Bit of a problem here...

[MetaZedlen]

Ok, (this isn't about my mom this time)

So I have been seeing this girl for about a month now (not entirely my girlfriend even though I call her that occasionally), and I am quite attracted to her, but later in my buddy's grad party today, I met another girl and after awhile, we got to talking about everything, and I must say, I was amazed on how easy it was to talk to her (I have a bit of a hard time talking to some girls...).

Anyway, the girl I met today was quite attractive, and she even gave me her number because we were in such a deep conversation, but I am finding myself thinking about her now quite a bit, even though I just met her.

With the girl I am seeing now, I have to behave a little bit, such as no severe swearing, blasphemy, or acting a little too much "like myself", but when I was talking to this girl, She was pretty much like me.

I am kinda confused right now, but hopefully I will wake up tomorrow and hope these odd feelings go away, because I really like the girl I am seeing now, and I couldn't live with myself if I were to do something so cruel as to put her through another break-up...

[AlexCraig]

Hmm... this is a bit of a touchy subject. Really, the best thing you can do is be honest to yourself and the girls. Which do you love? Which would you rather be a friend with? You must sort though things on your own and make the decision on your own.

[Solstis]

My *Soap-Opera instincts tell me for you to dump your current girl.

*Note: Will lead to instant drama and suffering. 25-50% chance of payout.

[ABDUR101]

Look at it like this; do you want to be with someone who likes the TRUE you, the cursing, dirty minded you who is open, or someone who wants you to be who THEY want you to be?

Fuck that, be yourself, meet people who are like you. It's like this, you're not going to change your nature; everyone has an inherent 'who they are'. You can't change it, other people can't change it; it's you. If you're around other people who expect you to change the little things about you, whether you swear, blaspheme, etc then they don't really like you, they like the person they want to turn you into.

I'm telling you now, friends, boyfriends/girlfriends that try and alter the 'base' of who you are; they'll only try and change you until you can't bend anymore, or they'll alter you so far from your own comfort zone that you'll just feel weird, like you're putting on a show for them.

Don't change who you are for others, don't expect others to change for you; be yourself and let others be who they are. You can only fake for so long in hopes of being what others expect you to be until you just say "Fuck it, I swear, I have a twisted sense of humor and I LOVE blowing people's minds with off the wall shit that I say".

If I were in your position, I'd straight up tell the girl you're 'with' that you don't fit together well. She expects you to be someone you're not, and that cheapens YOU as a person; it demeans YOU in the sense that YOU as you are, aren't good enough or 'up to par' with what she's looking for. If she wants a hoity-toity uppity person who doesn't swear and has a stick up their ass, I'm sure she can find someone, but you can't change who you are to match what she wants(when it comes to changing your personality); and you need to be with someone who loves to swear and blaspheme and be as twisted as you are.

"If your man smokes crack, you gotta smoke crack too." -Chris Rock

[MetaZedlen]

Ok, ABDUR, I don't want to be a dick to you in any which way possible, but I forgot to add that the girl I am seeing right now is NOT uptight, I change my "offensive" side because I like to be respectable, but I am not going to be a pushover... and also, I have let a couple of things slip when I was talking to her on the phone (this happens almost every night), and I have apologized for it, but she didn't care about it, but I guess I am being a little too touchy about what I do around her.

There is nothing wrong with this girl in my eyes, and mostly everyone that I talk to about her says that she is a good person for me (I do get out of hand sometimes when it comes to my mouth...), but I can understand making a couple of sacrifices, I don't want her to go through what she did in her first "relationshit", (I still want to kill the kid for it...)

I am almost in tears right now, I feel like shit, I hope this will just be floating around in my head tonight, and not tomorrow...

[EphekZ]

I'd go with the no drama route. However, I think you should talk to your current chick and see what's up. Are you guys in a relationship, or just really close friends with benefits? If she wants to stick it out and be with you, then stay with her. You already knows she's good to you and you know you're good to her, no reason to mess that up. Other girls will come along, it's happened to me a lot, but you know what? It's better to keep what you have than to take a risk with some girl you met at a party.

[Broodstar1337]

Ask for a threesome and everything will be alright.

