Sex, virginity, and lust Oh my!

[InfinityXXX]

A couple of months ago i found out my girlfriend(which some of yall r familiar with) is not a virgin. Now i dont care but heres the problem...shes hot..very hot. Now i mean this in two ways 1 in good looks and 2 is that she wants sex and she wants it now. And i'm personally not reay for it. And i turned down her request which was painfully hard but she every now and then would asks if i want to have sex. Now i could have had sex anytime i wanted to but i choose not to. I always had a dream to wait till marriage and unlike most kids who parents tell them to wait till marriage or dont do it at all my mom never told me to wait till marriage that was my own goal since i was 11 years old. I'm only 16, aren't i to young. I mean she kinda dont get it.

I think one reason she dont get it is that everyone around us is having sex and its rubbing of on her. This rant isnt entirely about sex but its also about the comfort we have in our relationship. My girlfriend Tia never had a father so she kinda relies on male figures a tad to much which is bad and expects for my love to comfort her in ways that a boyfriend and father should and i cant. She gives me no space and goes ballistic on me for lil things such as i arrived at our locker to late. Then shes a bit tooo touchy which is ok but i feel its appropriate for certain times. Rubbing her legs and body just dont feel right in a class room, nor halls but she insists we do it there and if i dont she gets mad but theres no reason for us to do that. Who are we trying to prove our love to? We dont need to let the whole world know about our love, this is why i hate kissing n public espcecially frenching.

But anyways she was in her parent child development class and she and her girls were talkin about their boyfriends and she tells them i'm a virgin which spreads like wild fire across school and i got milions of ppl i dont know questioning my virginity. Is it that bad to be a virgin, i think not. I want my virginity it might not be a real physical thing i can see but its a emotional thing i see in my mind along with my moral on sex and how i will only have sex for love in marriage. But she acts like it pains her so to not have sex to be honest, i'm the one that have to go through the worst pain, women can kinda go w/o sex. But today though i was over her house and i got caught up in the moment and we were really close to having sex but what stop me was that my morals appered before me. I was going to have sex for lust not love. I was only gonna do it to hush her up and the many other ppl that tease me of my virginity. And i had to stop myself and put my clothes on and leave her house. And when i got home i was upset for myself for almost giving in to pressure and lust. And everyhour i'm at school my morals fade and my will to hold on to something i value so much weakens and i'm afraid i might just lose my valued possesion. DAMMIT I HATE LOVE!!!
Why cant tia understand my beliefs, i'm so clueless and i dont want to tlak to my parents about it(i'll have to endure hour long speech about the same o stuff they told me when i was jsut a lil tadpole) and my freinds act all dense and defensive about this.

[ABDUR101]

You love someone who has no respect for your morals and beleifs, and overall no respect for you? Sounds like you're blinded by love, and love for someone who doesn't even respect you.

Although no disrespect to you, I doubt the vast majority of 16 year olds have a clue what love is, considering many adults don't even grasp the concept.

You're trying to do the right thing, and the one person you're with is pushing you to do otherwise without a care of how you feel about it. Sounds like a waste of time entirely.

Oh and by the way, when you do get pressured into sex, use a condom, no matter what anyone says, unless you have true intents and the ability to raise a child.

[KaFKa]

On 2004-12-17 22:07, ABDUR101 wrote:
Oh and by the way, when you do get pressured into sex, use a condom, no matter what anyone says, unless you have true intents and the ability to raise a child.


as always, i second what abdur says. but this is to reiterate this paragraph.

[navci]

No amount of hotness is worth the disrespect that is coming through.

I won't rewrite what the wise Abdurness has already said. And what Kaf quoted.

Yepp.
No shame in being a virgin if you're not ready for it. I'll admit it.

[Scrub]

I'm willing to bet most of the people who would make fun of you for being a virgin are ones themselves.=P

[Blue-Hawk]

And now poeple see yet another reason why I don't believe in love. It's not a real emothion,just a state of mindthat people don't like to be alone, so they try and attract someone of the opposite gender to be with. It's just lust. I would generally use myself as an example, but I haven't been with anyone since December of 2000. Been alone and absolutly loving it. And Infinity, despite what your peers ate shoving down your throat, sex is NOT the greatest thing in the world. It's more of a problem causer.

[Madzozs]

Being a virgin is no big deal. I didn't swipe my V card until I was 21. I'm 22 now. No biggie.

As far as what Abdur said about condoms. My friend is living proof. He has a kid now because he chose not to wear one. Luckily he is 23 and has a great job and can support the baby. You are 16.

