I'm a pushover

[HAYABUSA-FMW-]

I'm too nice. I just get easily taken advantage of at times. I'm only trying to be nice and help people. I end up hurting another person and my own feelings. I overthink things and feel bad and have a lot of regrets.

I run over to the bus stop Thursday morning. Same old 30 minute walk/jog/mad sprint to the finish line. Someone is sitting there waiting for the bus. I nod to him. Friendly gesture, no harm intended. Just being nice.

"Hey man you got a bus pass?"
"Yes."
"Do you need your transfer?"
"No."

I'm being truthful. Don't want to lie.
When I pay with my 10 ride pass(or cash fare), I can get a transfer which is a free ticket to ride a second time, mostly for transferring buses to get across town. People abuse this policy a lot.

The guy goes on about how they don't care what I do with my transfer, its mine, I'm paying for it. He tries to ask for pity saying he doesn't want to walk up the hill today.

I'm just glad I get to talk to someone for once oustide of the jerks at work and agree to give him my transfer. I tell him its bad if I toss it out the window. I've seen that before and don't want to do that. I ask if he was going to come onto the bus with me so I don't step out and lose my ride.

I end up getting my pass stamped then turn to this complete stranger and hand him the transfer. Whilst asking for the transfer, the driver says jokingly, "No transfers today! It's Thursday!"

I was almost let off the hook. I could have not gotten a transfer and no worries. The guy tries to downplay it, saying to the driver: "Uhm I think I'll catch the next bus."

I sit down and ponder over what I just did. Helped a person get a free ride, in exchange for nothing(maybe a conversation, but it was mostly a plan to take advantage of the bus system)?

When its time to get off I say to the driver:
"I'm sorry for what happened back there. Can you stamp me a second time? I would feel better if you did."

She says its okay, she knew what he was doing and I shouldn't worry about it. This driver is very nice. One day she let me and another passenger get on for free. There was only one other passenger that day on that ride. Also she sees me every morning, I never ask for a transfer, so she knew something was up.

This might be a simple gesture to somebody, breaking the law to another.

Its hard to do the right thing. Maybe I was intimidated by the stranger. I should know when to put my foot down sooner. I could have said I needed my transfer, asked for compensation, not gotten a transfer and left him in the dust, etc.

I felt like I should have since the first thing I noticed about this jerk is his $150 Black and Red Air Jordan XIII's which retail for $150(USDollars). I'm wearing $20 discount shoes and workpants that are covered in food stains.

That guy could have riden the bus a hundred times if he didn't buy those shoes. But then there's the thoughts of maybe he stole them, maybe he's irresponsible about money, etc. I don't want to judge but I could have easily asked him why he had on $150 shoes and had no money for the bus.

I hate myself sometimes.
Charity should go to charity.
Strangers are not your friend.
Life is tough.
Don't be an idiot.
Be street smart.

I can create advice for others at times due to my experiences but I never get to take my own advice, its already too late. Ugh.

[Sagasu]

Next time offer to trade the transfer for his shoes http://pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif

While all this crap just seems to come at you, at least it would seem that you, unlike so many others, are able to keep your cool.

[Daikarin]

You're not wrong. You make the difference in this suspicious world.

Honestly, people make a good deed and the others suspect you're on to something, and keep thinking what the catch could be.

It's not wrong to be a pushover. I used to think that too, but then I realised you just had to be yourself, and don't give a damn about what other people might think of your actions. In fact, I believe you advised me that on one of my rants. Remember the Ying & Yang complex? Do you believe to be best, don't give a damn about other people's complex reactions to yours.

Once I was at a supermarket, a security officer started to piss me off when I tried to arrange something that was about to fall in there. I started to wonder if it was wrong to be a sucker for doing what's right.

And I hate it when they give me the "Did I ask you for something?" crap. Makes me feel that one has to have a special license to act morally correct.

You're not wrong, most of the time, when you act correct. Most people are just suspicious about it. But then again, you make the difference.

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Even_Jin on 2005-04-23 04:50 ]</font>

[HAYABUSA-FMW-]

Yeah Sagasu, what would some 45 year old man need them for? And so what if Michael Jordan is almost nearing 45 years as well!

Well. My city is full of crooks and thieves. I immediately had second thoughts about giving away my transfer for no compensation. I could have enabled him to go off and maybe hurt another person(robbery, even murder maybe), all the while I'm looked down upon everytime I approach the bus therafter to that driver for letting a stranger get a free ride, albeit not on her bus but a free ride nonetheless.

I felt used.
He gave no vaild reason for why he needed a free ride. He also did not say thank you. I always say thank you to the driver upon boarding and exiting the bus. It was the least he could do. This might let him think he got the better of me and take advantage of the next kindly person, or one with less willpower.

