"I've been hurt, so..."

[TheOneHero]

"-I'm giving up on guys/girls and become gay."
"-I'll only play along, long enough to get laid."
"-I refuse to even interact with anyone above the 'friend' level."
"-I'm going to run away"

Before you read any further. Apparently people are getting confused with wtf I'm ranting about. The rant is the first four lines and final paragraph. The crap in the middle is my defense in "you haven't been hurt." Which I'm sure someone will spew out later. For anyone that won't spew out crap, feel free to ignore the italics.

This has come up in a few other rants, but never been fully addressed, as it was not what the rant was about.

Before anyone comes in screaming, "TOH you haven't been hurt, you don't know what it's like!" Of course I have! In high school/post high school, I dated a couple girls, sometimes just one date while others were a few weeks. I tired dating those who I felt were more mature than the rest, (decent friends with most of them before asking them out,) obviously none of them worked out. (I had my fair share of rejections too.)

Sometime later, I met this girl, we were friends for a couple of months before we started dating. Immediately everything just clicked, we were absolutely perfect for each other. We were together for well over two and a half years; talking about our futures, what we would do after college, where the other planned on living, and for the latter part of the relationship, we even planned to get married. When we broke up, I was devastated. It took me months to get back to my normal self.

Nowadays, I'm finding myself attracted to this one young lady, she's smart, funny, mature, but a bit of a flirt; which makes hearing anything genuine toward me a little tricky. The whole thing can be slightly painful at times, "old wounds", and all that. But I'm still pursuing dating and relationships.

Here's the final part of the rant; I can't stand people giving those excuses to get away from dating. If you don't want to date, cool, no one's forcing you; but don't run away and hide because you're tired of getting hurt or you think, "All guys/girls are jerks." It's quite possible your attitude was a part in the rejection or the break up. You can't go into a relationship as "Unstoppable force + immovable object". Relationships are about compromise and working things out, requiring 100% from each individual. If you aren't prepared to give that 100%, don't be looking for a relationship, and don't be complaining.

[Kylie]

It's a hard life with love in the word. But that's life, and it's about taking risks. You'll never get to heaven if you're afraid of getting high (no, not a drug reference :wacko:). These are things that I remember and apply to my own romantic life. I've been hurt a lot too, but the rewards are always greater than the risks in love. :yes:

[Outrider]

Yeah, I hate to be rough on these people, because I remember what being in high school was like, but trust me when I say that you will get over it.

You're not the only person who has ever had a failed relationship (or even a relationship that never got off the ground). Please don't tell me how profound you are because you've realized that women like jerks/relationships don't exist/love is a lie. I've read beginner's philosophy as well, thanks. I don't need you guys to try and explain it to me.

I promise you, there have been plenty of hurdles in my love life. I know that sometimes it seems that things can't get better, but I also assure you that if you don't let it be the end, it most certainly won't.

[MetaZedlen]

Is this directed towards me at all? >_>;...

Anyways, yea, it takes time to get over some of these things, but people need to focus on what is happening NOW, not what happened in the past, and for those who think I am just saying this because it sounds intelligent, I'm NOT, I got over my problem VERY quickly, and it was time to move on.

Live in the now people, you'll be amazed on what you can miss.

[TheOneHero]

Directed toward no one in particular, Zedlen. :p

I hear "WAAH I'VE HAD BACK LUCK/GOT HURT, ALL GUYS/GIRLS ARE JERKS, blah, blah, blah." all the time on the internet and irl, so it spawned this rant.

[Kylie]

Just need to find a girl to heal all your wounds. :wacko:

[Leviathan]

Eww.
High school drama. It's been happening to often for me. Fortunately my best friends have a steady boyfriend &I won't go through that shit.

I just see all this stupid drama. -.-
Especially this one girl.
She pretty much sleeps with all her friends. She claims to be "bi" then lesbian, &then straight. &On top of that has a boyfriend who denies all of that.

I don't care much for relationships now.
I have school, &a job to do.
+A lot of the guys at school can't form a correct sentence so save their life &that's unattractive.

[CelestialBlade]

Hey, some people really are hurt, ever heard of sexual abuse? There's high school drama, and then there's people who really are emotionally scarred and require therapy to recover.

Me, I've had bad enough experiences that I just don't see relationships as being worth the trouble. I'd much, much rather have a close friend than the drama that seems to come along with boyfriend/girlfriend stuff. That's just how I feel about it, I know relationships do work but I no longer have the desire to work for that. I just don't seem to enjoy it any more than I would a close friend.

