FanFic: TYSo's legacy chapter 2/12 or maybe 10

[martian_man]

Legacy of TYSo
Chapter1

"No, you.....you did this?" TYSo mourned wearily while 'IT' slapped him round like a rag doll. The world as we know it was turning into a bath of fiery death.
"If I'm going to die you and the whole planet are going down with me, and ill be generous, I'll make sure you get to see it go." TYSo knew he couldn't let the very planet him and many hunters worked hard for to save!

Ally parson was supposed to be monitoring ALL activity in Ragol and if any thing did happen Leono, the most elite hunter, should have been down before now.

TYSo's life flashed like a train of the future in front of him, from when he was a child in school; now he's facing the world's worst nightmare.

"HEY! WAKE UP TYSo...!"It was Leono
"What took you?" TYSo almost whispered under the pressure of 'IT's grasp
TYSo smiled sneakily "at least I wont go down alone ha ha" TYSo shouted as if he WANTED Leono to be killed too

IT dropped TYSo and laughed. IT disappeared. TYSo was asleep on the floor. Leono
Couldn't decide if he wanted to help him or leave him for what he said. "*sigh* do I have a choice" he said looking at TYSo's mashed up face

TYSo was in hospital, he was looking...happy, "He's gonna be ok." Nurse weasel said "hmmmm" Leono was unsure. "What's that? On his back?" The nurse covered it quick "Huh!" Leona gasped "Nothing!" she said suspiciously.

Leono was getting some new trifluid-health packs while he heard a scream.
"What the!?!" he thought out loud. It was coming from the medical room, it was smashed into 100 pieces literally. TYSo was gone.
"No!" shouted Leono.

"H...Help...me." It was Nurse Weasel "what happened" said Leono








<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: martian_man on 2003-11-28 12:15 ]</font>


<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: martian_man on 2003-11-29 13:35 ]</font>

[martian_man]

TYSo's legacy chapter 2

"It...he...he brainwashed me." Nurse Weasel explained
"Huh? Who? "Asked Leono. There was a moment of silence
Nurse Weasel had passed out. Leono took off back down to were he saved TYSo. There was a deep pit going down through the earth. It looked like it had been recently dug or there was some sort of explosion that blew a big crater in the floor.

Leono decided to go down "here it goes." Thought Leono. He crawled, making sure there was nothing following him or anything was going to. The cave suddenly went straight. There were bodies all over the floor like some kind of horror story. "Who are you?!?!" Came a voice from nowhere. "I am...a tourist?" he lied. "Heh Heh...I no that voice!" laughed the voice. "Huh? How?"
The voice disappeared, as if Leono was cracking up. Leono walked on, trying not to look at all the dead corpses. "NO!" another, more familiar voice came
Leono ran trying to find the source of the voice that he found so familiar.

He found it, or so he thought.
"TYSo!" he shouted. TYSo disappeared, along with the cave, and IT reappeared.
"You again!" shouted Leono
"No, it's not "me" again" IT said.
"Then who are you?" said Leono.
"Lets just say...you should of left me were I was!" IT explained. Leono was silent thinking about what he meant. He figured it. He thought back to when TYSo was being taken out of hospital by Nurse Weasel, and when she was injured and told him about being brainwashed.

"No way! It can't be!" he thought.


Chapter 3 coming soon




<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: martian_man on 2003-11-27 12:20 ]</font>


<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: martian_man on 2003-11-27 13:01 ]</font>

[martian_man]

bump reaaad me i need to no if i shud make more chapters

[KaFKa]

...you really need to work on the length and quality of this. but keep the chapters coming. experience is the best teacher.

you should PM someone and/or make a seperate thread, don't bump your thread and change the title if you're not getting replies. i can understand a helpful bump once in awile, but not changing the title to "READ ME NOW!!!!!" or the like. there's somewhere around 20 or so good fics running at the moment, so not everybody is going to get the chance to read your fic. (sad but true)


...just my 3 cents

[Hikosaka]

Forums are sometimes slow, and as KaFKa said, there are a lot of fics to read so it might take some time before people comment on yours.

The best thing is to be patient. Do not make gratuitous bumps, since all it does is disappoint people who might've already read your fic, and thought you added a new chapter, discouraging them to click again. Add content instead of waiting for feedback.

[Garanz2]

You seem to have a solid story and plot going, but, as kafka said, try to improve the length and quality of your chapters. by quality i mean descriptions, dialogue, detailed information about what the characters are like and what they do. I always find it better to compare my chapters to books before posting. Don't give up though, this is pretty interesting so far.

Btw, naming this thread 'READ THIS QUICK!!!' is not going to attract much positive feedback.