What are you doing?

[navci]

Tonight, and tomorrow?
Most people go home, share some quality time with Friends and Family. Eat. Talk. See each other. ... or well, just get together.
Maybe I am painting too nice a picture for this. In my imagination that is this nice cozy warm yellow light in a nice dining room when people gather around to eat and talk and laugh. Then they open Christmas presents, and there were "oooh!" and "waahhh" and squeel and hugs and kisses.

I dunno.
What am I doing now.
I just got off work. Smiling to people and tell them Merry Christmas, tell them to enjoy it and eat lots, telling them what to get for their love ones. If they are buying for husbands or wives they have this sweet smiles thinking about the one they love.

Here I am. sitting alone in my very cold room. Wondering if I have enough to eat this coming month. Seeing all these people squealing about what people around them who love them enough to give them presents. And I am just here without even getting a phone call to acknowledge that I do in fact, exist. Where is my loved ones. Why are they not here?

My family havn't called at all. In fact the only people I have seen daily who has shown care is people at work which I have known only for 3 months.

I don't wanna be depressing and sulk and bitter and ruin everyone else's Christmas.
But I just can't stop crying. Tears keep rolling down my cheek.

Treasure the ones you love.
They won't always be there.

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: navinator on 2004-12-24 18:30 ]</font>

[Sagasu]

I could say a lot of things, most of them might be true, but wont do you the least bit of good.

Just know that there are indeed some of us here that both respect and care for you. However shallow it may seem, its the only thing I can really offer you for this christmas eve.



<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Sagasu on 2004-12-24 18:36 ]</font>

[Scrub]

You can't always wait for people to come to you. Sometimes, you have to go to them.

[navci]

On 2004-12-24 18:48, GreyPhantasm wrote:
You can't always wait for people to come to you. Sometimes, you have to go to them.



You missed the point.
I reached out to many. They aren't there. I am not sitting here waiting for people to come to me. Circumstances right now is everyone is away. They promised to call, or this and that. None of them are here.

Also, let's not forget I did made plans with a certain loved one what we will be doing for Christmas who is no longer with us today. Eveything added together is the reason why I am so depressed.

[AzureBlaze]

I don't know what to say, during such a trying time.

That is why they say the holidays are such a two sided coin. One side is super happy, the other is super sad. It is sad for people because they do not feel that this sertain time of year is living up to an expectation. If it is boring, cold and lonesome on a normal day, then that day is called a bad day. But if it is the same on a holiday, especially Xmas, then it takes on a greater signifigance, if you believe in this day.
This day will only have an extra-special power to make you sad if you think of it this way. It seems to be "What everyone else is doing" and if you are not doing it the way they are, then you feel sad.

The same thing for a family, maybe. From what I gather, your mom isn't always very nice to you. Your family is people who care about you, and are nice to you. They're who listens. I guess PSO is more then just a game because you can make friends there who really care about you. I know that I am spending Xmas eve on PSO as I have done for the last...4 years, is it?

I know that a message board or a TV screen is not as good as real physical contact of a relative or someone like that to pet you or give you a hug, but, that does not make the people there any less real. Is Xmas where you find it? I don't know, and I don't know if this helps, but I do wish you a happy holiday in whatever form you find it.

[HAYABUSA-FMW-]

Well it is Christmas now as I write this. I can do nothing but maybe say what has happened to me the past few hours and then add my crappy humor to the post. Same old same old.

Worked a 'long but short' day. 7 hours of non-stop food making. Everyone in the store yelling at me for something at the same time. Good to feel "wanted" but then bad to feel "used" and not having anyone be considerate to help one at a time not all at once, jeebus people! Closed the store and was exhausted.

Got off work. Wind chill terrible. Called for ride. Ride came but I was under the impression of an immediate ride home...nope! Dad needed to buy gift at last second. WTF? What did he do all day while I worked my tail off? Gave excuses about not being able to go somewhere blah blah. Go to crappy store. "Wow the line is long." "Uh yeah. Christmas Eve, what did you expect?"
Asked me to wait in line for him so he could buy something and it will "be faster". Hell no. It would have been a 2 hour wait at least. I was tired, smelled like greasy food and we were running out of time to go make and eat dinner some 30 miles away.

