any jokes? [Archive] - PSO-World.com

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Proto22003

Apr 9, 2003, 01:28 AM

does anyone hav any funny or stupid jokes to post? riddles? anything?

Abaddon

Apr 9, 2003, 01:31 AM

I got a good riddle!!

What is Greater than god
More powerful than the devil
The poor have it
The rich need it
and if you eat it, you'll die.

What is it?

I'll post the answer later on (unless Kent figures it out)
----------------------------------------------------

And now for something completely different:
Q.Why does a dog lick its arse?
A.Because it can.

Guile

Apr 9, 2003, 01:44 AM

...I can't answer that one..DEATH!! it's death! huh..wait you can't eat that..
Deathcheese!

Captain_Dude

Apr 9, 2003, 01:46 AM

On 2003-04-08 23:31, Abaddon wrote:
I got a good riddle!!

What is Greater than god
More powerful than the devil
The poor have it
The rich need it
and if you eat it, you'll die.

What is it?

I'll post the answer later on (unless Kent figures it out)
----------------------------------------------------

And now for something completely different:
Q.Why does a dog lick its arse?
A.Because it can.

Answer is to the riddle is "Nothing"... Stop using riddles that have been used in something as popular as a Tolkein novel(can you guess which one?).

I haven't any jokes... But I've got some funny stories... And one funnish list(The list which a young man named Threevon Johnson actually lived by, and got out of jail by)...

A dude is hanging out with his friends. All the dude's friends are braging about their cool mp3 players. "Mine's got 1300 different Codecs.", "Well mine can play at higher quality!" and so on and so fourth.
"Hey, why dont you have an mp3 player? Get with the times man!" one of the dude's friends says, and the others start to tease him. "No, I've got one," the guy argues "it's just at home, I'll go get it."
All of his friends shout things at him like "Yeah right!" and "I'm sure you do, but all your mp3s gotta be in their original .CDA audio format." Then they let the amount of sniggering expected from a group of computer nerds...
So he runs home and fetches his personal mp3 player and rushes back to his friends. "See," he exclaims triumphantly, as he drops a 42-lb desktop computer system at their feet "I HAVE got an mp3 player, and it gets E-Mail too!"

A young sci-fi junkie takes up playing Counter-Strike. He practices REAL hard at a local cyber cafe, and he finally gets good.
So he buys a broadband connection, and goes online. He, being a nerdy, smart, white, sci-fi junkie who think all people on the net are like him, as that is the stereotype, He plans on doing something to get a laugh upon entering the game.
He looks for a server suited to his needs, one for the (or at least he thought he was) skilled players. He eventually finds his dream server, entitled "Xpurt Counter-Strike Server!" So he logs onto the aforementioned server.
He joins the game and in his nerdy white voice squeaks out "Klaatu Barada Nickto, fellow Counter-Strike fans!" into his microphone. He is met with the voice of a large and angry asounding black man screaming "Wut tha fuck dijoo just say to me!?" A wee bit scared by the tone of the large, angry, balck man he squeaks back "Klaatu Barada Nickto."
There is a short silence, which is quickly broken by the large angry black man saying "Are you retarded or frunch or sumfin?" "N...No" replies the poor nerd, now trembling in fear of the angry sounding black man.
Somethng is then mumbled into the microphone. The boy assumes it's an insult and says, in a whiney voice, "What was that?!" The entire terrorist force, unknown to the nerdy boy, are laughing their asses off. Since evryone is dead silent, the boy assumes that their sound is off or something, so he decides to type what he was saying.
The youngd nerdy boy stops to type 'Excuse me?' only to be gunned down by a terrorist holding a small pistol. "Like you said, nigga," The black man laughs "Glock-You-I-Oughtta, Negro." Upon those words the young nerdy boy flees from the game shedding tears, and vowing never to play Counter-Strike again to the sound of the laughter of the large, anrgy, black man accompanied by the entire Terrorist force.

Threevon's Guide to Surving on the Street:
Step 1. Buy a gun big enough to blow a man's testicle's off, keep it in plain view of everyone but the police.
Step 2. Don't take shit from no one. Shoot any nigga that try'n step up.
Step 3. Your biggest enemy is not what you hear on TV, young black kids with guns. No they're just like you, trying to survive on the streets. The real enemy is evil white cops! Shoot as many as possible.
Step 4. If you get shot, don't stop to scream for help, don't even cry, shoot the muthafucka who shot you first!
And Step 5. If you get arrested, plead police brutality. Thats what Threevon did, and he's a free man right now!