[MetaZedlen]

@Ephekz - unfortunately for me, she is very Christian, meaning she doesn't believe in pre-marital sex... but that is one of the last things on my mind when it comes to her. I respect her very much, and to tell you the truth, I would be afraid to do something like my situation to her, being that my best friend was the one who hooked us up (he is going out with her older sister) and if I were to do something stupid, then the rest of her family and him would pretty much want to kill me, and I would hate myself for it because it would doing the same thing over to her, like what her last boyfriend did: stood her up (at his senior prom) and went off with another girl...

@Broodstar - ...

[Kylie]

Some people have better connections with people than others. I would advise some caution though because it might not be a good idea to give up something you know for someone you only met for one night; there might be more to her than what meets the eyes. As for the having to "behave" part, I've been there, and it's annoying. :lol: It might be best to get someone that accepts you for who you are.

[BlaizeYES]

well, you're 18 years old for starters. i probably shouldnt give advice on this matter, because for me when i was 18(and still a little bit now, its one of my vices) is that i live by the statement of "relationships are just a label." when it comes to sexual relationships, i don't really consider anything a very strong relationship and i've been known to cheat, and i don't really hold a solid emotional commitment to a girl.


if i was you, id call the girl you saw at the grad party, not tell your girlfriend or anyone just yet. i'd hang out with the new girl a few times, not hold back with her, and see if anything starts to "blossom," so to speak. if you cheat on her, it happens. you're young. just approach the situation as if you dont have a girlfriend, because you're young and might as well sample what else is out there. your family may get pissed because they knew that girl and you broke up with her, but they dont have to know, hell you dont really have to even talk to them about it. it's about what you're compatible with and who enjoy being around... and at your age, i really wouldn't be thinking about marriage anyway. and yes, its decietful and manipulative. but you've been going out with this girl for a month, she shouldnt expect you to have undying loyalty after knowing you for such a short period of time, you're not a dog. how are you supposed to find someone you love unconditionally if you haven't found someone that gets you feeling ALIVE? but trust me, people that are "just like you" arent always good in relationship terms at all, even if they allow you to completely be yourself and you have alot of fun with it. and from what i've experienced, especially at a young age, girls you have alot of fun with can sometimes end up having self-destructive tendencies when you involve them in something as personal as a relationship. it's hard to tell where anything will really go, aside from a few warning signs. but it's better to be oppurtunistic instead of wondering "what if?"


but if you're honestly considering taking my advice, i'd tell you to proceed with caution. my philosophy works for me, and it'll probably stay this way for a few years until i finally settle down and lose my edge, or find someone that meshes with me perfectly. and you probably have a different view on relationships all together. if the entire world listened to my relationship advice, everyone would be nailing everyone. complete SEXUAL ANARCHY

[Aisha379]

My advice would be to stay with your current girlfriend, but be friends with the girl at the party if possible.

Leaving a current relationship for someone you just met is incredibly BAD. And you need to be very careful how you handle stuff like this, take it from someone who knows - if you intentionally manipulate or hurt someone you're in a relationship with, it will ALWAYS come back and bite you in the ass in some way or another.

Lets take a look at a few things about your current girl I noticed.

1 - You say you don't want to hurt her, or have her put up with another breakup like her ex (a guy you yourself say you want to kill for what he did.)

2 - She's against pre-martial sex, and you respect (though not necessarily agree with) that decision of hers, and even say you don't think about that when around her anyway.

3 - You intentionally try to watch your mouth around her. Some people will say this is a bad thing (like many already have), but to me, it says you are very considerate of her opinion and feelings.

Now my question is, taking these 3 things into consideration, it seems you really care about this girl. So why on earth would you want to dump her for someone you barely know and have merely a good first impression of? What if you dumped her, went out with the girl at the party, and realized she was a huge idiot? Or maybe even just PRETENDING to be like you to get your attention?


I think you just care about your girlfriend. And for a lot of guys, the closer they get to one girl, the more alluring a different kind of girl seems. Instead of seeing this as "did I make the wrong choice?" I'm believing this is more a test of temptation and to prove (to yourself) how much your girlfriend really means to you.


Note that this is all my own opinion and speculation, of course, you are free to do whatever you want, I just thought I'd throw my own observations into this. Good luck.

