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Robert_Wolf
Nov 5, 2003, 10:38 PM
Sirlone Mackanoc ran as fast as he could through the undergrowth. How long had he been out here? He couldn't remember. Where was he? Well that question was a little easier to answer. He didn't know his exact location; otherwise he wouldn't be lost. What he did know was that the quarantine zone was too far away for his pocket map to even register its presence. The screen simply lay blank in his palm.

This had been a very long day. From what he could piece together about the events that had brought him here, he had started out in the forest zone near Pioneer 1's central dome. He had just graduated from the force academy and was having his first assignment in the field. His mission was simple. To retrieve a scape doll that a hunter named Indigo had lost in the field while sorting loot. It was supposed to be around a totem-like object in the secondary zone of the forest. The first zone had been easy, nothing but the boomas and rappies that he had learned about and trained against. He knew their weaknesses. But as he entered the secondary sector, a large creature attacked him. At first he thought it was one of the Hildebears that he had read about just a week before graduation. But his computer fluctuated from Hildebear to Hildeblue, finally stopping on the ID of the Hildeblue.

It leapt into the air, only to pounce on the newly recruited force. With one crushing blow, it knocked Sirlone to the ground. His bio-readouts told him that he could only withstand two more points of damage before falling into unconsciousness. That was also a weak hit for this creature, the data computer informed him. In a panic, Mackanoc ran. As he ran he downed a monomate, revitalizing himself so that he could continue on. He had nowhere to go, the Hildeblue was between him and the only open quarantine lock. He saw an opening in the hedges, and a faint path leading deeper into the forest. He looked one more time at the pressure door. No, I won't make it, he remembered thinking. Therefore, his only option was to go deeper into the forest. He ran, with the Hildeblue right in tow behind him. As he reached the gap, the Hildeblue swung again. The hit clipped his leg. He winced in pain. The hit had gotten through his frame and bruised his muscle. He was limping.

For several hours now, he had been fleeing from the occasional booma and creatures that his computer tagged as gibbons. It had been at least an hour since his supply of monofluid had been exhausted. He was sore all over and his leg was throbbing from his earlier injury. He looked around, listening carefully.

"Where are you?" Mackanoc whispered to himself. "What have you gotten yourself into? Oh, God, I should have realized that I was too weak to venture out on my own yet." He knew in the back of his mind that he might not get the chance to learn from his mistake.

Sirlone's mag beeped. When he checked his data pad, the radar was clear. Finally, he would have a chance to collect himself. If he could just find a place to hunker down, he might be able to figure out where he was. That's when he saw a small group of bushes next to a large tree. He crept toward it slowly, for he had seen boomas come out of the ground when you approached an entrance to their den. When he was about five feet from the bushes, Sirlone stood on the tips of his feet, peering into this possible safe haven. There didn't seem to be one of those holes or mounds that they usually came out of. He looked around with ears pricked one more time before leaping into the bushes.

"Ok. Now I remember getting attacked last in that direction," Mackanoc recalled, pointing east, though not knowing which direction he was pointing. "Before that, I had ran that waaaayyyyy, AAAHHH!!! I have no idea how many times I turned! I could be anywhere!" he screamed in frustration. "I'm scared... It's starting to get dark. What am I going to do? I can't even send a BEE message from here because I don't know where I dropped my messenger." He sat there for a long while, on the verge of hyperventilating. "I going to die out here."

Sirlone had never been scared in his entire life. He hadn't needed to be. He was a fairly popular guy, so no one had ever picked a fight with him. And as for the dangers of the wild, well, he had spent most of his life indoors, either in the academy or just on Pioneer 2 in general. Nothing tried to eat him there. Now he truly feared for his life. No one had even known where he was going, other than to the Hunter's Guild. He started to weep, rocking back and forth with his knees pulled in close under his chin. He wept uncontrollably until he drifted into sleep.






Four men in cloaks stood before Kane Mackanoc. He had first learned of his son's disappearance when an anonymous hunter reported seeing some green cloth on the hedges where there was an opening into the uncontrolled region of the forest. Upon inspecting the cloth, and realizing that his son was long overdue, he concluded that his son was missing.

