FanFic: Divine Fire of the Heart - Chapter Two Posted!

[LadyRedComet]

First off, I'd like to say that I apologize for this fanfic. I know it's not very good and that it's dark and twisted, but that's the way my mind works when I write.

I'd also like it to be known that this is my first-ever attempt at writing something in the PSO universe, so I hope I'm doing okay. Even if I'm not, I suppose I'll finish this story because it's been trying to force its way out of me since last March.

That said, enjoy.

-------------------

Prologue

"Please, just stop!" They looked at her, took in her rumpled red hair and the tears on her cheeks, and laughed.

"If you weren't so bad at techs, you wouldn't be the target! So quit whining!" Their leader informed her. He cast another Zonde, the shock felt like it would rip her apart. With a hopeless sob, she stayed where she had fallen and wished her tormenters would just go away.



It was happening again. The mocking laughter, the pain, and her own inability to do anything to save herself. For some reason, she was always singled out as the one who could be bullied and beat up. First her own cousins and their newly-learned techniques, now a battle-crazy android and his partner.

She just wished everyone would leave her alone. She?d never consciously done anything to anyone to earn this sort of punishment.

She refused to plead with them. In the past, such embarrassing actions never made a difference, she always ended up beaten bloody whether she begged them to stop or not. She took this beating without a word. She couldn?t stop the tears from flowing, but she never made a sound.

The android pulled his arm back for the next blow; she closed her eyes and hoped it would send her into the welcome blackness of unconsciousness, but the hit never came.

When she finally opened her eyes, she was surprised by what she saw. The android's female partner was gone, but the android was locked in battle with a man she'd never seen before. There were two women there, too. One carried a gun, the other a deck of strange pink cards.

The one with the cards was a Force. She hated Forces. She crab-walked backward as best she could, ignoring the pain that screamed through her legs and back, trying to get away from the Force. Forces liked to hurt her; they always had. She just wanted to get away. Why wouldn't they leave her in peace?

Arms wrapped around her from behind. "Where do you think you're going, missy?" A male voice said. He didn't sound condescending or mocking, there was something like concern there... "I don't think you'd be able to cast a Ryuker right now, much less get to the surface on your own." He paused a moment, shifted behind her, then stood up with her in his arms.

"Demi! You wanna cast us a Ryuker to the hospital?"

She struggled to keep awake, but the blackness was becoming more and more inviting. The Force approached, and she couldn't keep a whimper from escaping. Now the Force-girl would hurt her, like all the other Forces. The blackness was so much better than reality...

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: LadyRedComet on 2003-11-25 15:58 ]</font>

[ladyjaderiver]

AWESOMENESS! I would glomp you, you know, but I know you hate that.

Heh, you finally got around to writing this, eh? If you need your note sheets on the characters they're with the rest of my junk that I carry with me at school.

Oh... About the fic... It's awesome! *g* Like I ever expected anything less from you. And you portrayed my characters excellently. Gee, I wonder why, seeing as you're my sister and helped me come up with how they act...

[mr_rubbish]

Wow! For the 1st chapter of a first-time fan-fic thats pretty damn good.
As for being dark and twisted, don't worry about it... its no different to 99% of the stories here http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif

[KaFKa]

pretty good. yes, good character portrayl as well. its somewhat short, but im sure that you can fix that no problem http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif quite good for a first try

[Robert_Wolf]

Very good story. A little short, but this should be a good series. Good Luck.

[mr_rubbish]

PS Those bad guys made me sooooo mad! GRRRRR!
If the unnamed protagonist wants a bodyguard, ask and I'll send her my guildcard.

[LadyRedComet]

Thanks, I really appreciate all this positive feedback. I'd give you an answer about the body guard thing, Mr. Rubbish, but as a rule I don't give hints about what's going to happen later in my fanfics.

Hmm...when would you guys like to see chapter one? It's all in my head right now, but I might be able to post it by tonight.

edit: wording. I'm SO unbelievably eloquent sometimes.

