Relationships: Are they worth it?

[HUcastShinobi]

I want to see different views on the quote on quote "RELATIONSHIPS" that people have. I had one, and it didnt work out, cause I try to be careful because i dont want to overdo messing with things that make them uncomfertable... it ended in a month... i tried getting another girl recently, and she had so much in common with me, and i got a no. i rushed it, and blew it. i dont even know if this stuff is even worth it, but i sit and see my brother and sister with their dates, and my sister will get married, and im sure of it.
IS IT REALLY WORTH IT?

[Sagasu]

I'm assuming in relationship you mean in a way that gradually leads to sex and tears.

Hell yeah, some of the happiest times you'll have are in such a relationship. Yeah there will always be the hardship, but thats part of living with another. You're not one and the same, so it generally takes two people who are capable to dealing with problems to have a long lasting bond.

Theres heartbreak, I'll give you that. I know half the world testifies against this, but its not that big of a deal. Humans are extremely adaptable creatures. Even though it may take years to get over heart ache, we live a good amount of time, we live a good amount of time where in there are pleasures that can heal such wounds.

Yep, I'm into the whole being with someone you care for deal. Sign me up and burn me down till I die, it'll help me define to myself who and where I am in the world.



<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Sagasu on 2005-02-01 18:08 ]</font>

[BWS-1]

You bet it's worth it. But today's problem is ... people don't know what they want, and hell, much aren't aware of what they DON'T want. So ... it screws up.

O and did I mention a lot don't even know who they are? That doesn't helpt either.

[SpikeOtacon]

It's worth it, definatly. There's just a lot of shit to go through to get it. People expect it to just happen, sadly. Ya gotta get up, get out, and make magic happen!

[Scrub]

Yes.

[navci]

Worth is subjective.

[shinobu_seta]

I've been asking myself this question a lot lately.

My last relationship was really serious. It lasted 3 and a half years. Everything was perfect, he seemed like the perfect guy. Everything he said and did was perfect, he was handsome, intelligent, extremely sweet, the kindest person I've ever met. He became my best friend and my lover. It seemed like he was the one, this was ment to be. And then one day, randomly out of the blue, he met someone else.

he basically traded me up for a better person. Do you know how that feels? I felt like used goods, like garbage that had just been discarded after being used up.

What's worse is that it's permanently screwed me up relationship wise. I'll try to date someone, but just when things look like they're going good, I'll distance myself, or just stop talking with them all together.

I'm just afraid of being hurt again. I don't want to feel like that garbage again. I tell my story, and guys promise me that they'd never do that to me. But he promised me the same things, he promised me that he'd never hurt me either, so who can I believe?

It's very frustrating, and it doesn't seem to be getting any better. I don't know how to heal from this, I guess time will tell.

So are relationships worth it? If I was asked this question back then, I'd say yes, very much. They are the source of true happiness. However now....I'm not so sure I can agree. If relationships cause a hurt so bad that it prevents me from getting close to anyone ever again, then no, they're not worth it.

I'm sorry for turning this into a sort of mini rant. My appologies everyone....

[ABDUR101]

Can't let one guy who went bad give you a bad outlook on every possibly good guy that comes your way. Let them prove themselves to be an asshole or otherwise.

And back on topic, depends on what kind of relationship you're trying to get into, the people involved, connection between the two(bad chemistry is a no-go), the maturity of those involved, what those involved want out of the relationship(present and future).

Nothing just happens, there are no perfect meetings and no one falls into your lap(SADLY! Unless they are paid in advance!). Afew "no"s don't mean you'll only ever hear no, and afew failures to line your path aren't anything to be ashamed of.

If you look for it, odds are you look too hard and see things that might not be there, so when things do go wrong, or you get told no, you feel like you got extra burned. Just let it happen, go out, have fun, but don't scope everyone out as a "possibility".

Just go, have fun, never know who might come to you, or who you might get to know well which could lead into something more.

I'd imagine going from a close friendship, or even a friendship, into a relationship, would be better than just popping it into a relationship sort of deal. I dunno, I like to get to know people, their personalities, traits, as much as I can about them, even mundane things.(*insert stalker theme here*)

But i r babling, it iz 12:25am und aye hav tu go2 slep 4 werk tumorow. Enjoy!

[Zelutos]

friends = best relationships. No, i don't mean the i'm in love with you type of relationship, i mean pure friendship. And if you've got someone who is a true friend to you, and your a true friend to that person, then that is the best kind of relationship one can have with another person.


Screw all that love stuff. It sucks anyways.

