't even finish high school, but he knows how my mom runs, and it took a while, but now I see what he means, and not only that, but her sister and one of her brothers knows how she is, so you can't say that I am exaggerating on this happening, this whole thing, to me, is the "final straw" that I have had with this woman.

Now, about never talking to her again, I will NEVER do that, but as far as making up for it, I am just going to wait and see, being that I can come off of stupid things like this very easily, but again, like I said before, she likes to hold grudges and make things SO much more worse than they actually are.

Also again, as for me reacting the way I did about the award, this was one of the few times I have ever done this in my LIFE, but the thing is that why should something as small as that trigger her stupid reactions? Why is it so hard for someone to say "don't do that" instead of trying to make a scene out of it?

As for the emotion "blackmailing", I didn't know that the ceremony was yesterday, and like I said, I didn't know what she had to do because I wasn't at the school yet (she left before me), so don't give me any of that "you should have asked someone", because I didn't find out about this until the practice was done (I have been out of school for almost 2 weeks now), so yea, that can prove about her over-reacting: getting pissed at me because I don't know what she has to do, and I didn't say anything remotely nasty to her to cause this anger.

Now, for Abdur, I not one to start arguments, hell, I am just like you when it comes to something as stupid as that, (well, I don't really laugh out loud, I just ignore whatever I hear).

As for the control issues, she thrives off of this, because as I said before, she still thinks we are 6, and as for me moving out now, that could kinda be her fault, because she brought it onto herself.

One more thing, when it comes to the apology thing, I have nothing against my mom as of now, I never have been one to have issues like this for long, hell, if anything I could go back home tomorrow, but I worry more about what she will do to me, because I am having a gut feeling that something is up, and it will come to kick me in the ass, just for her vengeance, and like I said before, she loves to be miserable and hold grudges because there is "nothing wrong with her."

I know where both of the long posters are getting at, and I respect both of my parents as much as possible, but there is only so much that I can hold in before it backfires and I deal the damage back, which I guess I could call this situation, a strike-back of the garbage she has been giving me these last few months.

I hate these kinds of situations, and I wish none of this would have happened, but she had to make it worse, and even if I tried to apologize, she wouldn't take it.

I fucking hate stress...

[Delete]

Heres something to calm you down....


Never mind, i took it off. Some of it wasnt funny.

[MetaZedlen]

Update: I made a little peace between us, so I will just wait to see what will go on in a few days.

Other than that, I guess I was under a lot of stress for the time, and I want to beat the living shit out of my computer, and that didn't help the situation either...

[thunder-ray]

Sounds to me like your not talking to someone about your stress. When stress builds on you it tends to make you snap (of course im assuming you know this already). Best way to solve that problem is talk to both your parents about whats stressing you out. That way you wont get angry and take it out on other people or your computer.

[ABDUR101]

So it's ok if you have stress and vent it in destructive ways, but your mom can't? Listen to yourself, yeah? You basically sat down and bitched about your mom's anger and aggression and how she flails it about unnecessarily; ever think that maybe her life has stresses that you don't even know about or acknowledge?

It's easy to cast a stone at someone else when you don't know what lies beneath the hard outer exterior.