FanFic: G.H.O.S.T. : Hunt for Raven (Final Chapter | Two Sou

[TheOneHero]

I promised a few friends that i would write another G.H.O.S.T. Fic. So: Whitney, Mrs. W., Ames, Nate, Timi, James, Jovan. This is for you. http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_yes.gif

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G.H.O.S.T. : Hunt for Raven


Chapter One


Training a Rookie


'Sleep Mode : Input Command'

"Code Raven." One of the many Scientists nearby said.

'Waking in: 3, 2, 1...' Raven's red robotic eyes slowly turned on. Softly raising herself up, she looked around the room. It was dark, and many humans in White Clothing aplauded and shook hands, giving eachother praise over their accomplishment.

The Scientists that had spoke before stepped forward. His brown hair blew softly from the fan above.

"Ah, Raven. You are the first Android with organic enhancements. The MAG 'Devil Wings' *as it has come to be known* has been crafted into your body. We enhanced its cabilities as well: made it large, more powerful, giving you a new ability...the ability to fly." Many Scientists murmored their agreements.

Raven sat still on the metal operation table, she looked down at her hands, Photon energy lined her fingers, small metal blades replaced her fingernails. She turned her head and flapped the Devil Wings she was given softly.

'What am I?' She said in her mind, the Scientist continued to speak. Raven paid no attention.

--"You will see that we have enhanced the normal HUcaseal form, You are quicker, stronger, smarter...deadlier."--

'I, I do not want this power.' Raven spoke to herself.

--"You are going to be shipped to the Principle Goverment shortly."--

'Shipped? They feel that I am some sort of animal...'

--"Your weapon." Whispered the Scientist, and he motioned for a fellow working to bring up a Soul Banish.
Raven hopped off the table, and took the Scythe. She could feel the power it offered. She wanted to use it.

"Your mission we have been told is to work for Tyrell, do what he says and asks." The Scientist smiled.

"A Slave am I to be?" Raven replied.

"If that is how you see it."

"I shall be no slave. I shall not serve you humans."

"It's what you were made to do, created to do..."

Raven looked into the eyes of the men and women before her,they had stopped congradulating eachother, and now focused on the HUcasel ahead of them.

"Your. Souls. Are. Mine." Raven hissed each word, and lunged at the Scientists cutting them down, feeling their life leave them she fed on it. With each Soul she consumed, the more powerful she grew.


"All right rookie, send in your division." Jane Corona whispered into her Wrist Radio. It was night out, the stars shining brightly and the moon was full. The silver light coming down from the Heavens casted a majestic glow upon the earth.

The G.H.O.S.T. had been assigned by the Hunters Guild to retrieve a HUmar being held captive in a base by the Sea Side, on Gal Da Val Island.

"All right 09, I am sending them in now." The calm voice of the recently recruited G.H.O.S.T.05 came through Jane's Wrist Radio. Looking through her small handheld telescope, 09 looking down from a nearby hill. 05 led her Division around the left side of the Base.

The new recruit was RAmarl type, and had taken over the now deceased 05's divsion, a RAmar; meeting his end in the battle against Dark Falz some time ago.

The Sea was like silverglass, as the moon shined on it, and it slowly rolled up to the coast. Looking to the east, Jane saw 08's Division move around back and take out a few guards.

Now it was Jane's turn.

Releasing Black Moon, her trusty Rifle from its holder and Jane's back, she sniped out a few guards patrolling the roof.

"Let's move boys and girls." Jane Corona said with a grin. Standing up and pocketing her Telescope and placing Black Moon back into its holder, 09 fired off her grapple gun toward to roof of the base. A few of her Division members did like-wise.

"The rest of you stay here." Jane whispered. Then she swung out toward to base. Four 09 Divsion members going with her: A HUmar, FOnewm, FOmarl, and a HUcast. With a soft thud, the five of them landed on the roof.

Moving to a nearby, airduct they entered.

"05 and her Division, have entered through the cargo bay." Jane whsipered pointing to the map of the base on her wrist. "08 and his men our coming through the Dention Block. We are to move west and meet 08 and hold off any guards that might come if an alarm is triggered, while 08 gets the HUmar free. Once that is done, heading out the front door."

"09." Spoke the HUcast, "You sure about going through the front door?"

"Yes, they would think that we might try something more majestic, and try to head us off somewhere else."

"If you are wrong?"

"Then we wing it. Let's move." Jane slowly led her followers west toward the Detention Block, a few shots good be heared and 09 knew that 08 had all ready reached the captive HUmar.

Moments later Jane and her Division members dropped down from the Airduct Shaft, into the center of the Detention Block.

"Good to see you again, Jane" 08 Whispered.

"Same goes for you Skylirr."

09 headed toward to entrance of the Dentention Block with her group, while 08 freed the captive HUmar. A few guards lay dead, near the entrance. Photon Bullet wounds to the head.

'Nice shootin' 08' Jane said in her mind. One guard came running down the hall toward the Detention Block, the 09 FOmarl let loose a foie burning him to ash.

"Very nice." The FOnewm replied.
"Thanks, but I don't date Forces that wear tights and high-heels." The FOmarl replied.

"Jack, Liz. Not now." 09 said as she turned back to see if 08 was coming.

"Move out." 09 Whispered when she saw 08 and his men coming along with the HUmar.


The soft night air cooled the faces of the G.H.O.S.T. Operatives as they stepped outside.

05 and her Division came around from the beaches, one member was wounded.

"What happened Rookie?" Jane asked 05.

"We ran into some guards. This poor fellow took a hit in the leg. We would have been over run if it hadn't had been for the remaining Division Members you left on the hill."

Coming from behind 05, Jane's Division wore a grin of deep satisfaction on their faces.

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Err, i know its a bit long, but I hope you enjoyed it.




<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: TheOneHero on 2004-07-23 15:37 ]</font>


<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: TheOneHero on 2004-07-25 22:09 ]</font>


<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: TheOneHero on 2004-07-30 21:37 ]</font>


<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: TheOneHero on 2004-08-01 15:39 ]</font>


<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: TheOneHero on 2004-08-15 11:17 ]</font>


<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: TheOneHero on 2004-08-22 11:44 ]</font>

[Sunblast]

On 2004-07-22 21:55, TheOneHero wrote:
"Your. Souls. Are. Mine."

Let this be a lesson to you punk scientists. Do NOT give Androids a Soul-Stealing Scythe!

It's a nice start. I hope to see it get better.


<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Sunblast on 2004-07-23 07:43 ]</font>

[TheOneHero]

Enjoy chapter 2

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G.H.O.S.T. : Hunt fo Raven


Chapter Two


The Mission

Jane Corona sent the G.H.O.S.T. Operatives on their way after the Hunters Guild awarded them their meseta for the job they had completed earlier.

"Come on rookie, up for a drink with myself and Skylirr?" Jane asked 05 after leaving the Guild. They were in Stak 9, heading down one of the many crowded streets looking for a pub.

"I guess." Came the soft dreamy voice of 05.

"This way." Jane replied and led them away.

It was nearing Midnight now, a few wandering clouds passed by overhead. The stars sparkled like diamonds in the mass ocean of blue and black. Quickly coming to a pub, Jane pushed open the door for her friends.

"Usual for me, Stan." 09 said taking a seat when the bartender came by.

"Always the same. No change in this one." Stan said giving a wink to 05.

After they had recieved their drinks 09 looked at 05 and said, "Rookie, you got a name?" The young RAmarl, looked up, she was no older than 19, brown black hair and soft skin. her blue eyes sparkled as she replied.

"Kite." She said, "Everybody calls me Kite."

"Welcome to the G.H.O.S.T. Kite." Skylirr said and tipped his glass to Kite.

"Has 06 returned from Taki yet?" Skylirr asked after awhile. Jane looked over to him and said, "No, Jen hasn't returned yet, she is still helping rebuild Taki, since S.O.U.L. and his Sonu destroyed it. She should be done soon enough. Just wanted to make it a little safer for the people there."

"Ah." Skylirr said, taking a sip of his drink he continued, "How are you doing? Since that time you and Nathan fought?"

