FanFic: The tale of HUnewearl PhotonDrop, complete! please r

[PhotonDrop]

Enjoy!!

Chapter 1: Enter the Common Rare

A HUnewearl in black is seen walking into a large laboratory. The inside was white, like most labs, but this one's only technolgy were andriod assembly lines and accesories. She approaches a group of three scientists. Two were in the traditional white suits, but the third wore FOnewm garments. "Excuse me?", the HUnewearl says "Is my android ready yet?"
Then the FOnewm scientist turns around and replies," Ah hahaha! Ms.PhotonDrop! We sent your android on a test you'll find him in the forest area." PhotonDrop smiles and cheers, "Thank you so much Dr.Montague!!"
"But we did have one problem.", he added. PhotonDrop loses some of her cheeryness and asks, "Trouble?" "Ahh yes, trouble, during Remix's first trial. We sent him to the mines. He took a load of damage, and when he hooked himself to a recovery unit, the program Vol Opt hacked into Remix's system." PhotonDrop then asks, "Lemme guess, he's in a Forest junkyard?" "Oh nono!", Montague reassured, "He survived. But sadly one of his mags died. So now it can't evolve, therefore preventing it from learning more Photon Blasts." "Well, I gotta go Dr.! Thank you!", PhotonDrop says as she leaves the lab. "You're quite welcome!", Montague calls out just as PhotonDrop opens the door.

"Wow." PhotonDrop says to herself walkingdown the streets toward the teleporter, "I actually get to go down to Ragol now!" When she arrived at the teleporter, she saw two military officers guarding it. "Hey, why do you need to guard this thing?", she asks the one in blue and green. "Well miss, you won't believe how many people want to go down to Ragol. Infact right now, we're supposed to be looking for a journalist.", he explains. Just then, a RAmar in red with a katana of some sort followed by a HUnewearl in blue walk past, the HUnew turns to the guard and says "Keep up the good work!" The guards just tip their hats letting the hunters through. "Ah I see" PhotonDrop plainy says, "Well see ya'" She then walks into the teleporter and activates the Forest link.

Down on Ragol, PhotonDrop equipped her Red Handgun and a Rati that had a red color on it, it made her look like a fairy. PhotonDrop heard a roar in the next 'room'. She went to see what it was and there was a thin black and gray RAcast weilding a Stag Cutlery, fighting a Hildeblue. The Hildeblue swung it's fist making contact with the side of the RAcast's head. PhotonDrop steps into the 'room' and shoots at the Hildeblue. It falls with a scream and slowly disolves into the ground. PhotonDrop runs over to the RAcast and asks, "You okay?". "Who are you?"the RAcast replies. "I'm PhotonDrop-" She replies being cut off by the RAcast. "Ms.PhotonDrop! I am Remix, a HUcast built to protect you on your journeys!". PhotonDrop gets confused and questions, "You look like a RAcast to me..." Remix starts to type something on his BEE mailer. PhotonDrop then adds, "And being a RAcast, you should try using guns!" Remix looks up from his BEE mailer and says, "I told you I'm a HUcast." PhotonDrop smiled and replied, "Don't be silly! Geez I'm beginning to think that the Hildeblue smashed you too hard!" The RAcast looks at his armored feet and says, "Think what you wish." He then turns to his MAG, a lone yellow Tapas and pats it. "Well," Remix mentions, "We need to go back to Pioneer2, I've called for my mechanic." "But you don't look too- ooh." ,PhotonDrop says as she sees a dent in Remix's head. Remix then activates a telepipe and they go through it back to Pioneer2.

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: PhotonDrop on 2004-04-27 19:48 ]</font>

[Sagasu]

Sigh, *wipes tear from eye*

Another well of talent thats come out of nowhere and hit me again, dont mind me, im just a lunatick.

But this crazy story teller has some advice for you.

First off, some areas are lacking in detail. Scenes such as when a character enter some new place, it is often expected to be described so that the reader has a clear mental image of this place your character is entering. I.E. Dr. Montague's lab.

