Fucking parents.

[SpikeOtacon]

Well, secret's out now. Spike's a Teenager, still living at home with his parents. But I needed to ask for some form of help, and I figure that it's more important than faking an online identity.

As some of you know, I belong to a band, wrenchhead. Lately, I haven't been able to make it to any practices because my parents slack off and won't take me, or the band gives me the wrong days. However, since it was summer vacation and we were mostly free (with the exception of the few days that some of them had work) we set a few practice dates. But once again, parents being lazy and shit. Finally, there was one day where everyone was going to make it, we were gonna have all day and most of the night to practice, it was going to be great. The night before, however, my parents tell me I need to watch the kids that day. Now, when I get practice dates, I tell them ahead of time so they know. They said I could make it, then went back on it.

So we argued. Of course, they won because my dad beat the shit out of me against the wall while the kids were watching, then tells me its my fuckin fault that the kids were crying. They take the kids to thier school orientation, and i'm left at home with a sore jaw, and a bloody lip. When they got back, they told me I couldn't make it to practice tomorrow, since the kids could go to grandma's. But they said they would still take me to the gig on the 5th.

That was three weeks ago.

Earlier today, i'm told that we're going to visit my grandparents. AGAIN. It's a three hour trip one way. When are we going? The 5th. We JUST got back from vacation (week long, no less!) with them, why the hell do we need to see them again? I can never do anything there anyways. So later tonight, my mother and I are talking about it, and I tell her that she promised me I could go to the gig. But she gives me this shit that they had this trip planned for a long time. (Long time my ass, I told them the week we got back from vacation with them that the gig was on the 5th.) So I'm trying to handle talking to the drummer and my mom at the same time, and it was getting irritating. Then she told me flat out I couldn't go. I once again brought up the fact that they promised me I could go, but she dismissed it. THEN She goes as far to say that I can't be in the band anymore! So of course, my natural reaction is "WHAT THE FUCK?!" So I said it aloud.

She gasped and was like "OMGzOrZ you said FUCK!!! MARK!!!!" She called my dad, saying we have a major problem. I go upstairs, and my dad rushes me against the wall again. He tells me to apologise, but I turn the other way because I wasn't going to apologise for saying fuck. They call me a piece of shit all the time and never apologise, so why should I? He then grabs me by my shirt, slams me in the face, and the fight began. 30 seconds later, he's pinned me to the ground, my lip is bleeding, my ears are ringing, my chest has caved in, and my leg that I was steel-toe kicked on at school was bleeding. Of course, he uses "Fuck" at least 20 times during the fight, while I manage to keep my mouth shut. Fucking hypocryte. They send me to my room, and here I am now.

Seriously, I want to know what you would have done in this situation, and any advice you have on this. Spikey could really use it.

[navci]

Hm. I thought you were older? Exactly how old are you?
Could you go report to the Police at all? Cuz if you have bloody lip and ... I mean, if you are bleeding, it sounds serious enough that you can get some help to get out of there?

:/ I am sorry. It sounds really brutal. http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_frown.gif

[Eihwaz]

You don't have to take that shit from them. Call the cops on their ass. Now.

[PJ]

That's so dumb. They just outright tell you you can't be in the band? o_o;;;Do you think oyur friends can drive you to the practices instead?

And... isn't your father being a little abusive? o_O

[anwserman]

I'd call the cops personally. Granted, I've never been in such a situation but still. Are they guarding the phone making sure you can't call out or what?

If anything, post any info online and one of us could probably call for ya.

[opaopajr]

though children normally are not considered legal citizens with full rights until age 18 in america that doesn't mean you aren't without rights.

people are right, your father has NO RIGHT to treat you like that. call the cops, protective services. you need to get out of that house. it's a detriment to your safety.

thankfully my parents never pulled stuff like that when I was an older kid. (except once, and then there was profuse apologizing later). besides, I would have never tolerated it. Blood may be thicker than water, but when it is a choice between your life and your absuive family I recommend your life.

get help now.