"Fine." Jane said it ruder than she intended. "I'm sorry. 3 months, should be plenty of time to forget past events."

"Not ones like that."

09 didn't reply, Stan the bartender came by later.

"Hear the news?" He asked sliding the G.H.O.S.T. Operatives another drink.

Jane shook her head. "Ah. let me enlighten you." Stan leaned forward and drew his voice to a whisper, "Rumor has it that in the Mountain Facility on Gal Da Val, a dozen Scientists for the Princaple Government got their heads chopped clean off by a Proto-type Android they were designing."

"What?" Jane asked hardly believing what was being said.

"That's right, just two days ago. Code name 'Raven' or something like that. I'm sure if your interested, the Guild might have more information on the matter." Stan stood back up to his normal height and started to walk away, stopping short he turned to the G.H.O.S.T.'s.

"Be careful if you go after this Android, it's not like the others..."


It was raining softly in the Forest. The trees seemed to bend over to shelter to infant and growing life below. A few animals scurried over rocks and through the underbrush.

'What am I?' Raven asked herself, crouched on the branch of a high tree. Her Soul Banish held in her right hand, was slightly rested on her back. She could feel the soft drops of rain touching her gray skin.

'First Android with oragnic enhancements...'

All that she wore was a black revealing suit and her black robotic boots. On the back of her left hand an Inscription read, 'HUcaseal Body Type, #15'

"I'm hungry." She spoke aloud. "I need to feed." The rain started to come down harder. "On Souls."

Raven jumped off the branch, flapping her Devil Wings softly she landed on the ground softly; barely imprinting the wet mud.


At dawn Jane Corona went to the Hunters Guild to check up on this 'Raven' Proto-type.

"Last news we recieved about her was just this morning. Dried bodies of Native Animals found in the Forest. Like a sort of Vampire got to them. Blood was aplenty, but to shrivel up like that." The yound girl behind the counter said, passing 09 a few pictures taken of a booma.

Deep cuts were in the side of the booma.

'This wound looks familiar.' She spoke to herself. bending down to her left leg she pulled up her pant leg some.

'The scar she had recieved when Nathan Graves had attacked her with the Soul Eater was seen across her soft tan skin.'

"What weapon was this android given?" 09 asked the blonde girl at the counter.

"Reports say a Soul Banish."

"The G.H.O.S.T. will take this job. Do you have a picture to offer me?"

"Here, this was before the Scientist took her out of Sleep Mode." The blonde girl handed 09 a small disk, a hologram reflected inside it, revealing a HUcaseal lying down.

"Thanks, what is the amount of the reward?" Jane asked, sliding the disk into her Wrist Band, where her radio and weapons were stored now, *besides Black Moon and her Photon Knives.*

"500,000."

"Give me a week." With that, Jane Corona left the Guild and pressed a button on her wrist; the picture of Raven appeared in the air.

"What in the hell did they do?!" Jane exclaimed, pressing the button again and bringing up her wrist as the image vanished. Speaking into her Radio 09 said, "Taki, G.H.O.S.T.06."

"Hello?" Came Jen's voice.

"Hello Jen, i'm going to need your help."

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I know the story is going a little slow, not much action in this chapter, hopefully it will change next time around. Hope you enjoyed it.

EDIT* Typos... http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_nono.gif



<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: TheOneHero on 2004-07-24 16:57 ]</font>

[KaFKa]

wow, rapid-fire chapters...

i'm honestly not too sure about your plot path at the moment, but seeing as its only the second chapter theres plenty of time to pick it up.

pretty decent chapter, BTW, i actually read the entire thing in one sitting, i usually dont do that.

[Sagasu]

Poor seski Hucaseal (._.)

Anyway, a good start, managed to capture my interest and retain it. And don't worry about the length or the action, most of the best fictions out there are longer ones with a considerable amount of space between the fights. Though its not the most detailed of its kind, you fiction has a certain appeal that draws you into a simplistic level of pleasure.

One thing.. certain actions seem to rush into the next with little or no explanation of whats going on. Though the reader clearly understands the present of this fiction, the overall picture leaves some to be desired. You'll see what I mean if you think on it for a bit.

Keep it up, I may not post often but know that i'm reading all the while http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_wink.gif

[TheOneHero]

Ah, chapter three, enjoy it, crave it, love it.

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G.H.O.S.T. : Hunt for Raven


Chapter Three


The Discovery

The wind blew softly, its cool touch dancing through the blonde hair of G.H.O.S.T. Operative, Jane Corona. It was nearing dusk, as she sat on a large boulder upon a hill just outside of Stak 9. It had been a few hours since she had contacted Jen.

Clouds slowly blew across the sky; the sunsets dazzling shades of red, purple, orange, and yellow danced across the sky. Like a painting or something only seen in a dream. The heavenly colors lifted Jane's heart, letting the warmth of the sun wash over her, she closed her eyes and took it all in. The sounds, the feeling, the smell; all of it.

She had left her Rati at her apartment, now located in Stak 9.

"I won't be using it on this mission. Despite it's help, I cannot risk it...the soft glow coming from it. This time...I need the darkness." Jane whispered to herself as she opened her eyes. Jen, 06 were coming up the hill.

"Hello 09." Jen spoke cheerfully while taking a seat she continued, "I remember when we used to sit here as children."

Jane gave a hearty laugh, "Yes, I too remember that." Looking at her friend 09 continued, "I see you have changed your wardrobe some."

Jen, now wore a red-black uniform, instead of her traditional yellow-black one.

"Heh, we all need a change once and awhile."

"Yes we do."

They sat there for a few moments enjoying the sunset until 06 broke the silence, "Let me see this 'Raven' we are hired to hunt down."

Jane brought up her wrist and activated the image of Raven again.

"That's...no. I can't believe they would do something like that...What was it's purpose?" 06 asked, as Jane de-activated the image.

"Hmm, I picked up a few more bits of information after I last contacted you. I was told that she was created to serve under Tyrell."

"Highly doubtful, a android wouldn't have been so enhanced like that if it was to serve under Tyrell." Jen interrupted. Jane nodded her agreement.

"Where do you propose we start?"

"I want to head to Gal Da Val, and inspect the Mountain Facility where she was created."

"Should we contact the other G.H.O.S.T.?"

"No." Jane breathed deep, "Not now at least, this part of the mission I just want me and you on. We shouldn't get into trouble." Jane stood up and quickly added, "Not too much at least." With a wink Jen stood up after.


Raven stood up, her kill in front of her. Dried. She had taken his soul, after she had sucked away all of his happiness, his memories. What she was doing...wasn't natural.

She had killed a Force, FOmar type, one mark on him stood out above the rest. He wore a crest around his neck. A Ruby held by Silver designs en-circling it and spreading out in different directions. The image of it left a mark on Raven's mind.

'He had earned his fate.' Raven said in her mind, slowly she walked off, her Soul Banish across her back.

'He had come to close...' Animals fled at her approach.
'...to bringing me in...I.' Raven stopped walking, 'I, want to know my purpose...my real purpose.'

The Devil Wings started to beat softly, 'And I know where to find out.' With a sudden burst of speed Raven took off from the ground and started to head east.


"Shoot it Jen!" 09 yelled to her friend as she taunted a Gibbles to come closer to her.

06 put her sight along the barrel of her Rifle Dark Star; she focused and the large enemy before her. Softly squeezing the trigger a stream of bullets flew forward and struck the Gibbles in its large and bulky skull.

Jane stepped back as the beast wobbled, then slowly came crashing to the earth. Jen came forward after placing Dark Star back into its holder.

"I always come through eh?" Jen laughed and slapped 09 on the back.

"More than always."

The two G.H.O.S.T. Operatives had reached the mountain path on Gal Da Val and were now trying to locate the Facility where Raven had been created. It was 2 hours after sunset, it was twilight now, slowly becoming night. A few mountain beasts had been seen on their way, each left the Operatives alone, except for the last Gibbles.

After a mere 30 minutes of walking the path, the Mountain Facility was seen up ahead. The gray walls reflected the light from the stars and shined a soft silver. Vegetation was all ready growing up and around the Facility. 09 and 06 had a difficult time getting through the brush to reach to doorway.

