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View Full Version : FanFic: The Hunted (Chapter I) - 09/08/2004



Nisshoku
Aug 29, 2004, 09:43 AM
Although I've done a few PSO group-fics somewhere else, this is pretty much my first foray into PSOW Fan-works. I've had this rough idea for this fic in my head for a while, so I thought I'd at least give you guys the prologue, just to see what you all think, really... Who knows? It may inspire me to write it all out. Anyways, here it is. Comment and Critisize, people!


"The Hunted": Prelogue


AUW: 3087

A tone emitted from the old man's BEE unit, almost like a beacon in the silence of his office, amidst with a few computer terminals and such setting the rhythm of the background.

He then pressed a holographic button upon his Hunter's Gear, activating the messanging system.

"Sir, sorry to bother you... But we've just gotten ahold of Reconaissance, and we've confirmed it. It's him."

The old man smirked as he began to get up out of his chair, the cybernetic parts on the right of his face glistening in the partially dim light of the room. "Are you sure it's him, officer?"

The officer on the other side hesitated a moment while talking to his superior, and then responded. "According to all the information you supplied us from Coral, it seems to be him. It appears that someone falsified his records just before Pioneer 2 had left from Coral..."

The old man piped up, interrupting the low ranking-officer with almost an interrogative tone. "Were you able to find out who exactly tampered his records?" The soldier kept quiet for a few moments, checking up on the information they had recieved.

"N...No sir, not yet." the officer stuttered, weary of how his comanding officer would react to such a reply... The old man then coughed a little to clear his throat, and then piped up.

"This... 'Crimson Demon' is wanted on Coral for killing three government dignitaries, as well as being a threat to both sides of Pioneer 2. His existance could very well upset the balance of the Pioneer 2 Government, even if he is indeed listed as a Hunter. We must seek him out, and capture him at all costs."

"Your requests, sir?" the Soldier replied.

"I want a thorough search of every sector and district on Pioneer 2 for him. If found, incapacitate him. Anyone found aiding and abetting him will either be jailed or have their Hunter's Lisence revoked. If not found aboard the ship, then proceed to sweep all unrestricted areas upon Ragol for him... He -must- be found."

"Affirmative sir," the soldier replied. We'll have twenty men starting a ship-wide search within the next fifty beats." The old man then began to smirk from the pitch-lit darkness within his office...

"That is all soldier, Grahart out."



<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: -Nisshoku- on 2004-08-29 07:46 ]</font>


<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: -Nisshoku- on 2004-09-19 17:39 ]</font>


<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: -Nisshoku- on 2004-09-19 17:40 ]</font>

darkholemind
Aug 29, 2004, 10:20 AM
pretty good, I really couldn't find anything wrong. Then again what do I know. Yor are setting up the suspense to hook the reader which is what you always want to do in a prolouge. If you want some expert crtisicm you could always pm this to kaf im sure he could help you much more than I ever could.

Sef
Aug 29, 2004, 10:35 AM
I thought that was pretty cool. It had characters I recognize so that made it all the more appealing. http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif I'd like to see you right this out into a full fic. It looks like it will go somewhere and have a good many number of chapters.

I did see one thing though.



The old man piped up...

...and then piped up.

You used piped up twice pretty close to each other. It still sounded nice, just a tad repetitive. Maybe it's just me? http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_confused.gif

Anyways, good fic Niss. I wanna see more. http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_wacko.gif

Joshie
Sep 6, 2004, 10:51 PM
Keep it up!!! need Chapter 1!!!

PhotonDrop
Sep 8, 2004, 10:52 AM
Nice, i like it so far n.n

Nisshoku
Sep 8, 2004, 03:14 PM
Chapter I: A Good Day

Screams of pain echoed through the small caverns, pools of blood and remnants of creatures lying within it's wake, the flowing lava within serving as the room's only light.

It was common knowledge that Osto Hyle deposited an experiment code-named Beta 772 here, but most Hunters called it by it's given name: De Rol Le. It was this cephalopod that through it's venom, caused a genetic mutation in the bodies of the creatures that resided within this cavernous area to become raging, lethal monsters...

...Perhaps because of it's history alone albeit a short one, he had become accustomed to a place such a this, a chaotic balance if you will. Devastating lava floes which coated the upper level of the caves would harden, and through time, become the ground that they walked upon...

'Ashes to ashes, dust to dust...' he had heard the old adage, and it even proved true to this very day. Thousands of hunters had lost their lives to the various entites upon this floating chunk of rock in the grand cosmos... But to him, it didn't seem to matter much.

Sure, androids themselves have a limited life-span even if it does surpass the lives of Humans and Newmans... But really all he ever thought of it, was just a part of a grand cycle. A grand cycle that no one could ever break free from...

He had killed in the past, but that was before his 'awakening', or the rise of his own self-dependance, even if he was originally created as nothing more than a mechanical assassin unit. It was then he gave up that life, and decided to take matters into his own hand.

Even after leaving Coral and the ones who had control over him, a part of his past always lingered around with him...the instinct to kill, the lust of the hunt. Perhaps that's why he signed up as a Hunter, as well as a passenger upon the Second Phase of the Pioneer Project.


A whole new world...full of possibilites and wonders...and more importantly, the hunt. But even now, where his life was becoming complacent existance... it was soon to become chaotic, not only affecting him and his well-being, but others around him as well...

He just didn't know it yet.

As he stood within a closed room, he shook the blood of of his prized daggers, the Bloody Art. He had felt a great bond with this blade, not only for it's sleek and deadly design, but the best way it described a fight or a war... or even a hunt.

Blood, bone and skin of various creatures lightly spackled the room, producing a light glimmering effect from the light of the rivulets of magma between the broken stone floor.

To him, it was almost peaceful...

As he gazed around the room for any sight of any more creatures, his internal chronologic system notified him that he had been down there for a good five-hundred beats now, and that his Simple Mail was quite backed-up as well...

He then threw down a telepipe, and looked around the room he was in before he stepped into the transporter that would eventually lead him back to what could be called his abode... He just new one thing, as the rest didn't really matter to him...

Today was a good day.

Joshie
Sep 13, 2004, 10:17 PM
keep up the good work. keep writen im interested to see what happens next.