Crack in the Shell

[anwserman]

Crack in the Shell.
Guess what, I'm the egg.

This is a huge-ass accumulation of every single shitty thing that has gone on in my life in recent times. Sorry everyone, especially Scenjntjynahl, I've been misleading you with the illusion that I am happy.

First things first. I've gained like 30 pounds of weight since last summer. To be fair to myself, some of that is muscle and some of it is fat. I mean, even though it took me a little over an hour.. I still jogged 70 laps (which is 6.33 miles) without stopping. Yay. My clothes are tight still and I poke myself and feel fat.




My parents. God, how I loathe them at times; its like they're trying to get me to appreciate not living at home this fall. Yes, I am aware that I do have it easy (I mean, for crying out loud I'm 20 years old living at home) but they pull rediculous bullshit.

Prove my point:
I'm now in Phi Theta Kappa, the 2-year college honor society (I'm Greek!)
I attend college damn near 2x fulltime (fulltime is 12 credits, I'm almost double that at 22)
I work part-time
I'm gone from our house 10-12+ daily.

So. My room isn't exactly tidy since I'm always busy and on the go. Well, to encourage me to clean my room my mother feels that it is necessary to confiscate clothing (MY CLOTHING THAT I'VE PURCHASED WITH MY OWN DAMN MONEY) for an indefiniate amount of time if it is left on the ground when she does random inspections. Yeah. So I buy more clothing instead. And, I guess that I'm on a fucking honor society and 20 years old I should be capable of cleaning my room - well, it is my room and if company comes over... I'll clean it. If they come over unannounced, well tough shit thats their problem. But nope. Its not like I fucking sit on my ass everyday and play PSO or (insert random game here) 24/7... I'm ACTUALLY BEING PRODUCTIVE. No dice.

Speaking of parents... "Why don't you ever let us know what is going on in your life Jeff!" Well, geez... let me think about this for a fucking moment. Whenever I do an FYI to update you both on my life, mom and dad, it always gets turned into a lecture.

I just did a research paper in English on homosexuality. Yes, a paper on homosexuality. It got two grades, an "A" in content and a "B-" in technical. But, before I handed it in I was excited that my paper was done and I told my co-workers about my paper and how much work I put into it, what it was about and if they wanted to read it. Yeah, its a research paper but it was a damn good one (and an interesting read, actually.) Yet, whenever I do something that I'm rather proud of, I let people see whatever I'm doing.

Well, I got reprimanded at work by my father by leaving such "controversial" material around and that we're now forbidden to bring down similar items. Yet, it wasn't supposed to be "controversial" because all it did was highlight certain things that have appeared in the news. If you've been semi-up-to-date on the news within the last five months, you'd already be exposed to it. Whatever. Well, trying to create friendly conversation with my mother about this paper (two different talks now), she tries to explain to me that I should start respecting other's peoples opinions and not talk about homosexuality and not be open about it, and avoid discussing it.

What.
The.
Fuck.

Yeah, she told me that I shouldn't be open about it (please do note that there is a diffrence between being open and flaunting it... if I ever started to flaunt it to extremes I'd kill myself). Yeah. Hypocrite. Another fun aspect was when she told me that I need to be careful because I could end up dead because of this and yada yada yada.... and that I'm only one person and I can't change the world so I should essentially just give up... and not get my ass beaten. WHAT THE FUCKING HELL. Egad. You can almost imagine the rest that she said.

OH... speaking the rest of what she said, she said that "This isn't easy for us, myself, your father, Jenny, Troy and Yesenia..." What. Troy and Yesenia? My brother and his wife? I never told them that I was gay. Oh yes, I forgot.

I was never aware of the fact that you guys (referring to my parents) told them I was queer three years ago, until my sister confired this fact with me 2 nights ago. One hell of a mental-lapse there mom and dad. Now, now now it is a "family concern" but the fact that they never told me that they outed me... and that my sister was the one who told me three years after the fact, not them... slightly pisses me off. It wasn't the outing itself, please be aware. Yes, I was wrong for three whole years thinking they didn't know.

Jonathan! Wonderful Jonathan! He's a gay guy that I'm getting to know. I'm not going to post anything in regards to any possible qualms/problems I have with him personally here in this post, but a story. I was blonde. Jonathan wanted to dye my hair. So, on a Sunday we decide to dye my hair after work. Before that shift...

My mother gives me the whole "HIV/AIDS" speel and how dangerious it is for gay men to acquire AIDS and shit. Things I'm already aware of.

Now mother, I'm a virgin still. Yes, I'm horny but a virgin. But when did DYING HAIR translate to UNPROTECTED, FUCKING DANGEROUS SEX? Ah yes, you're a fucking bitch that ruins my mood instead with your profound display of insolence. Speaking of which, she also thinks porn is damn near thy devil incarnate (how the hell can you look at that stuff!), that masturbation is evil (she doesn't remember accusing me of being a child-molester) and that along with "being open/flaunting" sexuality I talk about jacking off 24/7. Egad. Yeah. Want to know how most of this falls under, catagorywise? "My lack of understanding when it came to personal relationships."

Bullshit. "Your lack of understanding of your son's comprehension of relationships because you're too busy looking for things to nag him on."

And although I said I don't want to post anything about Jonathan, well right now I can't tell whether or not I'm lusting or liking him. Time will tell.