The next thing is when you have a large paragraphs that mainly consist of dialouge, it can become quite confusing.
To stop this from happening you can follow a few simple tips. 1st, if you want yourself a big blob of people talking who knows what, then you will have to be absoulutely clear with who is speaking and when and how someone else enters the conversation.
You did do this quite well except for a few cases upon which I cannot really remember off of the top of my head. {my memory has gone bad with each and every hour I spend on these computers}

The 2cd way to stop this blobbing to happen is to break up the paragraph into scentences where each person says one thing,{as stated or described by the writer} and then you create a new line under that sentence indicating, even without telling it directly, that another has spoken.

Example:
Yet even though he was well known at the undergrounds when the people saw him, they seamed to stay away from him. Blaze could make out snatches of a conversation,

'Killed a ch--"

"Heartless bastard killed twenty just today"

"Cant belie...... never knew he would go so fa...."
_____________exert from Final Assassination_________

C? Even though no individual has been indicated in any way by the writer, you still can understand that a new speaker has started and where he or she stops.

Sorry about that ^_^ Its a bad habit of mine to ramble on like this. If you understand a word of what I said I advise that you at least think over these few simple guidelines b 4 starting to write again and I believe that the quality of your work will be upsized{to say the least}
Good Luck

[Monomate]

hmmm...I would listen to Sarunakai...he's good...he knows what e's talkin about...

[PhotonDrop]

Thanks Sarunakai!


Chapter 2: Techno, is it just annoying music?
Strangely, Remix's telepipe didn't go to the normal place by the shopping district. Instead they ended up in a small garage, it was roomy enough for the small spacecraft, which was already there, and a few people. PhotonDrop turns to Remix and says, "Good thing you're not one of those huge RAcasts tha-"
"I'm NOT a RAcast!"
"Whatever..."
Then a HUmar wearing oily overalls, and green hair that was puffed out in front of his right eye and behind his head popped out from under the small blue spacecraft, "Can I help you folks?"
"Hey Techno, I need a new head."
"Boy howdy! How'd a dent THAT big get on you?"
"A Hildeblue smashed me while I tried to pull of a Double Saber combo"
"Dang! But you should try a Rifle next time."
"But I'm not a Ranger."
Techno just looked around and shook his head. Then he opened a large box that read, 'just in case Remix screws up. Handle with care! From Jean-Carlo Montague.' Techno then reached in and pulled out a RAcast head, it was the kind that looked like a HUcasts'. PhotonDrop looked at it and said to herself, "I think I know why Remix thinks he's a HUcast..."

Techno, who was now in basic blue HUmar armor, finished attaching the new head and proudly said, "Le Grande Manifique!" That sorta startled PhotonDrop, "You speak French?" "No, thats all I know! Sides, who'd want to learn a language of the people who helped destroy Coral?"
"K"
Remixs body then jerked to life, "Hello"
Both of the organic people replied in unison, "Hello."
"Well thanks for fixing my robot, Techno."
"Think nothing of it li'l lady!"
"See ya'!"
"Hey, umm..."
"Yes?"
"Can I come with you, works been kinda slow lately and..."
"Sure!"
"Alright!!!"
Techno then opened a drawer on his toolbox and got a Victor Axe from inside it. "Lets go kick some ass!"
In an anime style, a large sweatdrop appears on PhotonDrop's head.



<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: PhotonDrop on 2003-12-21 09:29 ]</font>

[Robo47]

I likes!

[badbitz]

ummmm...
it seems...
kinda.....
good... yet it seems..
like it is coming directly from the game
what with all the RAngers and combo's...
thats not neccecarily a bad thing
ahh well thats just me
im now inspirewd to write my own fan fic w00t

[Monomate]

sweatdrop...http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/anime2.gif


anyway, it's good...i like the chapter titles...

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Monomate on 2003-12-21 19:28 ]</font>

[Sagasu]

listen to the all powerfull monomate, he knows what he is talking about ^_-

Loved the new chapter, I c that you have read my tips and I do believe they have helped you some. Not to add pressure and whatnot, but it is sometimes worthwhile to add a little bit of length to chapters to eliminate the sort of comic strip feel to them/ doubt I used that right, owell.

