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View Full Version : So, seems I'm pretty near to f-ed.



Arislan
Dec 11, 2004, 03:27 PM
Right. Let me start off by saying I really don't want to be neglecting my duties on this site. I know, the whole "we volunteer, be patient" type crap. But I've hardly posted over the time that the site has come back up. I've hardly been in the channel. It's not that I don't want to be. I'm just having a horrible time of life at the moment.

Right, so, on the subject of my fiancee, I looked up some info on the whole getting married thing. Looks like the Chinese government basically wants us to get married in China, and I have to bring pretty much every piece of legal papers I've ever recieved in order to show different things. And I have to win over her parents, since apparently, a signature on some paper by both her parents is a requirement for marriage. Adult? Meh, like that matters. Great, hope I make a good impression. Then, after that, I have to apply for a spousal visa for her. Fine and all, this is all procedural, but the whole thing, from start to finish, could take up to 2 months, just depending on how quickly everything gets processed. How the FUCK am I supposed to live in China for 2 months? I don't have any money to speak of, which is something I'll get to in a minute. I know it's cheaper than the US, but 2 months? Where am I supposed to stay? Better make a REAL good impression on those parents.

So, I'm still living at home with my mother. Only the house has no water. And no electricity. Hasn't for over 2 weeks. Basically, she got herself fired from her teaching job after not taking a requested drug test (as well she shouldn't have, she would have come up positive, I'm sure), and hasn't bothered looking for a new job over the past few months. So her savings, once rather hefty, has gone to nothing. Not a cent. She's barely scraping by feeding herself, the stupid dozen or so cats, and paying for cigarettes. Seems to me there are a couple thigs in that list that she can drop to save some cash, but that's neither here nor there.

So, sitting at home is a no-go. No electricity means no computer, no water means no showering. I could care less about the bathroom, I can always go when I go somewhere, that's livable. But I'm a generally cleanly type, and not being able to shower every day or other day is really getting to me. I actually freaking washed myself using the sink down at the game store I go to and help out at. Which, actually, is where I have been spending all my waking time outside of work.

So, I figured, even without electricity, sure, I can charge my laptop up every day or so and go on when I'm at home. I have phone service still, and while dialup may suck, it's something. That's not to be either, and I won't get into the reasons for that. Basically, I can't get online at home, and here at the game store, the computers I can use to get online don't really have net access to speak of. Rather, they do, but the standard net cafe software stuff doesn't let you do too much other than playing games. Too many kids, too much chance of bad stuff. I understand the reasoning, but damn, I'd *really* love to be able to sit on IRC for a while chatting with Navi, Frink, Shuri, Ian and crew.

So, no net, unable to sit at home, and no real cash. Why? I have two paychecks before I'm supposed to go back to Japan. And wow, I come to find out that my mom dipped into my schooling accounts (money just for school) to pay bills so she can sit on her ass longer without a job. So *that* may be in jeopardy as well. How the heck am I supposed to pln a marriage with someone if I'm not in the same country? Damn it! So, two paychecks. Figuring I'll be able to make about 1100 after taxes and stuff. I need to buy a ticket to Japan. 800 away from that... Need to eat, transportation, all that... So I have no money, at all. And, once I get to Japan, I need to live, which costs, and I have nothing, then I need to somehow buy some ticket to China, with no money. Did I mention I need to go to Cali to apply for a Chinese Visa? More money. I'm fucked, with no bright light in sight it seems. Hate that everything comes down to money, but I don't have it, and I don't have the ability to grease the wheels that need to be greased without it.

So, yeah, that's my life. I don't know what I'm going to do this month at all... Christmas season too! Sorry family, neices and nephews, can't even afford a dollar store toy for ya. Much less anything for friends. Fuck.

Right, so... I'm not around at the moment. I'd love to be. And I will be as I can. I'm trying to keep up on threads, but it's not easy only having intermittent access to the net. I suppose I could hop over to the local library for the site at least, but they kill cookies constantly, so trying to post would be near impossible, if not completely. I'll do what I can.

Link00seven
Dec 11, 2004, 04:28 PM
Oh man o_O

Sorry to hear all that. I don't have any advice for you...just hope things get better for you.

Sorry I can't be more of a help.