"Looks like nobody has been here since Raven left a few days ago." 06 whispered. Jane nodded and then moved forward through the door.

Something flew overhead. 06 turned and looked at the sky, for she had seen the shadow on the ground. All that returned her glance was that of the twinkling stars and slightly changing moon.

"What is it?" 09's voice asked coming from inside the Facility.

"Nothing." 06 replied, giving one final glance at the night sky before heading in, "Nothing at all."

It was dark inside the Facility, it appeared as though power had either been lost, or shut down. 09 and 06 each pulled out a Photon Knife. The red glow from the photon energy was enough to give them light to see. The sounds of Jane and Jen walking on the metal floor echoed softly in the halls.

Jane had her right hand along the wall, feeling for a doorway or another entrance to a hall. She was hardly paying attention when she felt the cut.
She stopped and turned, holding her Photon Knife ahead of her; she saw that the wall and been cut with a curved blade.

A Scythe Blade.

"She must have not been in her right mind when she fled." 06 whispered from behind Jane.

They progressed quicker after that, soon coming to a doorway on their left they entered. It was the main control room for the Facility. Chairs and equipment littered the floor. Papers rattled as the Operatives stepped on them as they entered.

"I'll get the switch." 06 spoke softly and went about finding the switch to turned to power back on. Within moments, she had it.

"What's this?" Jane spoke softly, pointing to a filing cabinet. She walked toward it as she and 06 sheathed their Photon Knives.

Pulling opening the half-jammed drawer, Jane flipped through the files.

'Gibbles'
'Zol Gibbon'
'Falz'
'Olga Flow'
'Raven'

Jane pulled it up, and opened it slowly.

July 18,

The HUcaseal Android 'Raven' has been completed. The first of its kind to hold organic parts. Built to Suppress our last experiment that failed 6 years ago, RAmarl Jane Corona.

Jane stepped back dropping the file to the floor.

'I am...an experiment?'

"Jane, look." Came the voice of 06, turning around G.H.O.S.T.09 saw that in the doorway was their target.

Red eyes gleaming and Soul Banish held firmly in both hands; Raven watched her prey.

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Well, its 12:04 AM and im a little tired. Hope you enjoyed Chapter Three, and don't worry, theres plenty for G.H.O.S.T. Action to come. Good nite all, and thanks for your support so far. http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_yes.gif




<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: TheOneHero on 2004-07-30 12:09 ]</font>

[TheOneHero]

Thanks for the support guys, Chpater 4 should be up tommorrow late.

[Sagasu]

Ah, I'm late!

Beautifull story you've got here, and the plot is progressing quite nicely http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif

Heres a tip.


Clouds slowly blew across the sky; the sunsets dazzling shades of red, purple, orange, and yellow danced across the sky.

Try not to repeat descriptions, names, or places too often. If you do, the word becomes redundant, and is annoying to read over and over again.

Another example from this chapter is.


"I'll get the switch." 06 spoke softly and went about finding the switch to turned to power back on. Within moments, she had it.

"What's this?" Jane spoke softly, pointing to a filing cabinet. She walked toward it as she and 06 sheathed their Photon Knives.

See what I mean? Be carefull with what you write, this is just something to look out for in later work http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_razz.gif

Lookin up to chapter 4!



<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Sagasu on 2004-07-29 21:55 ]</font>

[TheOneHero]

On 2004-07-29 21:52, Sagasu wrote:
Ah, I'm late!

Beautifull story you've got here, and the plot is progressing quite nicely http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif

Heres a tip.


Clouds slowly blew across the sky; the sunsets dazzling shades of red, purple, orange, and yellow danced across the sky.

Try not to repeat descriptions, names, or places too often. If you do, the word becomes redundant, and is annoying to read over and over again.

Another example from this chapter is.


"I'll get the switch." 06 spoke softly and went about finding the switch to turned to power back on. Within moments, she had it.

"What's this?" Jane spoke softly, pointing to a filing cabinet. She walked toward it as she and 06 sheathed their Photon Knives.

See what I mean? Be carefull with what you write, this is just something to look out for in later work http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_razz.gif

Lookin up to chapter 4!



<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Sagasu on 2004-07-29 21:55 ]</font>


Ah, thanks, maybe i should whoop out a thearouse (sp?) that might help. I will try to do better next chapter.

[Sagasu]

Theasaurus? http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_wacko.gif

Indeed..

Don't press yourself too hard though, its just a handy thing to keep in mind while proof-reading your post before submitting it to psow http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif

[TheOneHero]

Here is chapter four, I hope you all enjoy it.

*Turns on his Day and 1/2 of Final Fantasy music, goes to Terra's Theme and sits down to write*

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G.H.O.S.T. : Hunt for Raven


Chapter Four


Dissonance

The deep glowing eyes of Raven stared down Jane and Jen. Testing them. Challenging them. Wanting them. It was awhile before the silence was broken, the Android HUcaseal Raven was the one to do it.

"Who are you?"
Jen looked at her Commander, 09 nodded and spoke, "Raven." She said the name almost as a plea.

"We are G.H.O.S.T. Operatives sent to find you."

"From the Lab? I will not go back to the Scientists...Not unless you break my Soul..."

"No, not from the Lab, we were hired by the Hunters Guild." Without knowing it 09 brought her left hand up and fumbled for the silver chain around her throat. Finding what she was feeling for she pulled out the small Trinket given to all G.H.O.S.T. Operatives once they were recruited. The Gem and Color meant a certain Division. Jane's Division, the 09 Division was a Sapphire. Releasing her hand from the Trinket she rested it and the side of her Ruby Bullet, strapped to her left leg.

'Just incase...' She said in her mind.

"Hunters Gui--" Raven stopped in mid sentence, her red eyes had found the Trinket 09 had pulled out.

'I've seen that before...when I killed him.' Raven remembered the FOmar she had killed earlier. Grinning with pleasure she spoke again.

"I know who you are. That Trinket...I saw it when I killed him...another G.H.O.S.T. with the exception that his Gem was a Ruby." Raven gripped her Soul Banish tightly, a softly purplish flickering light emitted from the scythe blade.

06 Turned away in shock. Jane knew what 06 was doing...she knew of course she was shocked...though not so much as to turn away.

"You killed a G.H.O.S.T. Operative...you should be proud." Jane said, watching Raven's red eyes.

06 worked free a Photon Knife.

"I am." Raven replied.

--"Then you should know that more than the G.H.O.S.T. will be hunting you now."--

--"I am well aware of that."--

--"Are you truly?"--

--"You should know he died a shameful death. Begging for mercy before he died, he said he would give more the knowledge of the G.H.O.S.T. so I let him. When he had finished, I retired him..."--

--"You sick B--"-- Jane didn't finish, 06 spun around and threw a volley of Photon Knives at Raven, each struck the target. Raven let out a cry as Jen grabbed Jane's arm and pulled her to exit the room. Pushing Raven out of the way as they fled. Hearts beating quickly as they ran down the hall. 06 had released Jane's arm and gave a grin. From behind them they heard Raven scream out, a shriek that pierced the Soul and made you feel hollow, something far worse than death...


Raven pulled out the Photon Knives and watched her fingers photon energy cancel the other out. Her auto repairs were all ready working on her. She watched as her semi-organic skin came back together, She glanced down at her fingernails...the metal nails grew longer, and shined as green photon energy raced along their sides. Raven's Wings flapped and she looked behind her to see them. Their edges sparkled as a silver blade appeared on them.

"I know what I am now..." Raven whispered aloud as she turned to the door. "I am..." She looked up at the ceiling, "Death." She crouched quickly and then flung herself upward in a dazzling jump, Her razor sharp wings flapping and cutting through the steel roof.

"Stak 9, G.H.O.S.T.08" Jane said into her Wrist Radio as she and 06 continued to run down the Mountain Trail, the shrieks of Raven not far behind.

"Hello?" Skylirr's voice came through the radio.

--"Evening 08, lose any men lately?"--

--"Like you, always know tomorrows news before I know today?s"--

--"We need back up, inform Kite and you two follow my tracker... Activating now."-- Jane pushed a small button and her Wrist.