[TheOneHero]

I didn't mention anything about sexual abuse, because that's a viable excuse and opens up a whole new area, which I didn't want to bring up/get into detail with.

Besides, I don't generally like putting personal details out on a public gaming forum like that. :p

[Aisha379]

I haven't dated in a long time (think I broke up with my last girlfriend about 2 and a half years ago...maybe 3).

I have no problem with compromising and making things work, and I AM looking for a serious relationship, I'm just much, much harder to impress than other guys.

Also, similar to Chels, I'm not into the whole typical "I see girl I don't know and ask her out cause she seems nice" deal, I've always been close friends with all my past girlfriends and known them for at least a few months before moving into anything romantic. This is just how I am. Sure, there are initial attractions to girls I haven't known long, but I use my "I've been hurt ='(" as an excuse to get to know them first.


And I mean, yeah, it does hurt when bad stuff happens to you like that, but its nothing you can't get over. Now that I look back, I almost laugh at how much I overreacted when my ex left me. Granted she was a back-stabbing cheating bitch who didn't deserve the awesome manliness that is myself, but its still funny....in a creepy way...0_o

[Kent]

Loneliness is something that many people have trouble dealing with, which leads to serious problems and mental blocks when a relationship comes to an abrupt end.

I've run into more than my share of issues on the subject, and displacing that energy onto something constructive certainly helps (though, graduating college is leading to a bout of depression, so it's Super Happy Fun Find-A-Job Time for me). I'd like to think I'm over most of the stuff that's happened to me, but it all comes back every now and then.

Of course, that's why warm, snuggly kitties were invented. >_>

[Rust]

I can agree to some extent to your rant.

Meaning I can't really bear people who are complaining about life being bitch with their relationships, stopping any kind of relationship because they got rejected and all that kind of crap. Ok, your choice to do so, but in that case, keep it for you ; I decided well purposedly (?) to keep my distances from any dating and romance related stuff for now, so it's not for other people to go whine on me about stuff I'm keeping off.

Maybe I'm a selfish asshole, but people whining on me hardly ever get comfort or kind words in return. I consider people's relationships not being my business (exception for very close friends, indeed) ; I can't help people I don't know well with stuff I don't know well either, and I already have enough to deal with my own life without having to care about random's ones.

Then again, I'm not going to lecture people about what they should do after getting hurt or so, since I obviously never got hurt myself (yeah, I'm invincible) - since TOH here have experience about that, I feel his rant to be legitimate.

And don't take me wrong, I'm not afraid of having a relationship, even though I never dated anyone yet. I don't feel ashamed about that fact either, or else I wouldn't have written that here. I'm sure I already would have dated many girls (and probably faced several rejections as well, after all) if I had wanted, but I'm just not interested so far.
Girlfriend bullcrap and 'love' drama among friends ruining what could have been good times pretty much convinced me to keep that for later, when what I am looking for will be more than just laid-back fun and enjoyable moments with very good friends - I have time, my life is still long enough for enjoying that part of it later (I'm immortal, after all).

[Orrefe]

It's funny, I was extremely hurt when my last girlfriend broke up with me, but it was mostly because of her reason for breaking up with me. That is, before we were going out, she was my best friend. That was my favourite part of the relationship. Clearly, her deterrent.

We're still best friends, but unfortunately I still have strong feelings for her, which kinda sucks. I mean, the new boyfriend a week after certainly didn't help, but well, I certainly can't help how she feels.

You know, I wanted to make a more personal point about the rant, more towards the, "I've been hurt, so I'm tired of relationships," bullshit. I've been rejected by every girl that I wasn't guaranteed 100% that the answer was going to be a yes, and I find it funny, because everyone says I'm one of the nicest people, and they all say I'm attractive, so I never quite get it.

But a post as silly as, "Love is worth it," on a forum as pessimistic as PSOW will probably be torn to shreds, so I dunno what else to tell you.

[Outrider]

But a post as silly as, "Love is worth it," on a forum as pessimistic as PSOW will probably be torn to shreds, so I dunno what else to tell you.

No, I actually think you're quite right. The point that many people (myself included) have been bringing up is that just because you've had some setbacks it doesn't mean you should just give up on being in some sort of relationship with.

It's not necessary, but for many people, it can be very fulfilling.