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: LadyRedComet on 2003-11-20 11:03 ]</font>

[Hikara]

Post it ASAP, danget! That's all there is to it! If you get positive feedback, keep them on the edge of their seat by continuously posting, kapeesh!?

Very very excellent, m'Lady. Can't wait for Chapter 1!

[Skett]

Another great story to read. You writers seem to have me reading more now than at school (seriously). Do me a favor and stop for around a week, eh? Anyways, if you haven't picked the message up than here is my responce. This is good. First time writer? whats with the uproar of good fics from first-timers? Next chapter!

[MQuantum]

First time writing for PSO? What about elsewhere, eh?

This is very good. The person just seems so terrified of forces... I'm just scared of how they look. *shudder*

I'm looking forward to a lot more from you! And don't worry about it being all dark, because it wouldn't be much of a story if they all all chased butterflies and never caught them.

And yeah, there has been a huge increase in the average FF writer per square post here... I shall call them the Ficcie-Boomers!

[KaFKa]

whohoo, ficcie boomers! http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/anime1.gif uhm, does that include me too?

[-Z]

"yes, the forces are coming to hurt you, MWUAHAHAHA!"
>_>
<_<
*ahem* http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/anime2.gif

well... i would say something... but its pretty much already said... and so...

w00t! great start! awaiting chapter 1 ^_^

[LadyRedComet]

Okay, here's chapter one. It's not quite how I wanted it...it's only 1900 words and I was going for 2000 or 2500. The end sucks too, but what can I say? I may come back and edit it later.

And in response to Quantum's question: I've written fanfics and "original" stories before. Loads of them, actually (well, maybe ten or fifteen). Mostly for the musical Cats and various animes.

-------------------

Chapter One

She came awake not knowing where she was. She was lying in a bed in a tiny room. The small room was unfamiliar, and certainly not part of any hospital she'd ended up in before. The size, little bigger than a closet, was comforting in a way. She felt no pain, which meant she had been to a hospital. And she was blessedly alone. For a few moments, anyway.

She was about to get out of the bed and attempt to explore outside the room when she heard voices beyond the door. One voice was male, the other female; she recognized the male's voice as the man who had caught her during her attempt at escape. The two paused just outside the door.

"You go in 'Booru. She'll probably be less frightened of you than me," the man pointed out. "If she's even awake yet."

"You just don't want to look at her again. I know you think there's something weird about her," 'Booru complained. The door slid into the wall, revealing the woman who had been with her rescuers, the RAmarl. Next to her and slightly behind was a rather tall man, whose armor made him clearly a HUmar. "See Sano? She's not gonna bite..."

Obviously they had noticed that she was hunched as far back on the bed as she could get. She felt like a cornered animal, knowing there was no way out of here should they decide to be violent.

With an indignant look at the HUmar, 'Booru stepped into the room and touched the keypad to make the door close. She made her way to the small chair near the foot of the bed and sat down. "Hey," she greeted softly. "You don't need to be afraid of us, you know. We're the ones who rescued you from the caves, in case you don't remember." She paused. "Aren't you going to say anything?" No reply. She growled in frustration. "Look, I'm Nabooru. What's your name?"

"Aerin."

"Such progress we've made," 'Booru commented sarcastically. "Anyway, my brother sent me in here to ask you if you wanted to join us all for dinner tonight. Would you like that?"

Aerin shook her head, somewhat relieved to note that 'Booru didn't have a weapon with her. "I...I just want to get out of here. Can I leave? Or would that..." She trailed off into silence.

"Would that make me angry? No. It's your choice whether to go or stay. But that makes me wonder what the hell happened to you to make you so jumpy," 'Booru replied. She continued, apparently uninterested in any reply Aerin might make. "I bet Kento and Demi would be disappointed if you didn't at least have dinner with them before you left, though."