--"Is that all?"--

--"No, make sure you bring as many Division members as possible."--

--"Of course. 08 out."--

"Heh, Raven will be on us before they even get close." 06 said with a grin.

"Then they will miss out on all the fun."

The moon as slowly going down in the sky, the mountain air was cool and welcoming to the sweaty G.H.O.S.T. Operatives. Dawn would be coming within a few hours. The beasts of the Mountains on Gal Da Val were no where to be seen. Most likely hiding from the threat of Raven. Another cry rang out, echoing off cliffs and sides of the Mountains. Raven, was getting closer.

"Get down!" 06 yelled hoarsely pushing Jane down just as they reached a downward slope. The two of them slid down into some underbrush, staying dead still as the beat of wings was heard over head.

Raven circled the area, the starlight and moonlight dancing on her metallic body.

"That's it." Jane said, bringing up her Wrist, she pressed a button to access her storage of weapons.
"Gotta love new technology." She continued with a wink to Jen. Pressing her finger against a screen to highlight a weapon name: Yasminkov9000, 09 smiled as the mechguns appeared in her hands.

"Best get my mechs out then." 06 whispered doing the same, she accessed her weapon account.

--"Damn straight."--

Jen, highlighted: Guld Milla and the mechs appeared in her hands as well.

"Let's do this." Jen spoke harshly.

"Move in Shadow..." Jane whispered.

Jen looked into her Commanders eyes..."The G.H.O.S.T. Tradition eh?" Jane nodded, Jen gave a laugh then said, "Move in silence..."

--"Strike like Fire."--

Together they both moved out of the underbrush at unmatched speed aiming for the Night Sky in search of Raven. Both RAmarls saw their target at the same time it saw them. Raven Flew downward, at lightning speed, giving a howl as she did so.

Jen and Jane both fired, a stream of hard shells and photon bullets alike hit the Android Raven. The stunningly beautiful but deadly HUcaseal saw her fate, as the shots from the G.H.O.S.T.'s pierced her wings. She was unable to hold herself in the air any longer, she fell down shrieking into the Sea bellow. 09 and 06 ran up to the cliff and looked down.

When they had arrived all they saw was a splash...

The sounds of Hover Bikes were heard from the Mountain Path. Skylirr and Kite came riding up along with 30 other G.H.O.S.T. Operatives.

"You're a little late." Jane whispered as she headed down.

"Oh bah, we miss all the fun?" Kite burst in.

"Heh, calm down rookie, I think the fun has yet to begin..." Jen smiled as she spoke those words.

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Well, hope you enjoyed it. *turns off Final Fantasy music.* Please leave a comment if you can, and if you notice anything that needs to be added, *such as a word or something or punctuation* feel free to tell me! http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_razz.gif Well, I?m out.




<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: TheOneHero on 2004-07-31 11:33 ]</font>

[Tact]

Cool. Just wonderin' is that Guld Milla legit? Hehe, just thought it'd be fun to ask that, sorry if it offends you. Another great chapter, though.

[TheOneHero]

On 2004-07-31 04:12, tactician7777 wrote:
Cool. Just wonderin' is that Guld Milla legit? Hehe, just thought it'd be fun to ask that, sorry if it offends you. Another great chapter, though.



Yes, completely Legit i assure you, *no im not offended*.
Thanks for the support. Chapter 5 should be up monday...if i dont have to work....maybe tuesday...

[TheOneHero]

Well, I guess i lied, chapter came a day early...enjoy my friends... http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_yes.gif

-----------------------


G.H.O.S.T. : Hunt for Raven


Chapter Five


Return of a Friend


Jane Corona and the other G.H.O.S.T. Operatives sped through the night on their Hover Bikes. They had already gone down the Mountains of Gal Da Val, and were closing in on Stak 9. The sun would rise shortly, two...three hours at the most.

'I'm getting tired of late nights...' Jane told herself inside her mind, she looked to the right and saw Jen.

'06 is too I think. Heh, but this what keeps us young.'

About another few more minutes and the G.H.O.S.T. would be arriving at Stak 9, Jane would go to the Hunters' Guild and explain what happened, afterward she would gather a few of the Division Leaders for a little chat.

The clear sky they had traveled under that night was becoming covered in clouds, a rain would be approaching soon...creating a gray shield that would cover the heavens from the sunrise. Coming up to a hill the group slowed down as Stak 9 was just near the bottom.

"All right guys, get some sleep. I will most likely call a few of you later tomorrow" Jane paused as they walked out of the Hover Bike garage then spoke again as the first few droplets of rain fell and ran down her uniform.

"That is, if any information comes up." The Division Leaders followed Jane, as the other Operatives left to their homes.

"You guys go and meet at Stan's Pub...I gotta run to the Hunters' Guild." Jane smiled and hurried away, Jen, Kite, and Skylirr headed down the street. They stuck close to the walls of buildings to avoid getting wet. They walked in silence all the way down to the Pub, Stan the Bartender smiled as the G.H.O.S.T. walked in and sat down at the bar.

"Evening boys and girls. Where?s 09 got to?" Stan asked sliding a few drinks to Jen and the others.

"Hunters' Guild." Jen replied taking a sip.

"Aye." Stan said while walking away.

Kite looked around the Pub, taking in all its sights and sounds, the smells, the people. It was cleaning than others around Stak 9, a little more cheerful. There weren?t many people in this earlier before the sun would rise. Just the 3 Operatives, a lone RAmar in the corner wearing a black cloak, and then there was a group of men with a RAcast among them. Kite caught the eyes of the RAmar, he wore a black cloth over his face like Skylirr did; nodded to Kite and gave a grin. The young RAmarl looked away quickly feeling uncomfortable.

"I'll have another Stan." Kite heard Jen say and then the sliding of glass as 06 received her drink. The group of men and their RAcast saw Kite and stood up to walk to 05. The newly recruited Operative was getting more uncomfortable.

"Jen..." She whispered tilting her face to her friend.

"I know. Don't worry." 06 replied taking another sip of her drink, "he?s got our back." Jen gave a nod to the RAmar in the corner.

"So just go about your business."

The group of men was coming closer, the heavy footsteps of the RAcast close behind.

The RAmar in the corner whispered to himself, "3 men...at least one may be a hunter; and a droid..." He moved his hand in his cloak to grip his Ruby Bullet.

"Hello little lady, you and your friend like to come with us? For some fun?" The largest of the three men said, pulling up a stool next to 05.

"No thank you." Kite replied and went back to her drink. She felt Skylirr and Jen shift a little.

"Now listen here--" The RAcast started to say but never finished his sentence, the moment he had touched Kite's shoulder five shots went off in the Pub. The droid wavered then fell shortly, two men were on the ground breathing hard and swearing as the clutched their arm or side of their chest. The third and leader, hadn't been shot at all, but was wincing just the same.

Jen held her Ruby Bullet along with Skylirr, Stan the bartender had pulled out his Varista, the RAmar in the corner had stood up his Ruby Bullet pointed at the men, and Jane Corona was behind the leader, just returned from the Hunters' Guild. She had shot the droid and moved quickly and had placed a Photon Knife against the throat of the leader.

"Get the hell outta my Pub." Stan said raising his Varista to the man's forehead, Jane let go of her Knife and stepped back, taking extra care to step on the wound of one of the men lying on the ground. He grunted and tried to move, 06 turned around and pointed her Ruby Bullet at the man.

"Shut your mouth, or get bullet in it."

"Heh, fine then. You better watch your back now old timer..." Spoke the leader as he turned around and left the Pub closely followed by his two other men, the RAcast still lay on the floor, its circuits blown and unable to operate.

"Thanks..." Kite spoke beaming at everyone.

Jane took a seat asked for a drink and spoke up, "Ah, its been awhile since I saw you with that Varista Stan...you miss the old days?"

"Sure do."

"Hello again Jane." The RAmar in the cloak had stood up and walked over. After taking off his cloak he sat down, his armor was a light blue and white, he had dyed his hair blue to match his armor.

"Hello again James, haven't seen you since you were sent on the Northern Mission, couple months back."

