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HUShadow
Oct 11, 2003, 08:08 PM
Okay, I'm gonna write a Fan-Fic...or at least start one. Tell em what you guys think of the first chapter (It's kinda short). Sorry if there's stray question-marks there, for some reason they went and replaced all commas, dot-dot-dots, and quotation marks, so I had to go back and fix my post, but I might've issed some. P.S: Please, don't pick 'You suck' just for fun http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_frown.gif
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That sound...where is it coming from? Why is it ringing so in my head?
Zeke stopped in his tracks. The Pioneer 2 was a huge ship. He had been walking for hours now, trying to follow the sound that was in his head. It was bothering him, and he intended to stop it. He had covered about one sixth of the giant cruiser he lived on.

'Excuse me, ma'am,' he said to a near-by woman. 'But can you hear that irratating ringing, too?'

'Ringing? Zeke, what are you talking about? Are you okay?'

'Well, I just- -wait?how do you know my name?'

'Everyone knows your name, Zeke. You're one of the three heroes who deystroyed that nasty 'Gaulove' creature. The...the scientist, yes. You're famous!'

'Oh,well, I didn't know that,but thank you, anyway.'

He started walking again, thinking to himself.

Wow...I thought that whole Gaulove thing was supposed to be a secret...

He thought about the woman's words.

'One of the three heroes'

'I wonder how Eli and Leyrien are doing?'

His friends Eli, the Hunter, and Leyrien, the Force had helped him in defeating Gaulove, the giant demon that had been threatening the people of the Pioneer 2. After they had received their earnings from deystroying it, they disappeared without a trace.

Zeke heard the noise again.

Why am I the only one who hears this? That woman was the eleventh person I asked, and the answer was the same as every othe time.

As he kept walking, the noise got louder and louder. He was getting really annoyed now. 'Once I find whatever is making that noise,' he said aloud. 'I'm going leave it in more pieces than I left that Gaulove in!'

He started jogging. He had to get to the sound, fast. It was starting to actually hurt him. He had a headache now. He kept jogging. The noise kept coming. He even tried running backward about thirty feet, but it seemed like once he got to a certain part of the Pioneer 2, the sound that grew louder would stay that same level until he got to a further spot, which meant it would grow even worse.

Zeke was practically sprinting now. He had to find the source of that sound, fast. He felt like his head was about to explode. He sprinted past all of the brightly-lit shops of his home. He went past the hospitals, and the residential areas, and some construction sites even, until he finally stopped in a deserted alley, gasping for breath, and at the same time on the ground, trying to cover his ears from the sound that drew him there.

He couldn't even think. All he knew was that there was a sound, and that he couldn't move. The sound was so horribly loud now that even if he tried to move, his body wouldn't budge. It was like he was under some type of enchantment. He started to yell. He didn't know what he was yelling, for he couldn't hear it. All he knew was that maybe some one could help him.

But suddenly, the sound stopped. Zeke could think again. He spoke aloud, just to make sure he wasn't dreaming. 'Rappies are little yellow wimps.'

He couldn't believe it. The sound that was antagonizing him for hours had finally stopped. But something was still wrong. Zeke once again tried to sit up, but still couldn't. He groaned as he lay there, helpless. He screamed now, 'Somebody help me!,' from the top of his lungs. Suddenly, he felt the presnce of another being in his midst.

'Now, now, Zeke. There's no need to raise your voice.'

A shadowed figure came up from behind him. Zeke could barely see the new-comer in the position he was in. 'Who...who are you?,' he questioned. He could hear a slight chuckle. 'I am the maestro of that beautiful music that brought you here.'

Zeke's eyes widened. 'That was you? But, how?' How could you design something like that? Only I could hear it!'

'Correct. Only you could hear it. I needed you.'

'Why? What for?'

'Your mind, Zeke,' the figure said. 'You have a brilliant mind, and I need you to help me.'

'Listen, if this is some kind of an interview-'

'This is no interview, my friend.'

The shadow started to pace around Zeke, slowly.

'You see, Gaulove was my friend. I need you to help me resurrect him.'

'Gaulove!? Never!'

Zeke tried to move and once again was unsuccesful. 'Damn!'

'Calm yourself, Zeke. Think of your options here. You could either: Do what I ask, help me in my tasks and share domination of the universe with me willingly, or I could force you to. Either way, I will have you on my side.'

'No!'

An angry growl could be heard from the figure. Suddenly, the sound that had brought him to the alley started up again, louder than ever. Zeke screamed. 'No! I'll...never?'

Suddenly, Zeke's mind went blank. The ringing stopped, and he stood up. He then walked over to the shadow and bowed. 'Good,' the figure said. 'I knew you'd se it my way.' The two then disappeared.

MQuantum
Oct 11, 2003, 08:15 PM
This is pretty good. It seems like there is going to be a lot more to it. Keep it up, i'll be waiting for the next chapters!

