Dreams Dreams...[Fanfic]

[JLX]

This is my first ever shot at a fanfiction piece, so go easy.
Also for note, I already have about 15 chapters, but the site I have originally posted this on hasn't given much of a response to it, so I've have come here for constructive critisism. I know there are probably a lot of mistakes and plot holes in there, but this is something I will try and work out once I have a majority of the story done...anyway here we goes! http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_razz.gif
(Also, I am not wild about the title right now, so I will no doubt change this sooner of later...)

Dreams Dreams

Chapter 1

...A single throbbing red telepipe sat at the edge of the restless, rippling shoreline, as it hypnotically swept up the beach, before gently slipping back in on itself. The soft, cool breeze sweeping in from the ocean carefully dusted over the fresh footprints of the Humar and Racast that had just jogged down the beach to return to Pioneer 2. A Hunewearl with tied up, sky blue hair, and a tight, blueish-gray top slowly paced past the pipe and approached a second, shorter figure in elegant, flowing white robes...The Hunewearl began...

"Are you coming Setijin?"
"In a minute. I'm making the most of this..." replied the Fomar.

The Hunewearl rested her hand on her teammates back fondly, before turning back and cautiously stepping into the trickling red break in existence...

Setijin stood still, knee deep in the icy, crystalline water as he gazed up in awe at the picture perfect night sky; deep black, with thousands of tiny twinkling specs scattered around the occasional slip of cloud all centered around the large, glowing white mass of the moon, resting, and watching the surface of Ragol in a similar fashion to Setijin. As the majesty of the spectacle of the nighttime paradise began to take its toll on him, Setijin slowly stepped back up out of the water, and carefully lowered himself to the ground, slouching with his arms resting on his knees, and his neck straining as he continued to do circuit views of the beach.
Emotionally tearing himself from the magnificent sky-scape, he dropped his head and looked down upon the sleeping reefs, the sparkling reflection of the moon, laying across the waters surface, housing small shoals of fish swimming thoughtlessly under the small rock formations and plants seeping up through the ground, as if to grab a glimpse of the night themselves, basking in the pale turquoise aura emanating from the seas skin. The empowering swirling 'swishes' of water crackling limply up and down the beach were slowly faded out over time as the view became the only thing in Setijin's head.
As he sat still, for minutes on end, Setijin finally dragged himself to his feet and began to walk grudgingly back to the pipe. As the blur of reality began to engulf him, he turned and took one last look at his own Eden, with a tear forming in his eye. He knew that this was very probably the very last time he?d be stood where he was, free, remembering and forgetting times past.
And with that, he left?

[Ok, now go nuts...]



<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: JLX on 2003-12-20 01:59 ]</font>

[KaFKa]

shrt, but showing some potential

[JLX]

None of the chapters are incredibly long, but I'm pushing on 15 now...although I am feeling that the quality is begining to slip a bit...descriptions repeating themselves, characters losing their personailties...but anyways, heres chapter 2...(my least favourite..http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_razz.gif)
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Chapter 2

Setijin was a typical young man; often spirited, and often doubtful. His negative state of mind, although far from legendary, was fairly renown from within the small groups of hunters who had worked alongside him. He had a habit of considering the least favorable outcomes of actions, but his quiet nature also meant he avoided going out of his way to deter his teammates and friends.
At about 5 foot 2, with shoulder length locks of straight gray hair nested under his elaborate top-hat, the 17-year-old, Fomar had had little battle experience. He had enrolled as a hunter at his local guild at the age of 16, during Pioneer 2's landing and the rumors of a planet devouring entity known as 'Falz'had come to light. He became determined to become involved with the exploration of Ragol after reading stories of legendary hunters unearthing tremendous secrets, battling armies of monsters and becoming heroes of their times.
After becoming a certified hunter, his services were quickly requested by an unknown administration source, whom were planning on surveying a small archipelago, known as the Gal de Val islands. With his minute amount of fighting skills, he failed to pass the Virtual Reality training schemes. Although a seemingly bad result initially, only a week after the chosen hunters were dispatched, all but 2 returned safely. With this, Setijin left his accommodation at the administration areas of pioneer 2 with his pride battered and bruised, and returned to the residential areas where he decided to rest his hunters license privileges to rest.
Setijin was not the kind of person to rest for long periods of time. Although quiet and collected, he often felt he needed to do something, so after a short amount of 'unemployment', he quickly reinstated his license and attempted to re-apply for the Gal de Val project. But to his surprise, not a word of the islands appeared to be floating around the gossip heavy residential hotspots. Even the media were apparently unaware of the archipelagos existence and even the hunter's guild appeared to be ignorant to the presence of an Administration sector on P2, which raised numerous queries in the Fomar's hat heavy head.
With his knowledge and the rest of pioneer 2s lack of it under his belt, Setijin made it his personal agenda to discover what really happened on the Gal de Val islands, the hunters who were sent there, and why apparent ignorance seemed so suspiciously like a cover-up on the part of pioneer 2s administration, which had existed and just as suddenly not.



<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: JLX on 2003-12-20 02:01 ]</font>