She remembered Demi. Demi was the Force. "Who is Kento?" she asked.

'Booru cast a strange glance in her direction. "Kento's my brother. I thought I told you that. He's the one who took care of that HUcast you were with." She cast a critical look, as if something had just dawned on her. "Hey, speaking of that...why were you with such an evil droid in the first place? You don't seem to be the masochistic type..."

"Maso what?"

The RAmarl sighed. "It means one who enjoys having pain inflicted on them. Torture, too. You don't strike me as that kind of girl."

"Oh. I'm not."

"Didn't think so. But if that's true, then why were you with Black Hound?" Aerin thought she sounded curious beyond casual interest and didn't like it one bit.

"I, uh..."

The door slid open again. It was Demi. Aerin recognized her by her long green hair. "'Booru!" she scolded, biting back a giggle, "This isn't an inquisition, you know. You should leave her alone and let her get over what happened at her own pace. Then you can ask questions." The words didn't seem like they could possibly be coming from the girl who had said them. Her eyes were large and childlike, and she was short to boot. She looked like a child, not like the obviously wise girl her words made her out to be.

She turned to Aerin. "Hi! What's your name?"

"Aerin," Nabooru explained for her. "She's scared of you, Demi."

Aerin blinked. "How could you tell?" 'Booru grinned knowingly and said nothing in reply.

"Aw," Demi said, ignoring Aerin's question. "How can you be afraid of me?" Forces in Aerin's experience were hugely powerful and tended to enjoy using that power on other people. She somehow doubted that this Force would be any different. But she had to admit that Demi looked far too innocent to be thinking of any sort of underhanded scheme.

She was still studying the other girl critically when Demi decided it had been quiet long enough. "So..."

"I thought we said no questions," 'Booru interrupted, earning a sheepish grin from the Force. "We'll leave you in peace now, Aerin." She stood up and gave Demi a look that said she had better follow.

"I'll see you at dinner!" Demi announced happily as she let 'Booru lead the way out of the room.

Aerin was glad when the door closed and she was alone again. She stretched out on the bed again, hoping to fall asleep, but sleep didn't want to come and she found herself thinking back to her experience in the caves. She still didn't know what she had done to deserve the beating she'd received, and a sense of hopelessness crept upon her. If she didn't know what she had done wrong, she would possibly never know what to fix to make sure something like that didn't happen again.

It felt good to cry, to let out the emotions pent up inside her when she knew no one would see her.She didn't know when sleep took her, but when she woke up, the HUmar called Sano was standing next to the bed.

"So you are awake," he muttered, sounding somewhat amused. She blinked at him groggily, not understanding why it mattered whether she was awake or not. "I brought you something to cheer you up," he explained. "Take good care of it." He said nothing more, simply set a wrapped present on the bed next to her and departed.

Curiosity roused her a bit, so she sat up and pulled the present toward her. She hadn't a clue what could be inside it. She swallowed her nervousness and pulled the ribbon and paper off. Inside was a plain box, and inside that were several things: a strange sort of uniform, a slip of paper, a smaller blue box, and what looked like a set of deactivated sabers. "What is this stuff?" she murmured. She picked up the paper, wondering what it said. "Hunter registration?" Then it hit her. The hospital would have taken blood samples, which 'Booru and her friends could have used as part of a Hunter registration for her. But why? It didn't make any sense that they would do such a thing for someone they barely knew.

The registration form was for a rank of Pinkal HUnewearl. The deactivated blades were a set named Musashi after an old martial-arts master. And the blue box contained a Mag for her.

She opened the blue box tentatively. What if it didn't like her? She'd heard some of the Forces in her family complaining about Mags that hated them... It was too late to worry about that now, for the little machine had floated out of its box. She felt that it was examining her with its little yellow eye. She appraised it, too. She had never seen a black Mag before. Most Mags in her experience were brightly colored in shades of blue, red, and yellow.

