My parents problems. :/

[Ranmaru]

As of now, I am realizing things I never knew before, as to why we may be in these problems. I see that my Father acts stubborn, and when he wants things, my mother would satisfy him. Nothing wrong with that, but I will give examples of why it doesn't do ANY good. both could have worked and maybe pulled out fine, but my father can't work anymore because of his kidneys and diabetes etc. One example, is our house. My mother is the only one working, and owes many bills as of now. Father in some way demanded (I don't know, its more like whined I guess, because my mom knew it wasn't a good idea) that we get the house, because it was cheap or something, I don't quite remember. Anyways, after that, my father got sick and couldn't work anymore, and by then I already lost my job.

My mother always asks herself why she was always in problems like this. She thought once me and my sister were a little older it would be a bit easier, but instead, its just harder on her. I then asked her why she was always in a bind, and she told me that my father was always getting sick, so she had to "take care of everything". My father was never taking care of himself, always drinking and smoking, rarely eating.

Another example: one time, my Grandfather passed away, and my father wanted to go to Puerto Rico to see him and pray and everything that he and his family would do to grieve. Although, my mother had money mostly for food and bills, and that was it. He then went there, with another $100 for whatever he needed to buy over there. That left my mom in a little bind, and then she wasn't doing well with money. Now she is under in the bank (I have been also, sadly) not that its really because of that, but it didn't help, I can tell you that.

So, I want to give him sympathy though, I love him, you know? I wouldn't want to tell him about this, because he would probaly become depressed, and tell me that he feels useless and would want to die. Although, I already know that finding a job would help my mother, but I haven't succeeded in getting a job yet.

I only wish my father was a little less stubborn, and I also wish that my mother wouldn't have listened to all his needs. (Or give him a reasonable answer, but then again, my father doesn't do well with logic).

[CelestialBlade]

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. In a way, it sounds like your parents never really "grew up" in one fashion, and it sounds like you've had to be the logical one in the family, given that you're the one that sees these flaws. But they're human, and it certainly doesn't mean they aren't still deserving of love and sympathy, because no matter how you get into a situation, it still sucks.

But what's happened has happened, so all you can do is make the best of what you're given now. Keep it up with the job hunt but remember that you have to support yourself, too. While you may love and care for them, your parents ultimately have to figure out their own struggles. You sound level-headed so I'm sure that once your own finances begin to re-balance, you'll be just fine.

I guess there's not much in the way of advice to give you here, but it's always nice to know someone's listening.

[Ranmaru]

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. In a way, it sounds like your parents never really "grew up" in one fashion, and it sounds like you've had to be the logical one in the family, given that you're the one that sees these flaws. But they're human, and it certainly doesn't mean they aren't still deserving of love and sympathy, because no matter how you get into a situation, it still sucks.

But what's happened has happened, so all you can do is make the best of what you're given now. Keep it up with the job hunt but remember that you have to support yourself, too. While you may love and care for them, your parents ultimately have to figure out their own struggles. You sound level-headed so I'm sure that once your own finances begin to re-balance, you'll be just fine.

I guess there's not much in the way of advice to give you here, but it's always nice to know someone's listening.

Exactly! My parents always argue, (mostly with me now since I'm not a child anymore) but its never just a 'talk'. They tell me want they want to say, and I listen. I then try to talk to my mother, and she then gets aggravated of what I am saying. Then, she starts to leave, not wanting to listen to me, puts up volume to whatever is on, or locks herself in her room. Its like, she doesn't want to hear things she doesn't want, although that also annoys me, but it seems very childish when she does that, and if I tell her that, she calls me an idiot and tells me I am speaking nonsense.

My mother is the type of person to hit someone if they broke a vase, instead of telling them to pick it up, trash it, and go to their room. She always tells me that I am lazy for 'not having a job', and she repeats it, and keeps repeating. She knows that its hard to get a job as of now, but acts as if I don't want to work. I really do want to work, I want to help as much as I can, but I am ALSO human, and I make mistakes too. I have failed a few classes at college, and I have lost my job. Now, we are always fighting, over the same thing, and it makes me want to leave, not that I can, or would.

Thank you, I appreciate that. I will keep up with the hunt, and I will hope for the best. :3

[afterthoughtz]

Well, i'm one for saying exactly how i see it, so i dont mean to cause any offense here or anything. I dont exactly agree with Typhores on some things that was said, For instance, "your parents never really grew up" that is a false statement, parents are far more knowledgable then their children when it comes to life, sure you might know a lot but they've been around a lot longer then any of us. Now i know it forced your family to be tight, but you have to understand your fathers will to go to his fathers funural, and it sounds like your father really cant help himself, cept for the drinking and smoking part, but aftert awhile your body cant deal without these things cause its so use to them, to stop would prolly actually kill him. Also, your mom knows whats going on but dosent like to talk about it, only prolly cause she is scared of whats going to happen, parents arnt use to looking to their children to help them with their problems or none the less talking about them. Also i'm sure you've looked for a job but keep on looking, you really want to help your family that is where you should start, i mean who cares if your not making 12 bucks an hour, i'm sure your mother would appreciate anything you can bring in, even if she dosent tell you that. Also dont let the things your mom says hurt you to bad, they tend to say stuff they dont mean when their worried or money is tight, so just hang in there, and keep at it, your bound to catch a break sometime:) You have my sympathy and i hope you didnt take any of this post offensive....

[Ranmaru]

Thank you, and no worries, I have taken no offense. ;3 Of course, I find it fine to see my father wanting to go, it was just our situation was not so good at the time. I know it may seem a little selfish for me to feel a little annoyed, but that is why I am ranting. I have always thought "ARGH why did we get this house when the possibility of my father getting sick would arise". (We are losing the house as of now, for some reason we are still here, I wonder why) But, as of now, I will try my best to see into their problems and see if I can do anything to prevent anything that need not occur.

[afterthoughtz]

Just cause you may feel annoyed, i wouldnt call that selfishness....i guess we would all be ready to pull our hair out under your circumstances

[The_Gio]

well thing you got to see is, your mom puts up with your dad for her own reasons. I dont think anyone is stupid enough to just blindly do something for someone just cuz it makes em happy. Even the people who say they do, im very positive everyone has their own reasons.

Yeah your dad isnt the best choice for your mom, but sometimes the imperfections are what we love in someone sometimes.

In the end, most I recommend is, it is your choice to help your mom, and, you can if you want to. Get out and make sure your life doesnt end up like your moms right now and you dont meet a lover like your dad. First try to get your life straight and then if you feel its worth it, try to help your mom