What I mean by that is the feeling like where you only got a little bit of entertainment that closed a bit to soon.{no offense by any means}
Like when you read a garfield book or something, the jokes end quickly, and you dont really look forward to the next strip like when you read a good chapter that leaves a fraction of suspense at the end that makes the reader ponder abit, and come back for more.

If you dont know what the hell this crazy guy is talking about*me* then ignoring me would do no harm to my honor/dignity/selfesteem/ect..

Looking forward to the continuation of the exploration of the world you have set before us.

Cya

[PhotonDrop]

uh oh, I think dad is catching on to my sneaking, seeing as though he brought up a family trip at the LAST POSSIBLE SECOND!

well, I'm plum out of ideas for my next 8 chapters...


I can't even think of chapter titles!

[Sagasu]

Well hopefully your trip inpires some creative thoughts that you could put to good use.

Btw; Dont get grounded from the computer, that would suck 4 all of us =[

[PhotonDrop]

Yayz! I got the comp back! my dad said being taken away from 50% of my social life was enough


Chapter 3: My Favorite Flavur

PhotonDrop, Remix, and Techno are sitting in the Hunters Guild's diner waiting for a client for a quest they took. "Excuse me," a FOmar in all red with siky blonde hair asks. " are you the ones that took my offer?" Techno looks at the FOmar "Dang boy! You remind me of that guy from an old cartoon I used to watch!" PhotonDrop finishes sipping her cup of coffee and adds "How'd you get your robes ALL red?"
"To answer the first question, that was my favorite cartoon as a kid! I still want to be like Vash! Second, I used basic red dye, and removed the inner layer, too fluffy for me."
"You must be Flavur then"
"Yup"
"So what do we have to do?"
"I need you to escort me through the Mines"
"Whats the reward?"
"I'll give you one of my treasured hanguns."
"Okay lets go then"

So now the four head toward the teleporter. Once inside they ready their weapons. PhotonDrop charged her Red Handgun, Remix and Techno flick on their photon blades, and Flavur polished a Varista. PhotonDrop sees the Varista and says, "Okay, now you look too much like that guy."
"Must keep my image!"
"Guess so..."
Techno pushed a button and the group was sent to the Mines.

The Mines, a very high tech place, gizmos and gadgets everywhere you look, but there were broken stuff lying everywhere. The hunter quartet casually walk in and is immediatly greeted by a swarm of Canabin. Techno swings his axe with great force, lodging the photon blade into two of the metallic beasts bodys. PhotonDrop and Flavur just keep shooting round after round of photon bullets at them. And Remix dances through them with his rythmic attack patterns. The Canabins were soon destroyed. Flavur then mentions, "This is the second part of the Mines, I just need you three to help me beat Vol Opt." Remix looks at Flavur and asks, "Vol Opt?"

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: PhotonDrop on 2003-12-24 17:52 ]</font>

[Robo47]

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Robo47 on 2003-12-24 18:23 ]</font>

[Robo47]

Neat!

[PhotonDrop]

Nobody likes me anymore? http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_frown.gif

[KaFKa]

havent you heard? photon drops are dropping like mad whoa! you should rename your title http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif

i like it, but update the title when you add new chapters.

[PhotonDrop]

oh! so thats why I haven't been getting feedback!

[PhotonDrop]

Chapter 4: Revenge is so sweet!

"Yeah, I said Vol Opt." Flavur said. "Lets pick up the pace a little, I desperatly want to get back at that bastard for what he did.", Remix put simply.
"Eh, what happened?"
"Let me tell you a little of my past...
"Hey little guys are you hungry?", I ask turning to the Kalki I've raised. They chirp happily and I gave each one an Antidote. I then noticed how much they were chirping, and right before my sensors, they evolved into the Tapas MAGs. I congradulated them in their evolution, when they gave a warning beep."!" I think as I turn around. And there was a Garanz that had just launched some missles, they made contact. I took heavy damage and sliced the Garanz into small sections. I then made my retreat to a small room and turned on sleep mode so I could recover.
{activating repair mode}
{warning! alien program detected during virus scan}
{over ridden}
{status: nothing serious, but a MAG has died, I'm sorry Remix}
{repairs complete}- I loved my MAG, now it cant evolve anymore"
Techno then called out, "Hey everybody! I done found one of them crazy big teleporters!" Remix readied his Stag Cutlery and said, "Payback..."