"Hello, little one. I guess I'm going to be your master now," she told it. She didn't know why she was talking to it; everyone she knew simply realized that a Mag was a piece of equipment, not a real living creature. But it felt so much better to talk to it than to just pretend it wasn't sentient. It bounced up and down happily before floating around to take up a watchful position behind her left shoulder.

She smiled at it. "I'm sorry," she confided, turning slightly to pet it, "I don't have anything to feed you..."

But she was a registered Hunter now, so she ought to be allowed in the military shops to buy the sort of things one would feed a Mag. Except she had no money. She'd left the small amount of meseta she owned with her family when she'd run away with her so-called friends.

It didn't take her long to decide that she couldn't stay cooped up any longer. There simply wasn't an excuse to do so. So she pulled off her practically destroyed civilian clothes and put on her new armor. She had a feeling neither Demi nor 'Booru had had much say in the choice of her armor, because she felt fairly certain that neither of the girls would have chosen something quite so revealing. But it was either wear armor that was brand new or wear clothes that were falling apart. She chose to stick with the armor. Besides, it wasn't as if it made her look bad or anything.

She ran her fingers through her hair, so that it looked sort of like it had been brushed, and pulled it into a ponytail. Then she took a deep breath and stood before the door, afraid of facing the others, but annoyed with the closed-in feeling she was getting from the tiny room.

The door slid open automatically when she stood in front of it. Might as well go on out...

She went down a hallway and into the larger, brightly lit main room of the apartment. It was a kitchen, dining room, living room all packed into one. 'Booru was sprawled on the couch avidly reading a digital message, Sano was leaning against the wall and watching something behind the couch.

"Mind if I ask what you're doing?" he asked. Aerin cautiously walked over to see what he was looking at. It was Demi, who was sitting on the floor with several of her cards spread out before her and four in her hand. Demi let three of the cards fall to the ground and looked up at Sano with wide, sad eyes.

"I don't know!" She whimpered. Then she caught sight of Aerin. "Hi! You missed dinner, but if you're hungry you can help yourself to some leftovers," she announced cheerfully.

Sano turned his head to look at her. "Hey, you clean up pretty well," he said, grinning. 'Booru sat up and peered over the back of the couch to glare at him. "What?" He demanded in exasperation.

"Can't you tell that she's not interested, idiot?" Sano rolled his eyes. 'Booru ignored him and turned to Aerin. "So, are you ready for your first trip to Ragol?" She smiled widely, but Aerin shook her head.

"I," she took a deep breath, hoping the words would come and she wouldn't sound like an idiot. "I was actually wondering if one of you would show me where the shops are...I want to buy some food for my Mag." Demi's eyes lit up.

"I'll show you!" She volunteered, and without waiting for a response grabbed a hold of Aerin's wrist and pulled her out the door.

[KaFKa]

much better. great job.

[White_Knight]

intresting I can't really explain it other wise and as far as her getting bullied like that in the prolog I am outraged but then again I am a gentleman so it would strike me a bit harder than most (has Shi ans VaAn go and beat the stuffing out of the HUcast) ok I feel better

[ladyjaderiver]

*virtual glomp* (I promise I won't really glomp you...) This is getting better and better!! http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif

Just so everyone knows, I WAS harping at her to work on it over and over... Got in three Skyly Ultimate Forest Runs while she wrote...

Now, WRITE MORE!! MWAHAHA! Too bad we're gonna be gone tomorrow or she could be chained the computer and forced to write chapter two.

Just for you, Quantum (don't look, Kafka!):
http://www.freewebs.com/laluna/Chibi_Demi_with_Mahu.JPG

[KaFKa]

*convulses* no, not another chibi...
*runs off in a delusional state of panic*

[ladyjaderiver]

Well, don't say I didn't warn you...

[MQuantum]

Yah! CHIBIchibichibichibichibi...

It fits perfect with the scene Lady Redcomet described! Great chapter!