"Commander, I don't care what it takes, but find my son. He is not a very strong boy, he could be in grave danger."

"For all we know sir he could be dead," one of the men spoke up.

"Then it's our job to make sure that's not the case," the leader said, reprimanding the previous speaker.

"Understood, sir."

The leader was a tall man, most likely a RAmar, judging from the man's physique. He was very obviously a military man, not overly toned, but most likely about to sustain serious punishment. Why he wore a cloak, Kane did not know. His face was fairly unique. He had a dark goatee and a gelled flat top, dark brown in color. His eyes were covered by a visor, probably for targeting purposes.

This unit had been recommended to him by the vice president of his company, Mackanoc Utilities Incorporated, fondly referred to as MUI. Business had picked up since the arrival on Ragol. Talk was circulating about a demonic overlord that was controlling the creatures of the planet, coordinating attacks, and plotting to overthrow the universe. He had never seen any substantial evidence of this, however.

The man that had spoken up was also a RAmar. He was about an average height, say, 5'10". He wore a black mask with clear plastic slits over his blue eyes. He had a low rumble to his voice and a slight accent, probably from the arctic regions of the dead homeworld. The third man was a FOmar about 18 years old. His hair was up in orange spikes. He was a very dark skinned boy. There was an air about him that he was an intelligent boy, unfortunately, he knew it.

It was the fourth man that troubled Mackanoc. Obviously a HUmar, the man seemed somewhat imposing. His teal hair was done up in a ponytail, but walking around continuously had let some of his hair fall, covering his left eye. There was something odd about the way this man looked at Kane. The glare in his eyes was almost threatening. He looked right into Kane's eyes, as if he knew him.

"Well, we'll start our search in a five mile radius. I'll head east," the leader began. "Sunblast, you will travel east. Keep a close eye on your map. If you see anything, I want to know first," the leader explained, motioning to the other RAmar. "Daigoyin, you can take west. Just circle around the quarantine zone in an arc. When you reach the far end, move two miles further, then report back."

The HUmar seemed troubled by this. "Why don't I head east?"

"Why?" The leader was confused. Daigoyin had never questioned his orders before.

"I, uh, just seriously doubt that he went that direction."

"My order stands, Daigoyin?" the leader seemed somewhat confused. "You will head west, and that is a formal order."

"Yes, Commander."

"Good. Zandor, you will south. Do you understand the search procedure I have lined out for the rest of the men?"

"Please, Robert, I knew before you ever spoke," the FOmar mocked.

"Right. Whoever finds him will first report to me, then will pop a pipe and head straight back here. Understood?"

"Yes, Sir!" the men chanted.

"Mr. Mackanoc, we will find your son. And I'll see to it personally that he is well cared for," the leader said as his team moved toward the upper level surface transporter.

"Please, I will reward you well. A bonus if he is alive..."

"The agreed upon reward will be fine, sir. And if he is dead, I will personal pay for and attend his funeral."






Sirlone awoke with a start. How long had he been asleep? He quickly raised his head from the bushes. He cautiously examined the area. Nothing seemed to be around. Sirlone let out a long sigh of relief. One thing was for sure, he did feel refreshed. It occurred to him to glance at his bio-meds. Thank God... he thought. His TP had been replenished from the sleep. Things might actually be OK.

It was the middle of the night, though the first signs of twilight were reaching through the canopy. It was now that Sirlone realized how cold he was. He started to pull a thermal blanket from his pack when he heard a rustling in some bushes not too far away. Sirlone carefully peeked through the bushes. What he saw, chilled him to the bones.

A large group of gigoboomas was gathering all around him. They seemed to be foraging. No, wait! Dear God, they're searching for me. Sirlone checked his leg. He was bleeding. The boomas, originally thought to be herbivores had smelled his blood and were probably coming from miles around, if just for a taste. Sirlone laid down.

"This isn't going to work. They're gonna find you, stupid," Sirlone whispered to himself.