HUShadow
Oct 11, 2003, 08:20 PM
Yes! Thank you. I'm glad the first vote was positive http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/anime2.gif

I'm working on chapter two right now. ^_^



<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: HUShadow on 2003-10-11 18:20 ]</font>

MQuantum
Oct 11, 2003, 09:19 PM
Quick, too....

http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif

mr_rubbish
Oct 12, 2003, 06:59 AM
Interesting...
Even if you get bad comments, post anyway, stick it to the man!

PS I just hope no rappies read your fic http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif

HUShadow
Oct 12, 2003, 09:43 AM
lol, thanks for the encouragement, guys. Sorry if the next chapter takes a while. My mom likes to get on the comppy a lot, too, so I don't always have lots of time to write, but I'm getting pretty far on this second chapter. http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif

HUShadow
Oct 12, 2003, 10:16 AM
Okay, this one's kinda short, too, but the next one should be longer. Hope you like http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_smile.gif
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'Hm...I wonder what it was?'

Eli and Leyrien walked down the dead street, confused. 'Leyrien, are you sure it was here? I mean, I know you've got ears like an elf, but...,' the Hunter turned. 'There's just nothing here!'

'I know it came from here...'

Leyrien's red hair whipped his face as he turned to check farther down the alley. 'We might have missed something,' he said. The two continued on down the alley. They stopped at a dead end. Something's not right about this, Leyrien thought. We got here not five minutes after those screams, and now...nothing?

His thoughts were interrupted by Eli's speaking. 'I wonder where Zeke is right now? Maybe we should have told him we were going on the quest at the guild. Boy, he would've been a big help to us now.'

'First of all,' the Force said, still investigating the street. 'That was a top secret mission that we're still on, mind you. And second, Zeke wouldn't have been able to come, anyway. He had a job with that Montague guy, remember?'

'Yeah, but I still wish he was here. We haven't seen him in three months.'

'I know.'

Leyrien walked over to Eli. 'Don't worry, my friend. We will contact him soon. But for now we have to keep to this quest. It is very important that we find and capture this man on the loose. With that kind of power in his hands, who knows what he could do?'

'You're right. So, what now? We didn't find anything here. For all we know those screams could have been a little boy scared of a stray cat.'

Leyrien gave Eli a dis-believing look. 'Those were screams of a grown male, and you know it. It didn't sound anything close to a little boy.'

He started walking back up the alley, his friend following close behind. 'I think we need to check that temple again...,' said Leyrien. 'It looked...suspicious.'

Eli scowled. 'For the last time, there's nothing suspicious there! It?s ruins of an old temple with a few monsters, that's it.'

He paused. Hm...monsters...heh heh, I haven't had a good monster battle in a while...

'But, I guess you're right, we'd better check it out! Let's go.,' he said quickly.

Followed by Leyrien's confused face, Eli headed straight down-town. As they ran down the streets, all of the Hunters looked at them and thought about how immature they were for saviors of the Pioneer 2.

Eli kept running, while Leyrien easily jawged. The faint whine of speeder engines now surrounded them. They were down-town. The two turned a corner and stopped on Merchant Street. They panted for a moment, then took a look at the most recent news.

The electrical banners had said it all over the Pioneer 2: Androids suddenly gone. The friends' eyes widened. 'Androids suddenly gone'? What did it mean? More news flashed across the banner: Androids all disappeared the same day, no where to be found.

'This is not good...'

Eli turned to Leyrien, who was still looking at the banner. 'We'd better hurry up to those ruins. I have a feeling this has something to do with our little 'case''.

Leyrien nodded and they ran down the street. Soon they got to the teleporter. They stepped in, and they were automatically surrounded by the ruins and broken walls of the temple.
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Okay, fixed it, rubbish.


<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: HUShadow on 2003-10-12 08:36 ]</font>


<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: HUShadow on 2003-10-12 08:39 ]</font>

mr_rubbish
Oct 12, 2003, 10:20 AM
don't forget to change the relevant ? into "!

HUShadow
Oct 12, 2003, 10:29 AM
aw, crap! I hate when that happens! Thanks, mr_rubbish.

mechadragon
Oct 12, 2003, 12:00 PM
I like your story. Its better than any story i can right.....

Sagasu
Oct 12, 2003, 03:08 PM
Great so far, keep it up!

MQuantum
Oct 12, 2003, 04:55 PM
For some reason, I really like this...

I have no clue why...

It's bugging me, cause usually I have a definate clue about WHY I like things...

i need more to figure it out...

Keep it up.

Mixfortune
Oct 12, 2003, 11:28 PM
If you are having trouble with the symbols turning
into question marks, try typing up the fic in a
program such as notepad instead of Microsoft Word.
The text format will fit in just right for copying and pasting.

Hope this helps.

MQuantum
Oct 13, 2003, 08:25 AM
Hmmm...
Or try typing it on the reply post part, then copy and paste to MS word, run spellcheck, and copy and paste back...

Or not. that seems like MORE work...

HUShadow
Oct 14, 2003, 10:50 PM
Thanks for the input and duggestions. I SWEAR I'll work on this tommorrow, but right now I have company, and I've been busy and away from my house a lot this weekend, so I didn't have time to work on it. Sorry, but like I said, I'll start writing more.