And I figured you had wrote before, because of what you said earlier, but ya never know... Just don't leave us waiting too long!

[KaFKa]

On 2003-11-20 18:17, ladyjaderiver wrote:
Well, don't say I didn't warn you...

but you said not to look, so i HAD to!!!
(jk)
heh, nice chibi sketch, although it still has that whole... eerie vibe about it... *shiver*

[LadyRedComet]

Hehe, that drawing of chibi Demi was actually the inspiration for that little scene.

Chapter two may or may not come tomorrow morning, depending on how much thinking I get in today. *bangs head on the wall, hoping Jade will shut up with the insisting that I write chapter two now*

[Hikara]

Hm.... Messing around with Mahu's.......

That was an excellent Chapter, Red! I can't wait for the next one!

But messing around with..... AN IDEA!!

[Skett]

You really cant help not feeling sorry for the poor girl. This is better (and obviously longer) than your first chapter. I am keeping an eye on this fic. I have a question: is this Demi the same Demi in Hikara's second fic?



<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Skett on 2003-11-21 22:20 ]</font>

[ladyjaderiver]

In a way, yes... They're both using my character, Demi the FOnewearl. Not quite sure how it all works out for her to be in both, but that's not my problem, as I'm not writing either of the fics. *G*

[LadyRedComet]

It works out because in my story, Hikara's storyline never happened (well, it'd probably be more accurate to say it hasn't happened yet), and vice versa for his story.

My apologies. I'm having difficulty even finding time to think of how I'm going to do chapter two. I don't know when it'll show up, but I'm hoping later today or early tomorrow.

[Gnarled_rose]

Just wanted to say great job, and I plan on tracking this fic to completion. Great character introductions. And for a story-line that doesn't exist yet, it certainly has me hooked.

P.S. I'm almost afraid to ask, but....what's a chibi?

[Skett]

On 2003-11-23 07:57, Gnarled_rose wrote:
Just wanted to say great job, and I plan on tracking this fic to completion. Great character introductions. And for a story-line that doesn't exist yet, it certainly has me hooked.

P.S. I'm almost afraid to ask, but....what's a chibi?



A chibi is an super-deformed character. Usually with very large eyes, somewhat big head and a small body. They are commenly used in anime and manga for comady, emberrising, or cute moments. For some reason people think they look cute (but it bothers me to no end).



<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Skett on 2003-11-23 08:24 ]</font>

[ladyjaderiver]

Yeah... I do find them cute sometimes. I mostly draw chibis when I can't get something with correct proportions to come out right, or I'm too lazy to draw something good. *G*

[MQuantum]

Be lazy! Please? Well, if you have a good outlook on life, everyone looks like a chibi anyways... Chibis wander my halls at school! Yeah...

Well, I wish you luck on working out chapter 2, don't stress too much on it, take a three month break if you need to a day off if you need to, and get it how you like it. That's all there is to it. http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif

[LadyRedComet]

Hehe, I took your advice and waited a while. I found out that, oddly, my physics class is one of my favorite places to write. Therefore I'm going to finish writing chapter two (which I started yesterday morning) in that class and post it after school.

And Jade, you have permission to hold me to my word here.

[ladyjaderiver]

Yes, it better be up when I get back from the V.A.C. meeting!! Otherwise I won't feed your Marica!

[LadyRedComet]

Uhm, yes. Please excuse this chapter. The first third or so was written during a physics class. If it doesn't make any sense, that's why. But I lapsed back into my normal writing style by the end, so I suppose it's okay.

-------------------

Chapter Two

Aerin wasn't sure what she thought anymore. She'd spent nearly a whole day in the market sector spending Kento's meseta on food for her Mag. The FOnewearl, Demi, stopped by periodically to see how things were going. She especially didn't know what to make of Demi.