[Solstis]

On 2005-02-01 23:39, Zelutos wrote:
friends = best relationships. No, i don't mean the i'm in love with you type of relationship, i mean pure friendship. And if you've got someone who is a true friend to you, and your a true friend to that person, then that is the best kind of relationship one can have with another person.


Screw all that love stuff. It sucks anyways.



You don't often get sex out of friendships (let us not discuss this).

True friendship can be part of a relationship, y'know. Though, in reality, that doesn't happen very often.

*shrugs*

[Anubis_]

HS
I'm going through the same thing right now,, Long term relation ship with someone i thought was compatible with, that ended not to long ago..

Your just depressed thats all..

I havn't found what I'm looking for either..

But whats the alternative?

thousands of meanigless one night stands for the rest of your life..

comon dudes its not that bad.. Nothing on earth hasn't already been experienced by someone else..

If they can get trough it so can you..

Patience is a virtue.. Taking it fast i rarely the answer..

Just because something went wrong doesn't mean
you were wrong.

Just do what you think is right,,

If WHEN you find the person that does the same in your situation, and feels strongly for you, it'll all come together..

[BrokenHope]

Everyone sees rejection as bad, where's I see it as good, because at least you have put yourself out there and showed someone you are interested, if they then decide that they can do better, or if you aren't what they are looking for at least you can go on knowing you did everything you could, so in the end rejection is better than regretting what you didn't do.

As to other things, when people are in a relationship, a lot of the time they choose to ignore the other persons flaws or choose to ignore problems, so they have this idea that everything is perfect, so then when it ends, it takes them by surprise. Sure it hurts, but you just have to brush yourself down and keep on trying.

Being in a loving relationship is the best thing in the world, I honestly can't see one advantage of being single, over being in a normal healthy relationship.

Nothing happens "out of the blue" While it may seem sudden to you, the other person has no doubt been thinking about it for days, maybe even longer, they have done all their crying and grieving, which is why a lot of the time it seems the other person isn't even phased by the break up when in reality, they are just much better prepared because they are the one instigating it.

Like Abdur said, an entire gender shouldn't be judged based on the actions of one person, allow the people who show interest in you to at least prove themselves to you, then you may be willing to take the risk of being hurt again.

I'd personally never promise not to hurt someone, because sometimes things happen despite your good intentions and I wouldn't want to break a promise to someone I loved, what I would promise however, is to try my best to be the best boyfriend possible to them, I can at least keep that promise.



<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: BrokenHope on 2005-02-02 02:13 ]</font>

[geewj]

On 2005-02-01 23:39, Zelutos wrote:
friends = best relationships. No, i don't mean the i'm in love with you type of relationship, i mean pure friendship. And if you've got someone who is a true friend to you, and your a true friend to that person, then that is the best kind of relationship one can have with another person.

Screw all that love stuff. It sucks anyways.



What makes you think that love is anything different that what you just said. Love isn't some stamp you get once you decide to start holding hands. It's mutual trust. Who would you expect other than my wife to be my best friend? Cause hell if I know anyone I'm better friends with. That's kind of the point.

And to answer the original post, nothing in life is easy. Nothing in life goes off without a hitch.

You want to learn to ride a bike? Well, you're gonna fall a few times. Knowing that, why do you still try? Cause you want to ride a bike. It's worth it.

That's a pretty weak analogy, but it gets the idea across.

[HUcastShinobi]

Ive buried myself in a hole now, cause not even my friends are worth it now exept for one, and she knows all that, but not even she can get me out of this hole. im having tons of arguments with my friends, and im sick of it. so friends dont help a cause. and what is with the whole sex obsession thing, and if you want my age, im only 14, almost 15. im an OUTCAST, a nerd, whatever, you get the idea. but my friends give a damn, but im taken for granite. im the mature one, but i lose it after a while, losing sleep over another, losing sleep over my consience. this isnt what i want my life to be, i dont want it this way, and if i could find someone, i wouldnt know it, and in fact, my appearance probably wont change and benfit me at all, even though my brother did, and hes more like my mom. no, i gotta be like my dad, whom i hate much, cause all he does is pick fights with people, and now it seems i am too. life sucks for me, and if anyone wants to fight my appearance claiming, try your best god damn shot, ive heard it all folks. ive been dead for 7 1/2 years, and still going. ive been hated and tortured that long, so my life goes to games, where the anger goes.