--"Heh, ya. We ended up leaving early, to military came and took over."--

--"Well, it's good to see you again anyway, I'm glad you came back, I just returned from the Hunters' Guild."-- 09 Spoke turning to her fellow Operatives, "I told them we took down Raven, but failed to retrieve the body so we're not sure if she's still alive or not. They agreed to hold our Meseta until we know the truth, but if nothing turns up within a month; they will pay us the reward anyway."

"Sounds reasonable..." Skylirr spoke ordering another drink.

--"What if Raven isn't dead?"--

--"What if she is?"-- Jane sat in silence, listening to the rain outside and the arguing of her friends. After awhile she couldn't take them acting like children anymore and burst in.

"What if the world ends tomorrow and we all die virgins?"

"What the Hell did you just say Jane?" Skylirr yelled turning coldly on his Commander.

--"Just trying to point out what you guys are sounding like."-- Everyone laughed.

"I think I?m gonna turn in, I have some things on my mind--"

Built to Suppress our last experiment that failed 6 years ago, RAmarl Jane Corona.

"--So good night everybody." Jane finished and left the Pub, walking out into the refreshing rain once again.

----------------------

Its lacking in action....bah sorry about that. I am already working on chapter 6, should be done in few days...its gonna be a long one... *I think* Hope you all enjoyed this one. http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_wacko.gif




<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: TheOneHero on 2004-08-03 09:16 ]</font>

[Tact]

Nice chapter, TOH. The bartender packing heat, that part was just awesome.

[TheOneHero]

Well, after a week or so, here is chapter 6. Hope you all enjoy it. http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/anime1.gif

-------------------------------


G.H.O.S.T. : Hunt for Raven


Chapter 6


Lament of Love


Sometimes, something happens that cannot be changed. The death of a friend, the loss of pride, or a mission left hanging; but sometimes...these things can be changed. By the will of those that these things happen to; By coming together and showing an everlasting bond of fellowship...these things...can be conquered...

Water rushed up from the bottom of the tank and slowly started to rise to the top. It washed over the 16 year-old body of the girl inside. She wore a revealing bathing suit that the scientists had handed her. Small wires and pads had been attached to her body; as well as an oxygen mask placed on her face to allow her to breathe. Her emerald greens eyes closed and her blonde hair danced and rippled in the water as she fell into a deep sleep.

The scientists outside the tank circled her and monitored her sleep patterns. Taking notes on her life signs displayed on a large monitor to the side of the tank. The room was dark and small echoes were heard as the people dressed in white circled it.

"Our experiment is nearing completion." Whispered a man who stepped near the tank and examined the beautiful girl before him.

"Give her another electric shock..." Spoke the man to the scientist nearby.

"But Sir! It isn't time yet!" Replied the scientist.

--"I know that...but this girl, this experiment...is almost complete, and I intend it to be done soon."--

--"It could damage her."--

--"Risks are part of science, give her another shock."--

The scientist turned away and headed toward a control panel connected to the tank. Typing a few things he brought up a menu on screen and then gently pressed a small silver button on the panel.

A surge of electric currents flowed down a few select wires and shocked to angelic-like girl five feet away from him.

The girl opened her eyes, and looked around the room breathing hard and in pain, she began to struggle but was too tired do to the severe painful experiments that had been placed on her.

--"Again." --

Yet another time the girl felt a surge of pain, she screamed and struggled more.

--"Sir, we are going to lose her."--


Jane Corona woke with a start, panting and sweaty. Her dream was all too real, and what was odd: Was that she remembered it from her past.

'I'm beginning to remember...' Jane brought her hands up and rested her head in them, whispering to herself, 'My past...'

It was noon when Jane left her apartment and headed outside dressed in her everyday clothing. The sky was still cloudy from the night’s rain, and a few sprinkles could be felt as she walked down the street enjoying herself. Her Wrist Radio buzzed and 09 brought it up to her mouth and said, "Hello?"

The voice of Jen came through the radio, "Hey meet me in the alley behind Stan's Pub, in an hour I have some information on Raven."

"Jen do you sleep at all?"

--"Apparently not. 06 out."--

Jane lowered her wrist and continued down the streets of Stak 9. The day was cool and comforting, the gray skies seemed to ease Jane's trouble slightly fitting to what she was feeling at the time. She stopped to grab a bite to eat before heading out to meet up with G.H.O.S.T.06 in the alley.

An hour passed quickly and Jane found herself late for her appointment; Jen seemed not to care.

"09." Jen spoke rushed as she saw her Commander finally come into view, "You remember when i wounded Raven with the Photon Knives?" Jane nodded as she came closer to 06.

"When we saw Raven again...do you remember what she seemed like?"

09 waited a moment to recall the events of that night, "Yes. Raven seemed more powerful, she looked as if she had grown stronger."

--"Exactly. I'm guessing that as she is injured more, the more power she gains."--

--"I've seen something like this before..."--

--"What? You have seen this before?"--

--"Jen, it was long before you were recruited into the Organization. In fact it was shortly after i had joined...but it is of no consequence, do not let you thoughts stay on it."--

--"Fine. We need to focus on Raven, how are we going to defeat her?"--

--"Completely destroy her...incinerate her...burn her body to ash, like the summers heat does the plants." Jane said, gazing at the ground in the alley. Leftover water sat still on the cement.

--"That's like you. Though we don't have any info--" 06 was interrupted by the voice of a man.

"09, 06. Reports have been handed to the Hunters Guild just this morning concerning our friend."

--"Dammit James, how are you always on top of things!?"--

--"Heh, calm down 06. I just thought I'd swing by there this morning. On more news, Jack and Liz found out and are insisting they come along for the fun." The RAmar grinned, "That's all right isn't it?"

Jane smiled and thought to herself, 'Those too, they love each other, but just put on a show for everyone else. Why won't they just tell the other how they feel?' A small ray of sunlight made its way to the alley and sparkled on the wet ground.

"Sure it is." Jane Corona said looking at 03, "Let's call up 05 and 08 and have them meet us at the Hunters Guild; we'll grab the information we need at the time too." Jen and James nodded and turned away, 09 close behind contacting Skylirr and Kite as they headed for the Guild.

The sky was almost cleared of clouds when they arrived, Jack, Liz, Kite, and Skylirr were already at the Guild waiting. Jack and Liz were up to their usual teasing of each other, "Honestly, you wear tights and a skirt Jack; it's not very attractive."

"You run funny; I've seen many FOmarls run funny, but you: Absolutely to die for." And so the two continued to argue and tease as Jane greeted 08, and 05.

"Hello, shall we head on in?" Jane said nodding to Skylirr.

"That won't be necessary, we've already collected the information. It seems Raven was spotted in a cave at the bottom of the cliff where she fell. Though..." 08 Paused for a second before continuing, "The Hunter that saw her died in the middle his conversation with the Guild, seemed Raven got to him."

"Heh, well then, it seems like more fun now." 06 said grinning. A cool breeze swept over the G.H.O.S.T. Operatives, birds sang and flew over building tops as the last remaining cloud disappeared over the horizon.

"Well then, let's grab what we need and meet back at the Hover Bike Garage in about half an hour." Jane said the Division Leaders nodded and broke up, heading for their own apartments.

"Jack, Liz." 09 breathed the names softly almost as a plea. "You can go now." With a little pink the face the two Forces left.

Jane's Rati buzzed lovely toward Jane when she entered her apartment and flipped on the lights. The MAG hovered close to her and fitted itself behind her back where it usually floated.

"Not this time, I can't have you with me." Jane spoke and the MAG hovered down softly and over to where it usually stayed.

Jane grabbed some food and ate as she headed down the hall to the back room to equip herself. Flipping the switch to turn on the lights, rows of weapons and armors sparkled. On a side table rested Black Moon and the Head Gear Skylirr had made her so long ago for her missions against S.O.U.L., the Sonu, and Nathan Graves. It now had a flashlight attached to the side of it; an option she wished she had before. She placed it on and grabbed a black cloak and threw it over her back. Placing Black Moon's holder over the cloak; she sheathed her powerful Rifle.

Walking over to a metal table with black cushion fabric, she picked up a Tripolic Shield that rested on the fabric and attached it to her left wrist. Moving down the table she found her expensive gauntlets she had customed made some time ago. A beautiful silver metal engraved with the 09 Division Symbol. A single sapphire was placed in the middle of the design. Jane slid the gauntlets onto her wrists and walked to the other side of the room to another table.