A booma passed over him, sniffing the air. It started to move away, but just as it did so, it paused. It turned back, snarling. Almost instantly, the rest of the gigoboomas started to snarl and gather closer.

"No!" Sirlone jumped up, starting into a run. As he turned away from the booma that had smelled him, a gibbon caught him and threw him to the ground. In a panic, Sirlone cast a spell of zonde. Instantly, the non-thunderous clouds above produced a lightning bolt that stabbed into the booma that moved into attack. A loud crack, followed by a hiss filled the air. The booma screamed in pain. Sirlone got up again, only to find that by now, he was surrounded. In a frenzy, he started to cast barta at anything that moved to close. His TP was about three-quarters of the way gone when Sirlone heard the distinctive sound of a photon weapon preparing to fire.
The whir of it seemed like a god send to Sirlone.

"Get down!" a voice screamed at him. Sirlone obeyed.

A man dressed in a black jump suit with a dark purple chest plate ran forward. The teal LED's that dotted the suit lightly lit the surrounding area as the RAmar took position over the fallen Force. Mechguns blazed and the creatures that had dared to hunt a man shrieked in pain. The man turned on every creature that came within five feet. He fired at two creatures at a time, holding the group at bay. One of the creatures got close enough to swipe at this savior. The man simply took the hit, winced, then fired at the creature with both weapons, killing it in a hail of photons. Finally, the ranger threw down the mechguns and lifted the shot from off his back.

Sirlone easily recognized the shot. Its model was called a Crush Bullet, obviously for the force with which the hits pounded into enemies. The ranger fired, turned one-hundred-eighty degrees and fired again. After doing this three times, the creatures that were still alive, few in number, turned and fled. The ranger lowered his weapon and took a step back. He then kneeled beside the young Force.

"Are you Sirlone Mackanoc?" the man asked.

"Yes, I am. Who are you?"

"Name's Robert Wolf. I was sent here with a special detachment to rescue you. How long have you been here?"

"I have no idea. You said you were here to rescue me, may I ask, who sent you?"

"Your father. He offered to pay a very hefty fee for your rescue..."

"Oh, no. I'll never get to take a quest again. He's gonna ring my neck."

"I doubt it. He seemed generally worried about you." The two started to walk off together, heading south. Wolf tapped his in-visor microphone. "Wolf to rest. I found the objective, head back to the ship. I'll meet you at the guild."

"Objective? You know I'm a person, right?"

"I know that. It's a complicated situation."

"How so?"

"My com-chatter is being monitored."

"What? By who?"

"I work for the military. I'm with a special ops force, operating under the identity of a Hunter Guild contracted force."

Sirlone stopped. Robert Wolf came to a reluctant halt. When Sirlone saw Wolf turn, he noticed a military patch on the ranger's right shoulder. The patch displayed an ancient style shield crossed by two sabers, surrounded in fire.

"The military has been hounding my father lately. Something about needing his expertise on weapons and utilities." Sirlone looked uneasy. "Should I be worried, here?"

"What?!? Why would you be worried about me? You do realize that I just saved your life, don't you?"

"Yes, and I appreciate it. It's just something the soldier said before leaving my father's office. He said, 'You'll regret this.' When I heard you say that you were a soldier, a just thought that it was that promise coming back at me."

"I promise you have nothing to fear from me." There was a long silence as the two men walked back toward the quarantine zone. "Look, if it seriously bothers you, I'll take you back to the guild right now."

"I'd appreciate that."

With that the ranger pulled his hand toward him in an exaggerated motion. A glowing circle appeared beneath Robert Wolf's suit. The two men stepped on the glowing circle. In an instant they were back onboard Pioneer 2.

"By the way. Here. I want you to have this." Wolf handed Sirlone a green utility box.

"What's this?"

"That, is a scape doll. Your quest was to retrieve that, was it not?"

"Well, yes. But why are you giving me a scape doll? These are worth a lot of money."

"Because I was just like you once. I too was once young and just starting out. Now I'm 29 and I want to help you the same way a hunter once helped me. I also failed to complete my first quest. Most hunters do. But a hunter gave me my objective when I failed to achieve it. Now I do the same for you." Wolf smiled lightly at the young force. "After all, people call me the guardian for a reason. I'm always looking out for the well being of others. And a newly recognized reputation for you would definitely improve your well being."