They went through the teleporter and ended in a large moniter room. A light flashed, and a MAG-like figure appeared on one of the screens. Everyone rushed into battle, Remix seemed the most agressive though, he swung at all the moniters on which the program appeared. The screens began to short circuit.
Remixlayed back on one of the control panels and said "sweet solace" The ceiling began to open and a large robotic being was lowered. It first opened one of its components and a laser pointed at Remix. With an alert reaction, Remix jumped out the way as a stone pillar fell where his location was. "Try to hurt my buddy will yus?" Techno shouted as he smashed his axe into Vol Opts front component. It then flashed and retracted into the ceiling but blew up on the way. Remix walked toward the obsolete computer, ripped out its AI and crushed it with his metallic hands. PhotonDrop looked on at her partner and said, "You okay?" Remix then turned to her and said "Catch" he threw a strange object at her."
"Hey! It's a Ruby Bullet! I've heard of this in Science History class!"
"I found it inside Vol Opt just now"
"Aww, my hunter class isn't supposed to use this!
"Try"
"Ahh what the hell..."
PhotonDrop gazed at the gun that layed in her hand.
Flavur spoke up,"Well I sure appreaciat you guys' help, but I got to leave."
Techno Remix and PhotonDrop waved goodbye as Flavur gave them thier reward- a Suppressed Gun and left via telepipe.



<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: PhotonDrop on 2003-12-26 18:20 ]</font>

[Robo47]

Vol Opt = PWNED!!

I like this story more now!

[Monomate]

Vol Opt must die...

Ruby Bullet...is...so...cool!!!

I WANNA ONE!!!

meh...keep up the good workness and i'll keep readingness...(or somethingness...)

[Sagasu]

Yay chapters, story is progressing well and I hope you can keep up your current pace with these things.

Good+Fast = Me happy

[Robo47]

I just can't get over how Remix annihalated Vol Opt!
If I was there I would have screamed "PWNED!!" at the top of my freaking lungs!

[PhotonDrop]

Chapter 5: Evils Alpha

PhotonDrop wandered about Pioneer 2, shopping bags in her hands, Tool Items, Weapons, and clothing filled the bags. She sat down on a bench and sighed, "I should have dragged Remix along to help, these got heavy!"

Then a dark skinned RAmarl with a gray and blue RAmarl suit and an Afro sat down next to PhotonDrop, she too was carrying bags.

"Hello." PhotonDrop said.

"Hi" the RAmarl responded as she rummaged through her shopping bags.

"Hey, you look familiar..."

The RAmarl looked up and looked unnerved,"I do?"

"Yeah, umm Hunters Academy... you are...Camila?"

"Yes, thats my name, who are you?"

"I'm PhotonDrop, remember? We had to face eachother in a match to graduate?"

"Oh right! Item Girl! Yeah I remember you, how've ya been?"

"I'm fi-" PhotonDrop was cut off by her beeping BEE mailer, as she looked at te message she stood up, picked up her bags and said,"Hey Camila, I want to introduce you to my friends, c'mon."

"Hold up girl!" Camila said picking her own stuff up.

======

"Hey Techno, Remix! Lemme introduce you to a friend from the Academy!"

Techno peered around the corner and turned away quickly.

Remix then marched in and looked down at the two girls,"Hello."

PhotonDrop waved at Remix and yelled,"C'mon Techno, she wont kill you!"

Camila looked at PhotonDrop and said,"Techno? is he a HUmar?"

"yes"

"does he have green hair?"

"yes"

"...Thats my ex's friend, Come on out you Rappy!"

Techno dashed out and hid behing Remix "Hi Camila, long time no see!"

"Its okay Techy I dont bite, come on, face me."

"Okay..."

PhotonDrop then asked,"You guys know eachother?"