She didn't look mean, and she certainly didn't act like it. In fact, Aerin was almost positive that Demi was one person she could always count on. She was less sure of the rest of the team, especially Sano, who seemed more like a simple mercenary than a real Hunter. Kento was one she couldn't begin to understand. It turned out that he was the one who had registered her as a Hunter, and now he'd given her free run of his bank account. It had taken Nabooru's urging to get her to accept the offer.
She owed them all a lot and had no idea how to repay them. She was still worrying about that when Demi found her.

"Wow, your mag's gotten big! Do you think it'll evolve again soon?" She plopped down on the bench next to Aerin and watched the Varuna carefully as if it might evolve at any moment.

"I don't know, but I hope so," Aerin replied, reaching over to pet it and earning a chirp of appreciation.

"Aw," Demi crooned. "It likes you a lot!" Aerin had at first concluded that Demi was so interested in her mag because she didn't have one of her own. She'd found out later that what had at first appeared to be a tail was in fact Demi's mag. Demi was interested in Aerin's mag because she wanted to help Aerin become a good hunter.

"Hmm...Demi..." She was determined to find a way to repay their kindness, but unsure how to ask what they expected of her. "I don't know how I can repay you guys. You've done so much for me, and I don't know how I can thank you for it." When she managed to look at the other girl, she saw that Demi was smiling. And it wasn't the mocking smile of someone about to hurt her, it was Demi's happy-go-lucky, genuine smile.

"You can join our team!" She announced happily, after a moment of silent expectation on Aerin's part. "That way, you can train easier and you can help us earn money when you get stronger."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive! I know you'll make a great Hunter!" Aerin knew by now that there was no arguing with her once her mind was made up. She sighed and stood up, her Varuna following her to take up its customary position behind her left shoulder. The silly thing couldn't seem to realize that it didn't need to guard her while she was onboard Pioneer II.

"I guess that means I better learn how to use these," she said, gesturing at her Musashi. Since she'd received the paired blades three days ago, she had carried them with her but never so much as activated the photon blades. Truth be told, she was afraid to do so, afraid of the effect it would have on her. Would she be corrupted by the power of a sword like her family had been corrupted by their techniques? She hoped not, and felt a wave of shame course through her because of her baseless fear.

Demi was talking, but Aerin hadn't heard her. The next thing she knew, Demi was dragging her through the center of the market sector, toward the surface teleporters. She glanced suspiciously at the Force, but Demi was all smiles as she activated the teleporter.



The surface of Ragol was largely forested and populated by a variety of animal life. Animal life, it turned out, that wanted very badly to kill anyone who trespassed into their territory. Any fear Aerin felt was quickly banished when her survival instincts took over.

The twin blades felt awkward in her hands and she had no fighting skills beyond the few techniques she'd learned during her never completed Force training. But with sword in hand, one did not need skill to take life. After the first creature attacked her and left a painful, bleeding gash on her arm, nothing that approached her lived.

Gradually she realized that Demi was casting techniques that weakened the monsters so Aerin could kill them. When all the creatures in the clearing were dead, Demi stepped over and cast a Resta. Aerin realized that Demi was very different from the Forces she'd grown up with; she was hugely more powerful than any Force Aerin had ever met, and had a kind, generous heart to temper that power.

"You're doing really well!" Demi exclaimed cheerfully. Aerin didn't see it that way, but saw no point in arguing with her.

Any further comment Demi might have was delayed by the crashing, howling arrival of some large monstrosity that half resembled a gorilla. "What is that thing?" Aerin demanded, barely dodging as the thing punched at her. She could tell it was much stronger than the ordinary animals, and was terrified at what might happen if she let her guard down and got hit.

Demi, as usual, looked excited. "It's a Hildebear. Here, I'll distract it and you can get behind it and kill it," she explained. When she saw Aerin's look of protest, she chided, "Oh, come on. You beat up hordes of Booma with barely any help from me. This thing couldn't hurt me if you blindfolded me, so I'll keep it busy and you go get it." To add emphasis to her ability to distract the Hildebear without getting hurt, she tossed a Mahu card into the creature's face.