[Daikarin]

You can complain to the police and charge your father of physical aggression, and show them your wounds or scars. In some places, they value the teen's call. I just hope that your neighbourhood is like that.

I personally wouldn't do that, but it's just a thought, and you know what to do better than me, since he's your father.

If it were me, I wouldn't defend myself, but I would brake his punches, kicks or any blow he has, telling him to keep his fists to himself. But then again, I'm his son, right?

Talk with your parents. It's tough considering what you've been through, but if they can't have a decent conversation about your desires to belong to your band, and about the being beaten up part, then they can't listen to you at all.

Anyway, if that won't work, you can always say "HECK" instead. http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_smile.gif Just kiddin'.

Things will turn out, they always do.

[SpikeOtacon]

I've really thought of calling the cops, but since they've removed the phone from my room that's kind of difficult. We're moving to a policy of 'stay the fuck away from each other' for a few days, then we're going to attempt to discuss things again. If they start anything, a friend of mine is coming to take me to his place for a bit.

In all reality, I don't want to have to leave them. They're probably some of the loosest parents out there, pretty fun loving. It's just that they like to restrict me on things that isn't convienent to them.

[Rainbowlemon]

Well, indeed they are hypocrytes, for swearing, but parents in those situations are only doing what they think is right - to stop their children having foul mouths. The vision is, you swear, you turn into some crazed gangsta', start doing weed and popping caps in peoples' asses, and really, I actually find it much easier to just ride it out and keep my language clean around them. I mean, when I'm around my friends I swear frequently, but...whatever.

Also, I think you're being hypocrytical calling them lazy asses for not taking you to gigs. If it were me, I would be making my own way there - At about 12 my mum began to refuse to take me places because she 'couldn't be bothered', but busses and walking was also out of the issue, because they're dangerous. So, naturally, I just rebelled and did it anyway, and now, even though I could be driving, I've taken such a liking to walking that I walk pretty much anywhere when I want. If the distance is further, I take my bike, and if it's further still, I take the bus! Easy!

[SpikeOtacon]

#1, I don't have a car.

#2, I am 45 miles away from the rest of the band.

And your description of thier 'vision' was great. http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_lol.gif

[Evergea]

Call the cops. No one should have to take that from their parents, especially an abusive old man.

My old man is more verbal if anything. He doesn't dare attack us, he knows we'd call the police on him. My old man always comes back when I don't talk to him for several months. He's such a baby.

If he attacked me, I don't really know what I'd do. I believe I have the right to self defence if restraining him didn't work.

[Rainbowlemon]

On 2004-09-05 05:52, SpikeOtacon wrote:
#1, I don't have a car.

#2, I am 45 miles away from the rest of the band.


#1 Who needs a car?! Honestly...http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_wacko.gif

#2 Join a new band? http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif

Seriously, can you not, like, get a train or something? My dad would just tell me to fuck off if I asked him to drive 45 miles for my own gig! I mean, COME ON! one or two times is alright, I guess but I mean, you gotta be independant sometime! Surely there's SOME form of transport other than a car you could get to your gigs? :/

Hell, I've walked a 15 mile journey for a 'gathering' before now >_>

[Daikarin]

On 2004-09-05 05:19, SpikeOtacon wrote:
It's just that they like to restrict me on things that isn't convienent to them.



Welcome to Earth, Spike http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_yes.gif

[Nai_Calus]

Anti: Walking/biking/public transportation is all well and good, but there are large parts of the world where it isn't feasible. Let me use my current and previous places of residence as examples:

Previous place:

