Personal Dilemma

[Kizaragu]

Apparently a long term friend of my sisters really likes me. And is going to call me sometime within the next few days and ask if I want to meet up with her for coffee or something.
I've always thought she was kinda cute, but I'm faced with a dilemma.

She's 5 months pregnant.

I'm 20 years old right? That should be no problem?
Thing Is, I think I'm really immature for my age and couldn't handle anything as big as that. What about when the babies born and we break up? What about the baby in general?
Apparently she's concerned that I may be put off by the baby thing, and the truth is, I am.

I know I'm jumping ahead a bit and probably worrying about nothing (Hell, she might change her mind and not even call me) but I'm still concerned.

Any advice on what I should do?
I'm guessing we should go out for coffee and talk about it...?

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Kizaragu on 2003-11-22 14:30 ]</font>

[Scrub]

Time for advice from the boy who turns 15 on Thanksgiving.

Just go out for coffee with her. It's not like by doing that you automatically become intwined in her life...and if you really DO end up falling in love with her, something like her being pregnant really shouldn't stand in the way. And if it does, just talk to her about it. If she really does love you, then she should be able to talk about it.

[Hrith]

Ok, I see... Well, here are my three options http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_smile.gif

1) Play PSO, you'll forget about your date and will also forget to phone her to apologize for not showing up.

2) TALK, nothing can do you two better. If she does call you, I suggest you accept. You'll have a good evening, even if it turns out you'll only 'remain friends'.
In the event you think you two might end up together, do not hesitate to ask "about the baby". In all probabilities, she may not want you as the father... for now. By the way, who and where is he ? (don't answer me)
If she calls you and wants to see you, aware that you may be put off by her pregnancy, then this means she is not the kind of girl to make plans, which is really good.
Whatever happens, do not talk about fellings, if she does ask you about how you feel, answer something like "it is too soon", DO NOT answer something like "I don't know", whether you know or not.
Except if she is, like, very horny http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_lol.gif do not talk about sex -- since her pregnancy may be a hindrance in the first place.
If you two do have a good night, and when you get back you feel like "damn, I really like her !" let it simmer down for a week or so, and then ask yourself : "do I really want this ?" I mean ALL this. You sound like a good guy, I'm sure you wouldn't want to hurt her or whatever.
Do not make plans.
Yes, 20 is young, but I'm French, and mentalities may be different in UK -- although I live in London.
Aww, you make me feel so compassionate !

3) Go bowling !

[Delsaber]

From my experiences (I have none) I would say that you should talk to her the day that she asks you for coffee. If she is also worried about the unborn child then she will probably say something about it. As for worring about the baby, don't until you go out with her if you do. It isn't yours, is it? Just talk it out though, that would be the safest course of action...

EDIT: Just talk... Talk and more talk

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Delsaber on 2003-11-22 18:18 ]</font>

[ABDUR101]

If her being pregnant is an issue for you(some people don't mind, others do), but if it does, you HAVE to be honest and let her know. Don't let her think it could develop into something that it won't.

Going for coffee isn't a big deal unless you make it a big deal. Go, have coffee, have fun. Hell if anything be her friend, doesn't mean you have to be anything more.

[polishedweasel]

http://images.pravda.ru/images/newsline/condom.gif

[SpikeOtacon]

....That's nasty.

[Reenee]

On 2003-11-22 20:54, polishedweasel wrote:
http://images.pravda.ru/images/newsline/condom.gif



DAMN YOU! Now I don't feel like stealing hentai anymore... *goes off to DDR sites...*

[polishedweasel]

Personally, I wouldn't ever get involved with somebody that is pregnant with another man's baby. It's about self respect, that's just very lame to me.

Say you do actually "fall in love" with this girl. The baby daddy comes back after a year or two and she's still secretly in love with him. She leaves you, goes back to him, and you're stuck there, with shit in your face. On the other hand, baby daddy comes back, but she stays with you. Now you got a 2 year old kid that thinks your it's dad, and some other guy that's constantly bugging you and your girlfriend. "Baby Momma Drama"

But, it's all up to you. Do what you want. And use protection...

