. . . . .

[Mystil]

This path of solitude can be a hard one, and while it looked like I can continue living this way forever, I'm afraid my own state of mortality has something to say about that...

Even so, I've never abandoned myself.. said things about myself to intentionally hurt myself. Corners which I've leaned against, I've found myself there on the other side, so to speak, to cheer myself up. The light which shun down that tunnel, was so dim, but it's the brightest I can make myself - but it at the time enough for me. I've been my own best friend, my own lover, my own parent. I've been all the things which I do not have through other means, and the only thing I wanted out of it was for everything to be ok.

But things.. have yet to be ok. I wonder now can I do this all alone anymore.

[CelestialBlade]

Why are you forcing yourself onto a path of solitude? Regardless of reason, over time, putting up walls around yourself will only lead to starvation. It's sustainable for a while, sure, but if you're not bringing anything in, even the most resilient energy source will burn out. I know many of us put up walls to see if anyone cares enough to tear them down, but you have to give them a reason to look inside, too. You won't ever overcome the self-induced purgatory you described without facing your fears and daring to peek outside. You have to ask yourself if this is truly how you want to live the rest of your life, just for the sense of security.

There's obviously a lot I don't know about you or your situation, but I do know that nothing will change unless you dare defy your own solitude.

[mctastee]

It's okay. Solitude isn't for everyone. Very few people can stand stricter levels of solitude and isolation.

[NoiseHERO]

Become a single parent.

[Nitro Vordex]

This path of solitude can be a hard one, and while it looked like I can continue living this way forever, I'm afraid my own state of mortality has something to say about that...

Even so, I've never abandoned myself.. said things about myself to intentionally hurt myself. Corners which I've leaned against, I've found myself there on the other side, so to speak, to cheer myself up. The light which shun down that tunnel, was so dim, but it's the brightest I can make myself - but it at the time enough for me. I've been my own best friend, my own lover, my own parent. I've been all the things which I do not have through other means, and the only thing I wanted out of it was for everything to be ok.

But things.. have yet to be ok. I wonder now can I do this all alone anymore.
There's no reason for you to be alone. Being by yourself is fine, and is in fact an important thing to do. You learn who you are when you're by yourself, the unmitigated thoughts of only you thinking. No outside people influencing you actively, it's only you. When you can learn yourself, accept yourself, love yourself, that's when your real happiness will come. When you learn yourself, you will find others that will come to learn you, accept you, and love you. When you have yourself standing, but someone else to lean on, that will be when you've found what you're looking for.

Just remember, it all starts with you. No one can make you happy, but you, and the only one stopping you from being happy, is you.

[Mystil]

Nevermind.

[Atbar]

It's okay. Solitude isn't for everyone. Very few people can stand stricter levels of solitude and isolation.

THIS. Serial. I've been a Suburban Desert Hermit Crab the past seven years searching for my Queen who I lost because I thought she left me when she never did but she was there the whole time watching over me.

[BIG OLAF]

THIS. Serial. I've been a Suburban Desert Hermit Crab the past seven years searching for my Queen who I lost because I thought she left me when she never did but she was there the whole time watching over me.

I read this over a few times and what?

[washuguy]

This path of solitude can be a hard one, and while it looked like I can continue living this way forever, I'm afraid my own state of mortality has something to say about that...

Even so, I've never abandoned myself.. said things about myself to intentionally hurt myself. Corners which I've leaned against, I've found myself there on the other side, so to speak, to cheer myself up. The light which shun down that tunnel, was so dim, but it's the brightest I can make myself - but it at the time enough for me. I've been my own best friend, my own lover, my own parent. I've been all the things which I do not have through other means, and the only thing I wanted out of it was for everything to be ok.

But things.. have yet to be ok. I wonder now can I do this all alone anymore.

Not sure how to respond right off the bat, but I can relate to this. As much of a loner I can be, from my own experiences i've learned that people were never meant to be alone and isolated. I saw someone allude on this post that sometimes you need to be alone, 110% truth. At the same time, everything is balance, you can't just let anyone close, but you have to find the right people that work for you, and be ready for relationships that aren't perfect. We all should have someone, and we're not always born into a perfect setting, so you have to find one that works for you. How can I say this? Be able to live as if you're the only person on earth, but at the same time understand that we're meant to be a part of a community. Sounds crazy, but it works. Be at peace with being alone, but know people are here for a reason, we need each other to some degree, no matter how much of a loner or how much you may not trust people or how hurt you may or may not've been in the past. I don't know what your personal experiences have been, but i'll say this: Don't let the negativity and imperfection you've seen from other people, seen from yourself or the pain you've felt shut you down forever. The world keeps moving. Lick your wounds and learn how to live and think better. Hopefully this helps a little bit, I wish you the best :)

[Atbar]

I read this over a few times and what?

Hmmm....I must have been out of it when I wrote that. When I read it now, what I said just doesn't add up. Thanks for pointing it out, Big Olaf.