ABDUR101
Dec 11, 2004, 05:08 PM
To be honest, trying to get married under such stringent conditions isn't something you should be pursuing right now.

First, keep working and save up, atleast to get things running and in motion. Don't try and make by on a mere two paychecks when so much is involved. If you try and go through with any of what you plan on, you're going to burn out and be fuck out of luck without even getting halfway, and thats not the impression you'd want on your fiancee's parents.

So you're engaged, thats great, you've both agreed that you are made for each other. Really want to jeopardize any of that and lose what you've got so far? Best bet is to sit back and say "ok, we've stepped that hurdle, but this is when we have to go with the flow and really hang in there for each other until things are smooth enough again".

Bluntly, don't run through ten lanes of highway traffic when you can walk another mile where there's a pedestrian crossing. Take things in stride, it'd be real shit if you tried to rush through and fucked everything up in the process by trying to just get it over with. Wait until you can truely do things comfortably, and then make a truely good impression on your fiance's parents.

And fuck the site man, this is a past time that we do, real life takes precedence, expecially when it involves what you're trying to do.

HAYABUSA-FMW-
Dec 11, 2004, 05:20 PM
The only situation or solution I can see which is a possibility to lessening some of your troubles is to ask for help, dare I say it, from family.

I'm only an outsider looking in on your life from what you have posted, and may mention something you of course have thought about and may know it won't work.

Does your other/not immediate(as in same household) family know you're planning on getting married?
Do they know how bad your money problems are right now?
Do they know about the lack of necessities at home?(water/food/electrity)

There has to be someone willing to alleviate some of your financial and everyday troubles.

This is all the help I can give. Just an option to think about if you haven't already. There are factors that might stop this option from working but I don't know about them so I can't speculate.

navci
Dec 12, 2004, 12:26 AM
I'd type out a lot of things Ari, but one of my finger is out of commission at the moment so I'll be brief.

I agree with Abdur. One thing at a time. I wish I can be of help but well I am pretty tight in cash myself.

DOn't try to persue everything at once, it doesn't work.
Keep it lit. http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_smile.gif

Nai_Calus
Dec 12, 2004, 01:00 AM
Mrrr, not much I can say, I guess, except 'hang in there'. :-/ *huggle* But yeah, don't rush things too much and drive yourself mad. >_<

Gambatte! *waves little Arislan fans*

Arislan
Dec 12, 2004, 02:07 AM
Well, I won't say it's now or never, but it's kinda close to that for the marriage thing.

Personally, I'm planning on going back in January, regardless of school or not. If it means I hide out from Yamasa for 3 months and avoid them like the plague, so be it. As much as I need to finish schooling and the like, getting everything planned with my fiancee is more important.

Reason being is that if we don't actually end up going through with this, she has to go back to China. Not so bad, except that at that point she has to get into a college ASAP, by order of her parents. This would basically mean that for the next 5 years, anything and everything is pretty much off, since marriage to a foreigner in China means you get expelled and still have to pay the tuition that you didn't go to school for. I know, I know, money isn't everything and all... But that much tuition is going to be an absolute killer to pay off. And 5 years of long distance relationship... Well, you all know damned well what that will do to a relationship, regardless of how strong it is.

So pretty much, I don't have much of a choice in all this, I've got to pull my shit together and get everything done if I want this done. Which I do. I'm sure of that as sure as I am that I want to spend the rest of my life with her. So whatever it takes, I've got a timeframe. Just seems like everything else is facing against me in the meantime, just to make things more difficult....

lain2k3
Dec 13, 2004, 10:50 PM
=( sorry to hear that.

It really does seem hopeless, wow. Money sucks.

Whatever you do, dont start gambling >_>.

why is going back to japan mandatory in january, what would happen if you and her stayed here longer?

Arislan
Dec 14, 2004, 01:11 AM
Here?

I'm in the US, she's in Japan, still going to Yamasa. I keep coming back here (no student visa) to work, gain more money, and head back.

And like I said, basically, if I don't go back in January, she goes back to China, and chances of anythign occuring are slim to none.

lain2k3
Dec 14, 2004, 07:13 PM
hrmph.

My only suggestion now is to run away 'Bron to Run' style.

Sorry =(