"Yeah, he was in my ex's 'Clan'"

"Oh"

Remix sounded a little irritated and said "Lets do something already! How 'bout a reunion Battle at the Ruins?"

PhotonDrop Camila and Techno said at the same time "Sounds good to me!"

======

In the Ruins, PhotonDrop armed herself with a perfect copy of the Real Neis Claw while Techno equipped Sinow Red Blades, Remix stood ready with his Stag Cutlery and Camila brandished her Mechguns.

Suddenly the air got cold, everything became quiet and a black cloaked figure appeared between the four.

"You must leave, or die..."

Camila aimed her guns at the figure and in an aggitated voice, said "Who's gonna kill us? You? Ha!"

"No, a greater power..."

Remix charged at it swinging his weapon, but went through it.

"You cannot stay..."

The cloaked figure then raised his hand and Rabarta shot out from him, knocking the four out.

[PhotonDrop]

the new chars:

Camila is based off of a friend of mine, they act the same way.

The Cloaked Figure is actually the character model hackers have found a while ago, I just gave him a purpose.

[Robo47]

Very nice! http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_smile.gif

[Sagasu]

Haha!

Ph34r teh uber cloaked force of doom! :wacko

Nice one, you really have been improving buddy! http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif

[PhotonDrop]

Chapter 6: The Flower

The mysterious cloaked Force sat on a ledge in a room in the Ruins which was roomy and had a large waterfall cascading from the surface.

A large squad of Military officials stood behind it each with their weapon ready.

"You!" The obviously higher ranked one called out,"Get up, you are under arrest for the endangerment of others."

"No" It protested in a eerily calm voice.

The man moved quickly and grabbed the Force by the shoulder "Now you listen..." He then watched as the cloak went limp in his hands "What the hell?"

"Sir! back here! Behind us!"

"What?!"

The cloaked force stood there, it laughed,"You guys aren't very fun."

"Open fire!"

But quicker than the bullets could fire, the figure darted through the group, which all fell to the ground without a moan or scream.

---------

PhotonDrops eyes slowly opened, she was in the hospital. She heard the door open, a nurse walked in stopped at the bed across from hers. Then the nurse closed the curtains. PhotonDrop too climbed out of bed and closed her small area off. She dressed herself and made her way toward the front desk, after paying her meseta someone tapped her on her shoulder, turning she saw a FOmarl in a dark blue dress and a long gray ponytail.

"Aunt Georgia?"

"Hello Heather."

"Please Auntie, dont call me that! I'm the Hunter, PhotonDrop!"

"Your mother named you Heather Tyrell, and thats your name."

Photon giggled a bit,"Okay, whatever, whats the occasion?"

"I heard you had a run in with a character in the Ruins?"

"Oh yes, a black cloaked Force."

"That wasn't a Force hun."

"Really?"

"Yes, and it was around you and your friends since you stepped into the Ruins!"

"It was?" a slight bit of fear was in her voice.

"From what the doctors say, yes, and you may have been hit by Rabarta but its power was only that f what a hunter or ranger could do, at least thats what your BEE link told them."

"Ohh, well, I got to go. I'm gonna get my friends. See ya later Auntie!" PhotonDrop shouted as she ran out of the hospital.

"Good bye, umm, PhotonDrop!"

---------

"In the news today, more happenings have occured in the Ruins, a strange person has been keeping Hunters out of the Ruins, heres Doctor Montague with a report." The TV news anchorman announced, Photondrop Camila Techno and Remix listened in on the story.

The camera pointed at the FOnewm genious as he cleared his throat,"Well from the data we've recieved on recent Hunter and Military attacks, this figure is not human or D-Cell apparatus, it has casted spells in the most recent one but we doubt it was a newman doing this aswell."

"So that leaves Androids, right?" The anchorman questioned.

"Until this whatever is captured you can call it anything, it could be a Rappy for all we care right now."

"Thank you Do-"

The TV was shut off by Techno, who held the remote in his hand and his feet on the long coffeetable," Lets not get nervous about this guy, alright, we ought to do something to stop it."