I'm deeply sorry if anyone was offended by this... But it's stuff I wrote(I actually stole the last one from a friend of mine) and I feel it's funny... And most of it's semi-true...

EDIT: I don't care if there're are alot of punctuation, spelling, or any other errors... I wrote all of these(minus the last one) while really tired... and I've been to lazy to edit them.

EDIT Again: Mixed up riddles... Whoopsie... Whatever, it was still obvious...
[ This Message was edited by: Captain_Dude on 2003-04-08 23:48 ]

[ This Message was edited by: Captain_Dude on 2003-04-09 06:32 ]

Kent

Apr 9, 2003, 02:24 AM

On 2003-04-08 23:31, Abaddon wrote:
I got a good riddle!!

What is Greater than god
More powerful than the devil
The poor have it
The rich need it
and if you eat it, you'll die.

What is it?

I'll post the answer later on (unless Kent figures it out)

If you ignore the religious references, the answer is quite obviously "Nothing."

The last line of it completely gives it away. I would have posted this sooner, but I was AFK for quite a while... Oh well, keep them coming.

Captain_Dude

Apr 9, 2003, 02:27 AM

On 2003-04-09 00:24, Kent wrote:
...I would have posted this sooner, but I was AFK for quite a while... Oh well, keep them coming.

I'm glad you didn't post sooner, otheriwse I might nota beat you to it!

CaptainFatts

Apr 9, 2003, 07:48 AM

ok heres a tough one.

"I never was, am always to be,
No one ever saw me, nor ever will
And yet I am the confidence of all
To live and breathe on this terrestrial ball."

have fun!

Abaddon

Apr 10, 2003, 07:35 AM

Yes, it was nothing
*ponders on the next riddle*

Guntz348

Apr 10, 2003, 07:40 AM

A guy walks into a bar, *OUCH!!*

Two blondes walk into a building, jeez ya think one of em would be paying attention.

CaptainFatts

Apr 10, 2003, 08:31 AM

do you guys want me to post the answer to my riddle? just thought id ask. http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif

janitorbob

Apr 10, 2003, 07:55 PM

Wish the war and everything I found this one appropriate:

Q:What did Saddam's son say do his brother?
A:Did they bag dad yet?

GET IT? corny but funny ahhhh.

Shadow777

Apr 10, 2003, 10:48 PM

This joke is long I know but it is good anyway.

Genre: Idiots Jokes

This guy goes up to a bar located at the top of the Empire State Building in New York. It looks like a nice place, and he takes a seat at the bar.

"This is a nice place. I've never been here before," he says to the guy next to him.
"Oh, really?" the other replies. "It is a nice place. It's also a very special bar."
"Why is that?" the first guy asks. "Well, do you see that painting on the far wall? That's an original Van Gogh, and this stool I'm sitting on was on the Titanic."
"Gee, that's amazing!" says the first guy.
"Not only that, but you see that window over there, fourth from the right? Well, the wind does strange things outside that window. If you jump out you'll fall about 50 feet before the wind catches you and you're pushed back up."
"No way! That's impossible," the guy scoffs.
"Not at all. Take a look," the other man replies, and with that he walks over to the window and opens it. He climbs over the sill and falls out. He drops 10... 20... 30... 40...50 feet, comes to a stop, and whoosh -- he comes right back up and sails back through the window. "See? It's fun. You should try it," he says.
"Try it? I don't even believe I saw it!" the first man shouts.
"It's easy. Watch, I'll do it again." And with that, he falls out the window again. He drops 10... 20... 30... 40... 50 feet, comes to a stop, and whoosh -- he comes right back up and sails back through the window. "Give it a try. It's a blast," he says.
"Well, what the heck, I'll give it a try," the first man says, and proceeds to fall out the window. He falls 10... 20... 30... 40... 50...60...70...80...90... 100 feet and splat -- he ends up as road pizza on the sidewalk.
After watching this, the second guy casually closes the window, heads back to the bar and orders a drink. The bartender arrives with the drink and says, "You know, Superman, you're a real jerk when you're drunk."
http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_beer.gif http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_beer.gif

CaptainFatts

Apr 11, 2003, 03:56 PM

well since no one answered my riddle i feel awfully lingering but i guess ill tell you guys the answer! http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif the answer is Tomorrow!! haha!