The thing roared louder and spat a fireball at Demi, which she easily dodged, throwing another card as she did so. Aerin cast a worried glance in her direction, but snuck around to the back anyway. If Demi said she could take care of herself, she ought to at least try to trust her.

It howled when the second card struck its face, and that was when Aerin made her move. She stabbed both her blades into the Hildebear's back as far as she could get them. Its howl turned into a gurgling whine as it collapsed and bled to death. Aerin left her Musashi where they were and backed up against a tree, feeling like she might get sick.

Demi cast a Resta for good measure and came up beside her. "Hey, don't get sick on me. It's not like it was human or anything, and it did attack you first," she informed the other girl. Aerin nodded weakly. "Now come on. I want to do some more exploring before it gets dark...I was hoping we would stumble across one of the legendary dragon lairs around here..."

Aerin did not like the sound of that. "There are dragons on Ragol?"

"Supposedly," Demi nodded. "Sano claims he and Kento fought one, and I've heard rumors from a couple of other Forces, but nothing definite. Everyone knows there are small Nano dragons in the caves, but the forest dragons are supposed to be much bigger and spit fire rather than lasers. I sort of wanted to see for myself."

Demi started heading down one of the paths, so Aerin grabbed her Musashi and went after her. She wasn't sure what a dragon's lair would look like, but she was fairly certain that she didn't want to find out.

The land ahead became rockier and less densely forested; they were getting far away from the teleporters, uncomfortably far, it seemed to Aerin. It didn't seem to faze Demi in the slightest; in fact, she was looking around with obvious interest.

Suddenly Demi paused. "Whoa, wait a sec. Something feels weird here," she muttered, so quietly that Aerin almost didn't hear her. "Like something's about to happen!" As she finished her prediction the ground started to shake ominously.

-------------------

Possibly to be continued. I really wanted to put a dragon fight in this chapter, but I'm really very stuck on how to do it. *sigh* I don't know, but something tells me this chapter sucks majorly...

[Skett]

Yeah, your right. It sucked, Actually I'm kidding. I know the feeling, though. In the fic I am making, it seems to suck but it might *just* be good. That is really why I will never post it.

Anyways, I have a few ways that you could have a dragon appear but are a little out there so I will not write them. But good chapter. It has a bit of character development and bit of history for your main protaganist. I like this fic, so you better keep writing!



<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Skett on 2003-11-25 16:21 ]</font>

[ladyjaderiver]

Hehe, Demi is so funny...And good thing you made her cocky about her evasion (she has over 1000 now). And Aerin has a varuna! *cute!* Continue it SOON!

[LadyRedComet]

Oh, I don't think I'll ever be able to stop writing...it's just a matter of organizing my thoughts into a coherent story. I'm glad you two like it.

[Sord]

On 2003-11-25 15:55, The twin blades felt awkward in her hands and she had no fighting skills beyond the few techniques she'd learned during her never completed Force training. But with sword in hand, one did not need skill to take life. After the first creature attacked her and left a painful, bleeding gash on her arm, nothing that approached her lived.



and then she went on to the thing with the hildebear with her blades and yada yada ya. But when did she activate her Musashi? And judging from how she felt about using them, one would expect some feelings of Aerin's after the musashi was activated. otherwise it's a good chapter. there's my two sence





<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Sord on 2003-11-25 18:41 ]</font>

[LadyRedComet]

Well, lemme think here. I assumed it was either use a weapon that felt awkward or get hacked to pieces. Not that I don't appreciate the advice, but I just don't think she would have time to think while fighting for her life with a weapon she's never used before (I know I wouldn't, but maybe that's just me). I also feel that the vagueness in some of the paragraphs helps make it seem like a blur, which I intended it to be (at least for Aerin...Demi seems to get a real kick out of it).