Camila stood up from the recliner and said in agreement,"Yeah, your right, we just cant have everyone stay out of the Ruins! If we cant investigate it, Ragol will never be colonized!" She then walked toward the door, adjusting her yellow headband.

"C'mon Photon and Remix! Lets go." Techno commanded as he shot up from his seat and followed Camila.

Just then the phone rang. PhotonDrop picked it up and her Aunts voice came out,"Heather, are you going to go back to the Ruins?"

"Actually, yes, we just planned another trip, why do you ask?"

"I have a gift for you, please stop by my house before you go."

"Okay, thanks Auntie."

"Its no problem hun."

PhotonDrop put the reciever back on the hook, she turned to everyone and said plainly,"C'mon, we have another stop before Ragol."

----------

The four stood infront of a old Victorian style house, tan sidings and blue shutters stood out because it simply did not match.

PhotonDrop knocked on the door, they stood ther for a moment before the FOmarl opened it with a smile she greeted the four.

"Hello again Auntie.", "Hey Ms.T", "Howdy Miss", and "Greetings Ms. Georgia Tyrell" were the responses she recieved.

"Well, Heather, the weapon I'm giving to you is very important, if you are going to use it in battle, you will be the one to wield it, okay?"

Remix Techno and Camila stared at PhotonDrop, hearing that her name was Heather, PhotonDrop then questioned that instruction."Why me?"

"Because this weapon runs on MST, something the Android doesn't have. And from what I can see, you have the highest, naturally, a newman would, compared to RAmarls and HUmars., that is." Aunt Georgia stated, then continued, "I'd ask to tag along, but my body is old, I wouldn't be able to keep up with you lot."

"Aww, c'mon! The more the merrier!" Techno pleaded, with a scent of sarcasticness in his voice.

"Nono, besides, my liscense expired four years ago, I couldn't come if I wanted to."

PhotonDrop nodded, "Okay Auntie, where is this weapon?"

Aunt Georgia reached behind her back, she then brought around a small gun, white with blue and purple accents, its shaft was short, yet thick, and a light blue circle on the top "Its called the Holy Ray, or, The Flower That Blooms In Danger."

She then held it out, and PhotonDrop accepted it.

"If an enemy is around, that gun will let you know."

PhotonDrop smiled and thanked her Aunt, the four Hunters then said their good-byes and left.

[PhotonDrop]

Is it me or are my chapters getting bigger because of the constant talking?

[Robo47]

Dude, Photon's real name is Heather? OohhhhKaaayyY...

ph34r teh cloaky man!

[PhotonDrop]

Chapter 7: True Colors

"Remix, do you hear anything?" Techno asked in a quiet voice.

Camila twirled a Mechgun around and said aggitatedly,"Isnt the gun supposed to be doing the work?"

Techno looked over his shoulder, yeah you're right... but still, you hear anything Remix?"

"No" Remix stated bluntly.

The four had traversed the Ruins for some time now, no sign of the cloaked figure.

"Where is he?" PhotonDrop said bewildered.

Suddenly the sound of clanging metal echoed.

"Is he here?" PhotonDrop asked, checking the Holy Ray.

Silence...

then the Holy Ray bloomed, everyone scanned the room, and he appeared.

"I thought I said stay out" he said in the same monotone voice.

"Why do you want people to stay out so bad?" PhotonDrop questioned. No response was given.

The cloaked force lunged at the four hunters, Remix struck with his Stag Cutlery, Techno swung with his Axe and Camila pistol whipped it.

The cloak fell into a clump.

"What the he-" Techno exclaimed, being cut off when he was launched into the wall by a God Hand to the gut.

"Techno!"

Remix charged with his twin saber held out in front of him, he rammed into the Force and attempted to drive it into a crystal monolith, but the Force jumped out of the way. Remix couldnt stop in time and slammed into the obsticle. The Force appeared on the ceiling and dropped down, it quickly drew a Nei's Claw Replica and drove it through Remix's abdomen, shutting him down.

"Remix!"