I called for a different ride. I didn't want to wait around in a line to buy like one item.

Dad gets pissed and yells at me. Quiet ride home. He slams door to car and house. I go change clothes and we are off soon enough. I apologize for being so rude. But did explain I "had a long day, was tired and waiting in that line wasn't worth it."

Get to the destination. My grandfather's house. He passed away about 6 months ago. Grandmother is bedridden and cannot even stand up anymore. She is soo depressed. I help her whenever I can and spend more time with her than anyone else did that evening. She asks me if I can stay the night. My mother answers immediately with a rude and bold "No." I could if I brought some stuff. I forgot to. Rushed out the house. She then said "when we are coming back next?"

We need to spend more time with her. We need to listen to her more. I am trying. No one else seems to care. She keeps trying to throw money at us which I do not need and don't want if her intentions are to 'give it away only because she's in terrible shape right now.' She said that we can go spend all this money she is giving us because she doesn't need it. Everyone is being greedy. "We need more money!" No you f-ing don't!

They opened all the presents without me. I was tending to my grandmother's needs. Well good riddance anyway. I got what I asked for and picked out myself. If they didn't need me there so be it. I can be ignored. I like being alone most times anyway.

We drove home about 2 hours ago. Zero visibility with all the fog. Pretty scary. Made it home safe. I miss my grandma. Well that's my day. Not the best Christmas Eve I've ever had, but I'm learning not to be soo greedy and demanding. I can get by with less. Nothing is as perfect as you want it to be.

Navi. I hope you can remember the better Christmas Eve's and Christmas Day's you have had before. It will help, if only a little. You have surely had better holidays than today of course. Remembering someone is the greatest thing you could ever do for them once they are gone. Heh. That sounds like and after-school TV special or something.

But for me, I've always been an emotional person. I am truely a big "crybaby" sometimes. Tears are salty. Hope for the best but prepare for the worst. Keep your head up! :)

[_Sinue_]

There's nothing I can really say to help comfort you. I've always had a very tight family.. well.. until recently that is. Most of my family won't be comming up for Christmas - just my brothers and sisters, who just fight at bitch about each other - and insult the "cheap" gifts they got. In a way, it's almost like it's not the same family we had back befor my father passed away.

Sure I don't have very many good things to say about most of them.. but I still want them here, greedy assholes or not. As it is, I'm spending this Chrismas morning alone at my mother's place while she sleeps with her new partner (not like that.. just snoring.. but he's not my dad, so that kinda hurts) and my sister sleeps in the other room. I doubt anyone else is comming up today.

I'll probably go out today to meet up and go drinking with some of my other (non-asshole, non-greedy) cousins, all of which are too busy or oherwise unable to be here... but compaired to Christmas's past - today just seems like just another day.. no different than the next or the last. I've come to terms with it, and really - it's not that bad. For me anyhow.

Anyhow, you're not forgotten. I was going to message you on AIM last night, but by the time I got online you were just going to away status - so I figured I'd try to catch you a little later. I'd give you a call, but I don't know your number - and since we hardly know each other it'd probly be kinda creepy.

So anyhow.. for what it's worth.. Merry Christmas Navi.

[Shattered_weasel]

A hug can cure anything.

[Sagasu]

The thing is, whenever you reply in threads like this made by navinator, unless you question her, or start a conflict, you usually wont get any response at all. Now I can see how this might be in a forum, but if such behavior is also relfective to her in real life, then I can see why this shall be such a lonely christmas.

I'm not trying to offend anyone by saying this, but most people who try to help someone at least would like some sort of verification that they were either helpfull, or were not. If a human is continually ignored, then they will stop providing something that they get nothing out of.

rawr~

[KodiaX987]

On 2004-12-25 07:15, Sagasu wrote:
I'm not trying to offend anyone by saying this.


I have seen AOL service reps with less bullshit than what you've just said.