Worse case scenario, she can't get pregnant in the butt. http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_wink.gif

[Allos]

Tell me about it, all the time I overhear conversations of girls and guys alike in some of my classes in which the speaker is excited because they had sex last weekend. Most of the time in the conversations they describe sex parties at some kid's house or their partner was someone they've known for a week.

It disturbs me a little. Statistics show that at least a few of them will have or already have an STD and some girls have gotten pregnant. I personally want to stay a virgin until marriage but if I don't I at least want to lose it to someone that I care about.

[Hrith]

This is a nice post, Infinity, clear and to the point.
And as always, Abdur shows wisdom.

But where is her point of view here ? I dare think you cannot sum up her feelings to "let's fuck" or "touch me in public or I get mad".

Honestly, I say that if she needs it, you should give her what she wants.
Not disregarding your beliefs, but a relationship -- even at your age -- is about making the good compromises; so at least give her some of what she wants, you know what I mean.

About sex, hmm, being French, my culture differs greatly I guess, I once "shocked" an US friend with my sex life... but I think you should try, not just to try sex, because you will eventually, but because I think that once she has what she wants, your Tia will be a lot less interested in you.
Sorry to be blunt, but that is what I fear.
There's stastically very little chance that Tia is the one you will marry and have kids with, so make the most of it, enjoy it, don't regret anything.
That was kinda blunt too, and I seem to be disregarding your beliefs, but at least you have my honest opinion, for what it's worth.

I think keeping your virginity for whatever reason, including marriage, is a waste of your life.
Sex should come naturally, do not force it, but do not prevent it either.
From what I read, you sound a lot more ready to have sex than you admit.
You might regret it if you do not have sex with her now, but you might regret it if you do; no one can truly advise you to do one thing or the other.

But I see you stressing too much over a matter that is easily resolved, in my opinion.

And don't get too illusioned, sex is about lust, not love.
I can certify that having sex with a person you love is a lot different, a lot.
But in the end, it's sex, don't make it more than it is.

And yeah, being a virgin at 16 is perfectly ok, the average age for losing virginity in France is 17 for boys, 19 for girls, so you're really ok.

Best of luck.

[Deathscythealpha]

You should really stick to yours guns like most people have said. Its your virginity, you choose when you loose it. If a lack of sex is getting to your girlfriend, there is always other ways for two people to pleasure each other without the need for penatration. But you may want to use a condom then as well, as theres also more then one way for sperm to enter the body (has tried to say this without being way to lude).

[SpikeOtacon]

I never quite got the whole 'Virginity' thing, but it's your decision on what you want to do with yours. And of course, if you do decide to do some Cock Pushups, use a condom, as aleady stated.



<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: SpikeOtacon on 2004-12-19 13:31 ]</font>

[Madzozs]

I'd advise against cock pushups. Trying to use an erection to lift yourself up WILL cause damage to your penis.

[navci]

Just to clarify.
It isn't the virginity I am concerned. It is the will of both party willing to participate in this particular activity that I am concerned about.

If even one of the party involved doesn't wanna do it, don't. No need to do it just for the sake of doing it. Not like it really is a big deal really.

[BOC]

you may have to look at this from her view dude. she may feel that your leading her on. she may view your refusal to sleep with her as a refusal to commit to your relationship, that leads to this insecurity she seems to have, and maybe thats why shes all over you all the time.

have u told her why you don't want to have sex with her? if not tell her and see what she thinks. if she can't deal with waiting it may be best just to break up, and find somebody who you care about who is willing to wait.

i have to agree with abdur though buddy, i think the majority of 16 year olds don't have an idea what love is all about. i remember clearly when i was that age i was 'head over heels' about this girl from school. but it wasn't love. it was pure and simple lust. don't mean to sound condesending but can you really see yourself marrying her? spending the rest of your life with her?

you say your not ready, but you seem alot more mature than you give yourself credit for buddy. most people would tell you if u asked them they didn't feel ready when they first had sex.

whatever dude, just dont let anyone pressure you into doing something you don't want to do. that said, if it was me in your situation, and i really cared about the girl, id have sex with her.

but dont be ashamed to be a virgin dude. i went through the same kind of thing in school but i couldn't give a rats ass.

PEACE!!!

[Jehosaphaty]

On 2004-12-19 10:38, BOC wrote:
...that said, if it was me in your situation, and i really cared about the girl, id have sex with her.


while its nice to give advice, i really dont think that helps. anywho, if your're really concerned about your morals and from what it seems you are, then do yourself a favor and dont put yourself in situations that encourage you to slip. yah that cuts out a lot of things, hangouts, etc...if u truly want to stick to your guns, make it easier on yourself.

if u both really do like/love/watever each other, then she out of respect for you, she should listen to what you have to say. having said that, it is important for you to approach this with her. maybe you have, but dont let your own morality be pushed around by her or anyone else. its yours and thats that, plain and simple. to me, virginity is a big deal, to others not so much. watever the case though, dont be swayed be the masses.