A good example this time to the stranger will not change the world. I enabled someone to abuse the system. I felt bad for it. I should have paid a second time. After the fact, and upon exiting- it seems only too late and thus the driver declined.

He was probably a man of bad values. Saying no could better put him in a position to better himself. Other at bus stops have asked me if they could "borrow money" or if I "had condoms they could have." I really hate people who try to take advantage of people. I had no money to let strangers borrow, I work hard for my money. I don't want to put it to waste. I don't carry condoms to work I reply to the teenager girl. She is offended at my reasoning.

I can't understand people. I try to better myself. This was an eye opening experience to be sure. I can do better next time and not give in so easily, but at the same time, not immediately discard someone's request for help- due to the bad previous experience.

[Kidou]

I'm too nice too. We should make a group. http://pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/anime1.gif I would have said "You can have my transfer.. if yooou give me your soul...." (last part in a deep scary voice.)

See what happens then.

[ABDUR101]

At 45 and appearently in good physical health, he should be able to walk up whatever hill. Heh, with shoes like that, I'd be doing alot more fucking walking.

Don't so much worry about it, the bus driver seems to understand you were trying to be nice and not merely take advantage of whatever system is in place. And nah, don't let it mar how you treat others next time, but more so don't be so quick to help someone who seems fully capable of helping themselves. Someone who can put out that much on shoes, should have enough foresight to put out money on a bus fair.

As for the girl asking for condoms, even if I'd of had a condom I would'nt hand it out. It's cool she was thinking of safe sex, I applaud that, but it isn't saying much if you're asking complete strangers for condoms.

I look at it as, if you can't get it yourself or from people you know, don't bother someone you don't know well enough either. Like asking someone for a bus fair. To me, thats just ungodly rude heh.

Don't burden others unless you know you can pay them back in someway, thats just the way I try and look at things. Unless they offer someone to you on their own, and to me, even then I try and give them something in return. It may not be expected or required, but it's the kind thing to do.

[Wyndham]

I'm also a pushover.
I loaned out money to people and I know I'll never get it back, and I even gave away my 50$ leather guitar bag I liked so much. being a doormat sucks.

[HAYABUSA-FMW-]

On 2005-04-23 11:37, ABDUR101 wrote:

I look at it as, if you can't get it yourself or from people you know, don't bother someone you don't know well enough either. Like asking someone for a bus fair. To me, thats just ungodly rude heh.

Don't burden others unless you know you can pay them back in someway, thats just the way I try and look at things. Unless they offer someone to you on their own, and to me, even then I try and give them something in return. It may not be expected or required, but it's the kind thing to do.


Yes. I understand you here.

A seperate incident at the bus stop had a similar story to it.

I was waiting for the bus and someone comes up and pokes me. I lift my earbud headphones and hear some random guy ask me if he "could borrow money for cigarretes."

One,I was minding my own business and being poked then begged for money like this I think is very rude. I say no and put the earbuds back in. Another few minutes for the bus to come.

Minutes later this guy comes up behind me and does it again. I can't hear what he's saying when I was wearing my headphones, even at normal volume, but he's talking again anyway. He doesn't even notice that I cannot hear him. Again I lift them and say no. Not in a rude way, not any differently than the first time.

Ugh, people.

I'm not an ATM machine. You don't poke my buttons and money comes out. While I can feel grateful I was not robbed by this person, I still felt offended. I may look like I had money to spare that day(with a $100 piece of equipment('MP3 player' to my ear), but your cause of cigarrete money is not worthy for me. You can't "borrow" it since I don't know you and most likely will not see you again. "Borrow" money? Please. Try someone more gullible next time.

[Mystil]

Nothing wrong with being too nice just remember to be assertive so people don't try to take advantage of you. It would help to start getting into the habit of know when you're about to be used before it carries itself out.

I felt like I should have since the first thing I noticed about this jerk is his $150 Black and Red Air Jordan XIII's which retail for $150(USDollars). I'm wearing $20 discount shoes and workpants that are covered in food stains.

That guy could have riden the bus a hundred times if he didn't buy those shoes. But then there's the thoughts of maybe he stole them, maybe he's irresponsible about money, etc. I don't want to judge but I could have easily asked him why he had on $150 shoes and had no money for the bus.

Don't know how to manage money. Prime example there. And this made me laugh too, good call. XD

[Pagit]

I've been taken of advantage of too, but don't let it stop you from being kind people. Hold the door open for people. Trade places in line with a mother who has a fussy child. Give you seat on a full bus to an elderly person. Refuse to gossip. Brush your dog every day. You can be nice and most likely will receive gratitude and satifaction in knowing you helped someone with a need.