Again, thanks for the advice (and I do mean that in all seriousness), I just don't feel modifications of that type are needed (yet).

[MQuantum]

Yes, it did seem fast because of the blurriness of fast... Whatever...

That's a good techniquie for making it seem hectic, and it worked nicely.

I'm having troulbe thinking right now...

[mr_rubbish]

The fighting felt... a little forced. I suppose Demi was eager to help Aerin but...

[LadyRedComet]

Well, fighting IS supposed to be forced for Aerin. Plus, I'm no good whatsoever at fight scenes. *shrug*

[KaFKa]

fight scenes are fun and esy. at least for me, who thinks fights themselves are fun and easy.

...just try and go through the actions in your head, then write them down. or... actually, i'll just PM you, theres a whole big ol' long post waiting to happen on this idea, and i don't wanna do that http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif

[Gnarled_rose]

Hey, nice job. I'm not sure what it could use, but if I think of it, I'll edit this message to include it [right here]. I think it had something to do with the transition from the first chapter to this one, but I'm not sure.
Well, keep up the work, good or not.

[odie2088]

oooOOOOOOooohhhhhhh....I LIKE IT! must read more...write more....please...I BEG YOU! PLEASE WRITE MORE! PLEEEEEEASE! PRETTY PRETTY PLEASE!



pssssst...if you write more i'll be your best friend...please? i'll share my caffeine! i'll share my monomates! i'll share my freakin PIXY STIX! please write more! ooh i thought of it. if you write more, i'll give you a hug! YAY! *hugs self*

[ladyjaderiver]

*whispers* She doesn't like hugs. *nod* I would know. I have been thrown off of her many times when I hugged her when she or I found something good in PSO. *g*

However, I agree with you. She needs to write more. *pokes LadyRedComet, who rolls over in bed and smacks LadyJade* Er, she won't be writing right now, I'm afraid. *g*

[LadyRedComet]

Soo tired...so much work to do...

BUT! I have been thinking about the next chapter (bad or good, you decide) and have come to the conclusion that I need to find one or two incidental characters for one of the coming events...Dunno if anyone wants to volunteer or not...?

No hugs, please.

[Gnarled_rose]

Pick me! Pick me! I'm volunteering! Pick me!

Ok, now that that's over with, I can....go back to doing nothing. Crud.

[odie2088]

aww...i was in a hug happy mood too...i'll have to hug my good friends the normal boomas...they just swipe and it goes, "Tink" and i just go, "Awwww"...PICK MEEEEEEEE ME ME ME ME MEEEEE! PLEASE!!!!

[LadyRedComet]

Oooh, volunteers! I shall try to use both of you at least somewhere in the fic.

[Sord]

can you give a referance as to when the next chapter will be out?

[LadyRedComet]

At this point, not really...maybe early next week.

[odie2088]

i might get to be in a good fic! w00000t!

[Skett]

A new chapter soon. Good. The fanfics section is a bit slow right now so any new chapter is worthwile.
By the way, do you need anymore characters in your fic?

[LadyRedComet]

I may eventually. I'm not quite sure how it's going to break down right now.

[LadyRedComet]

Ack. I lied. I'm almost a week overdue on this chapter. My apologies.

And for anyone who is interested (and would like to PM me with details), I will eventually be in need of a few miscellaneous villain-type characters. I'm not sure how many specifically at this time, but having a few to pick from would be nice.

[Skett]

*Gasp* You lied? For shame. Anyways, I'm sure I can create a couple evil characters during school. Last, when can we expect the next chapter?

[ladyjaderiver]

I'm working on getting her to write it... *g* Annoyance on my part always pays off.

[KaFKa]

evil type people? hmm...

one word: Chainer http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif

post the next chapter already!!! http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif

[ladyjaderiver]

She went to bed. *cries* Although she did work on it for about two hours earlier because I wouldn't leave her alone about it... *eg*