Dozens of Photon Knives littered it, giving the table a soft red glow, Jane picked up the blades and place 10 of them into her belt. On the same table further down lay her Yasminkov9000 Mechguns and her Red Saber. She accessed her weapon account on her wrist and highlighted the weapons names and press, "Transfer" the Red Saber and Yas9000 disappeared and were stored in her weapon account for easy access later.

Jane headed over to a desk and pulled out a drawer, Her camo-make up was inside. Taking out the blue and green, she swept it across her face, and over her right eye, for the blue disc of the headgear covered her left. When she was finished, she checked the room again to see if she had forgotten anything. Jane Corona left her apartment and headed outside toward the Hover Bike Garage.

09 was the first one there, though it didn't take very long for the other Operatives to reach their destination. Once they were all gathered they headed inside the Garage and stood by the G.H.O.S.T. Hover Bikes.

"All right guys..." Jane smiled and continued, "Saddle up and give 'em hell." With a mingle of laughs and cheers the Operative mounted their Bikes and sped swiftly out of the Garage and toward the Mountains of Gal Da Val yet again.

Time passed quickly as 09 let her thoughts stray to the dream she had that night. 'What was the purpose of my experiment? What was my purpose?' For the time they rode she kept coming back to those same questions, unable to give herself an answer.

It was a little into the afternoon hours once they reached the cliff where Raven had fallen by and into the treacherous water bellow. The soft humming of the engine was heard just before it went out as Jane and the others dismounted their Bikes.

"All right, get out the cables, were going down." Jane said with a raised voice to make sure she was heard, and then went about help preparing the Operatives for the scale down. 03 got the cables and harness out and started passing them around.

"James! Throw me a stake!" 09 called out, obeying 03 threw Jane a stake, in which she planted it into the ground and tied her cable around it. Strapping on the harness and the cable 09 made the first descent, followed closely by the others. The cave was spotted near ten feet above the seawaters, it was large and dark and the ground was moist.

Jane found her footing and brought herself in, unlatching the harness as she did so. The other G.H.O.S.T. followed her lead and just left their harness and cables hanging outside. Jane turned on her flashlight and pulled out a Photon Knife. She felt rather than heard the others pulling out their Knives as well. A soft ghastly feeling washed over Jane from the smell of the cave, and the light of the red photon.

After some time walking in silence, the group came to the body of a HUmar, his skin was dried and gray, he looked somewhat like a human raisin. His Hunter armor was slashed and broken, the marks on it looked like a scythe blade.

"So we found Raven's victim." Skylirr said as he gazed upon the lifeless body of the HUmar.

"That we have." Jane replied and continued onward. The smell of death and decay left as the group got further away from the corpse. A soft rumble was heard, the Operatives stopped except for 09, she ignored it and kept going. Soon the rumbling grew louder and Jane heard 06 yell, "Cave in! Run!"

Jane turned and saw her friends’ head back, dust fell from the ceiling and soon large rocks were falling down. With a sudden burst of speed Jane Corona ran forward as quickly as she could, due to the shaking of the cave 09 was stumbling at first but soon corrected herself and fled. The falling rocks were dropping closer to her and for a moment she thought she would not make it. She tilted her head a little downward to shield her eyes, when she saw ahead that a large hole had opened up. Pulling out a Photon Knife she threw it at the ceiling where it stuck like a rock just above the hole. She jumped at it, grabbed it and swung herself from it onto the other side of the pit.

The ceiling collapsed and the Knife and Jane were lost in darkness.


Jen was leading the others back to the entrance, the RAmarl shouted at her friends to move quicker or death would take them. A sick smell of rotting flesh started to fill the tunnel. Jen hurried on followed by the other Division Leaders. Liz screamed as she tripped, she landed away on the dead HUmar. Jack had heard her and ran back despite the fact the rocks were falling.

He reached Liz and started to pull her up, when several large boulders came crashing down onto Liz. She screamed in pain as the last rumble ceased and the cave in had stopped.

"Liz!" Jack screamed and tried to shift the rocks, but they were to heavy. Jen and the others turned around and ran back to help.

"Jack..." Liz whispered the name like a prayer. "I will not be saved, despite your efforts." Jack's eyes started to water, "Thanks for caring about me..." The FOmarl looked into the eyes of the FOnewm in front of her.
"You weren't so bad for a Force in tights and a skirt."

Jack started to laugh, but it turned into coughing as he held back his tears.

Liz smiled and said, "Good bye Jack." With her final words her eyes closed and her spirit left her.

"Good bye...Liz, I always cared so much for you..." The FOnewm stood up and wiped his now coming tears.

Jen came up and started to speak. "Jack, I'm sorry, I should have stayed behind and made sure you all---"

--"No. You did what was right 06. Even if you feel like you didn't, there is no need to speak of it, for the past cannot be changed..."--

--"You're right."--


Jane coughed and stood up, she pressed a button on her HeadGear to activate Thermal Vision. As she gazed at the fallen rocks she saw shapes far away down the tunnel.

"Ragol, G.H.O.S.T.06" She whispered into her Wrist Radio.

"Ya?" Jen's voice came through the Radio, a bit shaken and sorrowful.

"I just wanted to make sure you guys were all right, I can see some of you with Thermal on..." Jane replied.

--"I guess we are fine, but...we lost Liz, 09."--

--"What? We...It's my fault..."--

--"Don't blame yourself Jane, I had more responsibility than you. We must not dwell on it now, we have a mission remember?"--

--"That's right, can the rock be shifted on you side Jen?"--

--"It will take awhile Commander, but I think we can do it, you head on by yourself then, we don't want to lose anymore time."--

--"You're right, 09 out."-- Jane turned off the Radio and stood up, taking out her Ruby Bullet and a Photon Knife, she headed into the Dark Abyss ahead of her.

---------------------------------------

http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/anime1.gif Im not sure when chapter 7 will be up...but o well. Again, if you notive anything that doesn't make sense or I mispelled something feel free to tell me! http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/anime2.gif Please leave your comments and don't feel bad to correct me. Well, Lata all!

[Aurra]

I don't usually read fanfics on PSOw, but I like yours.

Really my only complaint is that Raven's motives are about as clear as mud to me. I mean, she's an android, she shouldn't just be automatically evil and cruel. It seems like the only reason she's going around slicing stuff up is to eat souls, but she seems to be doing it with a personal vendetta against the G.H.O.S.T. people without knowing them at all.

Other than that, a fun read.

[TheOneHero]

Well, after some time, I have finally finished Chapter Seven, and the Final Chapter of this Fan Fic. http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/anime1.gif Enjoy!

-----------------------------


G.H.O.S.T. : Hunt for Raven


Chapter 7


Two Souls


We all wish to exist, we all wish to be free. Sometimes are wishes are granted, while other times we watch as they dwindle in false hope. As we watch our wishes fade, we see how simply life is, how easily it is lost. That is when we realize, in order for our wishes of life and freedom; Lives must be taken in order to bring those wishes about...

Jane Corona leaned back against the stone wall, she had turned off her flashlight to saver battery life. 09 sat in the tunnel resting, for she had been walking/jogging for some time now and the scenery had not changed at all. For her light she had pulled out one of her remaining 9 Photon Knives and dug it in the ground next to her.

After a few moments longer of rest, 09 slowly started to stand on her own two legs. She pulled out the Photon Knife from the ground as she came to her full height. She slid her hand over her cloths wiping off the dirt.

'Doesn't really matter.' She thought as she turned on her flashlight and drew her Ruby Bullet again, 'I'm sure I'll just get dirty all over again.' Jane started to head down the tunnel focused on the path laid in front of her feet. 'But it still feel's nice to be a little clean.'

The time seemed to pass quicker now, as the G.H.O.S.T. Operative moved down the tunnel. The air was getting less dense and seemed fresher. Drifting in and out of thought, Jane continued on. Slowly coming up along a split passage. Giving her two choices: Right or left. She stood there pondering which way to go down.