Sirlone was grinning from ear to ear. "Thank you."

"You're welcome. I just hope you trust me now." They had arrived at the guild and the door slid open. Wolf adorned his cloak. "I hate it when people don't trust me."

"I understand... So, what's with the cloak?"

"If the guild knew I was military, I wouldn't get the same kind of jobs that other hunters do, now would I?" Wolf whispered.

"Ah. Ok."

"You won't blow my cover will you kid?"

"No. You did me a huge favor giving me this," Sirlone said motioning to the scape doll. "Least I can do is return the favor."

"That's the spirit kid."

Robert Wolf turned to go, his team right behind him.

"Hey Robert Wolf. If my father needs some work done, can I call on you?"

"Sure kid. Maybe you could help too. The experience will be well worth it."

As the team started to walk off, the HUmar in the group turned and glared at Sirlone. As he walked away, Daigoyin cursed under his breath.






Lieutenant Kyle Mahj stood glaring at the HUmar seated in front of his desk. Mahj was a HUmar with broad shoulders, a jet black jumpsuit adorned with medals, brown hair of shoulder length, and a scar over his right eye. A strong built man, it was easy to see why the man across his desk was on the verge of crumbling.

"That boy was our one chance to get Mackanoc to cooperate. I would have thought that you could pull off his capture using my Hildeblue!" Mahj was obviously furious.

"I'm sorry, sir. I tried but I lost sight of him when he slipped into the forest."

"Unacceptable soldier."

"I know sir."

"Well I don't care what I takes, Daigoyin. Get me that boy."

"I will sir. It's just too soon to blow my cover."

"Agreed. Can this Robert Wolf be turned to our cause?"

"I doubt it. He seems to be too much of a good boy."

"Start to assess his weaknesses then."

"Yes, sir." Daigoyin did not even try to hide his satisfaction. Finally, a worthy opponent...



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If you liked this Fan Fiction, i would appreciate it if you would pm me. Please include any characters you would like added to the tale (include all info required on the character submission screen). Please be sure to offer up any thoughts on possible plot directions. If I like your suggestions, I'll put them into the storyline.

Thanks for your time,

Robert_Wolf

KaFKa
Nov 5, 2003, 11:11 PM
well, although it isnt the definition of perfection, it isnt crap, either. the charater development is great, and the foreshadowing is also a good element. a few bad points though: (they are minor, but theyre' there) the switching from first to third person perspectives does turn somewhat confusing in a minor way. and also, just on a personal opinion, the fact that the people actually KNOW the character classes is somewhat odd, although it can be frustrating to have to describe the people so that we can understand what class they are, so i do understand why. overall, this is a fairly good peice of literature. i give it 7 out of 10 stars. this is something that i wouldnt mind reading a few times again for the fun of it. good work, cant wait until your next installment

Gaurdian
Nov 6, 2003, 05:26 PM
that is too long, i got lost half way through.....you should read Talon and Gaurdian for a real story....it is in this forum too if you wanted to know.

Hikosaka
Nov 6, 2003, 07:14 PM
On 2003-11-06 14:26, Gaurdian wrote:
that is too long, i got lost half way through.....you should read Talon and Gaurdian for a real story....it is in this forum too if you wanted to know.



Uh no. Do not advertise your own fic in someone else's thread. Also, instead of trying to put down the fic and make yours look better, either give constructive criticism, or do not post at all.

MQuantum
Nov 6, 2003, 09:18 PM
Hey, even though it was long, that's a good thing.

It even had lots of spaces to give the reader a break. It is perfectly fine.

Yes, this does have a fairly good story line, and I'm liking it so far.

The only thing I might suggest is developing the characters a little more, but being the first chapter, I can see how they might be a little sketchy. http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif

of course, this is coming from someone who has lacking character development skills too...

KaFKa
Nov 7, 2003, 12:42 PM
come on now, MQuantum, i know you have decent character devolpmental skills. just try harder =D