LOVELY ADDDITION HERE: I had to sit in Science today while my teacher talked to a guy who is now going out with my ex, and hes a zitloaded mindless idiot. (and this is true, its been said by others)



<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: HUcastShinobi on 2005-02-02 12:24 ]</font>

[ABDUR101]

Stop trying to grow up, you're still a kid.

Enjoy it while you can.

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: ABDUR101 on 2005-02-02 15:01 ]</font>

[HUcastShinobi]

Enjoy life? WHAT F'ING LIFE? I dont have one, what part of that 5 minute long honest to goodness life draining message did you not get? geez, some of you people are hopeless. IM AN OUTCAST, and i hate it with a passion, for im stuck with it and it will eat me for the rest of my life...

IM me if you really want to make me feel better, cause im near a rage, and ill sit down and listen, just see if you can avoid the triggers of my rage...

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: HUcastShinobi on 2005-02-02 15:25 ]</font>

[geewj]

You sound like a drama queen who is having such a bad time because you insist on viewing things as bad, and so they become.

So your ex is now dating a moron, right? Well why is it that you care so much? Why would you want to be with someone who wants to date morons? Are you a moron? Seems like she's got some pretty odd tastes in guys, so you're better off without that.

You're 14. The first third of you life at this point was spent drooling and shitting your pants. You've got a long way to go before you can be called anything near hopless.

Seriously, sounds like you're just making problems for yourself. You aren't some special case that is incapable for friendship. Get over yourself.




<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Prof_Frink on 2005-02-02 15:39 ]</font>

[Jehosaphaty]

take a walk or something to calm down. you'll get nothing if you dont have a clear mind. the advice given to you has been fairly good: reread it, take a step back, and see if you can apply it. it might seem hopeless now, but hopefully time heals.

[BOC]

man, relationships, true meaningful ones are always worth it. take comfort in the knowledge that pretty much everyone in the world have been heartbroken because of someone they cared about. its universal. yet somehow most people get over the shit. ur only 15 dude, u'll meet some1 else im sure.

oh i think i want to insert an inspirational quote here:

I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.

-Thomas Alva Edison

yea he may have been talking about inventing stuff, but the truth is the same for relationships. you could go through life with a series of failed relationships, but at the end of the day, they mean nothing as long as you find the one that works....



On 2005-02-02 02:09, BrokenHope wrote:
As to other things, when people are in a relationship, a lot of the time they choose to ignore the other persons flaws or choose to ignore problems, so they have this idea that everything is perfect, so then when it ends, it takes them by surprise. Sure it hurts, but you just have to brush yourself down and keep on trying.


the perfect guy or girl doesn't exist as brokenglass here pointed out! u can't ignore the flaws, u have to accept them. hell u know that u've found a likely match when u love their little imperfections.

We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.

-Sam Keen

and u can't ignore problems, they have to be dealt with. relationships just don't work or not-work. they can be patched up if a crack forms! its like a computer, you can turn it on, and use it and it'll run okay at first. but as it gets older and more used things happen. viruses, outdated drivers, missing disk space, corrupt files. you don't just toss the computer away, you install anti-viral software, new drivers, defragment, scan disk. If you do it right, your computer can end up working better than before! Sometimes though, a pc can be so fucked, its best to just get rid of it and go looking for a brand spanking new one.

does that make any sense at all or am i just talking more shit than usual?

PEACE!!!

[HUcastShinobi]

it sort of does, but when almost everything is falling apart, does it help? ive tried that advice on my own twice, the whole friend being a good choice, it dont work...

maybe if you people would look at this and maybe see why i might be agitated on these forums most of the time, maybe you would understand, and any of you vets who read this and if i offended you, im sorry for anything, im just really hurt. i use video games to get away from troubles, but this is for my complex mind usage, i use games like super smash bros. melee for anger... but im too good at them, because i get too much anger. how can i turn my flaws to a benfit? its like turning black to white without the bleach or any other object that turns anythign white...

[geewj]

On 2005-02-02 16:14, HUcastShinobi wrote:
it sort of does, but when almost everything is falling apart, does it help? ive tried that advice on my own twice, the whole friend being a good choice, it dont work...

maybe if you people would look at this and maybe see why i might be agitated on these forums most of the time, maybe you would understand, and any of you vets who read this and if i offended you, im sorry for anything, im just really hurt. i use video games to get away from troubles, but this is for my complex mind usage, i use games like super smash bros. melee for anger... but im too good at them, because i get too much anger. how can i turn my flaws to a benfit? its like turning black to white without the bleach or any other object that turns anythign white...



Again, you're asking for a pity party.

