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View Full Version : FanFic: Different Viewpoints #4: A Heavenly Experience



Zzzzzz
Feb 23, 2004, 12:06 AM
What happened to the first three, you say? I'll post a link to them later.


A Heavenly Experience

I finally made it. The end of the ruins. Here is where I will find out all the root of all mysteries that plagued us for years.
My heart beat quickly and my hands were shaking. I placed a special item on the ground, to tell anyone I've been here. I walk through the room and past the doors into the big, red telepipe. I pulled out my "daggers" and pressed the button, ready for anything.

**************************************************
I figured I was ready for anything, but not this. The telepipe lead up to the surface, I presumed, but I didn't know this place would be so...beautiful. Birds are chirping, the grass is bright green, it's a beautiful day...
But I noticed there was a tall pillar in the center. I decided to leave alone for now. I needed to relax, and hunting is tiring work.
As I was about to sit down, I noticed someone in the distance. When I came closer, I noticed she was a little girl. She had flowing blond hair that reached to her ankles, a one-piece dress that was pure white, bare feet, and her age would be about five or so.
She was sitting on a hill when I came up to her.
"Hello," I said to her.
"Hi," she said back.
"Do you live here?"
"Sort of. I come here all the time."
"Is the weather always like this?"
"No. My friend does it to welcome people."
"Where is your friend?"
"He lives in the pillar over there. Wanna meet him?"
"Sure! I would love to meet him."
"Ok! Let's go!"
She grabbed me by the hand and pulled me over there. The pillar looked like it was made recently and it had strange markings on it.
"Touch it," the little girl said. I reached out to the pillar when I felt something like a cold and wet blanket was wrapped around me. I stepped back, and the feeling disappeared. The little girl started to laugh. "What's so funny?" I asked her. "Are you afraid of him?" she asked in a joking tone. "Afraid of what?" I said in a confused tone.
"He does that to people to make sure strangers doesn't get into his house! He doesn't want his place ruined, silly!"
I reached out for the pillar again, this time ignoring the funny feeling. I touched it, and it exploded into a bright light.

**************************************************
I was on a floating island from the looks of it. I saw nothing but grey skies and the pillar and the girl was gone. The weird thing was that the grass was still there.
"YoU NOtIcEd tHAt, HaVEN't yOU?"
The voice came from all directions.
"WheN I AM reADY, tHE GRounD WiLl be COveREd wITh ThE DEad SOuls OF YoUR PeOple."
"WHO ARE YOU?"
"I aM KnoWN AS DaRK FalZ."
"I WILL NOT LET YOU KILL MY PEOPLE!"
"NO..."
The little girl appeared in the middle of the area. She had a wicked smile on her face.
"You will aid us instead," she said in her childish voice.
I watched in horror as she grew to be about 50 feet high. A black shadow appeared over her. It disappeared within ten seconds, and she was a huge deformed beast. I couldn't describe her.
Then I felt pain flow through me,My body felt wrapped in a invisable rope and I couldn't move at all.
"You'rE BoDY WilL BE pERfECt, UnTIl A strONger hOst cOMes."
I felt overwhelmed, as if all my worst fears came true. Then, I heard a calm male voice say:


"Do not worry. The Protectorate is coming, Red Ring Rico."

-----------------------------------------------------

I love crossover shorts.
Thanks to Mr Rubbish, for inspiring me with his "Return of the Shadow King" short, and to Hikara, for writing a good fanfic.

I need comments because I'm thinking of making a long series, possibly.

[EDIT]: Okay, here's the links.
DV #1&2 (http://www.pso-world.com/viewtopic.php?topic=74314&forum=12&15)
DV #3 (http://www.pso-world.com/viewtopic.php?topic=76095&forum=12&12)

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Zzzzzz on 2004-02-22 22:01 ]</font>

mr_rubbish
Feb 23, 2004, 12:33 PM
It's okay. You got that creepy 'poltergeist'-like little girl thing in there. Innocence hides the face of true evil.
The dialogue was.... something... I don't know. Perhaps it needs a bit more bite... No thats not the right term... Damnit i know there's something about it but I just can't articulate.

In the meantime, keep at it!

Zzzzzz
Feb 23, 2004, 01:27 PM
Yeah, I was kinda rushed when I was writing it. http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/anime2.gif

mr_rubbish
Feb 23, 2004, 01:31 PM
Since its a short and not a group-fic contribution, you should be taking your time. double and triple check...
The difference between a good story and a great one is sometimes small!


On 2004-02-23 10:27, Zzzzzz wrote:
Yeah, I was kinda rushed when I was writing it. http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/anime2.gif

Stormsworder
Feb 23, 2004, 01:34 PM
(Really wide eyes) Woah. I cannot wait to read the rest, and I'm not just saying that.