Jane heard slapping noises on metal run down from the right passage. Most likely the person was in bare feet and was drenched. She heard a girl panting in pain, grunt and give out low whimpers and sobs. Jane heard the body of someone fall down from slipping in the puddles they themselves created. The girl was crying and obviously fleeing from someone.

Not even a minute had passed when 09 saw the girl, she was half-naked and bruised. A few wires and small pads had been placed on her body. Her eyes were an emerald green and her hair, golden-blonde. She was covered in water and her delicate skin was dirty from falling. Despite her ragged appearance she was beautiful.

09 moved to help the poor child, but the girl seemed not to notice and she tripped and gave a whimper. Jane stepped forward to take her hand and help her up. Though the girl had arisen quickly and ran...right through the G.H.O.S.T. Operative in front of her.

"That...that girl. No...it can't be!" Jane said aloud, the sound of panting and running could no longer be heard. The memory had left like a summer?s breeze. Jane now knew which path to tread, though she could not bring herself to move. The thoughts of what would be found down that path...things she wanted to know but was not yet ready. Though it seemed something was calling to her from it, begging her to come for it.

After brief hesitation Jane Corona, took the right path and started to walk onward. It wasn't very long before she came across the metal floor that she had heard her memory travel on. A large steel door was half-hanging on its hinges and dirt and things from years passed covered it. Clearly this place was abandoned. 09 continued, her boots thudding softly on the metal floor. She glanced around nervously almost expecting someone to be watching or following her...but there was no one.

She shifted her shoulders to ease herself a little from Black Moon's weight. She had stopped and sheathed her Ruby Bullet and used her left hand to rub her shoulders and her other cramped muscles. She was about to continue when a shifting of metal and steel brought her ears awake. She looked forward and caught a glimpse of her Game. Raven, red eyes gleaming and Soul Banish in hand was cutting off a metal panel from the wall.

Jane Corona sped toward Raven, but the android had expected this and quickly finishes taking off the panel, which then she threw at the G.H.O.S.T. Operative. Jane moved to get out of the way, but the sharp metal had cut into her leg, the very same leg where Nathan Graves had struck her with his Scythe. The Operative fell the ground wincing in pain. Raven fled, the retreating footsteps were taunting to 09.

Jane half crawled, half pulled herself over to a wall and leaned against it in seating position. she examined the cut, and saw it had crossed the scar left by Nathan, to form an 'X' with one part slightly curved. Jane put her head back against the metal wall and closed her eyes. After some time to register fully the wound she had been given, 09 took out Black Moon and rested it on the ground next to her. Next she took of her Rifle Holder, so she could remove the cloak which she had taken before coming.

Taking the Photon Knife she carried, Jane cut a strip from her cloak and wrapped it around her upper leg concealing the wound. She cut another one and tied it tightly around the other, now starting to soak up blood. With one last strip tied around her she gathered her things and headed out after Raven.


"All right, we can get through here. It's big enough for us to slide through." Jen said to the other G.H.O.S.T. Operatives as she stepped back from where they had been moving rocks and such for the past couple hours.

"Yes. We need to help Jane." Skylirr gave a grin and started to climb the rubble and slide through the makeshift tunnel they had created. The other soon followed, Jen was the last to go through. Slightly moving her Rifle; Dark Star she spoke, "Heh, most likely Jane will be doing the final battler herself..." With that 06 climbed and slid through. Together the remaining G.H.O.S.T. Operatives followed the tunnel in search of 09.


Jane Corona came upon an intersection in the hall, taking the left path she headed onward slightly limping do to her leg. The pain was starting to ease now but the strips of her cloak that she had placed on it we soaking up a lot of blood. Taking a breaking she took them off and cut new ones, tying them much tighter this time.

09 left the blood-soaked rags lying on the cool metal floor. She took out her Ruby Bullet and held it fast in her left hand, walking slightly hunched and the gun barrel facing up; ready to strike. The hallway ended at the entrance to a large slightly littered room. Jane turned off her flashlight, no longer needing it as she entered.

The room was empty for the most part, several large machines dotted the walls, and many metal tables were spread out at intervals in the room.

"I'm and glad you have come Jane Corona, the Failed Experiment."

09 turned to where the voice had came from to see Raven sitting comfortably on a metal table. Her legs were crossed and her Soul Banish was held in her right hand and rested on her shoulder. Jane could now see exactly how much Raven had changed since she fell from the cliff.

Her wingspan was nearly double, her fingers were long and deadly. She emitted a power that Jane felt from several feet away. Large blades came from her sides and wings, ready to cut down any enemy. The Android smiled and breathed softly as she spoke, "I went back and read the files on you, not just my own."

"You did?" Jane said questionably, changing her stance slowly.

Raven smiled, a thing Jane thought Androids could not do.

"Oh yes, I have learned so much about you Jane Corona. I know what you are...I know your past." Raven said while tapping her steel-bladed fingers on the metal table she sat on.

Jane noticed Raven breathe again, the Androids chest rising and falling, "You...you can breathe. You are...alive?" The G.H.O.S.T. Operative asked puzzled.

--"Yes, I am becoming more alive with each passing hour...and deadlier."--

--"I thought that I would have to destroy you all at ounce. Smash or burn you...but now I am puzzled."--

--"That is nice...now come and get me!"--

Jane barely had time to react as Raven jump up from the metal table and lunged right at 09. The Androids body and wings spinning madly, trying to cut down the RAmarl in front of it. 09 jump off to the side and fired a few shots off from her Ruby Bullet. All of the bullets struck the target, but each bounced off and had no effect.

Raven stopped in mid air and flapped her enormous wings, the blades making shrieking sounds in the air. She smiled at Jane and brought up her Soul Banish ready to cut down the girl.

09 threw a Photon Knife at the HUcaseal, but again it had no effect, for Raven had brought her wings about her in a protective cocoon. Jane turned to run, but her wound kept her from reaching full speed; allowing Raven an advantage.

Once again Raven came after 09 and the Operative was forced to drop down and crawl under a metal table. From below Jane could hear the wings and scythe of Raven ripping through. One hand with green Photon Energy came crashing through the steel above Jane's head. The RAmarl panicked and back out trying to avoid her death.

"So." Raven spoke as she stopped her attacking and looked at Jane, "This is how the Commander of the G.H.O.S.T. Operatives meets her end? By fleeing from the Experiment that surpassed her? I am ashamed...how amusing."

Jane stood up, trying not to put pressure on her wound, "I have always come out on top, Never have I failed a mission or task given me. And I do not intend to do so now."

"You cannot kill me, you know my Soul is greater than yours. I was created to became greater than you!"

--"So it would seem..."-- Jane replied and jump at Raven, taking the Android by surprise. 09 ripped the Soul Banish out of Raven's hands, cutting herself in the process from Raven's sharp nails. The Android stood up and shrieked the same cry that was heard from her at the Gal Da Val Mountain Facility.

Jane Corona took one swipe with the cursed scythe and cut Raven in two. In the brief second it took for the HUcaseal's new life to end: Jane saw something she had never seen before... A living thing trying to exist...but failing. A heavy thud of Raven's body was heard as it hit the floor. The sound was hollow, and seemed to shatter all emotion in Jane Corona. In that moment she realized how precious life was...and how she would kill to stay alive.


The Commander of the G.H.O.S.T. Operatives was sitting on a table, Soul Banish across her lap. Her eyes were watching the lifeless form of Raven in front of her. Jane Corona did not notice Jen and the others enter the room.

"I see you have finished It." 06 said stepping toward her Commander.

"Yes...come on, let's take Raven back with us to the Hunters Guild." Jane replied snapping out of her trance.

"I think it would be best, to just throw into the sea's of Gal Da Val. That way, the world will not try to recreate her." Jen spoke softly sitting down by her Commander.

--"You're right...we shall bury Liz to, may she rest in peace."--

Standing up Jane left the room, she heard Skylirr and James each take a portion of Raven, with the help of Jack and Jen. Kite walked behind her Commander watching her movements.

They had thrown Raven into the water below the Mountain Cliff, and went back for Liz and buried her, as well as the HUmar, figuring he to deserved to sleep in the earth. Afterward the G.H.O.S.T. Operatives returned to Stak 9 and received their reward from the Guild, then went to rest until their next mission arose...