Camila stood with her Mechuns at her sides, enfuriated at this guys nerve trying to keep people out of someplace without reason. She then fired a constant stream of bullets, the Force took the shots, which made its cloak whip about, it laughed. That made Camila go balistic, she holstered her Mechguns and drew a Brand, she snarled and muttered,"Stupid bitch..." The Force then drew a Gladius and stared at Camila, even though its hood covered most of his face, youcould just tell. The two ran at eachother, crossing blades with each pass. Camila stopped and jumped away. She quickly readied a Desert Eagle and emptied clip into the Forces chest, but each hit sounded like clanging metal. The Force stood there, then ripped away the cloak, revealing that it was really a HUcaseal, black and white paintjob and red artificial hair that covered her right eye. The HUcaseal smiled.

Camila and PhotonDrop were shocked, their opponent appeared unbeatable, like it was an Ancient, but was really an android; one that could use techniques even!

The HUcaseal laughed, she then pulled a Trap and a Bravace from her side and tossed the Trap at Camila, she followed up by shooting it, the Trap exploded, freezing Camila where she stood.

"Camila!"

The Holy Ray in PhotonDrops hands fell, she fell to her knees and stared at the ground,Why didn't I help?!

"Little girl, do you wish to join them?"

I had all the perfect shots, why didnt I shoot?

The HUcaseal reequipped the Nei's Claw replicate and laughed,"Are you home?"

PhotonDrop stood up slowly, her hair drooped over her face, she brushed it away and wiped away a tear.

"Well girl, do you?"

PhotonDrop strapped the real Nei's Claw to her wrist and stood ready, "Bring it."

"O ho! You have guts! Very well, I accept your challenge!"

PhotonDrop and the HUcaseal stared eachother down, the claws in hand.

[Robo47]

http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_eek.gif woah...

[PhotonDrop]

Chapter 8: Sayonara, Heroes!

PhotonDrop's hands shook, this HUcaseal took down her friends easily; she was terrified if she cold survive longer or not. The HUcaseal brushed her artificial haid away from her face.

"You gonna do something?" she taunted.

"What is your name?"

"X is all you need to know."

PhotonDrop took a step foward, slowly increasing speed with each step. She lifted her Claw and swung at X, who intercepted it with her own claw.

PhotonDrop glared at X, the two photonic claws sparked against eachother,"Why do you do this?"

"To protect everyone."

They then broke away, and charged again, crossing blades once more.

"Protect? From what?"

X brough her claw around, swinging it with great skill, PhotonDrop could barely deflect each shot.

Once more the two broke away, with one final jump, they thrust their weapons foward.

PhotonDrop could feel the claw puncture her chest, but her claw impaled X's neck and chest in return.

X shutdown as the AI said its final words,"HUcaseal X, teminated, mission, prevent Dark Falz from being freed, FAILURE."

PhotonDrop watched as X's weapon deactivated, the droid then fell to the ground with a loud clunking noise. She then looked around the room, her visin slowly blurred out, she fell to her knees,"I...I cant die...not now..." But then her vision had gone, along with her sense of anything, PhotonDrop was dead...

---

BREEEEEEEEEEPP!!! The Red Rati chirped loudly, and a large pile of rocks rumbled, the Rati hovered near as Techno stood up from underneath it, and scratched his head,"Dang coward, gon' sucker punch me eh?" He observed the room and noticed Camila was frozen, he cast Foie at the block, and it melted almost immediately, Camila shivered,"O-o-o-o-kay, I-i-i-i-i-'mmm r-r-rready to f-f-ight ag-gain..."

"Camila, you need to warm yourself up... its not healthy to stay like that for long."

"I-i-i g-g-g-guesss..." She then plopped down and held a ball of Foie in her hands.

"Hey, where PhotonDrop and Remix?"

"I-i-i r-remember, Remix was sliced in half, I dont know where Item Girl is..."

"I found Remix, poor guy, heh, thats nothing I cant fix!"

"You're full of i-" "Camila, I just found PhotonDrop... And a HUcaseal?"

"The cloaked guy was that the whole time."

"Lets try to get PhotonDrop home, maybe the Docs can heal her."

Camila stood up, she gathered her Guns from around the puddle of water and walked to Techno's side, she saw PhotonDrop face down in her blood and oil, "She...she..."