Smack dab in the middle of isolated suburbs and freeway interchanges. Safely, you could walk to a gas station about a mile away. Legally, you could walk/bike to a fast food mecca about 5 miles away. The mall was 20 miles away, my school was 25, both required walking along the side of the I-80 and hoping the cops wouldn't pwn you for walking or riding a bike on the freeway. Oh, but there was a buss stop right by my house! Which ran every two hours, and didn't run at all between 11 and 3. Ok, great, so I'm on a bus. Great, I can get to the mall now. After I switch buses. Oh and look, transfers are only good for two hours, and only work AT the mall. And guess what, the bus I switch on to has a similarily fucktarded schedule. And FUCK getting to or from my high school. It takes an average of 3-5 hours travelling time just to get from my house to the mall, and it costs four bucks. Even longer to get to school, even more buses, and one of the buses costs two bucks to ride. Sure, you can get bus cards... But whoops, only in $10 increments, and whoops again, they only work on the one bus system! Getting over to school is on a different system 'cause it's another city! So now that I've wasted most of the day on the bus and spent entirely too much money... *disgust*

Here:

Oh, it's even better here. I live in a small shitty town on the outskirts of a larger city. Well, there is jack shit to do here, literally, so go West, young Ian, go West. Wellllllllll. It's about 5 miles to the freeway! Whoohoo! Oh hey, and isn't this awesome? There are no sidewalks, bike lanes or in most places, even such fancy progressive features as shoulders. Hell, my ankles are fucked up from walking home ACROSS THE STREET from my high school because... Hey, no shoulders! No sidewalks! Let's walk on this nice road nobody can see around the corners of where they go 50 all the time, or let's walk down this nice large grassy hill so we won't get run over or have to throw ourselves in the ditch... And step in a hole and sprain both our ankles so much we can't walk for a few days and have to wear ankle braces for a while. Oh yeah. Awesome. So back to getting anywhere. Well, you have the side of the freeway, or there's a road that actually runs down to the college. No sidewalks there, either, and no shoulders. Speed limit's 55, people go 70. Good luck! http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_smile.gif Public transportation? Oh yeah, there's a bus stop five miles BACK, AWAY from the direction you're going. Oh, and the bus runs twice a day. Gee, I hope you weren't planning on getting anywhere.

You live in/around a big city, don't you, Anti? Walking and public transportation may work for you where you are, but in a hell of a lot of places, everything is so fucking car oriented that you're literally trapped unless you can drive and have a car to use. I'm lucky in that yes, I can drive and I have a car to use. Otherwise? Yeah, I'd be fucked, wouldn't I? Especially since after spraining my ankles like that, I can't walk as fucking far without them hurting like fucking bitches. If Spike's in a similar situation with getting around where he lives, walking/biking/etc won't do jack shit for him.

Oh, and Spike? Fuck, your dad sounds worse than my mom. Kick his ass, move in with a friend or call the cops. Do whatever the fuck you have to do to get out of there. Abuse isn't something you should even TRY putting up with.

[Evil_Althena8]

On 2004-09-05 05:19, SpikeOtacon wrote:

In all reality, I don't want to have to leave them. They're probably some of the loosest parents out there, pretty fun loving. It's just that they like to restrict me on things that isn't convienent to them.



mine are the same way. The don't give a shit about anything serious...they just bitch at me for stupid shit like cleaning my room and picking up around the house. My stepdad is so fucking anal about it, he goes completely psycho. ...I think he's bipolar

[Blue-Hawk]

On 2004-09-04 19:47, SpikeOtacon wrote:
Well, secret's out now. Spike's a Teenager, still living at home with his parents.


And? Sorry to sound rude, but that's not uncommon. Hell, I admit to being 32 and still living at home. I can't afford to move, otherwise I would have long ago.

[AzureBlaze]

They're abusing you!
If you don't feel like calling the cops or someone else right away, I suggest you try to find some kind of human psychology book because it will describe things better for you.

You said "You don't really want to leave them" and how "they're not so bad" like a couple posts after the first one. That's like really typical of abuse victims especially like wives who get beat. They downplay it after they quit bleeding on the furniture. Abusing a child is like abusing a wife, and I bet the abuseds act the same way. It must be normal to do the 'but I dont wanna leave' reaction because almost everyone who is, has something similar.

They are also showing another sign: Being unfair and selfish. They're thinking only about themselves and blaming the abuse on you. "Oh look you made the kiddies cry because YOU made ME hit you" Abusers always try to blame the victim of the abuse! It's like right out of a textbook what they're doing. They go back on promises frequently also, when it favors themselves.