Shadow777

Apr 15, 2003, 09:26 AM

Here are some more lame jokes from the data base of Shadow's brain.

-A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve food here."

-A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, "A beer please, and one for the road." http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_barf.gif

Kemon

Apr 15, 2003, 10:12 AM

duh me dont know what is it ?!?!?!?!

im just playin

Intimidacius

Apr 17, 2003, 10:53 AM

Intimidacius has a joke. John Wayne. Get it?

Intimidacius sure doesn't get it

2Xtreme

Apr 17, 2003, 02:13 PM

An Irish guy walks out of a bar.

Psylocke

Apr 18, 2003, 08:37 PM

This isn't exactly a joke, but I found it amusing as all hell. It's a pickup line (for guys to use) and it's kind of lewd, so I don't know if it's appropriate. I can be reprimanded later if it isn't. hehe
Walk up to a girl and look down at your crotch then back up at the girl, point to your crotch and say, "Well, it isn't going to suck itself."
so...yeah. There ya go.

DeathCheese87

Apr 18, 2003, 09:57 PM

RuneLateralus

Apr 18, 2003, 10:22 PM

On 2003-04-18 18:37, Psylocke wrote:
This isn't exactly a joke, but I found it amusing as all hell. It's a pickup line (for guys to use) and it's kind of lewd, so I don't know if it's appropriate. I can be reprimanded later if it isn't. hehe
Walk up to a girl and look down at your crotch then back up at the girl, point to your crotch and say, "Well, it isn't going to suck itself."
so...yeah. There ya go.

Not as bad as my friends pick up line. He had a tattoo of a shamrock on his penis and would go up to girls and say "wanna see my shamrock."

Sadly, it actually works.

Oh well, I will tell you all the brick joke.

In the streets, a group of young teen boys are extremely bored. They do not know what to do. However, one of them says, "I know, lets visit Joey! He always knows what to do."

So the group visits Joey and ask him what they should do. Joey wasn't really sure, so needed some time to think about it. In the mean time, he picks up this brick, tosses it in the air, and catches it. The teens are amazed at that and decide they will do the same thing.

After a week of brick tossing, Joey visits the teens again and sees how they are doing. They tell him fine and ask him to toss bricks with him. Joey accepts the offer takes a brick and throws it in the air. But something weird happen. The brick did not come back done.

Get it?

I will give you guys some time to think about it.

[ This Message was edited by: RuneLateralus on 2003-04-18 20:25 ]

Kent

Apr 18, 2003, 11:01 PM

Psylocke

Apr 18, 2003, 11:15 PM

On 2003-04-18 21:01, Kent wrote:

On 2003-04-18 18:37, Psylocke wrote:
This isn't exactly a joke, but I found it amusing as all hell. It's a pickup line (for guys to use) and it's kind of lewd, so I don't know if it's appropriate. I can be reprimanded later if it isn't. hehe
Walk up to a girl and look down at your crotch then back up at the girl, point to your crotch and say, "Well, it isn't going to suck itself."
so...yeah. There ya go.

Ehh... lewd is an understatement, I really doubt that would work though.

How about this (This one is a little crooked as well): In a bar you go up to a girl and act all shy and the like, get embaressed and leave. Then, a few moments later, go back to get and say "I'm sorry about before, but I find it hard to express myself when I am on the verge of exploding in my pants."

*cough*

...

Go see Anger Management, everyone!

I never said it would work. hehehe Although it would work on me if a few select guys used it on me. Of course, I'll never meet them so it's a moot point, but still... hehehe

Now yours...man, that is just so wrong! hahaha

RuneLateralus

Apr 18, 2003, 11:19 PM

Ok some of you are confused....

Well, here is something while you guys continue to think about.

A woman was sitting on a plane with her dog on her lap. A man carrying a laptop sat next to her. The plane however was being really delayed, so the woman and man took a nap in their seats. The man soon woke before the plane and saw that his laptop was missing. He woke up the lady asked her about it. She tell she didn't know anything, but realized her dog was missing. She looks outside and she sees her dog with something in its mouth.

