FanFic: Sarah and Kyn: Prologue

[PJ]

My first fan fic... although I don't think it's very good, I hope I can improve it along the way ^.^;;;

Actually, I decided to start with this stroy because it wasn't a huge part to my story arc... I have 11 Fanfic ideas, and I wanted to start off with one that wouldn't impact my characters background stories a lot. Why? Because right now, I'm trying to improve my Fic-writing skills. So please, criticise! Be so honest that it'll bring tears to my eyes! I know yu can do it http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_razz.gif

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Sarah peered over the fence and watched the FOmar at work. Practicing his Foie technique on the metal gate, and it seemed like his Foie was only getting better.

"Tehe," She giggled, "He's so cute..." The FOnewearl continued to stare, and fell into a dreamlike state. She sighed and mumbled, "I wish he'd atleast notice me..."

Although she had never talked to him, Sarah found out his name was Kyn from some... reliable... sources (Mostly PJ and Kohryu).She had spent many days watching him battle.

Sarah started to walk towards the teleporter to Pioneer 2. "Someday he'll notice me, then he'll ask me out. We'll go on a romantic walk on Gal De Val..." Her thoughts were disturbed as a Gulgus attacked her! "Get away from me you freak!"

Deeper in the Forest, Kyn heard her yell. "Hmm?"

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I plan for each of my fics to have a prologue, and 3 chapters, so... yeah. That's it. I know it's very short, but I'll work on that http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif

Also, this fic still doesn't have a real name, so once I came up with it, I'll edit the title >.>

[shinobu_seta]

You're writing is very good, but this was so short that it teased me.

We wanna know about the backgrounds of these characters and what they look like. I want to read more of it ^_^

I think it's just that this was short. It felt more like a preview of something really awesome to come. Please do more!

[PJ]

Sooo...

1) Longer (That was a given http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_razz.gif)
2) More detail on character appearance?

Although I was expecting more people to help, I guess I'll take those 2 little tips into mind when I do Chapter One >.>;;;

[GazL_Neon]

And here I was, thinking you were sitting around doing nothing... ^o^;

What a splendid Chao...



<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: GazL_Neon on 2004-09-26 11:59 ]</font>

[Zzzzzz]

Heh, I see you finally got your fic out. http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif
It's a good preview, you just need to give more detail overall. All I know is that some FOnewearl blob named Sarah is watching a FOmar blob named Kyn practice foie in a gate in some location near the forest! Telling where they are is good, but there's absolutly no detail on the characters! http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_eek.gif

Heh, it's a good start, though. http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_smile.gif

[Skett]

Not bad. I agree, longer (which will probably change next chapter). I also recommend giving your chapters more detail; fatten them up, if you will, with detail.