----------------------------

Copyright (c) 2004 TheOneHero

I won't be on for some time, and I have no idea when the next installment in the G.H.O.S.T. Trilogy will come out. I may do more if people want me to. http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/anime2.gif

So, please reply and let me get your thoughts, thanks for being so suportive of my writing! http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/anime1.gif



<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: TheOneHero on 2004-09-01 20:53 ]</font>

[mr_rubbish]

Since TheOneHero asked me nicely, I'm gonna give this fic the run through. I know that it's already completed but hopefully I will have something useful to say that can be applied to later works aswell.
Please bear in mind:

I may repeat with other people have said. Deal with it.
When people ask me to read their stories I tend to be much more harsh and picky than if it was a story I had chosen to read.
You asked for it...


chapter 1

Proof read. Lots of careless typos early on.
---

Many Scientists murmored their agreements.We know there are many scientists there. How about: There were several mumurs of agreement.
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and he motioned for a fellow working to bring up a Soul Banish.Working?
---

"Your. Souls. Are. Mine." Raven hissed each word, and lunged at the Scientists cutting them down, feeling their life leave them she fed on it. With each Soul she consumed, the more powerful she grew.


"All right rookie, send in your division." Jane Corona whispered into her Wrist Radio. Hmmm. I hope there's an explaination for that whole 'Souls' thing eventually.
Another note: do more to indicate scene transistions. Either a lot more white space or use a line made of hypens(-) or underscores(_) or asterisks(*). Never confuse the reader unless it is intentional.
---

Looking through her small handheld telescope, 09 looking down from a nearby hill.The bolded bit should be 'looked' but the second half of the sentence is redundantly duplicated. The sentence should be merged with the either the proceeding or following sentence.
---
Readers Note (minor): You break it up into prargraphs that are too small. It's like reading bits and it disrupts the flow, making it stop-start.
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"The rest of you stay here." Jane whispered. Wait... 05 was leading her division elsewhere, there was no mention of anyone with her. Who is she whispering to?
*re-reads*
Hmmm

[snip]A few of her Division members did like-wise.

"The rest of you stay here." Jane whispered. Division 09 pop into existance from nowhere...
Mention more clearly that division 09 are position near her
---

"Then we wing it. Let's move." Jane slowly led her followers west toward the Detention Block, a few shots good be heared and 09 knew that 08 had all ready reached the captive HUmar.How did she know? Women's intuition? Telepathy? If it was the shots, why wasn't the alarm raised?
---

"Very nice." The FOnewm replied.
"Thanks, but I don't date Forces that wear tights and high-heels." The FOmarl replied. This bit confused me initially... Until I realised that they were her team members. Perhaps some more info on them when they were intro-ed earlier would be nice.
---
Readers note: who was holding the HUmar captive? Why? If it was a Guild authorised mission against an illegal/criminal power then why not go for a complete capture of the facility? Who is the HUmar? Why is he so vaulable that he is being held prisoner and that 3 divisions of GHOST hunters are required to free him?

chapter 2


After they had recieved their drinks 09 looked at 05 and said, "Rookie, you got a name?"I think it strange that a leader of a GHOST division would be completely ignorant of the identity of another division leader. Also, why is a rookie promoted to leader? Was she the most experienced person available?
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09 didn't reply,[snip]Perhaps you should stick to using their names for the casual conversations. Otherwise readers have to track 3 things instead of 2 (name, class, code name) per character.
---

The trees seemed to bend over to shelter to infant and growing life below.To infant?
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Readers note: What does G.H.O.S.T.? stand for?
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"Thanks, what is the amount of the reward?" Jane asked, sliding the disk into her Wrist Band, where her radio and weapons were stored now, *besides Black Moon and her Photon Knives.*I don't understand the weird emphasis choice. Use bold or italics instead. I also can't understand why you chose to emphasise that last bit.
---
Reader note: not every chapter necessarily has to have action, as long as it has story.

chapter 3


[snip]through the blonde hair of G.H.O.S.T. Operative, Jane Corona.Should read: ...through Jane Corona's blond hair.
You've spent 2 chapters telling us she's a GHOST operative. I think we get the idea by now.
---

They progressed quicker after that, soon coming to a doorway on their left they entered.Add a comma between 'left' and 'they' or the sentence sounds weird.

chapter 4


The deep glowing eyes of Raven stared down Jane and Jen. Testing them. Challenging them. Wanting them. It was awhile before the silence was broken, the Android HUcaseal Raven was the one to do it.

"Who are you?"
Jen looked at her Commander, 09 nodded and spoke, "Raven." She said the name almost as a plea.

"We are G.H.O.S.T. Operatives sent to find you." Why does Jen say "Raven" at that point? Shouldn't she say "Jen."?
---

--"You sick B--"-- Jane didn't finish, 06 spun around and threw a volley of Photon Knives at Raven, each struck the target. Raven let out a cry as Jen grabbed Jane's arm and pulled her to exit the room. Pushing Raven out of the way as they fled. As I recall, both Jane and Jen were armed to the teeth with rifles etc. They were able to flee the room by pushing her out of the way yet weren't capable of arming themselves and shooting Raven until is nothing left but a pile of smoking debris?

chapter 5

So, they didn't bother looking for the body? They decided to wait and see if something turns up or people start dying?

chapter 6

Readers note: Jane covers a seemingly large distance to become separated from the others just prior to the cave-in.
---

--"No. You did what was right 06. Even if you feel like you didn't, there is no need to speak of it, for the past cannot be changed..."--

--"You're right."--[b] Jen sounds like she's agreeing to easily, almost like she's relieved to not take the blame.
And what's the deal with the '--' around some of the speech?

chapter 7


"That...that girl. No...it can't be!" Jane said aloud, the sound of panting and running could no longer be heard. The memory had left like a summer?s breeze. That's not a memory, thats an audio/visual hallucination. How many memories do you have where you see yourself in third person?
---

She had stopped and [b]sheathed her Ruby Bullet Holstered.
---

She was about to continue when a shifting of metal and steel brought her ears awake.Same thing, redundant.
---

Jane Corona sped toward Raven, but the android had expected this and quickly finishes taking off the panel, which then she threw at the G.H.O.S.T. Operative.She owns a rifle, maybe she should learn to use it? Perhaps she planned to engage a HUcaseal armed with a soul banish with her bare hands?
---

Raven fled, the retreating footsteps were taunting to 09.Considering her 'evil' state, why didn't Raven kill the injured Jane at this point? Raven seemed to be especially pleased to take the souls of GHOST members, why pass up an easy opportunity?
---

Jane Corona took one swipe with the cursed scythe and cut Raven in two.Humongous anti-climax.

---------------------

In closing. The story is okay, faily entertaining, but could benefit from a re-write to clear things up. It feels like the summarised version of the actual story.

Another thing to note is that certain things are left unexplained, the GHOST thing being the main one. If it is mention in a previous story then you STILL must explain them again in this story.
Assume that readers will NOT have read any of your previous works.

And the ending needs serious work. If Raven gets more powerful with souls and more powerful with injuries, how come Jane defeated her so easily?


In the end, remember, that alot of what I have said is merely my opinion. Feel free to ignore or take heed of what I have said. But, DO proof-read before posting. I notice that you used M$Word at least for the last 3 chapters since some quotation marks got changed into question marks. Don't forget to proof-read it again before posting. PSOW provides a 'Preview' button for a reason you know.

In closing, keep writing!

[AngelEyez]

[quote]


the Begging reminds me of Pokemon with Mewtoo

[AngelEyez]

Geez mr_rubbish u came down hard!!

[TheOneHero]

On 2004-09-06 15:14, AngelEyez wrote:
Geez mr_rubbish u came down hard!!



I had actually asked him too, and I appreciate that he did so. I have been able to use his advice in my other writing.

I'm glad you like the fic, but this was kinda a bump which is agaisnt the forum rules. I also noticed you bumped my first fan fic. http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_nono.gif So, don't mean to sound rude, but please don't bump my works.

Hope you keep reading though. http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/anime1.gif

[Card]

Raven was the one who inspired OCEAN.vn.02 and 03