[Guile]

A baby??? That is a HUUUUUGE turn off right there...I don't know.
Thats like a major thing, I guess talking about it would'nt hurt. But I would be careful about what is said and done.

[Abaddon]

i've left you a PM. i hope it helps.

I'd have to back what abdur said though, be honest at the beginning and it should pave the way for no misunderstanding. I'm sure she'll appreciate that.

[Kizaragu]

Thanks for the PM abaddon and everyone else for all their advice. I guess I'll go out for coffee with her and talk it through. :)

I'll keep you all posted.

[Guile]

Just keep it in your pants!

[Shattered_weasel]

sex can wait masturbate

[Hrith]

Charming...

[NKOTB]

1. Don't get involved with pregnant girls, or girls who already have kids.

2. Don't get involved with someone who is married.

While those two steps won't guarantee happiness, I guarantee you they will keep you out of trouble.

[Dangerous55]

How old is she?

[Kizaragu]

My age. Just turned 20.

[Allos]

And she's already pregnant???

[Kizaragu]

You really have no idea what the worlds like today have you? :D

The baby was an accident and her boyfriend left her as she didn't want a termination.

[Delsaber]

I understand Kizaragu. Well, if you want you could go with her and father the child. I know I wouldn't want the child to go up without a father figure.

[martian_man]

i wud raise the baby and make me his idol so he grows up just like me....but seriously,just dont hurt her feelings and remember,its only coffee

[HUnewearl_Meira]

Any decision should be made using some foresight...


Let's consider the options.
1. You go have coffee with her, and decide to date, and eventually marry.

The result- You suddenly have a woman and child you must care for. Nothing will snap you into mental maturity faster than this level of responsibility. You'll have to work hard to earn as much money as you can to support them, but it should be quite rewarding to know that you've become the fraternal savior of this family.

2. You go have coffee with her, and decide not to date.
The result- You'll probably hear from her again, or at least about her, some time down the road, likely after she has the kid. Either she'll be on her own, struggling to raise the child, or she'll be involved with another guy who may or may not be an asshole. At that time, you may choose to step in, or to decide it's not your problem, and stay away from it.

3. You don't go have coffee with her.
The result- You'll probably end up wondering what happened to her, a few months later when she's supposed to be having the kid. Depending on how close a friend she is to your sister, you may or may not hear from her again to find out how she's doing. She'll probably find another guy to help her out, but you're likely not to find out how things turn out. Still though, you turned her down, so the problem isn't yours to deal with. You chose to stay out, which is perfectly acceptable-- we can't be the hero in everyones' lives.



So, the question is, are you going to be her hero, or someone else's?

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: HUnewearl_Meira on 2003-11-25 13:38 ]</font>

[BARTAmaster]

Don't get mad if this doesn't help or just because you think I'm stupid(which I am). You can date her then when she has the baby put it up for adoption and have your own baby with her. In a few years you'll both forget about the other guy's kid ,or all the other great suggestions people made. Another suggestion yuo might think is stupid,when she has the kid track down the other guy and give it to him. *PLEASE DONT BE OFFENDED BY MY SUGGESTIONS*

[Kizaragu]

Don't worry I'm not offended. Any advive is appreciated.

[Kent]

Ehh... Going out for coffee is... well, going out for coffee. It's not like a date or anything, no need to get worked up about it. You're just going to some place to drink your scolding hot refreshments and talk about whatever, so go for it. Socializing is good.

I hate coffee...

[polishedweasel]

Coffee is bad for pregnant women.

Caffeine is bad for pregnant women too....

yup..

[NKOTB]

On 2003-11-26 10:56, polishedweasel wrote:
Coffee is bad for pregnant women.

Caffeine is bad for pregnant women too....

yup..



True dat

I used to go on a coffee break every day with a girl at work before she got preganant. Now we don't.

[Ness]

I'm going to have to side with Abdur on this one. Just be honest with her about how you feel.