"I beleive she's not dead just yet. I'll gather Remix's parts."

Camila lifted up PhotonDrops body and cast Ryuker, Techno quickly ran back, Remix's torso held over his shoulder and the waist down was dragged along.

With one final flash, the four were gone.

---

"So Doctor, can she be saved?" Techno asked a man in a white coat with blue pants and black semi-long hair.

"Well, I dont know, Moon Atomizers seem to have no affect, and these wounds are to much for even Star Atomizers!"

"So... there's no way that uhh..."

"Oh, there is this one method, its crude, and takes a long time, but it works for everything..."

"What is it?"

"Follow me."

The doctor left the room, Techno followed as instructed, they came to a stop infornt of a door that said 'Authorized Personel Only' in big bold letters. The Doctor opened the door, he flicked on the light switch and a huge metal tank with a glass window stood on the right side of the small room.

"We can keep your friend in here, after sometime she'll be fine."

"Keeping her in water?"

"Nono, this is a type of medicine, it scans the organism inside of it and removes anything that is alien to it according to our database"

"How long does this take?"

"You really don't want to know..."

"Well,m if it helps PhotonDrop get better... okay."

---

A nurse stood over the tank, she lowered PhotonDrops naked body into the substance and strapped an oxygen mask over her face.

Camila and Techno stood near the Doctor, Camila then asked,"Whats the point of giving her that mask?"

The Doctor scribbled on his clipboard and answered,"Well, what if your friend wakes up and is dillusional? She would drown and die all over again, defeating our attempt to revive her."

"Oh, right, I forgot."

The nurse pulled her arms out of the liquid and announced,"Everythings complete doctor."

"Good, thank you nurse."

The Doctor began to write some more on the paper infornt of him and asked,"What is your friends real name?"

Techno scratched the back of his head, and though for a moment,"Umm... it was..."

Camila then interupted Techno,"Her name is Heather Tyrell."

The Doctor made a final mark and thanked the two. They all then left the room, Techno and Camila watched their firend float in the tank as the doctor turned the light off, a blue light eminated from the inside, cut off when the door shut.

As the Doctor and Camila walked away, Techno began to turn and said quietly,"Adios, PhotonDrop..."


/edit: I caught a few typos
/edit2: Solstis and Sarunakai pointed out another mistake


<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: PhotonDrop on 2004-04-28 14:03 ]</font>

[Solstis]

aw.... *cries*


Alright, you were saying something about reviews...

So here we go:

Strengths:

Dialogue:

10/10

Your dialogue really set the story going and gave the characters "depth."

Loved it!

Fight Scenes

8.9/10

http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_lol.gif I wish I could do fight scenes like that!

But... it would be better if there were more scenes or if the others were as good as the last one.

Flow

4-8/10

Why the wide range? Well, sometimes you tended to be adrupt with your sentences or too hyper.

But, at other times, the flow was perfect.

Gah, I have problems with flow too.

Characters

8/10

Easy to remember names and they all seem to have personalities, mostly due to your dialogue skillz.

Overall:

Well, I won't give it an overall grade, but I found it an enjoyable read.

[PhotonDrop]

Aww, thank you!

[Solstis]

btw...

The HUcaseal brushed her sarificial haid away from her face.


sarificial?

Artificial?

[Sagasu]

artificial hair? http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_razz.gif

Nice, I basically agree with the solstice review http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif

[PhotonDrop]

On 2004-04-28 13:36, Solstis wrote:

btw...

The HUcaseal brushed her sarificial haid away from her face.


sarificial?

Artificial?






Oh, heehee, lemme go correct that.

[Robo47]

you missed 'haid' surely you meant hair?

Awesome fight scene, much better than the Vol Opt one.

Just goes to show you, you dont need to have kung-fu strength or a flashy sword to make a the final fight awesome!

Props to you.



<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Robo47 on 2004-04-28 16:56 ]</font>

[zmw]

I cant read all this aaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!! http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_redface.gif http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_argh.gif

[PhotonDrop]

Dont be silly, because my earlier chapters are nothing!