Trickstr
Jul 1, 2003, 03:30 AM
well I wrote the start of a story O_o so could you tell me if it's any good, whats its bad points, whats its good points and how to improve it, it would be helpful.
enjoy
“You better have called me out here for a very good reason” Trickstr said, “I have,” said a slim man with glasses that were hanging on the tip of his nose and a clean, white lab coat on. Trickstr was a normal height Human wearing a dirty lab coat with a Skyly necklace around his head on it, messy shoes with barely tied laces, glasses that gave his sparkling glare a hit of humour, and, always, a grin that increased whenever he sensed battle. “The captive Hildebears are acting strange there violently attacking the enclosure”, Trickstr’s glare lost it’s humour as he looked at the enclosure. “One of them is almost dead”, “Have you given them sedative Dr Blackwell?” “Yes but they’re not responding to it sir”. Suddenly the enclosure broke and five ferocious Hildebears broke out, their eyes were blood shot and desperate for battle, they looked mad. “Evacuate the area Blackwell, now!” Trickstr said, “bring reinforcements” “what about you sir?” Blackwell asked, “I’ll hold them of” Trickstr grabbed a long, black Kanata from his side and held it in front of him, it gleamed in the sunlight and Trickstr’s notorious grin appeared on his face. He knew this battle would be a challenge, and he was glad of the challenge, although he was a scientist he enjoyed battles, they gave him a rush of excitement he found nowhere else.
After Trickstr saw all the other scientists’ retreat, he felt safe and stood his ground as the Hildebears charged at him. Suddenly Blackwell appeared at Trickstr’s side, “I’m helping sir” he announced, “you’re a scientist, you cant take them on by yourself”, he took a pistol out of his suit, “Blackwell you know very well I was a Hunter” Trickstr countered. The Hildebears left no time for Blackwell to reply to his comment, they attacked. Trickstr ducked under the Bears attack and countered it with a responding stash that scarred it’s right arm, a fire bolt came at him from his left but he dived down just in time to dodge the bright scarlet beam. His weapon gleamed as he struck down one of the Hildebears, he turned around to see Blackwell being crushed by a fist “Blackwell!” he shouted. “Medics get over here now!” Trickstr demanded, he looked behind him and saw three Hunters charging, “good, Vestable just the man for the job, good luck”, Vestable tossed a feral grin in Trickstr’s direction, Vestable was a tall muscular Human with a double saber type weapon and a Redria symbol, “thanks Trickstr” then he ran up one of the smaller Hildebears bodies and quickly beheaded it with one clean cut of his double sided weapon, he then proceeded down as a fist came pounding down by his side. Vestable’s two teem mates Tosae and Friddion pounced with their Double swords’ towards the opponents, Trickstr knew from experience that Vestable and his two team mates were experienced, and, aside from the Hildebears improved strength could take them down easily.
Despite the Hildebears brutal power, Trickstr was proud at the way his men enhanced the Hildebears power, even if the experiment had gone wrong they had managed to greatly enhance their strength
But Trickstr had no time to waste watching the battle so he hurried back to the medic lab after Blackwell and the medics.
When Trickstr arrived, he was directed into one of the rooms. He took of his glasses and sat them on the bench. Trickstr hadn’t known Blackwell for a long time; Blackwell had only served him for a month. Trickstr sat down on a chair next to Blackwell for two hours, he sat watching Blackwell’s vitality signs, and contemplating what disaster had made those Hildebears go mad. After two hours, his vitality went flat all his life signs had gone, Trickstr sat down on the chair and sighed. Vestable entered the room silently and placed a hand on Trickstr’s shoulder, “we lost a good Scientist in this experiment, I hope it pays of” Trickstr said, Vestable’s eye’s turned stern as he saw the flat vitality on the monitor.
enjoy
“You better have called me out here for a very good reason” Trickstr said, “I have,” said a slim man with glasses that were hanging on the tip of his nose and a clean, white lab coat on. Trickstr was a normal height Human wearing a dirty lab coat with a Skyly necklace around his head on it, messy shoes with barely tied laces, glasses that gave his sparkling glare a hit of humour, and, always, a grin that increased whenever he sensed battle. “The captive Hildebears are acting strange there violently attacking the enclosure”, Trickstr’s glare lost it’s humour as he looked at the enclosure. “One of them is almost dead”, “Have you given them sedative Dr Blackwell?” “Yes but they’re not responding to it sir”. Suddenly the enclosure broke and five ferocious Hildebears broke out, their eyes were blood shot and desperate for battle, they looked mad. “Evacuate the area Blackwell, now!” Trickstr said, “bring reinforcements” “what about you sir?” Blackwell asked, “I’ll hold them of” Trickstr grabbed a long, black Kanata from his side and held it in front of him, it gleamed in the sunlight and Trickstr’s notorious grin appeared on his face. He knew this battle would be a challenge, and he was glad of the challenge, although he was a scientist he enjoyed battles, they gave him a rush of excitement he found nowhere else.
After Trickstr saw all the other scientists’ retreat, he felt safe and stood his ground as the Hildebears charged at him. Suddenly Blackwell appeared at Trickstr’s side, “I’m helping sir” he announced, “you’re a scientist, you cant take them on by yourself”, he took a pistol out of his suit, “Blackwell you know very well I was a Hunter” Trickstr countered. The Hildebears left no time for Blackwell to reply to his comment, they attacked. Trickstr ducked under the Bears attack and countered it with a responding stash that scarred it’s right arm, a fire bolt came at him from his left but he dived down just in time to dodge the bright scarlet beam. His weapon gleamed as he struck down one of the Hildebears, he turned around to see Blackwell being crushed by a fist “Blackwell!” he shouted. “Medics get over here now!” Trickstr demanded, he looked behind him and saw three Hunters charging, “good, Vestable just the man for the job, good luck”, Vestable tossed a feral grin in Trickstr’s direction, Vestable was a tall muscular Human with a double saber type weapon and a Redria symbol, “thanks Trickstr” then he ran up one of the smaller Hildebears bodies and quickly beheaded it with one clean cut of his double sided weapon, he then proceeded down as a fist came pounding down by his side. Vestable’s two teem mates Tosae and Friddion pounced with their Double swords’ towards the opponents, Trickstr knew from experience that Vestable and his two team mates were experienced, and, aside from the Hildebears improved strength could take them down easily.
Despite the Hildebears brutal power, Trickstr was proud at the way his men enhanced the Hildebears power, even if the experiment had gone wrong they had managed to greatly enhance their strength
But Trickstr had no time to waste watching the battle so he hurried back to the medic lab after Blackwell and the medics.
When Trickstr arrived, he was directed into one of the rooms. He took of his glasses and sat them on the bench. Trickstr hadn’t known Blackwell for a long time; Blackwell had only served him for a month. Trickstr sat down on a chair next to Blackwell for two hours, he sat watching Blackwell’s vitality signs, and contemplating what disaster had made those Hildebears go mad. After two hours, his vitality went flat all his life signs had gone, Trickstr sat down on the chair and sighed. Vestable entered the room silently and placed a hand on Trickstr’s shoulder, “we lost a good Scientist in this experiment, I hope it pays of” Trickstr said, Vestable’s eye’s turned stern as he saw the flat vitality on the monitor.