Confidence problem...

[Saiffy]

As people who know me well know. I'm shy. I admit that, but that's not the exact point of this rant...



Why is it, I can talk to complete strangers with confidence if they, say, have a shirt with a company logo I like(Bad example, work with it). I could get into a whole conversation with them, without being shy, and walking away feeling good. Or I can just say Hi to random people.

But with people I know, even the simple Hi is hard for me. Like when I met Kitty, I was shy. Barely able to look at her, this was more because I never have met someone with such same interests as me. But I never thought much about it.

But, having said that. I was able to really talk and socialze with the people I'm living with here in Newfoundland with ease, and I just met them Monday when I arrived.

I also recently phoned a friend who doesn't live near me, I didn't have any idea what he sounded like, or anything. But I managed to phone him, I built up the confidence, and I usually have little or no confidence...


It seems to me I just have had problems with my confidence in the end. Years of being yelled at for opening my mouth could have done that. Or maybe it's my fault for not being outgoing enough when I was younger.


Any ideas?

[Aurra]

Keep on working on it with various people... practice makes perfect, as they say. And take a very deep breath before you're about to do something non-shy.

[navci]

See.
The thing is, you are good with random people because there really isn't a consequences. Like, if you offended them, or if you said something stupid. The story will end there, and it isn't going to come back to haunt you.

With people you know it seems like you are more apprehensive. Because you care about the consequences and prolly care what they think of you. The only thing I can suggest is, well. Nothing, you really need to work at it yourself. Chances are, your friends will like you even if you are not 100% perfect all the time. http://pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_smile.gif

[JFK90787]

^He has the right idea, but being shy probably has more consequences than trying to be outgoing once in a while.

In 10th grade I sat by myself at lunch (because my group of friends all got the same lunch except me) and people stared at me alot. Sitting by myself only made more problems. This year I had the same dillema (none of my friends got into my lunch) so one day I just worked up the courage and sat at the table of some of the more popular people in my grade. But this was cool since I knew one of the people at the table, so I didn't feel left out.

I think the reason I was so shy is just becasue of how small I used to be. But sayng that, I've never been that outgoing. I too have a much easier time talking to strangers, although it helps if the person you're talking to is an extrovert. But most of the time when I don't talk it's because I just don't have anything to say, or that I'm concerned of other peoples' responses.

Try to be more outgoing once in a while and remember that there is little consequence.

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: JFK90787 on 2005-04-09 08:21 ]</font>

[digigram]

Saif. Only one thing I can say, because I have the same problems.

Even if you don't think you feel this way, stop carig what is going to be the response of others when you open your mouth..

Just talk. Check this out.. when people come up to me and ask me "how are you doing". I respond, "I don't know". Thats all I can ever say, I could be totally happy, and still not enlighten them on how I'm really feeling because I don't want them to continue asking me questions, because that means I need to respond.

These are close friends that I am talking about. Don't even ask how I act around strangers.

I have been getting better, but the problem is, is that I don't care if I actually interact and this will lead me to further problems with people I 'must' interact with (clients, work).


So. Just say anything. Sometimes it'll come out as garbage and not make sense, but say it anyway and laugh at it when you screw up. But sooner or later just saying "hey whats up (add a screwey name like 'homey' or some crap)" and you'll feel a lot more comfortable just spitting out something at least.

[Daikarin]

When you have trouble at a math problem, you don't avoid it. You keep studying it over and over again, until you understand it well enough to do it perfectly by yourself.

EDIT: Have trouble at a math trouble? Damn!

You're a person, you're a human being. You're not an alien, you're not an animal, you're one of us. Why are you afraid of your similar?

Go out more, interact more, relax more in company of others. Don't be afraid to face those who face you.

And for crying out loud, play sport! It's the best way I know to get social.


<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Even_Jin on 2005-04-09 11:27 ]</font>

[Hrith]

Navi is a genius.

Knowing you, I doubt this would happen, Saiff, but don't make the mistake to think you're different, that usually ends up in a superiority complex.

You're the same as everybody, that means they are all the same as you (well, except n00bs, if you want), just be more care-free, don't give it too much importance and it will be easier.

So, hmm, work on your shyness until you can ask your HP back ? http://pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_wacko.gif

[Saiffy]

Thanks navi, really.


I just gotta work on it a bit. Gotcha.


And Kef... http://pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_no.gif http://pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_wacko.gif

[Maridia]

The thing is, with people you know, you shouldn't feel so worried, because you KNOW they already think you're great. I know I keep teasing you about the whole eye contact thing, but I know it was hard for you. I understood. Just don't worry so much about what I'll think. You said it yourself. I'm weird. ;P You can't do anything wrong, so just be yourself. I liked you before I met you. Why would anything change? Your friends will always like you no matter what. http://pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_razz.gif

[Rianna_Type1]

If all else fails, there's always Enzyte. It helped Bob and gave him quite a bit of confidence.

[Skorpius]

I think Kitty's hotness stunned you so much that the words just left your brain and you couldn't think of what to say.

But, the thing you should keep in mind is "What do I have to lose?" Just jump off the cliff, because your friends are your parachute <3

[Zelutos]

On 2005-04-08 22:18, Saiffwin wrote:

It seems to me I just have had problems with my confidence in the end. Years of being yelled at for opening my mouth could have done that. Or maybe it's my fault for not being outgoing enough when I was younger.


Any ideas?



Lol, i still get yelled at when i try and express my feelings (even if they ask me). So i have a major confidence problem too. http://pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_beer.gif here here!

[Wyndham]

On 2005-04-11 17:40, Zelutos wrote:


On 2005-04-08 22:18, Saiffwin wrote:

It seems to me I just have had problems with my confidence in the end. Years of being yelled at for opening my mouth could have done that. Or maybe it's my fault for not being outgoing enough when I was younger.


Any ideas?



Lol, i still get yelled at when i try and express my feelings (even if they ask me). So i have a major confidence problem too. http://pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_beer.gif here here!



well, it's nice to see I'm not the only one with a similar problem.
but despite my shyness, I became exceedingly popular among the people I met at a summer camp, even though I barely talked.
I even looked at this thread for help myself. http://pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_yes.gif
so, good luck.

[HUcastShinobi]

On 2005-04-11 15:30, Rianna_Type1 wrote:
If all else fails, there's always Enzyte. It helped Bob and gave him quite a bit of confidence.



wtf... thats just random.

but random people may know people that know you and h8 u, which leads to more {Insert Your Name} H8ers... Comprendez-Vous? (No Im not french, just learning it)

[Graptakular83]

After graduating high school, i found myself turning from a very outgoing person, to a very shy, quiet person. This was mainly due to being in a new, unknown environment (after being using to seeing the same things and peeps day in/day out). As they days went on, i was wondering what i was doing wrong, i should plenty of friends by now, so why am i hiding in my shell? Then, i found something interesting, the people in my classes were actually even more introverts than i was. Seeing this, i decided the only progress to be made was to done by me. And, picking the 1st person that sat next to me in english class, i asked "Hey, wats up?" That guy became my future roomate and offline PSO partner. We hung out a lot, and since theres no need for there to be two quiet guys hanging out at a party, i had to be the outgoing one, and thus our social adventures began!

So, i have to agree with the others here and advise to make the effort yourself, and if worse comes to worse, find yourself a quieter, shy-er friend to contrast agaisnt. If not, shoot, imma have to do it then!