Everyone has problems. Don't pretend that yours are so much worse than the rest of the worlds. The only difference between you and people that don't seem as self loathing is that they got over it or managed to move on in spite of it.

And super smash brothers doesn't care how angry you get. It's how much time you spend playing the game, or in some cases how much time you waste playing the game.

And you don't need to turn flaws into benifits. You just need to stop crying that you can't walk because your toe hurts.

[BOC]

On 2005-02-02 16:14, HUcastShinobi wrote:
its like turning black to white without the bleach or any other object that turns anythign white...


does that include correctional fluids? http://pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_wink.gif ah im only fucking with u dude. but lets look at this little extact below that popped up while i was typing for a minute shall we?



Enjoy life? WHAT F'ING LIFE? I dont have one, what part of that 5 minute long honest to goodness life draining message did you not get? geez, some of you people are hopeless. IM AN OUTCAST, and i hate it with a passion, for im stuck with it and it will eat me for the rest of my life...


so u feel like you have no life, that ur an outcast and seem to remember u commenting on ur image in a prior post. tough love time -

we have a little phrase where i come from: wise the fuck up will ya?

can i see a show of hands please - how many people reading this have felt like their life has/is/was meaningless, like a complete social reject and/or that u where physically unattractive/ had a poor image?

im sure there are plenty of hands raised man, and i know that mine is. christ! show me any person that can't claim to have felt this way when they where a teenager and i'll strip naked and dance down the street singing the ymca. deal with it! make your situation better!

dude you can't start feeling better about yourself or relationships or anything for that matter until you let yourself feel better. the cold hard facts are that the world is a cold uncaring place, most people only care about themselves and not you, shit will happen and that it is unlikely that ur fairy god mother is going to pop in and make u feel superkalafragalistic! you want things to get better make them better. smile instead of scowl. say hello instead of fuck off. what exactly is it that is making u feel so god damned bad about urself?

ur in a hole, you have to climb out of it yourself. ask your friends for help. if they can't or refuse to listen to ur problems spew them forth on this or the rant board, a bunch of strangers on the net always seem to be ready to read about stuff and offer advice and stuff.

man i used to be just like you. it took a proverbial boot up the arse and been told to stop feeling sorry for myself before i started feeling good. you won't feel better until you try feeling better.

PEACE!!!

[BrokenHope]

On 2005-02-02 16:14, HUcastShinobi wrote:
how can i turn my flaws to a benfit?

Why not just accept them? everyone has flaws, nobody is perfect. You can't expect anyone else to accept you or want to be with you, if you don't even accept yourself.

When someone truly loves another, those little flaws no longer matter, because they love the person as a whole, imperfections and all.

[Sagasu]

He obviously enjoys being petty and pathetic,

why not let him be instead of fueling him? It not like your going to be able to prove anything.



<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Sagasu on 2005-02-02 18:37 ]</font>

[Orange_Coconut]

You mention marriage in your first post - why? At the moment, no matter who you get with, it will eventually end like almost every other high school relationship.

Sure, there are exceptions, but there are very few. You do seem to try to drive people down a path of pity, but believe me (even if that's not what you're striving for) you don't want pity.

Everyone could relate with their own relationships, which might make you think twice about what you're talking about. At the age of 14-15 it's highly doubtful that you'll get into a serious relationship. Merely because at that age people haven't had nearly enough experience with relationships in general, it's when you define who you truly are and find out who your real friends are, it's the year (well, years, all throughout high school really) of your life that will develop you into how you think you should be to be prepared for the world.

However, it will soon change if/when you change the society and area you may move to for college or work. Everything in life is a lesson, and this one is trying to teach you that there are many other relationships out there that can be built on, there are many people who may be right for you. If you dwell in self-pity and try to get others to join you, then you're not really learning anything nor gaining any sort of understanding of the situation.

You think a month is bad, right? Well what about the people who date for a year, or more and then end up breaking up anyways. It's because you need to learn about the person, and if they break up with you within such a short amount of time it's most likely because they can't take the relationship seriously or because they've already found out enough about you that makes them realize they're not as commonly linked to you as they thought.

But everyone seems to think, especially around that age and a little younger (and a little older) and sometimes just throughout life that dating relationships need to be all lovey-dovey and such. That is one of the biggest reasons why it doesn't work out.

Some people in this thread are trying to help you realize what you're saying, and that other people have most likely felt the same way anyways. Believe me, you don't want to be percieved as self-absorbed. Perhaps, since you're showing it in this thread, that is was existant in your relationships? I don't know, maybe it's something to look in to (Maybe it's not, I don't really know you).