[ABDUR101]

Being 'respectable' is one thing, some people need to be with someone who can 'eb' them in the right direction, wrangle them abit and anchor them. But I've seen that happen to the point that the person being 'anchored' ends up being the other's personal toy. "Don't do that, don't do this, I don't like your friends, etc". Not because any of the things being done or the friends are a bad influence, merely because the 'anchor' realises they have a sense of control over the person and they want to alter them into what they see as an ideal boyfriend/husband; completely husking the person of their former selves.

They are then no longer "John the fun guy that can get along with anybody", but "John, the boring guy who has a cunt for a girlfriend who has him on a leash and he won't stand up for himself anymore".

You're 18, and I could see it if your girlfriend got on you for cursing at your mom or dad, or being disrespectful to people unnecessarily; in other words she was putting a stop to you being a dickhead without cause. But if she's taking away and chipping at bits of you that make you, YOU, then no, it's not a good thing.

Having you stop drinking a six pack a day; good influence.
Having you not be who you feel comfortable as(within reason); not ok, controlling and being manipulative.

The point I was making(because I don't know your current chick), is that you should'nt, by any means, alter who you are fundamentally just because of who you're with. I can understand cutting back on swearing if you can't utter a sentence without filling it with expletives; but I'll tell you what, if she's a really religious chick, and you're NOT a really religious guy; don't bother. As the years go on, she's going to hold you to HER beleif system, which means HER moral system, which means you as you are, aren't going to mesh well with her or her family.

Look at it like this, if you're not a theif; you're not going to feel right being in a relationship with someone who is. You're always going to second guess them, their motives, who they are, etc.

And no, I would'nt take Blaize's advice. Don't be decietful and manipulative; you can't use the 'well I'm young and don't know any better' excuse if you know better. Don't be stupid, and Blaize you should know better than to give such half-assed advice. You could have stopped your post at "i probably shouldnt give advice on this matter". If you're a cheater, why would you even consider giving relationship advice? Self-defeating purpose much? Your philosophy works for you, because you don't hold emotional attatchment, for someone looking for more than just a cum-dump(which it's obvious Zedlen wants more than that), your advice is trash.

In the end Zedlen, you're 18, don't rush into anything either way, but you damn well better think long and hard about who YOU want to be before you take into consideration what OTHERS want you to be. There's nothing wrong with having your rough edges smoothed, but when chunks of you are being taken out and re-filled, issues will arise if it was unnecessary.

[Broodstar1337]

@Broodstar - ...

That's it. I expect your man card on my desk first thing in the morning.

[AlexCraig]

After reading your and several others' responses, I think Aisha's advice is the most sound. Why give up a good thing? You love the girl you are with, and you know she loves you.

[MetaZedlen]

I thank most of you for the advice, and there is one thing I have to point out about myself: I am kinda emotionally unstable, and as I may have said before, "I will wake up tomorrow thinking what the FUCK was I thinking about?"

I think I know why I was so close to the girl I just met last night: because most of my other friends at the party (about 10 of them) said this girl was annoying as fuck, and she is stupid, but to tell you the truth, I didn't see that at all in her... (these guys have nothing better to do with their time than to cut people down, fucking assholes...) and it might be because we share the same political and other big views like that, but the only thing she said last night that literally scared me was that she is an Atheist...

Now bear in mind that I don't mind what religion anybody has, but when they think that they are better because of that BELIEF, then they can go fuck off for all I care.

Now, back to my current girlfriend, her sister and my best bud have been going out for a year now, and he told me that she doesn't put any of her religion on him, in which I am sure that the girl I am seeing is the same way, and I even told her that I am not big on religion, I straight-up told her I HATE Catholicism (baptised that, and sorry for those that are...), and she still didn't care (she is Christian).

She is just a little tighter when it comes to rules than I am, not to say that I am a hellraiser or anything (I am afraid to get into trouble...), but I am at that age to my dad where he doesn't care what I do, as long as he knows where and what I am doing, and I am responsible about that.

It was just an emotional night last night...

[BlaizeYES]

lol. i give advice because even though many do not agree with my opinion, it's still good to get a different perspective on a situation. maybe take a few pointers, you don't have to adopt my philosophy.

but remember: you're young. you shouldn't compromise yourself, and you shouldn't allow your own goals be interfered by constant emotional strain that is unneeded. and ITS ABOUT WHAT YOU CARE ABOUT, NOT WHAT CARES ABOUT YOU. those are my last pieces of advice.

now go off, and make your choice. i'm pretty sure you already have... you're going to stay with the girl you've been with for the past month

[Leviathan]

It might be best to get someone that accepts you for who you are.