[shinobu_seta]

I remember when my virginity was a precious thing to me. A time when you were pure if you still had it, and to lose it to the wrong person would be the biggest mistake of your life.

Don't make sex out to be more than what it is. After I lost my virginity, I was wowed, and not the least bit shamed in myself. It felt great, and I at least cared for the person, so did I really do anything wrong?

Dont get me wrong, sex should be special with the person you love, but when you look at the raw act of it, you're just sticking your penis in a girl's vagina..... how meaningful can you make that anyway?

I can also tell you this from my first experience: I was nervous as hell! I probably sucked at it for him, but I could tell he was really nervous too, so we both felt awkward. I'm sure everyone's first time is like that a little bit, just nervous and stuff. But the second time was amazing! (now that you're comfortable doing it) With this being said, how do you think things would be on your wedding night? You'll be very nervous and unsure of what to do, and it might not be as good or as special for her.

Like Kef said earlier, just waiting for the sake of waiting is a complete waste of time. If you care about her now, you should probably go ahead and do it, and since "she's hot" it'd be a great first experience for you http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_smile.gif

Since you're 16 (and she is too right? I'm not sure I remember reading that), I dont think you should take this relationship as "the one" anyway. Most relationships at this age NEVER work out. Sorry to be negative.

To be completely realistic, either one of two things will happen: You'll have sex with her, thusly she got what she wanted and will get bored and then leave you for someone else. OR, she will get tired of waiting on you and just go screw someone that will give it to her anyway.

Once again, I'm sorry for being so negative. I'm just giving you a realistic point of view.

[Madzozs]

The above post reminded me of my first time. The girl was 5 years older than me, and I was not her first. She had a few before me. We talked about it a bit before it happened. She made a good point and said, "It's just penetration."

I am not saying what to do, or what not to do, but just remember, virginity really only matters until you lose it. You won't be a different person. You won't be better or worse than the previous day. It's just something enjoyable.

I'm sure it may be different if you are both virgins, but I can't really tell you.

[InfinityXXX]

I spent some time thinking about what i should do and i stil cant find a good answere even through all yalls advise. But i do know that virginity is nothing more than a mental thing. I read a book called All about sex and in it it brought up a good point it said that the whole virginity thing is overhyped you cant see virginity nor you cant do anyting with it. It said virginity is what it is to you, but what is virginity to me? And i found out its nothing to me but a title but my next obstacle is the whole sex thing and that is what bothers me all day. SO after spending about 4 hours thinking to myself and lookin at yalls posts i came to a conclusion. I dont care about the whole losing the virginity thing till marriage i just cared about who i lose it to. And as much as i think i love Tia i dont think i love her enough to lose it to her yey. As confusing as this sounds to some people like my friend i told it to, its not confusing to me. I dont think i've reached my highest love i can reach with her in our relationship to have sex. If i had sex now it'll only be for just lust.

SO i finally get all these new morals so the nex day Me and Tia go xmas shopping and in the car she tells me "I'm sorry for pressuring you Yoshi, i think now i want to wait till we have sex like wait a few years we've only een goin out for 4 months and theres only so little we know about each other. DO you think you can wait? like some years?" Of course i said yea but whats so odd was tht a few days ago she was like" LETS SCREW NOW!!!" and now shes like this.

[Madzozs]

Kudos and Huzzah to you. I stuck to my morals once. Then I remembered that I love boobies. Hehe.

As far as what she said recently, I go back to the psychologist thinking. Chances are, she thought you wanted to do it so she figured she'd let you know it's in the open. She wanted to get the hard part out of the way.

My other idea, is her friends were the reason for it. Girls and boys alike are easily pressured into things by good friends.

[Kizaragu]

On 2004-12-20 13:01, InfinityXXX wrote:
SO i finally get all these new morals so the nex day Me and Tia go xmas shopping and in the car she tells me "I'm sorry for pressuring you Yoshi, i think now i want to wait till we have sex like wait a few years we've only een goin out for 4 months and theres only so little we know about each other. DO you think you can wait? like some years?" Of course i said yea but whats so odd was tht a few days ago she was like" LETS SCREW NOW!!!" and now shes like this.
Now I don't want to sound an ass (no doubt I will) but if that's what she said (word for word?) I think she's trying a little reverse psychology? Granted I'm probably way off the mark but it's just a theory so don't jump down my throat.
I get the impression that maybe she's a little peeved that you want to wait, so she's turned the tables round so you'll want what 'you can't now have?'
But then again, I don't know her at all whereas you do, so don't jump down my throat (please? :D).
Could just be completely innocent so don't take for granted what I said literally.