Final rant: School. It sucks. I need to maintain a high GPA. I have 22 credits. I'm going to bomb my next Trig test because I've acquired a "fuck-it-all attitude" due to this shitty rut I'm in. Not only that, I'm also behind in two other courses. Classes end in a month, and I have a shitload of work to do.

And once I graduate with an Associates degree, I have 3-4 weeks before I start summer school. Hip, hip horray. http://pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_frown.gif

[Evil_Althena8]

I know what you mean about parents getting on your nerves and trying to have lectures with you. My parents have been on my case ever since I graduated, wanting me to get a job. I know that it's way overdue, I've done nothing for the last 8 months of my life but hang with friends and sit on my ass. As of tommorow, I have to have a job within a week or I'm getting the boot. They try to talk to me like "Oh, you will see one day when you're older, you'll look back and you'll see that we were right". Bullshit. I'm not like my parents, and I never will be. As soon as I do get a job I'll move out of here with some friends. You've got to be assertive with your feelings when having talks with your parents.

As for school...don't know what to tell you there. You sound like you might be the over-achiever type. I'm an under-achiever slacker...heh. Just do whatever makes you feel comfortable. Don't be too hard on yourself... school isn't everything, you know. I hope things get better for ya



<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Evil_Althena8 on 2005-03-31 23:11 ]</font>

[Solstis]

Don't make me kick you in the shin.

Are you taking that many classes because you want to graduate early, or because you want to prove something?

Also, trust me that I know how you feel about the parents, but then again, you have a couple years on me in that department.

I would tell you to calm down, but that advice has never worked for anyone.

:/

[anwserman]

Solstis:
It is a long story why I took those extra classes. http://pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_disapprove.gif

...
Pleh.

[kingmurp]

Long time old friend, I think its all parents in wisconsin with that clean thing. As for your classes, stick with it, take it from a college drop out, fast food sucks. And as for the weight thing, I lost 30 pounds last years playing DDR.

[Scejntjynahl]

On 2005-04-04 23:38, kingmurp wrote:
Long time old friend, I think its all parents in wisconsin with that clean thing. As for your classes, stick with it, take it from a college drop out, fast food sucks. And as for the weight thing, I lost 30 pounds last years playing DDR.



No kidding about the parents in "Wisconsin", the few people I know from that area paint a picture of parents that reminded me so much of the early Pilgrims. Uptight, blinded, self-righteous, and no common sense whatsoever. Though I am sure that most of us have "issues" with our parental units... But I have never heard such lack of intelligence and common sense in a while. What ever happened to family acceptance, loving each other for who we are, and to hell what other people think of us? No, not going to happen appearantly. I have heard the dumb things these "loving" parents have said. "Please don't be yourself..." "What, you think youll do better than me..." and other such trash. Like the children are nothing but roomates or tenants. All that can be said is that hopefully, someday you will no longer depend on them, and youll be able to break free. And learn, learn what NOT to be if you ever decide to a "parent" yourself.

[Evil_Althena8]

On 2005-04-04 23:38, kingmurp wrote:
And as for the weight thing, I lost 30 pounds last years playing DDR.



LOL I'm about to go back on my DDR diet...heh

[hollowtip]

Just because society is more accepting of homosexuals nowadays then they were 10-20 years ago doesn't mean your open attitude will be received in a positive light.

I don't agree with how your parents are handling your homosexuality, but I also don't agree with how forthright you are about expressing it to everyone else.

Yes your parents should accept you for who you are, but you have to realize that you're bringing a lot of societal pressures onto them. I really don't think it's your parents problem, more like your friend's, neighbor's, co-worker's and other relative's inefficiencies.

That's just a hard truth to face about the world we live in. Unless you're willing to contribute to a movement for equal homosexual treatment in a major way, the average American's perspectives about gay individuals will remain skewed.

[Solstis]

On 2005-04-05 18:35, hollowtip wrote:
Just because society is more accepting of homosexuals nowadays then they were 10-20 years ago doesn't mean your open attitude will be received in a positive light.

I don't agree with how your parents are handling your homosexuality, but I also don't agree with how forthright you are about expressing it to everyone else.

Yes your parents should accept you for who you are, but you have to realize that you're bringing a lot of societal pressures onto them. I really don't think it's your parents problem, more like your friend's, neighbor's, co-worker's and other relative's inefficiencies.

That's just a hard truth to face about the world we live in. Unless you're willing to contribute to a movement for equal homosexual treatment in a major way, the average American's perspectives about gay individuals will remain skewed.



Dying your hair and showing co-workers an essay hardly counts as flaunting homosexuality.

It's more like: "Hey, look, I wrote an essay. Want to read it?"

Not to mention that *his* parents outed him to relatives. He didn't go off and tell them.

Hollowtip, your advice is nice, for say, something that could have been googled.

[Rabid]

On 2005-03-31 22:49, anwserman wrote:

I still jogged 70 laps (which is 6.33 miles) without stopping.



I thought 70 laps was 17.5 miles.....

4 laps to a mile...70/4 = 17.5 miles




Sorry, Im in Track so I just can't let things slide like that http://pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_razz.gif

[anwserman]

Haha, its an indoor track so 11 laps equals a mile.
Heh, at our high-school it was 4/mile... and at our outside track at the college, I'm not even sure what the hell it is lol.

http://pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_wacko.gif

Oh, hollowtip: Not to flame you or anything but every single time I bring up homosexuality, even within a big bunch of other subjects, you always always single that out.

It was just one of many things. I do not flaunt it at all, etc. Just thought I'd let you know. It isn't the main focus of my life either. http://pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_razz.gif