I had a friend a while back (who since moved away) and she was from Korea. She had a friend there (before moving to USA) and her father would hit her. And Sung didn't know she had a heart condition that was genetic. It turns out that a sharp blow to her chest/ribcage would stop her heart if it was done just right. One day he hit her and it stopped her heart. She went to the hospital, in time. The parents said it was an accident and blamed her 'weak heart'...You don't know if you have this condition (she was normal in every way) until it stops your heart.

Get outa there. The books say abuse isn't likely to stop until someone's in a coffin. No one here wants it to be you. Perhaps if school starts seek a councillor or something...I have no liscence, but I hope this helped.

*It could help also if you drew up a sheet of "House Rules" and posted it up. Have a meeting and have EVERYONE agree to the rules. Then put it on the fridge. Include "Notify X Days before doing ***" or something, to be sure your engagements AND theirs get gone to.

[Aredhel]

I think it's fairly popular consensus that you're father is somewhat abusive, Spike. Might I reccommend that you NOT call the cops immediately (contrary to what everyone seems to be saying) and you merely TRY to talk things out. You said that your family needs some time to cool off - this sounds like a perfectly fine idea. When the time finally comes to talk things out, do just that; talk it ALL out. Say to him "What you did to me the other night was abuse and it's illegal" or something along the lines of that.

Don't always resort to calling the police every time you see something wrong in this country; it's the effecient albeit short-sighted thing to do sometimes. You said that you have a mother and several young children living in your house? Think of them through all of this. If your father is (as many fathers are) the major source of income in your household, getting him put in jail or prison may be a terrible thing for your mother and the young children. Would you deprive your siblings of their father at such an early age? What he is doing to you is wrong, but sometimes in life, we have to take our lashings for the greater good and well-being of others. I'm not saying you need to just sit there and take the punishment - I'm just saying that you need to consider everything before involving authorities.

He doesn't sound like an absolutely out-of-control family-beater, either - he beat the shit out of you in the heat of passion, yes, but has he ever beaten you or the rest of your family just because? It's inexcusable nonetheless, but maybe you should just learn to not make your father angry? (atleast until you get bigger than him) http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_razz.gif

Just don't do anything irrational here...

[Fireal]

Sooooooo...
None of you guys have heard of
A: The Samaritans
B : The NSPCC

Ringing either of these is no-where near as bad as calling the police on your parents.
Because these guys have to take a vow of confidentiality.
So what if you can't access the phone, if i'm not mistaken, your on the internet whilst your making these posts.
Check the websites.

Being a teenager, I'm sure you have a mobile phone.
If you ring these people, they will ring you back, thus saving you from wasting any calling credit.

The NSPCC specialise in these types of child abuse.
The Samaritans are there to listen to your problems, and try and help you out with them.

Explaining your problems here isn't gonna help, 'cos to be honest, who here is even remotely qualified to give you advice?


Oh and also, it seems you take your parents somewhat for granted.
45 miles is a long way for you to expect them to drive you. And parents can't always keep there word, no matter how hard they try.

I'm not trying to justify what your father did, 'cos it was way too much of him.
But seriously, re-tink what you expect from your parents, and find a more convenient band to join.

www.nspcc.com (http://NSPCC)
www.thesamaritans.com (http://The Smaritans)
Don't actually know if these URLs work...

[lancesomestuf]

me when i want something form my parents i make a deal. hell we even right a contract out. then we sign it. then when they say no or something along that lines. i have a contrcat with the date tim eof signature and there names on that peice of paper

[Fireal]

lol, you must have a very 'loving' relationship with your family.
"Mum, can I have some soup?"
"Sure son, only if you sign this saying you can't sue us if you burn yourself"

[lancesomestuf]

not fo r instance its for something i want its like a reminder saying the promised to take me to the store or a good friends house or in my case my xbox live back at the end of my semester. its just a reminder saying that they agreed to do it