What do you suppose was in the mouth?

If you said the laptop, you are wrong, it was the brick.

Kent

Apr 18, 2003, 11:27 PM

On 2003-04-18 21:15, Psylocke wrote:

I never said it would work. hehehe Although it would work on me if a few select guys used it on me

...Yeah, logic dictates that I'm not one of them... *bangs head on desk repeatedly*

Leave me, evil thoughts!

...

Ach, I'm not going to be standing up anytime soon...

Psylocke

Apr 19, 2003, 12:03 AM

*pats Kent on the head*
Poor dear. Alas, no, you are not one of those guys. Besides, I don't take trips to Jail Bait City. hehehe

And, for the love of Shinya! Kono hentai!!!! >< Go...take care of that or something. hehehe

Kent

Apr 19, 2003, 12:33 AM

I've waited this long, I can wait two more years... hopefully.

Psylocke

Apr 19, 2003, 12:52 AM

On 2003-04-18 22:33, Kent wrote:
I've waited this long, I can wait two more years... hopefully.

My, my aren't we the patient one? hehe
You know, I don't even know what you look like. http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/anime2.gif

Back on topic, here are some amusing quotes:
"There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more."

Always look both ways when you come to a street corner , so you know when to push your enemy.

When life gives you lemons, cut them into wedges and squirt the juice in people's eyes.

If I had a cookie, I'd give you half,
If I had two cookies, I'd give you one,
If I had two guys...; I'd give you another cookie.

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

Blessed are the procrastinators, for we will die last.

Sticks and stones may break my bones but whips and chains excite me.

geewj

Apr 19, 2003, 01:11 AM

Hehe, I thought this was kind of funny.

No one in this world is a virgin.
Life has screwed us all.

Psylocke

Apr 19, 2003, 01:13 AM

On 2003-04-18 23:11, Prof_Frink wrote:
Hehe, I thought this was kind of funny.

No one in this world is a virgin.
Life has screwed us all.

Ha! So true, too. *kicks life in the face*

2Xtreme

Apr 19, 2003, 06:56 PM

No one in this world is a virgin.
Life has screwed us all.

So very, very true!

And now for my joke:

A man and a woman go to a restaurant. They both order some soup. They wait a while, talk a bit, and then the waiter comes with their soup. The waiter puts the soup on their table, they prepare to dig in. As the waiter is just turning to leave, however, the man drops his spoon on the floor. The waiter whirls around and pulls a new, clean spoon out of his pocket. He hands it to the man, and say "There you go, a new spoon, sir." The man say "Wow! How are you so prepared as to have a new spoon ready in your pocket?" The waiter replies, "Well, our statistics expert has figured out that 5.8% of our customers drop their spoons while they're eating. So we carry new spoons for them, ready in our pockets."

The man says, "Hey, good idea!" and gets back to his meal. A little later, when the couple is done and the waiter brings them the bill, the man notices a string hanging from the waiter's crotch. The man asks why. The waiter says, "Well, our statistics expert has determined that 67% of us employees waste too much time washing our hands when we go to the bathroom. So, we tie these strings to our willies and when we want to go, we just hold our willies via the string. Since you don't actually touch them, you don't have to wash your hands." "Brilliant!" says the man, "but one thing. How do you get your willy back into your pants when you're done?" "Well, I don't know about the others", says the waiter, "but I use the spoon!"

Vantamiath

Apr 19, 2003, 08:14 PM

My battle philosophy;

"Not everything that can be counted-counts; and not everything which counts can be counted."

-Einstein

Shadow777

Apr 25, 2003, 09:50 PM

Sticks and stones may break my bones but whips and chains excite me.

I hope this does not describe you

*cringes*

Psylocke

Apr 26, 2003, 03:01 PM

On 2003-04-25 19:50, Shadow777 wrote:

Sticks and stones may break my bones but whips and chains excite me.

I hope this does not describe you

*cringes*

Weeeeellll, actually...
*laughs her ass off*
No, it does not describe me. It's something my friend Sarah said about one of the members of our favorite band in one of their videos. It fits what's happening in the video and I found it extremely amusing. ^_^

And here's something else I find amusing: The devil never rests. No wonder he's so mean!