*EDIT*: By the way, I think that what some people consider flaws are some of the most interesting things about people. It's what defines you for who you are, along with other aspects of your personality. But they don't have to be flaws, only if you view them as flaws then they may be.



<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Orange_Coconut on 2005-02-02 18:50 ]</font>

[ABDUR101]

Social outcast? HAH. Don't get me started. I dropped out of school at the 8th grade level, and started working full time a year after that. I've worked full-time for the last five years of my life, and in no way do I deserve a medal for it.

I have no contact with anyone my age except co-workers(not many co-workers who are around 21 in the physical/occupational rehab field! Infact, I'm mostly surrounded by 30-50+ year olds as co-workers). I grew up sooner than usual because I had to, I never went out to the movies with friends, I never got invited to any parties at friends houses, know why? Because I never had anyone to invite me. Boo-fricken-hoo on my part.

What did I gain out of it? Maturity, because I had to grow up and get into the right mindset, a job I love(who doesn't help getting the elderly back up to being able to do things after they get down physically/mentally?), working with people I enjoy being around(residents and staff/coworkers), a steady income, and not to mention a management position over an entire facility's therapy department.

So yeah, stop trying to grow the hell up, enjoy being a damn 14/15 year old, just enjoy not having any responsibility! Shit, heh. Stop worrying about things, you'll fry your brain. Don't stress yourself out over things.

No friends? I was in the same boat, but I did'nt have the internet through all of my childhood, atleast you can actually talk to others.

Anger problems? Better start learning how to deal with things and not letting others bother you. Life is full of shit, you're not going to get away from it, and just when you think you have, you get bombarded.

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: ABDUR101 on 2005-02-02 21:27 ]</font>

[hollowtip]

You're still so young, time will heal a lot of the pain you're experiencing. These teenage years are just extremely difficult right now, because you're going through a lot of changes. I'm not trying to make this a discussion on puberty, it just sounds like a similar experience to what I was dealing with when I was a in those years.

8 years from now you are NOT going to be the same person physically. Most of the heartache your experiencing now will be gone when you enter true adulthood. I don't know how mature you are mentally, but at the age of 14, you shouldn't be worried about getting married, or finding the love of your life. No one is going to fall in your lap (like abdur said), but you're not going to find the right one if you're constantly looking for her though either. At the earliest 18 seems like a reasonable age to start contemplating about tying the knot, girls and guys are still trying to find themselves.

If you don't like being an outcast and want to enter more of a social atmosphere, then you have to put in a little bit of effort, sitting around on your ass is not going to change anything.

Go to the weight room, excercise, start building more friendships (take intitiative, show more interest in other people's lives), start eating better, do a or another extra-curricular activity, read, join a club ect.

Not only will activities like this eliminate your insecurities, it will also keep your mind off girls for awhile.

A relationship can be a wonderful thing, it gives you another dimension to life. When you truly love someone, they are the only thing that really matters when you get down to it. The only thing I regret for being in the relationship I'm in right now, was that I met my dream girl too soon (at 20, and that is still too young in my opinion) and I have given up almost everything I've invested in my life because I was to infatuated with her. I wasn't obsessive or anything, but when it was time to further my life on a personal level, my focus was elsewhere, and still is to a certain extent.

Moral of the story: That girl will come if you keep a positive attitude on life, but there's no need to worry about maintaing a lasting relationship at this age. You have so much time do other things, and eliminate your insecurities, so do it. Stop moping around, you're just wasting time by doing that.

[HUcastShinobi]

I got relieved today cause of a club! We play a funny ass card game, you dont know it, so dont ask, cause i cant explain rules (part of the game! hehe). But, i see your points, but i am a person who loves getting to know others, its almost a hobby.

i want to do anything to fix my problems on this site, ive just been going through probably the 4th or 5th hardest bunch of days of my life, but im starting to feel better. im sorry if i ever get mad at you people, i might have had a fight with a(some) friend(s). i would love talking to any of you on aim, if you would want to talk, cause im social if i feel better. but overall, im feeling much much better, and i hope you accept my apology for anything ive yelled at you for, just take it with a grain of salt. i guess im a little too emotional for my age, considering most of my peers cannot act mature at all, and the teachers want to kill them. (oh well) you dont need to comment on those, but just take my comments that may reflect agressive with a grain of salt for now, if its 2-3 years after this post, then you can get me booted off the forums... but im sorry for any bashing

and once again, talk to me if you want, im nice, im just distressed, and a little converstion can go a far way. time for some dumb homework... well, project and a current event...