[navci]

On 2004-12-25 07:15, Sagasu wrote:
The thing is, whenever you reply in threads like this made by navinator, unless you question her, or start a conflict, you usually wont get any response at all. Now I can see how this might be in a forum, but if such behavior is also relfective to her in real life, then I can see why this shall be such a lonely christmas.


I guess my reply fits in that general condition that you are stating that I should be replying in. Er, whatever. You see here, last night I did try to avoid this general forum because I don't wanna post any more sulking things. Hence I didn't reply. For people who did, some of them ARE on my IM list, which I usually do give them my appreciateion there.

Hm. Now I feel like I am explaining myself, which I shouldn't have to. Anyway.

I made pudding and soup and I felt a lot better.
... I dunno how that worked.

[Sagasu]

Hah, shows what I know ^^;


Blood rushing down to the stomache for digestion, makes you feel somewhat absent minded and help you ingore the thoughts in your head. Either that or it was some damned fine soup.

[navci]

On 2004-12-25 11:31, Sagasu wrote:
Hah, shows what I know http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/anime2.gif


Blood rushing down to the stomache for digestion, makes you feel somewhat absent minded and help you ingore the thoughts in your head. Either that or it was some damned fine soup.



I didn't eat it. I just made it. http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_smile.gif

[joluh]

Silly Navi, aren't we all alone anyway?

Happy families around the table eating and stuff?
Meh, I don't think those exist anymore, honestly.

I spent my christmas in my room, under my desk making doodles of my and my boyfriend who now happens to live like the whole USA and some more away from me, who I couldn't call and neither he could, and it's going to be like that for some time.

That if I don't call my friends, or make plans, they won't think about me, that I get gifts for everyone and sometimes I didn't even get a thanks.

I don't honestly care anymore, I just "deal with it" and think that some day it will be better =)

I've also learn that sometimes, Navi, we go wrong with some people, there are people who could have really cared about us, who actually did, and even saw us high, even as an Idol, and how do we pay? ignoring them? being mean? for any fucking reason?
I think, that is the biggest mistake, which I'm learning to not do any more.
That is in my case anyway.

Well, I won't say don't be sad, don't cry and stuff, just do what you feel like, in these momments is when we see how strong we are.

Just smile Navi, just smile.
Be positive =)

[Genoa]

... even though you dislike me, I still shall say... I'm sorry. I wish the people you love/care about were there for you, I wish you had a "merry" Christmas... According to statistics (even though I hate statistics) more people commit suicide during the Christmas holiday than any other time of the year. For your exact reasons mostly...

And i'm not saying all this because your a girl or anything, i'm saying this because I feel bad for you. I hope that New Years brings you more joy than this Christmas has brought.... wow, I can't really see what i'm typing now cause my eyes are all watery. Must... stop... before... the waterfall... AAAAH!

btw, I noticed you logged on about... 4ish... in the morning! Probably checking your thread maybe? Sorry I didn't post sooner... if it mattered.
If it helps... I would have called you... but I doubt it helps -_-

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: MegamanX on 2004-12-31 01:56 ]</font>

[Sef]

On 2004-12-31 01:52, MegamanX wrote:
btw, I noticed you logged on about... 4ish... in the morning! Probably checking your thread maybe? Sorry I didn't post sooner... if it mattered.
If it helps... I would have called you... but I doubt it helps -_-


She's about 3 hours back from us, X.

[shinobu_seta]

Right now I'm at work...on new years eve... and I've only got one call in like 4 hours -_-

I wanna go home...

[Three]

I just got home from a friend's house for a New Years party. We pretty much just chilled and listened to music and played some games, and then had... sparkling grape juice. I know, I know.

<-- lame.

[navci]

On 2004-12-31 22:29, Three wrote:
I just got home from a friend's house for a New Years party. We pretty much just chilled and listened to music and played some games, and then had... sparkling grape juice. I know, I know.

<-- lame.



Well. How is that related to my depressing holiday seasons, I ask you?

[Sayara]

Maybe its because of the Grape Sparkyles?

That'd make me depressed? :|

I am late, but i am sorry you're holidays were le sigh.

It'll be made up however!