If she meant it, good for you both. That's no doubt a load off your mind.


<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Kizaragu on 2004-12-20 16:16 ]</font>

[Myopathy]

On 2004-12-20 13:01, InfinityXXX wrote:
I spent some time thinking about what i should do and i stil cant find a good answere even through all yalls advise. But i do know that virginity is nothing more than a mental thing. I read a book called All about sex and in it it brought up a good point it said that the whole virginity thing is overhyped you cant see virginity nor you cant do anyting with it. It said virginity is what it is to you, but what is virginity to me? And i found out its nothing to me but a title but my next obstacle is the whole sex thing and that is what bothers me all day. SO after spending about 4 hours thinking to myself and lookin at yalls posts i came to a conclusion. I dont care about the whole losing the virginity thing till marriage i just cared about who i lose it to. And as much as i think i love Tia i dont think i love her enough to lose it to her yey. As confusing as this sounds to some people like my friend i told it to, its not confusing to me. I dont think i've reached my highest love i can reach with her in our relationship to have sex. If i had sex now it'll only be for just lust.

Was going to post on this topic a couple days ago, but didn't get around to it. And then, like everything else, it got overshadowed by WoW. Anyway, I just have to compliment you on your decision. I've always looked at it this way. As long as the person you're having sex with is someone you love and genuinely care about, it's all good.

[Hrith]

I totally second what Shinobu said (nice to see a girl that shares some of my thoughts on this topic, lol), and I have two things to add:

I'll be quoting Shinobu, but not replying to her.



On 2004-12-19 13:00, shinobu_seta wrote:
to lose [your virginity] to the wrong person would be the biggest mistake of your life
Most of the time, you don't lose it to the good person, anyway.

I also see this "not until marriage" thing as a way to delay what you fear to do -- whether the reason is good or bad.
I mean in general, not in your case.

[shinobu_seta]

Most of the time, you don't lose it to the good person, anyway.


This is true. But as long as it felt good and you had a good time, what does it matter?

I hope I'm not coming off as some sort of slut -_- I've only been with a few people, and they were all from long relationships that I cared about a lot.

[Madzozs]

If you really think about it, sex is fun. It is an enjoyable experience for both parties(hopefully), and it is a hell of a workout. Whatever you do choose to do about it, make sure you use protection in some way, shape or form. It can be fun, but it has severe repercussions if done carelessly.

[digigram]

And as much as i think i love Tia i dont think i love her enough to lose it to her yey. As confusing as this sounds to some people like my friend i told it to, its not confusing to me. I dont think i've reached my highest love i can reach with her in our relationship to have sex. If I had sex now it'll only be for just lust

Good work on coming to a realistic conclusion that has nothing to do with your faith.

Sex isn't all that important unless you lose your virginity to someone that is important. Otherwise, it gets boring. I'm already bored, BUT, i'm married. I'm not bored because i'm married, i'm bored with it in the sense that, my interest for having sex fell about 75% when I realized way long ago, that I don't like to submit to doing irrational and directionless things because almost everytime it's completely pointless. (sumbitting to primal emotions, like lust or severe anger)

If you find someone you KNOW is like you and wants what you want, and is more like you than you care to believe. go for it.

otherwise..

Sex = satisfaction, heartbreak, anger, jealousy, rage, babies, disease, losing friends, losing girlfriends, disrespect, possible emotional problems, selfishness, bloated ego, shrunken ego, toes fall off, brain rots, satisfaction. etc etc etc.

[hollowtip]

Sex is nothing more than sex. I never valued my virginity, and I kept it until I was 20. I just never really fealt comfortable with any other girl.

Everyone is entitled to their own moral beliefs, but when you grind it down to the lowest denominator, it's nothing more than friction, rapid repetition and orgasms. Don't get me wrong I LOVE having sex, and I do feel more emotionally attatched to a woman after having it, but the media, friends, and family put way to much emphasis on the act.

As long as there is protection and each partner is ready and willing, I don't see what all the fuss is about. Although I do think females in general should be a little more cautious about the partners they sleep with. The sad truth is that the baby exits out of the female vagina, and they'll ultimately be stuck with the decisions on how the child is going to be cared for.

[Guile]

I feel the one thing that differs a friendship and a relationship is the sex.

[hollowtip]

On 2004-12-28 22:48, Guile wrote:
I feel the one thing that differs a friendship and a relationship is the sex.




I would agree with that.