Kylie's right. If you have to act differently in front of your girlfriend then you need to talk to her about it or find someone else.

[EphekZ]

Blaze brought up a good point. Just how long have you been dating her? If it's only been a month and you're thinking about other girls, I think you should end it now before you regret it later on and the relationship will mean more.

[MetaZedlen]

Ok, again, I am emotionally unstable, but I haven't even talked to the other yet... I have too much respect for the girl I am seeing now, but yesterday was a little "painful"...

Here we go: so she told me 2 nights ago that she was going to the mall because she is leaving on vacation tomorrow for the rest of the week, and she needs to find a suitcase, so I ask her if she wanted to hang out, and she said yea.

So later in the day she calls me and tells me that she will be there soon, so I make my way back up there and meet her (she is with most of her family BTW, but all they were going to do is look for grad party invitations), and we get to walking around Target looking for what she wanted, but I am sure most of you know that suitcases are NOT cheap... Anyway, after we are done in there, we go walking around and I remembered that I wanted to get a shirt from Hot Topic (I am not gothic or emo). So we go in there and I grab a disturbed shirt (digressing slightlt) and as I am about to pay for it, the girl at the counter asks me if I want their newest CD with it all for $20, and I say yea. :D

Anyway, after that, we decide to just sit down for a little while, but I thought that something didn't seem right, and wouldn't ya know it? That one thing us guys DON'T want to hear from you ladies... well, not to that degree (whew).

So what she says is that she doesn't want to rush into another relationship again because she doesn't want to make the same mistake as she did with her first asshat... and this is where I thought the headshot was going to come, but she said that she does like me, she enjoys talking and hanging out with me, she just doesn't want to make that same mistake again, but she is constantly telling me not to take it too seriously (she is very soft-hearted),
and I reassure her not to do the same, because as she is telling me this, she looks like she is on the verge of a breakdown, but luckily I was able to keep her calm.

So after a looooonnnnnng time of talking about more important stuff (a little more about me, and her the same), I have to get going soon to pick up my dad from work (we share his truck), and again, I tell her not to worry about it, she told me what I wanted to hear (honesty is a bitch to come across nowadays...).

So as I am making my way, I pop in my CD :D and as I am trying to take my mind off of what happened (even though it isn't very serious, but my over-reactive mind blew it out of proportion...) I start to feel a little down, and I figured I should talk to my mom real quick, and it all came out when I was talking to her, and she was trying to be reassuring... (I will leave it there...)

So I pick up my dad, and I tell him what when on, but he says the same thing my mom said: "There will be another"

WHAT FUCKING GOOD WILL THAT DO WITH ME RIGHT NOW?!

He just kept saying that...

What the fuck? So I should just say fuck it and find someone else? Leave her in the dust?

Umm...... fuck no! Just because my dad can't hold down a relationship, he assumes I should run the way he does... fuck'em then leave'em.

What an asshole, I want to still talk to her, as she does me, we DO like like each other, that much is clear, but it will take a little longer before we can get closer...

[Aisha379]

Yeah, I wouldn't listen to what your dad said on that. Just because you toned down the relationship a bit doesn't mean anything.

She does not want to get hurt again, this is understandable. My ex-girlfriend lied to me and cheated on me, and I can honestly say I have not been able to trust a girl like that sense (though I'm in the process of getting over it).

I can only imagine it'd be even worse on a soft-hearted girl who was stood up at the freaking prom, no less.

Don't give up hope, just be there to support her and maybe you guys can find a way to get closer at a later time. If anything, sticking by her is just going to prove to her that you aren't like the other guy(s).

[AlexCraig]

You're doing the right thing, Zedlen. Give your relationship with her time. Trust me, I rushed into my first relationship, and I regret it. But in my current one, we took some time before we became a couple, and now everything is becoming perfect.
Don't worry about your dad's mindset. It seems you've made up your mind on that subject, and looks like nothing he says will change it. Best of luck to you. Hope you and she get together in due time.

[MetaZedlen]

@Aisha - She said that another reason why she liked me is because I am a nice guy, and she said that they are hard to come across ;)

@Alex - Thanks bud, I am thinking that we will get close, but as you said, it will be in time...

[Firocket1690]

stay who you are